What's the problem with western women in Thailand?

[quandow]

I've met dozens of Western women during my stay in Thailand. All but one saw quickly what this place was about and adjusted. The one was a chick without a dick and soon left (and we who knew her were all glad to see the back of her head for the last time).

[HooHaa]

Before I left the states six years ago, I was an "Invisible man" for women under 50. I was 65. The ageism and the feminazis wore me out. I have found a very loving ,caring long-term relationship with a younger Thai lady who treats me with dignity and respect as I do her.

I am generally turned off by Western women now after experiencing a loving relationship with a Thai. My wife is so good to me, that I can't help but want to do good things for her. Never bitchy or demanding. No overpowering sense of entitlement that I saw in the US. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I am happy and so is my lovely and beautiful Thai partner.

Ageism?

you mean like your not being interested in women unless they are under 50?

[HooHaa]

Some men over here don't want to have conversations or even get to know their Thai women... because either they don't care about women.. only for sex, or they are very dumb and would not be able to engage in any sort of meaningful conversation with anyone anyway.

I've never met a (single nationality) Thai of any sex, than could have a meaningful conversation on any subject.

In Thai or English.

then it would seem your social circles need widening, you are doing something wrong.

[retarius]

Great article, Steph. Hope you enjoy your life in Thailand. Stereotypes do often include an element of truth for example it is an objective truth that obesity is an epidemic on middle aged Caucasians from UK, US, Europe and Australia but its not confined to women. It is also true that there is no shortage of bitterness in the male ex-pat community (certainly the ones I meet).

From my perspective, and I've been here 10 years, there are four components to a successful life in Thailand First, I see that marriages where the age difference between the western man and the Thai girl are more than 15 years, often end in tears. A 70 years old man who 'pulls' a 25 year old in a bar in Pattaya, might have a few weeks of glory with the eye candy on his arm, but in my experience it tends not to last. Get a girl closer to your age.

Second, finances. Come here with more than your old age pension. Thailand isn't cheap, food is no cheaper here than in UK or US, housing and labor are much cheaper, but that's about it. I've had to bail out several "friends" who were overstayed and couldn't afford the fine or airfare to go back to their home country.

Third, follow the laws here. Follow the visa regulations and you will rarely, if ever have any trouble. Get a driver's license and try to learn to get by in the Thai language.

Lastly, treat you new Thai family with a modicum of respect and help them out occasionally. There is no mileage in forcing your wife/gf to choose between you and her family every week because you are tight.

Follow these rules and get with a girl you didn't meet in a bar and and you are more than likely to have a decent life here. The girls you meet in bars can be sweethearts, but there seem to be more failures in relationships with bar girls than girls working in shops or insurance companies. I know it is not scientific but is my rule of thumb.

[elgordo38]

Do Western women come to Thailand for the men?

Bring your A game the competition is rough.

[elgordo38]

Thought it was a decent article with some astute observations. I thought she was a little too empathetic to the small % of misogynistic dinosaurs that I run into from time to time here however.

OB

WOW this word misogynistic is popping up all over the place here on TV. Somebody is trying to impress us illiterates. I guess I do fall into the dinosaur category at my advanced age but a misogynistic one certainly not. Must Google that word now so I can throw it out there. Always trying to improve myself. Just got back from Google I do not hate women period. What a sneaky way of saying that.

Edited April 18, 2016 by elgordo38

[SoiBiker]

Thought it was a decent article with some astute observations. I thought she was a little too empathetic to the small % of misogynistic dinosaurs that I run into from time to time here however.

OB

WOW this word misogynistic is popping up all over the place here on TV. Somebody is trying to impress us illiterates. I guess I do fall into the dinosaur category at my advanced age but a misogynistic one certainly not. Must Google that word now so I can throw it out there. Always trying to improve myself.

It's a pretty commonly-used word - I don't think anyone is employing it in an attempt to impress.

[elgordo38]

Thought it was a decent article with some astute observations. I thought she was a little too empathetic to the small % of misogynistic dinosaurs that I run into from time to time here however.

