​PS: please expand a little more on the African ladies landing on your back problem,

She fell out of the power lines wearing a paraglider harness.

I'm a hard learner. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me? Nah, I need to be fooled at least 3 times before I connect the dots.

Go to chiang mai

While out driving and passing a petrol station feel the urge for a shit come on and think " I'm OK I'll hang on til the next one"

and

Go on a car journey without at least a couple of bog rolls in the car.

A few years back I stopped at a PTT for a dump and went to the adjacent 7 11 for some bog roll. Massive queue at the till with my stomach churning and the mantra of " I'm goimg to crap my pants in front of everyone" running through my head. Paid for the roll, tiptoed my way to the toilet as running wasn't an option and got there just in time. And I do mean just.

Wouldn't this be best kept to yourself?

I'm a sharing sort of bloke :)that's excrement news..

Set up a Thai Ltd company.

Pay a lawyer to get my visa.

Live in a house without any shade trees.

Bring four 20 year old bargirls back to my hotel.

Date a bargirl.....half my age.

I would have - but avoided being an expat instead

Get married to a Thai woman

Then you win and lose mate

Set up a Thai Ltd company.

Pay a lawyer to get my visa.

Live in a house without any shade trees.

Bring four 20 year old bargirls back to my hotel.

Normally stating a list of things you'll never do twice is ineffective - there are exceptions however

The third one Rocks

Queuing up to get back into Thailand in the immigration line on the Burma side after getting a passport stamp - with my Thai wife phoning me and telling me to hurry up - when I checked my right-hand pocket and realized to my horror that I had a small vaporizer and some weed in my bloody pocket.

Then seeing a sign that said - "Anyone caught with Drugs in Myanmar gets the Death Penalty - No Exceptions"

Queuing up to get back into Thailand in the immigration line on the Burma side after getting a passport stamp - with my Thai wife phoning me and telling me to hurry up - when I checked my right-hand pocket and realized to my horror that I had a small vaporizer and some weed in my bloody pocket.

Then seeing a sign that said - "Anyone caught with Drugs in Myanmar gets the Death Penalty - No Exceptions"

That is an "Oh crap" moment for sure!

Ride a no AC public bus from CM to Pai.

Figure the neighbor is smart enough to close the curtains when he requires privacy.

Someone's always watching at almost any angle.

Figure the neighbor is smart enough to close the curtains when he requires privacy.

Someone's always watching at almost any angle.

I know what you mean, when I was selling my last house I was showing some prospective buyers the back bedroom and said be careful you can see the lady across the way naked in her room, no you can't shouted the wife, you can if you wedge yourself ontop of the wardrobe I said..

What's this bell in the bar for?? Its suprising how quickly a bar fills up. once you ring it

Go to a ping pong show with a table tennis racket.

Make a first impression

Take a gal home without knowing if it's free or the actual price beforehand.

dig a well in hot season

durian

durian

I Failed on this Count, having always gone back for Seconds - 'cos I Cool/Re-Fridge it beforehand yum yum

Go to Pattaya, Phuket, or Koh Samui

Leave the village during Songkran

Marry a women less than 55kg....its all about estrogen

Assume there is any sense here

Do watersports (the kind that doesn't involve bodily fluids)...i am lucky to be alive

Scream at my students, "Shut up!!", not expecting they know what that means, nor expecting a long silence and a few gasps

Attend a village thing

Eat chocolate in bed