why oh why do we do it?!

[ubonjoe]

A offensive and inflammatory post plus replies to ti has been removed.

[sipi]

Kenny. There are times when you just have to lay down and spell out the rules. Hard when the missus is exploding, but do it anyway.

[Kenny202]

Kenny202: Thanks for sharing your "why-oh-why" story.

encouragement? Difficult having read all you wrote... she obviously seems to have some kind of life-style in her mind that you can not provide or have not found out yet...

advice? As you wrote... cut your losses and move on, where ever it will take you, but leave that woman behind you, since she is taking YOU down with her.

all the best for you

I do really feel that no matter what I do she will never be happy. She just doesn't seem capable of looking at everything, taking the good with the bad and to quote another poster it really is starting not to feel like an adult / adult relationship. She just informed me its too hot for her to live, there's problems with the local water etc. This is after renovating her house. When I say I spent 250THB I mean solely on her house. To relocate here, buy a pick up, motorbike etc more like 2mill THB. At least the bike and car are in my name. I would have to say she is the laziest person I have ever met. Generally lazy around the house and lacking in guile and motivation but the biggest aspect of her laziness is her total inability to think anything through. Its just all too much for her. Have migraine think too mutt. Like we talked about travelling by train to Nong Kai. To be honest not really in the mood for it just yet. Would rather settle down a bit after doing so much her but ok. Can you call the station or look on the internet see if there is a timetable etc. No luck, too hard. She spent longer explaining to me why it was a waste of time rather than it would to call. This is a person who walked 2 km, caught a bus 20km to catch another bus, only to find out when she got there there was no "other" bus that day. "Why didn't you check?" It was buddhas fault apparently, she not lucky that day. Just installed a pump, tanks etc. Got some rain and they are half full. Town water off indefinitely. She immediately threw out about 100L of water that was in a plastic container in the toilet for flushing it on the dirt and refilled it with the tank water. This was after me explaining to her we needed to be careful. "Why you treat me like kid order everything". But darling, the water we had was only for flushing the toilet. Voice goes up, fight ensues and Im the biggest ar$hole in the world. I live with someone that not only creates problems, but perpetuates them....and she will be the first to complain when we run out of water...my fault need tank more big. It really is that damnable crazy!

Well, Kenny202... your options obviously get clearer and clearer... next time she goes out... load your bike on the truck, throw your clothes on it, take what you need to take and move... drive till your tank is empty and then start to find yourself a new place to settle...

Problem is I have a little bit more than one load. I'll have to take the bike and the most valuable stuff the first run and just hope for the best when I come back. It won't be pretty and it's doubtful I'll get the rest of it without a blue but better to cut and run. There's a motel with really large rooms in town I can relocate too while I find another place. Is there any restrictions on a farang renting a place or its pretty straightforward?

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Kenny....sorry man but as soon as I read 30k allowance I assume the girl is lazy. Maybe if you dump her she'll finally get a job.

Anyway it is always difficult to leave when you invested so much financially and especially emotionally. No advice for you....just follow what your head tells you.

[Kenny202]

Kenny....sorry man but as soon as I read 30k allowance I assume the girl is lazy. Maybe if you dump her she'll finally get a job.

Anyway it is always difficult to leave when you invested so much financially and especially emotionally. No advice for you....just follow what your head tells you.

I hear you. The more I read my own post the crazier it seems. Off to Khon Khan give it a whirl I reckon

[Swiss1960]

Well, Kenny202... your options obviously get clearer and clearer... next time she goes out... load your bike on the truck, throw your clothes on it, take what you need to take and move... drive till your tank is empty and then start to find yourself a new place to settle...

Problem is I have a little bit more than one load. I'll have to take the bike and the most valuable stuff the first run and just hope for the best when I come back. It won't be pretty and it's doubtful I'll get the rest of it without a blue but better to cut and run. There's a motel with really large rooms in town I can relocate too while I find another place. Is there any restrictions on a farang renting a place or its pretty straightforward?

