Tainted ?

[tk47]

Quite a few people I know have been to Thailand over the last few years and many have said how much they enjoyed it.

One person, however, said something I found quite disparaging towards Thai women and wonder if there is any truth in it?

He said, ' Thai women who are divorced or widowed are looked down on by Thai men as damaged goods.'

As I do not know enough about the culture, is he correct or, as I suspect, is he simply out of order?

The reason I am unsure of the valitiy of his statement is that in some cultures there are differences we know little about and I would be happy to hear from people who know, so I can repudiate his statement - or not.

thx

[Heng]

In general yes, not just by Thai men, but really by much of society. That said, it's not unheard of for Thais to get remarried to other Thais, often bringing children from previous marriages along. Probably best not to try to interpret it as outright prejudice. Family members of the other party (not divorced) often just look at the relationship from a practical point of view, that if their marriage didn't work out the first time.... the odds can't be that great the second time around. Also, kids from the new marriage will invariably have some problems with the kids from the prior marriage.

[OldAsiaHand]

Yes, you're right.

What's more, there is also a general feeling among Thais that close association with a foreigner is just as bad as an actual divorce. A Thai woman who has 'consorted' with non-Thais is no longer fit to be the wife of a decent Thai.

We know a fair number of quite extraordinary Thai women in their thirties who, for one reason or another, are divorced from foreign husbands. Some of them are back here now, mostly for family reasons, and they find they are double-damned. They all know full well that their only chance of marrying again is with another foreigner. Thai men will have nothing to do with them.

Edited September 15, 2006 by OldAsiaHand

[taxexile]

Thai men will have nothing to do with them

thats only because they know that , after a few years married to a falang , those women are not the subservient little lapdogs most thai men expect their women to be. the "men" are scared, thats all.

an intelligent and/or educated thai man would have nothing to fear from a thai woman who had been in a relationship with a westerner .

they will , or should have , achieved some semblance of equality and assertiveness in the relationship.

Edited September 15, 2006 by taxexile

[OldAsiaHand]

My comments weren't meant to address what was 'right' or what 'should be.' They merely reflected my own experience with how Thai women falling into these categories actually are treated by other Thais.

[Scott]

These women now should band together and start a special web site. There are probably a lot of people with visa problems who need a wife in a hurry!

Advertising pays--maybe they can have their own ad on TV.

[Gonzo the Face]

My time here is now pushing 20 years. I do agree with most of what has been written above.

A divorced or widowed woman, who had been married to a foreigner, IS looked on with a little disdain, with one exception. ..... and that exception is if the returning Thai divorcee or widow is coming back with a pile of settlement or inheritance. This 'pile' of money factor does make for certain allowances in the outward show of acceptance toward this person.

JMO

Gonzo

[tk47]

If I am honest, I have to say I am somewhat surprised by this and was expecting to be slayed for a dumb and insulting (if not bigoted) question.

It goes to show then, that what may seem a dumb / bigoted, question can reveal.

Many of us have so much to learn about other cultures and through mediums like this we can learn and hopefully not 'put our big feet in it' through learning.

Thanks for your replies

[mrbojangles]

Not dumb at all tk47,

It's not only Thailand that thinks this way either. If i'm not mistaken the Greeks also think this way and the Chinese, to name just two. Although i do think there is a difference between "divorcee" and being "widowed" in being "looked down upon".

[Nawtilus]

Yes it is true, my wife was married before and looked down upon, now she is with a farang and probably looked down upon at times.

The thing is, I met her at 21yo, she was 16yo when married to a thai/chinese guy.

I am kinda nonplexed about there attitude, after all I was married before and also had several gf's, so whats the diff.

Only thing is, I have a wife that is a nymphomaniac and they do not

[bkkmadness]

Not dumb at all tk47,

It's not only Thailand that thinks this way either. If i'm not mistaken the Greeks also think this way and the Chinese, to name just two. Although i do think there is a difference between "divorcee" and being "widowed" in being "looked down upon".

I was watching a Seinfield episode the other day, and in his usual aftershow stand up dialogue he was talking about marraige, jokingly comparing it to buying a car (ring is the car keys and so on). At the end he said something along the lines of "And once you drive it off the lot, both of your values drop by half".

So I'm not sure that it's just Thailand that consider divorcees as 'damaged goods', that's a New York comedian talking about the exact same thing in the US, devaluing of both parties after marraige. Of course, not as prevalent as it seems to be here, but I would say it's a worldwide thing really.

I'm guessing since I would expect divorce to be more prevalent in countries like America and the UK it's become accepted to be a divorcee quicker than it has here. Give it 20-30 years when women become more empowered in this country and divorce more common, and maybe this devaluling of divorced women will be less apparent here too.

[leftcross]

of course divorcees are damaged goods. they have already failed once. marriage is for life, not just for xmas

[tk47]

I am twice divorced myself ..... once a fool.... as they say.

Though I am lucky in that I won the house etc in the last divorce.... I DO like that judge

I suppose when in the UK and seeing so many divorced women playing their mind games etc and it being an accepted part of life it is too easy to forget how other cultures are in their attitudes.

This - to me - throws some light on the reason so many Thai women of such beauty and younger ages are on dating sites and eager to meet Farangs for long term relationships and marriage. Dispels also the thought that not ALL are after a passport - though that also has to be part of it.

I'll admit today that after talking to one divorced Thai woman several times on MSN she came outright and told me she did not want marriage but needed a man in her life even if only on occasion and that she has not had a man to take her places for years - something I will take with a pinch of salt and believe until proven otherwise - so this topic has helped me to see these things differently and hope it also helps others to achieve some understanding.

[liketobe]

Not to get to far off subject-op is interested in the cultural differances.

