If you pay more than 200000 baht your paying too much

If she comes from a great family it should not be so important for her family Just usually Isan girls that are poor look for it And 1 million is a joke Way too much

I have lived here for 13 years and know about this stuff And yes you can talk to her mother about it Does not always have to be someone else for you

Just talk and work it out If she is Hi So there should not be a problem

Don't do it.

She isn't a piece of meat to be bought and sold.

No need for marriage, just live together.

You see MaeJoMTB (and others) - its not just about you / us... its about how your / our future wife and her and family continue to be respected in their communities.

Slightly off topic,

The day after we were married, we went back to the village to tell mum.

I knew little about Thai tradition, and we walked along the road holding hands.

I turned to her and said, "I though we weren't supposed to hold hands in public?"

She replied, "If they don't like it F#$@ 'em"

I year or so later,we were staying in the backwoods with an aged aunt, I was sitting down, and my wife was running her hand through my hair.

Aunt came in and shouted, "you don't behave like that in my house"

My wife promptly replied, "this village is full of my relatives, we can stay with someone else"

She apparently has the same respect for hillbilly's as I.

So to answer your post, my wife and I seem to agree it's about us and nobody else.

Why dont you SEARCH your question into the forum here ? There are around 6.500,000,000 posts that answer your question already.

My ML asked for 1million and my counter offer was Zero.....seemed fair.....take it or leave it....she left....lucky me...???

You see MaeJoMTB (and others) - its not just about you / us... its about how your / our future wife and her and family continue to be respected in their communities.

Slightly off topic,

The day after we were married, we went back to the village to tell mum.

I knew little about Thai tradition, and we walked along the road holding hands.

I turned to her and said, "I though we weren't supposed to hold hands in public?"

She replied, "If they don't like it F#$@ 'em"

I year or so later,we were staying in the backwoods with an aged aunt, I was sitting down, and my wife was running her hand through my hair.

Aunt came in and shouted, "you don't behave like that in my house"

My wife promptly replied, "this village is full of my relatives, we can stay with someone else"

She apparently has the same respect for hillbilly's as I.

So to answer your post, my wife and I seem to agree it's about us and nobody else.

Just want to add that in Thailand it is not a generation thing. Some 80+ year old might be much more liberal than the next 30 year old hypocrite.....

Don't do it.

She isn't a piece of meat to be bought and sold.

No need for marriage, just live together.

I totally agree.

We do just live together, but she wants children very soon and says it would upset her mother very much so, to have children outside of marriage.

Good then marry her... No Sinsod...

Its a cultural aspect of Thai marriage.. Some of these responses are from bitter men... Its up to u and your gf... If she knows you have no money, then why would it bother her, you asking this question....'

I find it so amusing when men say dont do it, you want marry a Thai, and she ask for sin sod, hmmm you dont like, look elsewhere of a wife.. Many cultures have similar, but most females parents pay the grooms, with gifts...

One mil is a lot that is like 300.000 dollars to a Thai. 400k should be plenty.

Don't do it.

She isn't a piece of meat to be bought and sold.

No need for marriage, just live together.

been trying to tell these farangs for years but they never lissen

You don't seem ready for marriage at all if you cannot talk openly with your girlfriend. if she and mom know you have no money saved, where do they expect the Sin Sot to come from ?

And regarding marriage and children, it also seems you are being led by the nose. Don't you have any opinion ? You do everything your GF tells you ? I have no issue with Sin Sot but clearly if you have no money saved, want to get married and have kids, would it not make sense to start a savings plan first and bank some for a few years before jumpiong in penniless. I guess the only advantage is if you are already penniless you can't get any worse ?

In any case, RESIST with all of your might, any attempts from your GF or GF's family to borrow the Sin Sot...if things go sour you are on the hook for a million baht....a person who has not been able to save anything in life until now will be hard pressed to ever get out from under that debt. good luck.

If they are going to give it back, and it's only for show in a picture, why not get a load of paper and put 1000 baht on top and 1000 baht underneath with an elastic band around it.? Problem solved.