OB

WOW this word misogynistic is popping up all over the place here on TV. Somebody is trying to impress us illiterates. I guess I do fall into the dinosaur category at my advanced age but a misogynistic one certainly not. Must Google that word now so I can throw it out there. Always trying to improve myself.

It's a pretty commonly-used word - I don't think anyone is employing it in an attempt to impress.

Easy Soi Biker your degree is showing again. Just having a little fun. A new word a day keeps the doctor away.

[Oceanbat]

Thought it was a decent article with some astute observations. I thought she was a little too empathetic to the small % of misogynistic dinosaurs that I run into from time to time here however.

OB

WOW this word misogynistic is popping up all over the place here on TV. Somebody is trying to impress us illiterates. I guess I do fall into the dinosaur category at my advanced age but a misogynistic one certainly not. Must Google that word now so I can throw it out there. Always trying to improve myself. Just got back from Google I do not hate women period. What a sneaky way of saying that.

Happy to help. You will no doubt use it yourself now going forward when you see instances of it.

OB

[HerbalEd]

Really,who cares?

Evidently you care. If you actually didn't care we'd never have heard from you.

[dave_boo]

For a Western woman like me in Thailand, it's extremely hard to find women's shoes my size and clothing not meant for tiny women. Otherwise, my experience of living in Thailand as a Western female has merely revealed to me much of what the Western world tries to hide in it's hypocrisy (i.e. sex tourism, which I think can translate to human trafficking resulting from poverty, etc) so I have come to realize that people are very much the same everywhere, merging in cultural values more and more as the world unites in the trade pacts and partnerships of commerce which creates a fusion of East-West culture. I have seen this more and more in Phuket and it's provided me with a glimpse of an imminent trend in world unification in cultural value. If people are not "the same", they will soon become much more "the same" as cultures merge and fuse in the financial implementation of Western economic integration that has swept over SE Asia and will immerse Asia in Western economic values. Thai females want to be more Western, and I find that Asian females I encounter want to be as Western as possible so I see less and less of the Thai culture as time passes. As for the experience of being a Western female amongst all the vices mentioned in the original post, as I wrote above, this has only allowed me to glimpse what happens in my own country but it's put in an open and visible way here in Thailand (without "shame" or being hidden). I find many Western women who come here glad to see poor women disenfranchised and put into prostitution and although that will offend many people, it's another hypocritical reality I believe is part of the Western underlying paradigm but hidden under "feminism" or other pretenses. I do not try to offend anyone but the situation as I have seen it is offensive, yet I realize it's pervasive and worldwide.

I'm glad that phrases are defined and we don't have to 'translate' someone's actions into another meaning.

Article 3, paragraph (a) of the Protocol to Prevent, Suppress and Punish Trafficking in Persons defines Trafficking in Persons as the recruitment, transportation, transfer, harbouring or receipt of persons, by means of the threat or use of force or other forms of coercion, of abduction, of fraud, of deception, of the abuse of power or of a position of vulnerability or of the giving or receiving of payments or benefits to achieve the consent of a person having control over another person, for the purpose of exploitation. Exploitation shall include, at a minimum, the exploitation of the prostitution of others or other forms of sexual exploitation, forced labour or services, slavery or practices similar to slavery, servitude or the removal of organs

Whilst it is all to easy to apply cultural supremacy when viewing others, the fact that there's ample evidence on this board, and on a multitude of other sites, that the women in question are not trafficked. It appears that the vast majority of the men who partake of the sex trade do so in areas that are clearly delineated for foreigners and are filled to the brim with women who are actively seeking an opportunity to lift themselves and or their families out of a financial position. As they were not threatened, coerced, abducted, defrauded, deceived, etc. the jumping to the human trafficking angle is rather revealing. The fact that, compared to your home country, it makes you feel offended should have you questioning your believes. After all, I've lived in areas where you, being a female, simply being on the internet would be cause enough for your family to end your life and restore their honour. And that's saying nothing of being unescorted in a foreign land!

So, if your puritanical views are correct, would you submit that even more orthodox views are even more correct? And thus you should be a good woman and keep your mouth shut?

