Who do you call when there’s a civil disturbance in Kamala? Not the police, as I learned one evening this week.

I had two numbers listed in my phone for the local constabulary. The first was no longer in service. The second answered after many rings, but when I asked if I was in fact connected to Kamala’s Finest, all I heard was a gruff “No!” and the sound of the receiver returning to its place of rest.

Presumably that's also what the gentleman who answered the phone did, because after calling the Phuket Police “Hotline" on 191, and being told to call the Tourist Police “Hotline” on 1155, and waiting an age for no answer, and then calling Police HQ in Phuket Town, and being told to call the same two numbers I already had for Kamala Police station, I tried again... but this time when he answered he simply hung up without even saying “No!”!

So, the following morning I decided to drop by the Kamala Police Station to see if they could assist me with my attempts to contact them.

The first gentleman I spoke to appeared to be unable to look up from his desk, or speak, but he did have some motor skills remaining in his left arm as he kindly waved it in the direction of an officer who had speech capability.

The first phone number he gave me was the one that was not connected. When I called it and let him listen to the Thai recorded message, he seemed fully aware that the number was no longer in service, which made me wonder why he would bother giving me a…. oh, mai pen rai!

The second number he gave me was Mr No’s number. As I dialled it, I was about to say, “And this one isn’t even the police station...” when the phone on his desk started squealing like a stuck pig!

Hopelessly, I asked him why no-one answered the night before. In reply, he indicated that Mr No may well have been in the Land of Nod whilst on duty… arresting fairies for flying without helmets, no doubt!

So, I guess next time there’s a civil disturbance I won't be so selfish to think of disturbing the police. It is indeed comforting to know we are all under their watchful eye!

Good job following up!

nice writeup!

entertaining :-)

should be translated into Thai and forwarded to some newspaper for print...

That was entertaining. OP I like your witty writing style. Gave me a chuckle reading that.

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Kamala is a sleepy little town, especially the police.

Nearly blew coffee out my nose when I read the part about the "phone on his desk started squealing like a stuck pig!"

Hope the disturbance got worked out.

Kamala is a sleepy little town, especially the police.

Nearly blew coffee out my nose when I read the part about the "phone on his desk started squealing like a stuck pig!"

Hope the disturbance got worked out.

I think that the explanation is that the Kamala police are shit-scared of the locals and don't want to get involved............unless called by one of the said "locals".

^^^ Good point

I think you should write a letter of complaint to your local MP.

Call them and say you've scratched a jet-ski and need to know where and how much to pay. They'll be right over.

OP , how long have you resided in Thailand ? Cos Survival Thailand 101....you are supposed to have called the Chief of Police of Kamala on his private number instead.

If you do not have his private number then it means you are not well connected so all the subsequent encounters are considered normal.

Reminds me of the joke about the guy who called the police and reported that he thought he had prowlers in his back yard and storage area. He was told there was no one available to come. He waited 5 minutes, called them back and told them: "Never mind, I just killed the prowlers with my shotgun." Within minutes there were 3 police cars and an ambulance screeching to a halt in front of his house. Not finding anyone dead, the police said: "I thought you told the operator you had killed someone." To which the guy calmly replied: "And I thought she told me that no one was available?"

I think you should write a letter of complaint to your local MP.

or phone him

"Thailand's finest" solemn reality.

interesting the op describes a CVA or stroke (can only move left arm) contradicts other theories suggesting retardation

I'm not sure why I laughed so much at such a sad story.

To protect and Serve

That's one way of lowering your crime statistics - don't allow anyone to report one.

Hello kap? Hello? Hello? Hello?

Hello Kap, Hello?,

Hello , Hello Kap?

Hello,

Hello kap.....Click!

Kamala is a sleepy little town, especially the police.

Nearly blew coffee out my nose when I read the part about the "phone on his desk started squealing like a stuck pig!"

Hope the disturbance got worked out.

Big Falang transgression and infraction against established Thainess rules. Ringing the number on his desk would have caused him major "loss of face." How dare you, you horrible, unfeeling man!!!! LOL (in case you or a Moderator thinks I am serious.)

That's one way of lowering your crime statistics - don't allow anyone to report one.

Reminds me of a police chief In my country who stated that his first priority was to reduce reported crime.

The above example is an absolutely perfect representation of how the country is run and Thais attitude towards "Work"

kamala police the only time they appear is when they are needing some free coffee or their weekly backhanders from certain establishments.....last week there was another incident i know of that kamala police were called because of some tooled up dafty waving a machete...they said they would go look for the person but asked to borrow the complainers motor bike because they had no transport

Hello kap? Hello? Hello? Hello?

Hello Kap, Hello?,

Hello , Hello Kap?

Hello,

Hello kap.....Click!

thainess at its best :-)

called police to report an motorcycle accident once, they picked up and ask where I was and promptly hung up ... they didn't even ask what was the accident and what happened ...

As another poster I think mentioned, it's just about being connected, example.

Wednesday I'm on the bike heading to Surin Beach at the second stoplight where there is a police booth. Not so much a booth but a stand anyway. Red light and a group of Italians on bikes decide to run it as the cross light turns green and just about t-bone older Muslim woman (and another guy) who starts shouting at them and they give her not so polite hand gestures.

Next day four officers at that station stopping people and making people stay behind the white line. I think said woman went to local Imam or whoever, made a stink, and got some results.