Try to find somebody who will come with a second pickup so that you can do all in one go... might be that your already irrational GF will drive crazy when she finds out that you moved... and might be waiting for you with a knife in her hand... not the first time we would read something like that on TV...

and not sure the "motel in town" is far enough if she will try to find you... again... better cut losses than get cut somewhere...

[marko kok prong]

Kenny,sorry to hear of your troubles bro,hope it all works out for you.

[Cypress Hill]

I give her an allowance of around 30k baht a month to take care of food gas...

Kenny, I think you've gone above and beyond what any man could reasonably be expected to tolerate

Giving her 30k a month for food, gas etc was mighty generous and might have set the tone for her expectations - where there's 30K, maybe there's 60k and so on

Can I ask what she did for work before you met?

How did she support herself?

[tingtongtourist]

Sorry tried to cut and paste long note to jenny but the software made a dogs dinner of it..ti try again!

Edited March 10, 2015 by tingtongtourist

[Kenny202]

I give her an allowance of around 30k baht a month to take care of food gas...

Kenny, I think you've gone above and beyond what any man could reasonably be expected to tolerate

Giving her 30k a month for food, gas etc was mighty generous and might have set the tone for her expectations - where there's 30K, maybe there's 60k and so on

Can I ask what she did for work before you met?

How did she support herself?

Well the 30k baht is basically for us to live, not her pocket money so to speak. I wanted to give her some control and to be honest have and learn some responsibility. Idea being she controls the spending she has money for herself too. She is very careful with money to a point of being stingy with herself. But if not controlled she goes the other way. Her whole problem as I see it is balance. It's either zero or 1 million percent. There's no in between

[Kenny202]

Oh, her family sell those little colored rice cakes they sell as gifts to Buddha. She's had restaurants and market stalls and all sorts of failed businesses. There are Grey areas of her history too which are doubtful but I never met here in a bar and her command of English was about 2 words wen I met her. But anythings possible here of course

[marko kok prong]

I give her an allowance of around 30k baht a month to take care of food gas...

Kenny, I think you've gone above and beyond what any man could reasonably be expected to tolerate

Giving her 30k a month for food, gas etc was mighty generous and might have set the tone for her expectations - where there's 30K, maybe there's 60k and so on

Can I ask what she did for work before you met?

How did she support herself?

Well the 30k baht is basically for us to live, not her pocket money so to speak. I wanted to give her some control and to be honest have and learn some responsibility. Idea being she controls the spending she has money for herself too. She is very careful with money to a point of being stingy with herself. But if not controlled she goes the other way. Her whole problem as I see it is balance. It's either zero or 1 million percent. There's no in between

That's a fair figure and what i give my wife,she pays all the bills ,buy food etc,i do pay myself for car insurance ect,and also when i buy Falang food from Makro,which seems fair to me as they don't eat it,let's face it 30k a month is a dream to many up country Thai's,my wife is happy with this,as your Mrs should be,just count yourself lucky Kenny she has not moved the in laws in,things were fine here until she moved nosferatu[father in law], in,at least you don't have that nightmare to contend with.

[Kenny202]

I give her an allowance of around 30k baht a month to take care of food gas...

Kenny, I think you've gone above and beyond what any man could reasonably be expected to tolerate

Giving her 30k a month for food, gas etc was mighty generous and might have set the tone for her expectations - where there's 30K, maybe there's 60k and so on

Can I ask what she did for work before you met?

How did she support herself?

Well the 30k baht is basically for us to live, not her pocket money so to speak. I wanted to give her some control and to be honest have and learn some responsibility. Idea being she controls the spending she has money for herself too. She is very careful with money to a point of being stingy with herself. But if not controlled she goes the other way. Her whole problem as I see it is balance. It's either zero or 1 million percent. There's no in between

That's a fair figure and what i give my wife,she pays all the bills ,buy food etc,i do pay myself for car insurance ect,and also when i buy Falang food from Makro,which seems fair to me as they don't eat it,let's face it 30k a month is a dream to many up country Thai's,my wife is happy with this,as your Mrs should be,just count yourself lucky Kenny she has not moved the in laws in,things were fine here until she moved nosferatu[father in law], in,at least you don't have that nightmare to contend with.

