proper etiquette for. a Thai funeral ... ...wake

[50baht]

Friend left work. Thai father Died suddenly. What should I do ? Is there a wake ? Bring or send Flowers ? Cash gift to help with burial costs ?

Edited September 2, 2015 by 50baht

[ukrules]

If I don't know the person who died personally I generally don't attend their funeral, even then I would need to know them pretty well.

[CharlieH]

To my knowledge, it largely depends on the status of the person who has died.

If an ordinary family person (so to speak) in local village then an envelope is usually given when you attend the funeral ceremony at the Wat where the cremation will be held.

The body is usually there at the Wat for a few days prior to the actual cremation and respects can be paid during those days too, not just on the cremation day.

If the person held a "postion" either through employment "Govt,Official" etc there will be a different procedure and etiquette to follow.

My suggestion would be to discuss it and ask your work colleague what would be appropriate for his family.

[cooked]

Unless you are invited (you can of course ask if he would like you to come) you do nothing, act as though nothing had happened. Most people that turn up expect to get drunk and be fed for three days. When the neighbour's son dies, we turned up when they had everything set up, left ฿200 in an envelope and left after 20 minutes, same thing after a two hour drive for another relative.

[keeniau96]

Pretty much as Cooked describes. Had several deaths in my wife family so had to attend, show face. There is a wake for one to three days, you go anytime (once) and bring envelope with some baht, 200-300 would be good for you. The envelopes are used to help pay for the funeral expenses, and as usual there is the face thing for you and them. Do ask your work coworker, who will probably say the usual "up to you".

[daveAustin]

Depends if it's a friend or a 'friend'.

[BB1955]

I would go out of respect for your friend . Leave a donation what ever u feel comfortable with , stay as long as u feel comfortable ...

[gjoo888]

It depends on the status of the deceased and where the services are taking place. My mother-in-law died a few years ago here in Bangkok, and most people (many dozens) gave 1000 Baht notes in an envelope, some gave more and a few gave less. My wife told me that in small cities and villages it is more common to give 200-300 Baht.

As mentioned above, there will be services for a few days in most cases before the cremation on the last day. You don't need to go everyday, but at least once to show your respects.

[Khunangkaro]

If it's in the village and you like lao khao then go for it but must know how to gamble and be able to sit down all night.

This is the way to forget about the loss of a beloved relative/dear friend and to stay comfortable over nights and days to come.

Not my cup of tea.

[nithisa78]

Yo Baht Man. Money talks, nobody walks.

Then just be respectful.

Amen

[fish fingers]

Don't choose the wrong colour flowers.. the most important thing..!

[anon4546543]

Most posts are on track. Most people in my village give what they can afford in an envelope to the family. My wife puts about TB300 to locals, TB500 for close family and the same for important local dignitaries. I don't attend them. My wife says most of the village will attend me in 151 years time when I die.

[nithisa78]

True Nobility: "The wise man is a noble soul who is friendly in the midst of his enemies, tranquil among the turbulent, and generous among the grasping."

[how241]

I would go out of respect for your friend . Leave a donation what ever u feel comfortable with , stay as long as u feel comfortable ...

+1...Sounds like good advice.

[rickb]

All of the above responses that talk about getting drunk on lau kau and gambling all night are way off the mark for a farang, IMO. You should attend one night, or more if you want. The time to attend is during the time when the monks come to pray for the deceased. Where I live, the monks normally come just before 8:00 pm. Normally the monks' chanting and praying lasts about 30-45 minutes. After that, the host normally offers a small dish of food. Up to you if you want to eat or not. After the monks depart, it is acceptable for you to return home. The amount of money you want to put in a white envelope and give to the spouse of the deceased is up to you. But you are a farang, and it is normally believed that farangs have more money than the locals. So I would suggest an offering of about 500 baht as a minimum. Give the envelope to the deceased's spouse upon your arrival at the place where the service is held. Where I live, these services are usually performed at the home. But, sometimes, if the home is not large enough to handle a crowd of people, it will be held at the local temple. If the deceased was a person close to you, you may want to consider attending the cremation ceremony at the local temple. But you don't need to give any more than one envelope.

[dao16]

I would ask someone near them and see where and when the service will be. As other posters have said, you can just go one time. Go in, wai everybody, get some food if they are serving it, and sort of see what people are doing. Usually, there are envelopes to put money in and then someone (maybe you, maybe not) will present them to the monks. Maybe light some incense if you feel inspired (people just light it and pray for/think about the departed and then put it with the rest of the incense sticks). Either way, like everyone said, a few hundred baht will be appreciated and then you can say your goodbyes and take off.

If you know the person really well, it gets much more involved.

[Liquorice]

The dress code is either black or white. Women tend to wear black, whilst the men tend to wear black trousers, white shirts.

Depending on the status and wealth of the family, the body will lie in a temple for 3- 5 days, with up to 3 services a day.

Wealthier families will usually put a full banquet on every evening.

Depending on how close you knew the bereaved, expect to put anywhere between 200 - 1000 Baht in an envelope.

Larger ceremonies will have a board where relatives and friends can write their names to sponsor the costs of the service and food for any particular day, which takes some of the financial burden off the widow(er)

Even the smaller 3 day ceremonies with maybe just one meal for the guests after the cremation, can cost 100,000 baht.

[willyumiii]

Thais do not look at death the way people from the west do.

For them it is going through a door, a passage to the next life.

You may be sad that you will miss the person, but you should Thailand also be happy for their "new start".

Funerals can last for days.

Live music and singing, great food and even fireworks can be part of the celebration.