In the Philippines it is the standard that young men go around poking as many your girls as they can that leaves them as not virgins any more. When it comes to marrage all the men wan't virgin only. I had one 46 year old never married crying and upset "may be you not like marry me cause I gong to tell you the truth now-I not virgin" cry-cry-cry. I tell her forigners not car about that "no can not be-realy?"

[a2396]

I think there is considerable truth to this. I know several Thai women who are in this catagory (divorced), who have no chance at a Thai man, some as young as 20-21. Another strike against them is if they have children. So, they are reduced to seeking a relationship with a Farang. I am also curious as to what are the reactions of (Thai society) to a young, eligible and never married Thai woman being seen with a Farang on a regular basis? If she is seen with him socializing, etc, would this damage her reputation & spoil her chances with a "proper" Thai boy?

My own experiences here with this have been varied. Some don't seem to mind and others prefer to stay out of to much public view. In one case the Mother told me that I should not come to her village to visit her often, because we were not married and the neighbors would gossip. Another one "paraded" me around the village and introduced me to many relatives and shop keepers. She seem to be proud of her "catch". I think she viewed her association with me as a positive thing. Both ladies were of similar age (young), never married before & no children. Any comments?

[udon]

So, they are reduced to seeking a relationship with a Farang

Reduced???

[elsie]

I am also curious as to what are the reactions of (Thai society) to a young, eligible and never married Thai woman being seen with a Farang on a regular basis?

I can say from my experience from a few years back that I was looked down up also.

If she is seen with him socializing, etc, would this damage her reputation & spoil her chances with a "proper" Thai boy?

Yes. A good number of Thai men don't want anything to do with Thai girls who have dated foreigners.

[OldAsiaHand]

A good number of Thai men don't want anything to do with Thai girls who have dated foreigners.

Perhaps because now they know they don't have to put up with the kind of treatment than they generally get from Thai men?

[britmaveric]

I know quite a few thai ladies who don't want anything to do with Thai men and they have never been married, nor have children from thai men.

[a2396]

I know quite a few thai ladies who don't want anything to do with Thai men and they have never been married, nor have children from thai men.

How old are they? From what I have seen, the under 25 prefer Thai men, unless they are being "marketed" by a family that needs money. Over 25 & they may have been "knocked around" in a few relationships with the local "boys" and be more open to experimenting with a foreign man for a relationship.

[OldAsiaHand]

I know quite a few thai ladies who don't want anything to do with Thai men and they have never been married, nor have children from thai men.

How old are they? From what I have seen, the under 25 prefer Thai men, unless they are being "marketed" by a family that needs money. Over 25 & they may have been "knocked around" in a few relationships with the local "boys" and be more open to experimenting with a foreign man for a relationship.

How long have you lived here, man? Or do you live here at all? If you do, and if what you have really seen is that women here only like foreigners if they are being 'marketed' or they've already 'knocked around', you either need to get out more or perhaps hang out with a better class of people. Maybe both.

[a2396]

I know quite a few thai ladies who don't want anything to do with Thai men and they have never been married, nor have children from thai men.

How old are they? From what I have seen, the under 25 prefer Thai men, unless they are being "marketed" by a family that needs money. Over 25 & they may have been "knocked around" in a few relationships with the local "boys" and be more open to experimenting with a foreign man for a relationship.

How long have you lived here, man? Or do you live here at all? If you do, and if what you have really seen is that women here only like foreigners if they are being 'marketed' or they've already 'knocked around', you either need to get out more or perhaps hang out with a better class of people. Maybe both.

Yes, I have lived in Thailand for 2 years in a large Issan city. I have a fair number of friends and get out and mix for a reasonable amount of contact with the locals. What I have stated is what my experiences have been here. Any and all of my associations with Thai woman have involved money in one form or another, ie me providing the money. If this is not provided, they have no interest in any relationship. I am NOT talking about bar girls, beer girls, massage girls, etc. I think that the expectation is clear that a Farang will be providing them with regular funds, if there is to be any serious or close relationship. Otherwise, they would prefer to be with a Thai man (who often gives them no money). Several of my Farang friends here, who are younger and more handsome than me, generally have to deal with the same "operating proceedures", if the want a relationship with a local lady.

[fxm88]

How old are they? From what I have seen, the under 25 prefer Thai men, unless they are being "marketed" by a family that needs money. Over 25 & they may have been "knocked around" in a few relationships with the local "boys" and be more open to experimenting with a foreign man for a relationship.

How long have you lived here, man? Or do you live here at all? If you do, and if what you have really seen is that women here only like foreigners if they are being 'marketed' or they've already 'knocked around', you either need to get out more or perhaps hang out with a better class of people. Maybe both.

Sorry, but it's exactly that "better class of people" that don't particularly care to be seen with farangs! Seriously though, how many of the "beautiful" (i.e. white) girls have you ever seen hanging out with foreigners?

[Maigo6]

Sorry, but it's exactly that "better class of people" that don't particularly care to be seen with farangs! Seriously though, how many of the "beautiful" (i.e. white) girls have you ever seen hanging out with foreigners?

Have you seen the state of most of the Farangs in Thailand?

Hardly anything to write home about are they.

And for a typical Farang in Thailand to be talking of Class.........hahaha.......................

They wouldn't know Class if it jumped at them from behind a tree and announced " I'm Class "

[1900]

Damaged goods: Yes, in every country I've been in, especially Latin America. Much of it seems to be in the perception of manhood: should he feed and nurture another man's child. Then too the Thai man is in competition with the foreigners to some degree and not unlike a football fan will see fault and trash-talk the other team for just about anything. I once read a study done in America that showed a female company manager loses 50% of image respect and ability to manage once the office staff finds out for whom she spreads her wings. Personally, I'm not too concerned what Thais think of me.