I gave 150,000 plus they get me looking after her daughter (and them once we have children and quits her job) Family supplied location and food, I brought alcohol. Everyone was happy from what I remember of the day.

Don't do it.

She isn't a piece of meat to be bought and sold.

No need for marriage, just live together.

I totally agree.

We do just live together, but she wants children very soon and says it would upset her mother very much so, to have children outside of marriage.

so what if the mom gets upset?

tons of thais have kids out of marriage...and they are content.

perhaps you are worried as you are not thai?

My live in has eight sisters...none received more than the cost of the wedding.

live with her five years...don't give anything. then pay for a wedding and make her work back in your country to pay it off.

what the hay is wrong with you folks? grow some nads. be like thais. 2 ran off.

The ongoing joke of the neighborhood is how much the ladies are going to get from farang sin sod....not thai sin sod. big difference.

You don't seem ready for marriage at all if you cannot talk openly with your girlfriend. if she and mom know you have no money saved, where do they expect the Sin Sot to come from ?

And regarding marriage and children, it also seems you are being led by the nose. Don't you have any opinion ? You do everything your GF tells you ? I have no issue with Sin Sot but clearly if you have no money saved, want to get married and have kids, would it not make sense to start a savings plan first and bank some for a few years before jumpiong in penniless. I guess the only advantage is if you are already penniless you can't get any worse ?

In any case, RESIST with all of your might, any attempts from your GF or GF's family to borrow the Sin Sot...if things go sour you are on the hook for a million baht....a person who has not been able to save anything in life until now will be hard pressed to ever get out from under that debt. good luck.

I can talk openly to my GF about such things.. I just wanted some advice, before I approached the subject.

She never once mentioned Sinsod.. I read about it, and asked her. I told her I though the concept was stupid, and that led to the only argument we have ever had. I just asked this forum, to minimize the risk of having another argument.

Her GF or her family would never ask me for money. They have money, I do not.

As an example, the first week we were dating, we were on a moto and I went through a checkpoint.. got a DUI.. I had little money on me, no phone, no passport.. She paid police 15,000 so I could go. I insisted she didn't, as I would've been released in a day or two, and it felt awkward. I told her I'd pay her back. She said not to do so. I did a few days later when I had some baht, and she initially resisted..

I think this one is different

OP, this what you will do:

Find any sort of excuse. that will prevent you from "going ahead" ( Mother died, father is in the process of dying. an earthquake destroyed my house back home and my imported Thai Water Buffalo has taken to Casino Gambling in my home country.)

- In other words: Gain time, for at least 6 months.

After 6 months of "nothing happening", you will probably thank the Lord or Buddha for it.

Cheers.

You don't seem ready for marriage at all if you cannot talk openly with your girlfriend. if she and mom know you have no money saved, where do they expect the Sin Sot to come from ?

And regarding marriage and children, it also seems you are being led by the nose. Don't you have any opinion ? You do everything your GF tells you ? I have no issue with Sin Sot but clearly if you have no money saved, want to get married and have kids, would it not make sense to start a savings plan first and bank some for a few years before jumpiong in penniless. I guess the only advantage is if you are already penniless you can't get any worse ?

In any case, RESIST with all of your might, any attempts from your GF or GF's family to borrow the Sin Sot...if things go sour you are on the hook for a million baht....a person who has not been able to save anything in life until now will be hard pressed to ever get out from under that debt. good luck.

I can talk openly to my GF about such things.. I just wanted some advice, before I approached the subject.

She never once mentioned Sinsod.. I read about it, and asked her. I told her I though the concept was stupid, and that led to the only argument we have ever had. I just asked this forum, to minimize the risk of having another argument.

Her GF or her family would never ask me for money. They have money, I do not.

As an example, the first week we were dating, we were on a moto and I went through a checkpoint.. got a DUI.. I had little money on me, no phone, no passport.. She paid police 15,000 so I could go. I insisted she didn't, as I would've been released in a day or two, and it felt awkward. I told her I'd pay her back. She said not to do so. I did a few days later when I had some baht, and she initially resisted..