I would think not. But kindly climb off the soap box of superior piety when it can definitely be used against you.

[khunPer]

I sometimes count the number of Western men living with a Thai lady, and number of Western women living with a Thai man – or should it be a Thai men living with a Western lady..? – I know of in my close neighborhood; it's from equal to a bit more Western women...

...and there are on top also some Western-Western expat-couples..!

Is Samui, the area of Thailand that I live in different, or do others also find the same..?

[smotherb]

all i have to say is thank god for the misogynists, misfits and misanthropes out there with their insecurities.

after 20 years in thailand, i have come full circle.

give me a motivated western woman with her own life over another thai dependent any day.

personally i enjoy lying in bed discussing literature or world affairs with someone who can answer.

so, you keep it up and ill keep meeting women who are relieved that im not a sexpat <deleted>

So you've come to your senses and decided you preferred apples to oranges. How about a motivated Thai woman with her own life and a dependent western woman? If you like to discuss literature and world affairs in English and in bed, try an educated woman; she doesn't have to be western.

It seems so many farangs only know Thai bar girls; would you even consider a western prostitute for a wife?

[SoiBiker]

I sometimes count the number of Western men living with a Thai lady, and number of Western women living with a Thai man or should it be a Thai men living with a Western lady..? I know of in my close neighborhood; it's from equal to a bit more Western women...

...and there are on top also some Western-Western expat-couples..!

Is Samui, the area of Thailand that I live in different, or do others also find the same..?

I know some of all the above here in Bangkok, although more farang male - Thai female couples than vice versa. Also, western women that live alone, and also with other western women.

[BookMan]

all i have to say is thank god for the misogynists, misfits and misanthropes out there with their insecurities.

after 20 years in thailand, i have come full circle.

give me a motivated western woman with her own life over another thai dependent any day.

personally i enjoy lying in bed discussing literature or world affairs with someone who can answer.

so, you keep it up and ill keep meeting women who are relieved that im not a sexpat <deleted>

So you've come to your senses and decided you preferred apples to oranges. How about a motivated Thai woman with her own life and a dependent western woman? If you like to discuss literature and world affairs in English and in bed, try an educated woman; she doesn't have to be western.

It seems so many farangs only know Thai bar girls; would you even consider a western prostitute for a wife?

Can she discuss world affairs and literature?

[Nobb]

Most of my friends here in Thailand all say they are compulsive liars and money leeches. I also agree with this article and read many more articles concerning these matters. Most Thai lady are taught by there mothers at a young age about what to do and how to do it. They will take money and send to there families as loans knowing you will never get paid back. I ask my Thai wife why does she do this to her husband knowing i will never see the money again. She says they are poor and need help. When i married her she told me she was from a wealthy family. Then lies, lies and more lies!

[sawadee1947]

She gives a reason why I might lean towards asian - she likes "tall men". I'm 5'8.

yeah, don't worry, not everybody and everything is tall. Therefore you are here in Thailand. You'll find easily somebody tiny here who will suits you.

[smotherb]

Some men over here don't want to have conversations or even get to know their Thai women... because either they don't care about women.. only for sex, or they are very dumb and would not be able to engage in any sort of meaningful conversation with anyone anyway.

I've never met a (single nationality) Thai of any sex, than could have a meaningful conversation on any subject.

In Thai or English.

You really ought to get out more; or at least out of the bars more.

I have two Thai male friends who are financially secure, speak fluent English, and we do discuss many topics, including politics and the economy.

My doctor is a woman and a graduate of Yale Medical School. My daughter-in-law is an industrial engineer for an American O&G conglomerate. My landlady is a business professor at a local university. My wife's best friend is a commercial artist whose works are displayed worldwide. All of them speak perfect English, are independent financially secure Thai women, and can discuss any subject--my daughter-in-law surprised me by her knowledge of Corvettes; both the sports car and the ships.

[KarenBravo]

Do Western women come to Thailand for the men?

No, they go to Kenya, Jamaica and other islands in the Caribbean.

