How much of this is BS? (Thai Marriage Money)

[elgordo38]

5 hours ago, cheapskatesam said:

no it was just a half hearted joke.. "i'll do that when i marry ya :P" thing and she got all serious about money out of the blue...

Jokes fall flat here and on deaf ears. As soon as marriage is mentioned its like sonar honing in on a target. Weigh your words carefully when talking to Thai ladies. Its similar to going into a store and examining an object and the clerk comes up with a smile and says "How many do you want?"

[PatOngo]

Please don't forget the gold!

[elgordo38]

1 minute ago, PatOngo said:

Please don't forget the gold!

Ah yes your golden opportunity. Thai parents can be like the guy at the fall fair that guesses your weight and age. They can give you the once over and without a calculator or pencil and paper figure out close to the satang as to what your worth and how much they should ask for their most prized possession. Its an art form. 

[FritsSikkink]

7 minutes ago, killbill said:

I did share your view, and did not want to pay sin sod. So we never got married but stayed together....till she suddenly had a new bf. Then I did really understand that I was a fool not to pay. Some 200.000 bath is a small prize to not loose the girl you love and care about.

 

think again ....ot seems brave not to pay but you may end loosing this game.

She would have had a new BF if you had paid too.

[TSF]

Internet is full of Thai sharks patrolling the waters for farang suckers to marry and pay them sinsot. 

[TheFishman1]

This subject has been beaten for so long really all I can say is Up to You. TIT

[whatproblem]

13 minutes ago, killbill said:

I did share your view, and did not want to pay sin sod. So we never got married but stayed together....till she suddenly had a new bf. Then I did really understand that I was a fool not to pay. Some 200.000 bath is a small prize to not loose the girl you love and care about.

 

think again ....ot seems brave not to pay but you may end loosing this game.

But if you paid she probably would of left to go to the next one once she had your money .she obviously didn't love you ,sorry for your loss or congratulations for your near miss

[natway09]

I think this is a set up post.

Don't worry about it mate, just take her back home to marry,,,,,,,, then you will wish you had paid the dowry here.

See tineow farang

[mstevens]

52 minutes ago, kovaltech said:

Just leave Thailand... obviously you don't care for the real Thai culture that comes with a Thai wife...

 

Actually, that goes for anybody who don't respect the Thai culture... Just leave...

 

I don't think one has to agree with every aspect of a culture, be it Thai culture or even our own respective cultures.

 

Of course we should respect Thai culture, but when there are aspects of Thai culture that go very much against our own culture and against things that are valued deeply in our own culture, it seems rather harsh to to suggest that we should just leave.

[steven100]

There's nothing wrong with paying an acceptable sin sod,  if you are happy with the family and love the girl then that what matters.

 

Or you could disagree with the request and culture, go back home

and find some ugly old hag with no sin sod.

It amazes me that some pot belly farangs have it in their minds that they can get a girl half their age to give to their every need without building a house, without contributing any money, without helping the parents, without doing anything because they think the girls will come running. 

lol ....  they are dreaming IMO.

 

[nisakiman]

I agree it's an alien concept to us farang, and I really don't agree with it in principle, but I think refusing to pay sin sot does a disservice to the girl's parents, insofar as it is a very deep rooted tradition, and it would cause them much loss of face if the extended family and friends were to see no sin sot being paid. How the parents then deal with the money they've been given very much depends on them personally.

 

When I got married, I paid 200,000 sin sot. However, the day after the wedding, my wife's mother quietly gave the money back to her. I think that's not an uncommon scenario these days with there being a burgeoning middle class who don't actually need the money. The most important thing is that the sin sot should be seen by all the guests to have been given. Tradition is served, everyone is happy.

[NoshowJones]

1 hour ago, kovaltech said:

Just leave Thailand... obviously you don't care for the real Thai culture that comes with a Thai wife...

 

Actually, that goes for anybody who don't respect the Thai culture... Just leave...

Here we go again, another member of the "if you don't like it go home" brigade.

[anotheruser]

6 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

No problem she will leave you quickly when she finds out you are a cheapskate who bring his own beer into a bar.

 

I thought he would buy some beer at 7-11 and then sneak into a hotel pool with her. I used to think the idea of Sin Sod was a bit silly but if it stops this wedding from happening I may review my opinion on the matter.

[4MyEgo]

6 hours ago, cheapskatesam said:

My flight is on Wednesday and i planned to meet her and go for dinner.. 

i've bought her a handbag yesterday from the designer outlet near me and some other bits and bobs from the UK like chocolates and stuff.. 

 

now everything is screwed up in my mind after she went berserk on me about money.. after my half hearted "joke".. 