Yes I agree. I just know I could never be happy living with or supporting inlaws long term.... culture here or not. And yes, the 30k THB has been more like 100k THB last few months. I of course pay for all the major stuff like household items, insurances etc.

[Kenny202]

Thanks for all the great advice and support fellers. I normally end up feeling worse with some of the negative, over assuming replies on here sometimes.

Fell a lot better and thinking a lot clearer thanks

[tingtongtourist]

Mate,so much of what you have written i can identify with. Especially the one thing most infuriating, how can someone be like this after all youve done for them.

This is what i say about my own..is like a spoilt child who has never been made to grow up. I guess down to poor parenting and to much mai pen rai attitude. So many are like this,believe me.

I bid myself lucky i didnt do those 2 things..taking a thai gf to aus and then going to live in Isaan. Mate words cant express!

The jealousy thing: i have experienced hugely. Most of it is just worrying that she will loose this easy funding. After 3 years of me telling her i just couldnt give a #### about paying or finding anyone else,the jealousy rage has finally ended.

But i tell you, being with someone like this year after year will grind you down to the point of not giving a #### about anything. And thats not as bad as it seems. Hardly anything bothers me any more!

Try not to think about her behaviour in terms of how we would classify it in the west. That WILL truelly do your head in. Now you know what shes like,sadly, you just have to accept it as it is.

I can tell you 100s of similiar stories to yours over the years ive spent with mine. She very nearly drove me to into going to stay in a mental assylum and thats the truth!

The good news: if you do stick by her she will change but thats going to only come about by going through sine very tough lessons and thais can only learn the hard way.

Her objective is what they have done to their Thai exes..to beat you down to a point of submission that is so low you would not even be able to look for another..to get you fully dependant on her and emotionally, physically and financially unable to leave her.

Why do you think so many thai guys P.O as quickly as possible! Now we know

Yes, I have been through what you have. Strange thing is after 4 years we now have a very bizzarre sense of love and committment due to all the shlt shes put us through. I think shes just to tired to carry on the way she used to and she knows it will do her no good anyway.

Although you cannot be the one to one to say it, one day she will know what she did was just plain f****** crazy on so many levels.

Mind you we came to this point by me dissapearing 2 times and her realising how good she had it with me when all was gone, must have made her curse herself so much she did anything to get me back...which means dropping the violent outbursts and crazy threats and shouting.

Mate you have a tough road ahead let me tell you but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

From what i read from you..this is what i would do:

Tell her to rent the Issan house out and she gets a few baht per month. You get an appartment in BKK. She can stay with you if she wants and you will support her otherwise she stays with her parents and can live on the rent income of the house. So many live on much less.

You will not pay her a cent while living away. If she dont like this ultimatum then you tell her you will dissapear altogether..be in in aus or BKK.

Trust me she will be forced to play by your rules and adjust her attitude or pis3off.

If you think that ultumatum wont work now then dissapear and try it later

dissapear now..get a new sim and dont check the old sim for at least a month..believe me, on checking the old sim she will be ringing within days.

There is no other way than to be cruel to be kind. The sort of behaviour you and i have experienced is outrageous, so it takes outrageous methods to deal with.

And dont worry,theres a lot more of us on thaivisa than will not admit they been through this..they are the ones that will suffer the most as denial helps nothing.

So take it easy mate, dont let her drive you crazy. Always remember you are the lucky one as you have options and means to not have to put up with the crap.

Each majour crap session i put up with from her i got on a plane and went home for 6 months..and no funding or support given.

Notified her when i was coming back BKK and if she wanna meet...up to her..but no more BS

now we been together 4 months this trip since my last dissapearing trip and shes like a new lady. But i only take one day at a time also

I have a few more things i can telk you but only in private message as will get shot down!