Yes, a celebration.

When I want to my first funeral in Thailand, my wife asked me," Why are you so sad? This is a funeral don't act sad!"

It is appropriate to make a donation, whatever you can afford.

The money donated is used to pay for the celebration.

Beer and whiskey are provided with the meals.

They can actually be fun once you adjust to the perspective of the different culture.

Be respectful, but don't act too sad.

[thehelmsman]

The dress code is either black or white. Women tend to wear black, whilst the men tend to wear black trousers, white shirts.

Depending on the status and wealth of the family, the body will lie in a temple for 3- 5 days, with up to 3 services a day.

Wealthier families will usually put a full banquet on every evening.

Depending on how close you knew the bereaved, expect to put anywhere between 200 - 1000 Baht in an envelope.

Larger ceremonies will have a board where relatives and friends can write their names to sponsor the costs of the service and food for any particular day, which takes some of the financial burden off the widow(er)

Even the smaller 3 day ceremonies with maybe just one meal for the guests after the cremation, can cost 100,000 baht.

So wife's uncle died after a long time of being bedridden at home. 2 days tops till body was creamated. Straight from house to cremation with the usual long procession to the cremation site. A couple hours of Monks doing their duties, doused the wood with fluid and light it up. Their is no dress code here, In this case drinking went on for a few days afterwards because one of the sons has money and kept the drinking alive. Sure it's different in the cities but here in the deep country this is how it goes.

Everytime someone in Ampur dies money is collected from each household, they come to each house to collect, for us it's 20 baht each time. Not necessary to give for all villages.

[Shiver]

I pretty much never do funerals these days (personally I hate the idea, and they can feed me to the dogs), but if it was a close friend I tend to put something in an envelope that will help deal with the practical aspects. Maybe a months rent or something. That seems to keep feelings good and helps the smiles to stay.

Edited September 3, 2015 by Shiver

[rocketboybkk]

The funeral is paid by family & then everyone starts drinking until they drop, start again & repeat until money is gone

TIT

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[jacko45k]

Your decision, but normally there are 2-3 days prior where you can go and show your respects.

The most important day being the actual formal funeral, when you are expected to give an envelope containing cash, perhaps 1000 baht.

I would go, the family gain face by the presence of a foreigner.

[Eneukman]

I believe that there is also a further service 100 days after the death.

Alan

[phil2803]

Staying in a small village, temple across the road, funeral pyre tall chimney just over from the temple. Few days prior to cremation lots of noise, music, drinking but have never participated. All business suppose to stop trading. Monks come in the evening at the house and do a lengthy chant. The day of cremation anyone in the village can join in, no special dress, just wear whatever you happen to be in. The monks do a chant, serving of soft drinks, procession of people passing the coffin. Open a coconut pour into coffin, push coffin into furnace, light a match and watch the black smoke. A few firework banger are let off, throwing sweets for usually children to grab. The next day or 2, monks come, open up furnace and collect the bones.

Edited September 4, 2015 by phil2803

[natway09]

Most has been said already, but should you wish to attend one evening for bathing rites or the actual cremation wear only black or white

[rocketboybkk]

I believe that there is also a further service 100 days after the death.

Alan

Yeah when everyone will just get bladdered again until they can't remember whose dead

Keep you hands in your pocket & have a headache

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[Sooo Upto Me]

Yo Baht Man. Money talks, nobody walks.

Then just be respectful.

Amen

What??? Ru Jamaican?

[sandyf]

I believe that there is also a further service 100 days after the death.

Alan

And every year after. We had my mother in law's on Monday and she has been dead nearly 20 years. It was held here at home and about 50 turned up.

Thai funerals can last up to a week and the coffin may be at the family home or a temple. My father in law dies on boxing day and was interred on New Years Day, it is not always a cremation.

If you wish to pay your respects you need to find out where and when. As previously stated the monks normally attend in the evening around 7.30 to 8. There is also a service in the morning on the day of cremation/internment.

[rocketboybkk]

I believe that there is also a further service 100 days after the death.

Alan

And every year after. We had my mother in law's on Monday and she has been dead nearly 20 years. It was held here at home and about 50 turned up.

Thai funerals can last up to a week and the coffin may be at the family home or a temple. My father in law dies on boxing day and was interred on New Years Day, it is not always a cremation.

If you wish to pay your respects you need to find out where and when. As previously stated the monks normally attend in the evening around 7.30 to 8. There is also a service in the morning on the day of cremation/internment.

And I bet you pay every year.

Never heard of every year for 20 years

You're being suckered

Do you pay yearly for the sick buffalo & the school fees for the sisters (who's now in her 30's)?

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[sandyf]

I believe that there is also a further service 100 days after the death.

Alan

And every year after. We had my mother in law's on Monday and she has been dead nearly 20 years. It was held here at home and about 50 turned up.

Thai funerals can last up to a week and the coffin may be at the family home or a temple. My father in law dies on boxing day and was interred on New Years Day, it is not always a cremation.

If you wish to pay your respects you need to find out where and when. As previously stated the monks normally attend in the evening around 7.30 to 8. There is also a service in the morning on the day of cremation/internment.

And I bet you pay every year.

Never heard of every year for 20 years

You're being suckered

Do you pay yearly for the sick buffalo & the school fees for the sisters (who's now in her 30's)?

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You really are a sad case, you cannot paint all Thais with the same brush.

The family pay for everything, over the years they have probably provided a lot more for me than I for them. When I ended up in a wheelchair, my sister in law took me to the physio every day for a month, some actions cannot be valued.