I think this one is different

r.i.p.

In these cases, the Marriage is the ceremony and for all intent and purposes considered a marriage.

In Thailand there is quite a difference between this and simply living together without any type of ceremony.

I did the Amphur office marriage, and no ceremony at all.

The Thai government and The British government consider me married, and those who just did the ceremony not married.

I'm not sure if I care what a bunch of inbred illiterate hillbilly's that live in stick huts in the Thai jungle think of my marital status.

Up to them!

I'm really confused. In another posts on another thread, you're saying you need to walk away from your wife and children. Do you have a split personality?

I'm really confused. In another posts on another thread, you're saying you need to walk away from your wife and children. Do you have a split personality?

Or do you have comprehension problems?

You see MaeJoMTB (and others) - its not just about you / us... its about how your / our future wife and her and family continue to be respected in their communities.

Slightly off topic,

The day after we were married, we went back to the village to tell mum.

I knew little about Thai tradition, and we walked along the road holding hands.

I turned to her and said, "I though we weren't supposed to hold hands in public?"

She replied, "If they don't like it F#$@ 'em"

I year or so later,we were staying in the backwoods with an aged aunt, I was sitting down, and my wife was running her hand through my hair.

Aunt came in and shouted, "you don't behave like that in my house"

My wife promptly replied, "this village is full of my relatives, we can stay with someone else"

She apparently has the same respect for hillbilly's as I.

So to answer your post, my wife and I seem to agree it's about us and nobody else.

I think your wife is behaving like a hillbilly and has no respect for other people.

Don't do it.

She isn't a piece of meat to be bought and sold.

No need for marriage, just live together.

I totally agree.

We do just live together, but she wants children very soon and says it would upset her mother very much so, to have children outside of marriage.

Look around you will be surprised to see how many of the Thai ladies already have got children without marriage. But yes the educated Thai society may not like the idea of having kids without marriage.

sinsod is your age times 1 million baht

or the number of kids she has times 10 million

or number of family members times 100 million

please get 4 more jobs and ask all family members for more money!!!

then you can reach nirvana

Your plan makes perfect sense to me...it is all about saving face anyway...

However, one does not know how a Thai will react to such a proposal...

Best to have an immediate back-up-plan...in case the gf is not impressed...

You should have your girlfriend put up the 1 million baht (for face) and after the wedding leave an agreed amount say 1 or 2 hundred thousand for the mother in law as an actual sin sod (show of respect and investment in future relations) then repay said amount to your now wife over time. You think she can afford it as your question was is it okay to talk to her about borrowing the money.

Answer: yes if she is legitimate and knows her family will return the agreed upon money. If she says no then something is wrong in my opinion.

If you can't talk to your girlfriend about this I don't think getting married is quite the best idea yet. Just explain to her that you're confused by her seeming unconcern. Ask her how you're supposed to act in this matter, because you don't have a phu-yai to go to her parents as a go-between (is her father still living and still married to her mother?) and you don't have any money for sin sod and she needs to bring you up to speed on customs and courtesy in this case because you don't want to accidentally cause her to lose face. I don't know if there's any likelihood of that, but it seems like a tactful way to let her get past the fact that she blew the question off before even though it's important to you.

I think see will turf you as a hapless farang with not a clue and no need of such a burdon on her life.

Not sure I get this. If you don't have the money then you can't pay the sinsod. If it's a deal breaker for the GF then so be it, at least you know where you stand.

Good communication and understanding is essential in any marriage.

If your girl friend REALLY knows your financial situation, and if she REALLY have the money for the sin sod, and she REALLY wants to marry you, and she REALLY will not have any problem in using it just to show off at the wedding, I cannot see any problem for you in talk with her about it.

Also.....If she do that, you REALLY can be sure that you found the right partner for your life.

Good luck.

I think see will turf you as a hapless farang with not a clue and no need of such a burdon on her life.

To clarify, I have no savings but I earn 120,000 baht a month.. She makes about 80,000 baht.

So I make more money than her, but I just don't have a million baht sitting around.. So I am not sure I'd be a burden on her life.