Sin Sod

[DanceAllNight]

Like many of us, I have a lovely Thai girlfriend. We've been together awhle, and though I am not thinking of marriage right now, I am thinking about it in the future.

I refuse to pay money to get married. I don't care, sorry. I know it is Thai culture, but it seems outdated to me and too old fashioned. If they want to keep tradition, and give money back, then that is fine. But to simply hand over thousands of $ is crazy. I simply do not have that kind of money.

When i ask her about this, she yes I don't know. She says talk with my family. Now, her family likes me a lot and they're progressive. They're not a poor family, and they never ask me for money and have done many things for me. However, when I bring up on sin sod, my gf just says i don't know.

Anyway, i don't know what to do if i eventually want to marry.

And that's not the only problem...

if we eventually do get married, do I bring her back to my country to stay in Thailand?

I am just a traveler who fell in love. She is not a bar girl, she never asks about money, she doesn't care about rich or poor, she is just a normal good girl.

I am still young, in my 20's, so I don't know what to do.

Did everyone pay sin sod?

[steven100]

Some do , some don't ... it's a thai cultural tradition that is slowly fading year after year.

It's not mandatory, it's a personal choice whether you want to give a sin sod or not.

Maybe discuss building the house rather than giving the sin sod, also the family may agree this is a better idea.

BTW ..... I believe this has been discussed 1,000 times before on TV. Just search ' sin sod '

[F4UCorsair]

Been done to death.....please search and you'll find multitudinous threads. No single case will fit your circumstances exactly, but you'll find enough info to justify your decision.

[mamypoko]

I did and mom-in-law gave it right back after the ceremony, saying "take care of my daughter"

[timsims]

I refuse to pay money to get married.I said no way never ever
worked out great now I live in a different province to them
I don't give the family money well not to my knowledge anyway
if she really loves you she will go with you no different to
any other girl
even in my village I hear people playing big sin sod what a joke
a fool and his money are soon parted

[Happy Grumpy]

You are the boss.

Tell them exactly what you feel and will allow.

Up to them to accept your terms or refuse them

Simple.

[Nemesis7]

she is saying " i dont know"?? Of course she knows. If she doesn't want it then trust me she will say it directly that its not required and she can convenience her parents too.

you are going to marry her not her family? though in many cases its like marrying the whole family along.

make things very clear with her.

[dennis123]

Evey gay people here in Pattaya want sin soid while gays can't even get married, and I thought it was something for the 'WIFE'.

[awayego]

I paid my wife's mother 999bt which she promptly put straight into the collection for the bride and groom which, incidentally, was more than enough to pay for the wedding itself.

It needn't be such a big deal to go with tradition and if it helps bring family and friends on board at, in our case, zero expense then what's the problem?

Ah, 'family and friends', of course, so many farang dread that and want nothing to do with them. In my case they have only added to the quality of my life in Thailand and so often they are happy help me out if I need any help and would be insulted if I offered them any form of payment other than a couple of bottles of lao-kao!

Mutual respect makes a big difference.

[asdecas]

Never heard of it till foreigners started arriving en masse at the dawn of the Internet age.

[dotpoom]

You say you don't know what to do.....but I think you already said what you are going to do in your opening remarks.......you said you refuse to pay any money to get married....no more to be said then.

[ozyjon]

I did the Buddhist wedding (not registered) i was building our

house and could see the Issans mothers eyes light up at the

prospect of a financial jackpot, there was never any intention

of returning any money back to me ''a fool and his money are

soon parted'' so this fool stopped overseas money transfer to

Thailand, slowly ran out of money (not poor though) then the

sin sot dilemma started, solution, borrowed money from a

lender for the day, for show, rented a shoebox of fake jewellery

for the day, everyone was impressed at the rich falang, promissed

mama i would give her money at a later day, all happy, when the house

was finished they kicked me out. Lucky i had my secret bank

account at a friends place or i would be in Bangkok with a tin cup

right now, sin sod my arse.

[swissie]

In short: These days "sin sod" is just part of the marriage ceremony. The "sin sod" will be returned to the groom shortly after marriage.

- Above all: No "sin sod" will ever be paid by a Thai-Groom, if the bride was married before, with or without child. Unthinkable for a Thai-Male. Only Farangs do such silly things.

In case of Farang: If family not willing to return sin sod, at this point the Farang knows for a fact, that he has married into the "wrong Family". The outcome of such a marriage is highly predictable.

Cheers.

[mihalis]

Funny stuff, you wont pay to marry.... Well, western world we pay, sin sod, or what ever, we pay..... Western world, in many cases the females parents pay..

Most who refuse, probably are with a bar girl, knowing inside them, shes only after his money.... If shes a decent girl as you say, sin sod, wont be huge, and cost of marrying in Thailand, is far, far less than other countries.... Simple weddings...

[NoshowJones]

Apart from Thais themselves, a sin sod is only for those fat ugly guys who will pay it because they can't find a girl pretty enough to settle down with.

It is normal for a Thai guy to pay sinsod, it is in their culture, not ours.

[maderaroja]

We do it the other way 'round in Texas. The parents of the bride pay. I agreed that, since the customs are exactly opposite, they cancel each other out.

[bra]

Up to you. I paid with pleasure and it was returned to my wife. Its a matter of tradition and giving big face. I am happy to do this any day. If was being married in another country I would follow the customs of that country.

[csabo]

I paid my wife's mother 999bt which she promptly put straight into the collection for the bride and groom which, incidentally, was more than enough to pay for the wedding itself.

It needn't be such a big deal to go with tradition and if it helps bring family and friends on board at, in our case, zero expense then what's the problem?