All the best mate

Ttt

Edited March 10, 2015 by tingtongtourist

[sipi]

I give her an allowance of around 30k baht a month to take care of food gas...

Kenny, I think you've gone above and beyond what any man could reasonably be expected to tolerate

Giving her 30k a month for food, gas etc was mighty generous and might have set the tone for her expectations - where there's 30K, maybe there's 60k and so on

Can I ask what she did for work before you met?

How did she support herself?

Well the 30k baht is basically for us to live, not her pocket money so to speak. I wanted to give her some control and to be honest have and learn some responsibility. Idea being she controls the spending she has money for herself too. She is very careful with money to a point of being stingy with herself. But if not controlled she goes the other way. Her whole problem as I see it is balance. It's either zero or 1 million percent. There's no in between

That's a fair figure and what i give my wife,she pays all the bills ,buy food etc,i do pay myself for car insurance ect,and also when i buy Falang food from Makro,which seems fair to me as they don't eat it,let's face it 30k a month is a dream to many up country Thai's,my wife is happy with this,as your Mrs should be,just count yourself lucky Kenny she has not moved the in laws in,things were fine here until she moved nosferatu[father in law], in,at least you don't have that nightmare to contend with.

Yeah I have to agree. It seems you don't have a "bad" lady there Kenny, just a few misunderstandings. As far as the fish thing goes, learn and don't do it again. A million dollars worth of security cameras wouldn't stop that from happening. They just don't get it, along with other things.

Maybe the train trip to Nong Khai will be a good break for you and her, you book it. Some nice little eateries along the river for you to enjoy.

As far as the other stuff goes. Just lay down the rules. I am not saying be nasty, just explain to her that this is the way it is.

I'll give you an example between me and my wife. I don't drink and drive. Before I have a few beers I tell her "I am going to have 3 or 4 beers. Do you need anything before I start?" (my wife doesn't drive. This is usually around 3pm once a week). If she needs me to do something we do it there and then, otherwise it doesn't get done. The first few times I would be on my second tallie and my wife would suddenly remember she needs something from the shop, or needs to visit her sister. I would stand my ground and she would explode, to no avail. She now understands fully that I don't drink and drive. Fullstop.

All the best mate..

[Kenny202]

One other thing I may be able to put it down to is a new contraceptive pill she's been on. I only found out the other day she started this new brand about the time we came here several months ago. Turns out its this super strength hormonal pill that she was under the assumption makes her breasts bigger, skin clearer. Only reason it sprang to my mind to ask her was because my brother had a similar thing with his missus. Anyway I asked her to check with the pharmacist yesterday. The pharmacist told her that it is well known these cause aggression, mood swings etc even suicide and generally the only people who take them are lady boys as they are a cheap growth hormone. My missus even told me they have made her body feel bad for three months but she thought they were doing her good. Thats the level of mentality I am dealing with. The pharmacist says she has to continue taking them for the next 2 weeks and finish her cycle or her hormones will really go out of whack. I doubt we will make it that far. I mean there are certainly other underlying issues as well but they were always a lot easier to deal with and have some logical discussion. Has anyone had any experience with behaviour like this due to contraceptives?

Edited March 10, 2015 by Kenny202

[Kenny202]

Yeah I have to agree. It seems you don't have a "bad" lady there Kenny, just a few misunderstandings. As far as the fish thing goes, learn and don't do it again. A million dollars worth of security cameras wouldn't stop that from happening. They just don't get it, along with other things.

Maybe the train trip to Nong Khai will be a good break for you and her, you book it. Some nice little eateries along the river for you to enjoy.

As far as the other stuff goes. Just lay down the rules. I am not saying be nasty, just explain to her that this is the way it is.