 

I dare say your off on the WRONG foot mate, Thai girls are not western girls, so if you start spoiling them with designer handbags and chocolates your setting the bar.

 

I have to ask any guy why would they want to buy a girl such things, too impress, well then you get everything you deserve and more, after all, a girl is just a female, she is the species of the opposite sex, sure if you want to buy them something every now and again, when you have been with them for a while and you enjoy their company, fine, but IMO wouldn't go out of my way to hitch a girl.

 

To buy a girl something to impress her is telling me your not up to speed to cope with any female, this breed is smarter than most of us guys put together, i.e. if you let them be, they will want to extract what they can, and that doesn't just apply to Thai women, its in the breed.

 

I never spoilt my wife of 10 years from day one, she is still the same girl, ok, we have 2 kids, she has land, a house a car and a motorbike, comes with growing a family, but I have the other 90% of my worth, only invest as much as your prepared to lose is the saying and golden rule.

 

Give the handbag to someone else, sister, mum or who ever is worthy of it, chocolates, eat em, sure buy her dinner, we don't want her thinking your a cheap Charlie, and walk with one foot in front of the other, but personally, I think your toast, because joking about marriage will get you in hot water with any girl.

 

Good luck

[TulipBulb]

I confine my 'dating' to the lower reaches of Sukhumvit and my living to the farther reaches these days. Very economical and tranquil it is too.

[joebrown]

I'm wanting some input/advice on the subject of paying 'sin sot' when marrying a Thai woman.

Could anyone pass on their thoughts or experience when it comes to marrying a 45 yr old divorced Thai  lady with 2 children aged 16 and 12. If I married her I would take care of her and her children until they 'fly the nest'. Is payment of a 'sin sot' appropriate or even justified in such a case?

  

[Boon Mee]

The custom of paying the wife's family Sin Sod seems to be quite entrenched within some socio-economic circles and others, not so much so.

 

This poster just attended a wedding hosted at a rather nice hotel in Bangkok over the weekend where the groom is from Georgia (not USA) and the bride Thai.  When I asked the bride's family (father and brothers) what was the Sin Sod they said nothing!  "Different cultures"

[LivinginKata]

1 hour ago, killbill said:

I did share your view, and did not want to pay sin sod. So we never got married but stayed together....till she suddenly had a new bf. Then I did really understand that I was a fool not to pay. Some 200.000 bath is a small prize to not loose the girl you love and care about.

 

think again ....ot seems brave not to pay but you may end loosing this game.

 

But did she love you ... or just love your money.  I would say you had a lucky escape ...

[sipi]

350k. Cheaper than a second hand Honda Jazz.

Up to you.

[jonw8uk]

1 hour ago, killbill said:

I did share your view, and did not want to pay sin sod. So we never got married but stayed together....till she suddenly had a new bf. Then I did really understand that I was a fool not to pay. Some 200.000 bath is a small prize to not loose the girl you love and care about.

 

think again ....ot seems brave not to pay but you may end loosing this game.

 

What's interesting is you cant see that even if you did pay 200k, she would still have found a new boyfriend....

 

if she loved you, she wouldnt leave you. 

Be thankful you got out when you did

[JackThompson]

2 hours ago, jpinx said:

Not just Thailand -- wasn't there some talk of restricting the Sin Sod equivalent in China?

 

In China, the tradition is that the sons pay the parents,which is why female-babies were aborted when discovered, given the 1-child policy, leading to the shortage of women.  So, in China, since a gal doesn't pay the parents for life, her care is deemed a "financial loss" requiring reimbursement. 

 

In Thailand, girls pay their parents for life.  If you support a Thai lady (room, board, etc), you are offsetting her cost of living, and she will be able to provide more support to her family from her income.  Paying sin-sod does not free her from any further obligations to continue supporting her family.  Someone mentioned a "payment schedule" - her support of them, for the rest of their lives, is exactly that.  She should be prepared to pay their support from her income, since you come from a place with no such traditions, and must save your own money to pay for your retirement.

 

OTOH, if some sort of face-saving display of sin-sod money/gold is needed to "save face" with the locals and honor traditions, provided no significant sum is lost in the process, no harm done.  These things do matter here.  Work out something where no one gets hurt (financially, face, or otherwise).

 

As far as meeting gals online - very dangerous business, as she is likely networking with others on exactly how to scam foreigners.  Since you came this far down the road, I would give her the presents, enjoy some time together, but keep your guard up.  If you really think you want to continue the relationship, be sure she is not the type looking to quit her job and replace that (including family support money) with your money.  And after leaving, do not "send money back" monthly, like so many fools do; she may have a half-dozen men on the hook with that game.