Ah, 'family and friends', of course, so many farang dread that and want nothing to do with them. In my case they have only added to the quality of my life in Thailand and so often they are happy help me out if I need any help and would be insulted if I offered them any form of payment other than a couple of bottles of lao-kao!

Mutual respect makes a big difference.

You paid less than 1000B for a whole wedding. Safe to say no gung yai was served eh?

[lgking]

"Sin Sod"

Only the type of guy who could never have a 'real' relationship in his home country (or anywhere)...pays this money (read: desperate...loser).

Man-up!

(I said <deleted>-off...23 years later...still married)

[Mudcrab]

if we eventually do get married, do I bring her back to my country to stay in Thailand?

You've got bigger problems than the sin sod decision.

[steven100]

I did the Buddhist wedding (not registered) i was building our

house and could see the Issans mothers eyes light up at the

prospect of a financial jackpot, there was never any intention

of returning any money back to me ''a fool and his money are

soon parted'' so this fool stopped overseas money transfer to

Thailand, slowly ran out of money (not poor though) then the

sin sot dilemma started, solution, borrowed money from a

lender for the day, for show, rented a shoebox of fake jewellery

for the day, everyone was impressed at the rich falang, promissed

mama i would give her money at a later day, all happy, when the house

was finished they kicked me out. Lucky i had my secret bank

account at a friends place or i would be in Bangkok with a tin cup

right now, sin sod my arse.

Sorry to hear you were unfortunate enough to pick the wrong girl, but you lessened your risk which I tell everyone is critical. Ok the house that you built is gone but thats not the world ! what 800k ? so it's not all gone to the scamming bi*ch.

[Sutty]

Yes and no put money and gold on table on wedding day and was given it all back next day. It's more about showing other family and friends and culture. When they gave it back I made sure momma got 10 grand in her hand all the times she and the family have feed me without a thought of asking for money only the same as I did for my old mum no difference at all except for some reason many on here think your being fleeced even if you only buy an ice tea

I would sit and talk with family tell them your not rich and can't afford sin sod but you love and want to take care of there daughter I bet you will be surprised. And lastly don't belive all thai girls are as bad as some on here would have you belive pinch of salt is required Good luck

[Sutty]

In short: These days "sin sod" is just part of the marriage ceremony. The "sin sod" will be returned to the groom shortly after marriage.

- Above all: No "sin sod" will ever be paid by a Thai-Groom, if the bride was married before, with or without child. Unthinkable for a Thai-Male. Only Farangs do such silly things.

In case of Farang: If family not willing to return sin sod, at this point the Farang knows for a fact, that he has married into the "wrong Family". The outcome of such a marriage is highly predictable.

Cheers.

What a load of <deleted>

[1FinickyOne]

Sin sod is an old tradition and not just for farang as some mentioned above -

The original negotiation was accomplished by each party appointing a representative to negotiate, so the 2 families would not have to begin w/a potentially contentious situation.

simply put, consider it being respectful to her mom and dad, consider it their due for raising a daughter so lovely that you would want to marry her.

I see people here complain of this Thai custom. What I have seen on occasion is the farang bragging "I ain't payin no sin sod - it ain't my custom." and if they met in their home country it might have some validity, not if they met here. And more importantly, these are the same guys who end up complaining that the Thai family cheated them - - I guess they forgot that they cheated the Thai family first….

ps - I wonder how much the complainers would grouse if the custom were the other way around and they were to receive money from the girl's family…

[Suitcase]

If sin sod is given and then returned for show, a simple solution would be to give the family

a check for what ever amount and let them frame it and hang it on the living room wall.

Then you are not out any money and the parents can boost to other family members and friends

how generous you are.

[alexlm]

I had 2 Thai girlfriends (found in bars... I stayed 16 months with the first one and 3 months with the second current one).

I never paid Sin Sod. Although parents seems to have talked about it (but I never heard about it myself).

Anyway I don't have money.

If the girl "love" you, she will have no reason to break up just because of some "culture" thing?

[Sutty]

If sin sod is given and then returned for show, a simple solution would be to give the family

a check for what ever amount and let them frame it and hang it on the living room wall.

Then you are not out any money and the parents can boost to other family members and friends

how generous you are.[/quot

That why I love reading this forum for people like the above who don't have the first clue about other customs they just live in there perceived right little world thanks for making me smile so much

[SOTIRIOS]

...there is a lot to learn....

...and it is not necessarily pleasant.....

...as for this word 'love'.....

....good luck with that.....

...like you said...you are young.....maybe you do not have that much to lose yet......except the rest of your life....

.....does she love you.....'don't know'......

.....maybe better not fall in the vortex....read all the horror storues....they are still happening daily...

[lgking]

"I had 2 Thai girlfriends (found in bars)..."

'I'm singing in the rain...just singing in the rain...what a glorious feeling, I'm happy again...'

[anon4546543]

I have a gold coin collection. When I married in a traditional wedding, my Aussie friends laid $100 notes for everyone to see. My gold coin collection was sprinkled on top. (rats to the years of preservation. lol) I laid a large pile of BT. On the walk to my wife in her house, I paid small amounts of tribute to those who had made beautiful flower arrangements, wonderful banana leaf works of art. After the ceremony with 9 monks, the feast and the after ceremony drinks and food, my new Thai uncle gave me back all the coins and money. In fact a huge bowl was handed around and it was filled with donations of money. Don't be too worried if you are accepted into a community and your wife speaks highly of you. I am humbled by the good intent to me of my Thai community. We work together, drink together, laugh together and they no longer call me falang. I am Mister Wayne. I should say they say Mr wine.lol