I'll give you an example between me and my wife. I don't drink and drive. Before I have a few beers I tell her "I am going to have 3 or 4 beers. Do you need anything before I start?" (my wife doesn't drive. This is usually around 3pm once a week). If she needs me to do something we do it there and then, otherwise it doesn't get done. The first few times I would be on my second tallie and my wife would suddenly remember she needs something from the shop, or needs to visit her sister. I would stand my ground and she would explode, to no avail. She now understands fully that I don't drink and drive. Fullstop.

All the best mate..

Hahaha, I don't even drink mate. I am super considerate and respectful of her, romantic...all that sht. I go out of my way to accommodate her friends and family and actually enjoy spending time with them...albeit much of the time I don't have a clue what they are saying. Thats not good enough....I only acting. Having said that I don't want people walking in the house every other moment. Never aggressive and certainly don't hit her or anything. I'm no movie star but I'm not a bad looking bloke in good nick etc. The women here think she's won the lottery. I could walk 100m here and have 3 new ladies crawling over themselves to get at me (for the wrong reasons). She has had tons of bad experiences with blokes (all their fault according to her). She just seems to never appreciate what she has and I don't mean me. Its like she gets what she think she wants and then realises she wants something else. Her father has a very self destructive streak which has really pulled their family down. The whole village is aware of their story. Had every opportunity in the world....inherited big land, had good jobs etc but every time either drank it or threw it away. Last time they came here to visit was supposed to be a proud moment for him. You know, homecoming, farang son, family status gone up etc. He was here two hours, got on the Lao Kao and proceeded to make an a$$ of himself and confirm everyones opinion of him. Maybe its just in the blood

[Cypress Hill]

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One other thing I may be able to put it down to is a new contraceptive pill she's been on. I only found out the other day she started this new brand about the time we came her several months ago. Turns out its this super strength hormonal pill that she was under the assumption makes her breasts bigger, skin clearer. I mean she is absolutely stunning. Anyway I asked her to check with the pharmacist yesterday. The pharmicist told her that it is well known these cause aggression, mood swings etc even suicide and generally the only people who take them are lady boys as they are a cheap growth hormone. My missus even told me they have made her body feel bad for three months but she thought they were doing her good. Thats the level of mentallity I am dealing with. The pharmacist says she has to continue taking them for the next 2 weeks and finish her cycle. I doubt we will make it that far. I mean there are certainly other underlying issues as well but they were always a lot easier to deal with and have some logical discussion. Has anyone had any experience with behavior like this due to contraceptives?

Nah. Not a good idea to leave contraception to her.

Bag it up, mate. A bit of extra feeling isn't worth the hassle of having a child with a woman you can't see yourself being with long term

[tingtongtourist]

Is she on that "margarrete" stuff then?

Mine did take that for a while and it probably was when she was at her worst, but cant be used as an excuse in our case.

The bad temper seemed to come from a selfish attitude of entitlement i dont think any drugs could do this!

[Kenny202]

Not sure what its called mate. I just know the normal pill costs about 20 baht and these are like 400 baht. Selfish .....for sure. How do people that have grown up with nothing become like this re entitlement? I've never seen anything like it in my life

[Kenny202]

I think the best advice Ive read here if we are to carry on is set the rules or lets say my lines in the sand, which I don't believe are unreasonable and stick to it.

Before when something would happen I would try and explain why I felt the way I did etc and it would be all too much for her, she wouldn't want to listen and off we go again. As Thais do she would seem to sweep the issue under the carpet and I'd be worried I was too harsh with her and it would raise its head in the form of resentment somewhere down the track. I just don't care anymore really. I'm going to put my happiness and peace of mind first in future, particularly when I know 100% I am doing something in both our best interests.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

Women and their pills..... It's even worse in Thailand

[marko kok prong]

It is always the way is it not,just when you start to get some sensible,compassionte replies ,along comes some arrogant poster,who thinks he knows it all and pay's for nothing.

[Kenny202]

Huh? Who?

[Kenny202]

Hahaha thats funny.

[CharlieH]

A number of petty remarks removed

[tingtongtourist]

Huh? Who?