Sex tourism for women is alive and well and has been for years.

It's just not talked about so much.

Edited April 18, 2016 by KarenBravo

[SoiBiker]

Do Western women come to Thailand for the men?

No, they go to Kenya, Jamaica and other islands in the Caribbean.

Sex tourism for women is alive and well and has been for years.

It's just not talked about so much.

I'm guessing the numbers are significantly lower - I wonder if there are any reputable figures for number of female sex tourists?

[smotherb]

Some men over here don't want to have conversations or even get to know their Thai women... because either they don't care about women.. only for sex, or they are very dumb and would not be able to engage in any sort of meaningful conversation with anyone anyway.

I've never met a (single nationality) Thai of any sex, than could have a meaningful conversation on any subject.

In Thai or English.

I guess for some men, that's one of their attractive qualities. If you don't like talking to women, find one you don't have to talk to.

For once I agree with you. Sure, many men don't want a mental equal in a woman--and, I am sure, some cannot find women that dumb. Some men do not want an independent woman, those men want to be the breadwinner and take care of their frail little thing. Some want a sex toy who will make them a sammich. To each his own. The problem I see is too many men paint all women with the same brush; but I fear the women to whom they refer are of their own choosing. I do agree with the OP that men and women are all different; like anything, some are diamonds and some are stone.

[smotherb]

Most of my friends here in Thailand all say they are compulsive liars and money leeches. I also agree with this article and read many more articles concerning these matters. Most Thai lady are taught by there mothers at a young age about what to do and how to do it. They will take money and send to there families as loans knowing you will never get paid back. I ask my Thai wife why does she do this to her husband knowing i will never see the money again. She says they are poor and need help. When i married her she told me she was from a wealthy family. Then lies, lies and more lies!

Sounds like you have a personal problem.

[Oceanbat]

Do Western women come to Thailand for the men?

No, they go to Kenya, Jamaica and other islands in the Caribbean.

Sex tourism for women is alive and well and has been for years.

It's just not talked about so much.

I'm guessing the numbers are significantly lower - I wonder if there are any reputable figures for number of female sex tourists?

I think there are a lot of Japanese women who travel to Bali specifically for this purpose. I used to live in Japan and a Friend told me there is even a magazine targeting these women. Must be reasonable numbers if that is the case.

OB

[BritManToo]

Some men do not want an independent woman,

If she's prepared to get married, she ain't that independent.

[tingtongfarang]

Do Western women come to Thailand for the men?

No, they go to Kenya, Jamaica and other islands in the Caribbean.

Sex tourism for women is alive and well and has been for years.

It's just not talked about so much.

I'm guessing the numbers are significantly lower - I wonder if there are any reputable figures for number of female sex tourists?

I think there are a lot of Japanese women who travel to Bali specifically for this purpose. I used to live in Japan and a Friend told me there is even a magazine targeting these women. Must be reasonable numbers if that is the case.

OB

Not only japanese girls but australians also, surprising how many young balinese guys learn japanese for this purpose .

[BookMan]

Most of my friends here in Thailand all say they are compulsive liars and money leeches.

Who are? Western women?

[jmccarty]

There are professionals in banking, engineering, automotive, petrochemical, shipping, legal, manufacturing of many other things - transferred here with little other choice but to quit. Some of them do very well, men and women. Some men crash and burn out with booze and women (or men if that's their preference), some women show up with a big chip on their shoulder and are miserable most of the time. There are also married foreign nationals that retire here well. Some don't do so well. I know people in all of the above categories. I lived in Singapore for 25 years before my company sent me to Thailand. It was about the same there really!

[SoiBiker]

There are plenty that come here through choice, too - women included.

[chilli42]

She seems like a nice , well adjusted . intelligent person. IMO she will do great in Thailand or any other place.

I do agree with you. That said, I believe she is naive regarding the essential nature of men.

[SoiBiker]

She seems like a nice , well adjusted . intelligent person. IMO she will do great in Thailand or any other place.

I do agree with you. That said, I believe she is naive regarding the essential nature of men.

You're naive if you think all men are the same.