A good Ozzie rugby mate had a very amusing (if not very successful) chat up line which went along the lines of:

Him "do you want a dance?

Her: "No"

Him: "Ok....." pauses as if in deep thought..... then always, always always always in a very cheerful eureka type exclamation "Ahhh, so do you want a root?"

I never saw it work but it was always very amusing, especially after 5th or 6th attempt, he never gave up faith in "his line"

This is a misquoted part of an Australian joke which is as follows:

Him "g'day"

Her "yeah hi"

Him "ya wanna drink?"

Her "no thanks I don't drink"

Him "yas wanna ciggie"

Her "no thanks I don't smoke"

Him "ya wanna root"

Her "well I was gonna say no thanks, but ya talked me into it ya smooth talkin' bast@rd"

CB

She’s got a face like a box full of frogs, tits like slate layers nailbags and a fanny like a ripped out fireplace.

Cockkkkkkkheeeeeeeed!

Born with her face on fire, luckily the midwife put it out with a frying pan.

Fell from the top of the ugly tree, and hit every branch on the way down with her face.

& classic Chubby Brown;

Here, take these paracetamol quick!

Why?, i don't have a headache.

Well that's a relief, any chance of a shag then ?

Skinny sells sheep skin products ie boots, coats etc")

I got thousands more of these

And i though you were an Ozzie. :D

This thread is timid, I feel the real british manner of foul mouthed expression is lacking, ya daft barstewards.

so says you, you spunkmunching knucklef#@ker

(NOI)

shame how my web browser flags those as typos... or bado's i dunno

so says you, you spunkmunching knucklef#@ker

(NOI)

shame how my web browser flags those as typos... or bado's i dunno

I stand corrected, ya cock!

Year Of the Dragon.......................Classic Mickey Rourke movie...........

Chinese gangster goes ....................Dui Lei, Lo Mo, Ham Ga Chan !!!

Subtitles say......."leave now I'm upset"

Real cantonese ??????//...................Fukc you and your Mother's Hairy tnuc ( look at this in the mirror.or something )

You have to love subtitles

Fukc you and your Mother's Hairy tnuc

I don't know why, but that just reminded me of the joke: Your mother's so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone

In Wales the locals would lean over and just say "English" it was the highest insult they could offer. I found it also worked in Scotland and Ireland. Not to mention Australia, New Zealand, Canada (especially if the person was of French decent). In fact it pretty well works all around the world where the English have at one stage stepped foot. I find it particularly useful here in bedlam - it doesn't get the ###### treatment but transfers the necessary venom and intent when we write "well he is English"

CB

lol, thats true though.

Its as if saying "English" sums up everything foul word one could utter under one umbrella.

(have nothing against the English personally! OK!).

You have to love subtitles

There are some classic sub title mixups around the place. I bought a copy of the Phantom Menace in Thailand and it has a couple of sets of English subtitles but they are not all the same. One set was written by someone with a rudimentary knowledge of English. There are parts of the movie where the subtitles are just random words that mean nothing unless you are schooled in Bedlam speak and understand the last word©.

One of the funniest ones is during a space battle with the fighters zooming around. One pilot calls out "Help me - I've got one behind me" Subtitle reads "Help - I got one up my ass"

Sometimes I wonder what the Thai subtitles of English movies really say. I know in one recent movie the principle actor did a string of swearing and the Thai subtitle had the Thai word that would be of the same value as "oh heck". My partner told me that many English movies have to have the English swearing left out of the subtitles because of censorship rules but most Thais know the actual word anyway so don't care. Thai movies though often have a lot of Thai swearing which doesn't bother the censor unless the actor is smoking/drinking/or showing a nipple or two.

CB

Recently was talking about the Scottish film "Trainspotting" with an American guy. I asked if he understood what was being said and laughed as he told me that he recalls it was subtitled in English. Make sense i guess, but still find it funny. I dunno how some things would be translated over. Maybe will watch it someday with the subtitles to see. ^^

Black eyed Mongolian bog rat

My dad says his father could swear for 15 minutes straight without repeating himself.

And in our family, we consider that quite the accomplishment

My dad says his father could swear for 15 minutes straight without repeating himself.

And in our family, we consider that quite the accomplishment

Wow, that's quite a vocab.

My dad says his father could swear for 15 minutes straight without repeating himself.

And in our family, we consider that quite the accomplishment

You're from Australian heritage?

JxP

Fugerly shunt

Fugerly being short for ferking Ugly, shunt because it rymes with ......., Just come back from England (I.O.W & Hampshire) everyone seems to be saying it........ !! Perhaps I am !!

Why are you asking anyway Tosspot

In Wales the locals would lean over and just say "English" it was the highest insult they could offer. I found it also worked in Scotland and Ireland. Not to mention Australia, New Zealand, Canada (especially if the person was of French decent). In fact it pretty well works all around the world where the English have at one stage stepped foot. I find it particularly useful here in bedlam - it doesn't get the ###### treatment but transfers the necessary venom and intent when we write "well he is English"

CB

lol, thats true though.

Its as if saying "English" sums up everything foul word one could utter under one umbrella.

(have nothing against the English personally! OK!).

You lot go ahead and say "English"

We've got a general word for you lot too, it's Cu......oh, forget it!

.

Bless me, what a fry of fornication is at the door… (King Henry VIII)

I Reckon Shakespeare made swearing into an art form.

Why, thou clay brained guts, thou knotty pated fool, thou whoreson obscene greasy tallow catch…….(Henry IV Part 1)

Trot that one out for the next Tuk-Tuk drver that upsets you.....

<deleted>

cock

tiny penis

etc etc

tiny penis?

Where did you get that from?

EDIT: One of my fave insults: she had a face like a bulldog licking piss of a nettle!

From the mirror I guess.

Had a Discussion about the following with some of the cambirdge uni kids who pretend to run the debating club where I pretend to stay sober every night.

They were telling me that elected student presidents sometimes get anonymous threats and such, and one that had come in earlier that day was a brick through a window with on it written the words "This President sucks his own coc.k"

I -quite easily- managed to convince the boys not to worry. To me It'd be an accomplishment if I COULD.