 

I would at least some of your vacation time meeting Thai women who do not use online dating apps.  Spend some time alone here, and discover how plentiful beautiful Thai ladies are.  Some are really nice, considerate people.  You don't have to "settle for less" here, and should be in no rush.

[mikiea]

6 hours ago, FritsSikkink said:

No problem she will leave you quickly when she finds out you are a cheapskate who bring his own beer into a bar.

huh  ?..... man up a lttle would  ya fritz  ?

 

[georgemandm]

7 hours ago, kenk24 said:

Do you not know of the Thai custom of Sin Sod? This is not something made up for foreigners. But there are endless threads on this. I think in your case, she is barking up the wrong tree... 

 

And for all of those who will rail against it - - I always wonder if they would gladly accept if the custom were reversed... 

In my mum and dads  Country the woman pays the man to get married.

but that was in the past now it has stop .

like in thailand it is bs but Thais love to try and suck the western in to paying that  crap .

if it is not apart of my  culture why should I pay it .

 

[Sydebolle]

This might answer all questions .........

A Thai marrying a non-Thai has to get used to the fact, that non-Thais have customs as well. Say a Thai marries an Arab, the dowry will be expressed in sheep and camels .........

Forget the Sinsod (dowry); usually a newly-wed couple has plenty of other ideas on what they could spend money unless, of course, parents intend to sell of their daughters - as so happening every day thousands of times 

[BSJ]

I was aware of the Thai custom with regard to 'Sinsod' so I said to the wife when we have our village wedding the Sinsod is for show and at the end of the day it comes back to me.  We are married at the Amphur which takes half an hour and some paperwork before hand.

 

But my wife doesn't want a village wedding.......yes really!   Her view is we can put 100k baht to better use than feed a lot of bludgers and ply the local alcoholics with whisky.

 

Of course the step-daughter has just got married and the bin for that was 120k baht for 150 guests.  I kicked in some coin thinking we would be seeing the back of her and the new husband but I was mistaken.....as I often am!   A conscript in the Thai army is on a rather low income and he has a year to go.  Then after that, a grand income of 300 baht a day will be his lot.  We haven't lost a daughter but gained another dependent!

 

So, marriage can be a serious business for a Thai girl.....and it can be serious for the farang por! 

[chicowoodduck]

Best sell the farm....you have lots of $$$$& to pay out and soon....the hand bag will not cut it by a large margin....hope you have a return ticket??

[georgemandm]

6 hours ago, Panda13 said:

Christ. You know so little about women , it's hard to work out how much you don't know. Your gonna go to bed with a Thai girl and wake up with a knife in your chest. These girls are literally psycho when it comes to mentioning marriage. You have got a shitload to learn about the Thai " loss of face" . Read up about it before you get here because it pervades the whole day to day life here, and may just save you from a hiding. Thais take it very seriously. Anything said or done to a Thai that can be considered embarrassing, even JOKINGLY, can be seen as a loss of face. I'll bet you, she will have told someone by now that you want to marry her and when you tell her over your fancy dinner that its not on, BOOM!!! Your in some pretty shit now! <deleted> , stay away from ThaiFriendly, none of the girls on there are genuine anyway. But you will find that out when you get here and have dated some, anyway, stop giving your heart and more importantly your money, ie: buying gifts before you know them. God, just get here first , see the way Thailand really works. Find out what an absolute polar opposite, their way of thinking to westerners is before "buying the cow". Chill out! There are so many girls here its is literally mindbending. And they all want your money!!! My advise : No matter what this girl has told you, none of it will be true. Do not meet her under any circumstances. Stop being such a noobe. Wise up or Thailand is gonna chew you up and spit you out .

Sent from my SM-G930F using Thaivisa Connect mobile app
 

I agree with most of what you say ,  but their is not one thing wrong with Thaifiendly it is a great sit to meet Thais .

not much to know about thai woman all you have to know is it is all about your money and if you are smart and you not get suck in you will do ok with them .

yes thai woman would put a knife in you for sure not all but some would .

[kovaltech]

2 hours ago, mstevens said:

 

I don't think one has to agree with every aspect of a culture, be it Thai culture or even our own respective cultures.

 

Of course we should respect Thai culture, but when there are aspects of Thai culture that go very much against our own culture and against things that are valued deeply in our own culture, it seems rather harsh to to suggest that we should just leave.

I agree with respect ;-) , respecting does not mean that you have to agree... Yes, we can disagree with the culture from our partner in love, but if we start to disrespect it, we better go home...

[1FinickyOne]

41 minutes ago, georgemandm said:

In my mum and dads  Country the woman pays the man to get married.

but that was in the past now it has stop .

like in thailand it is bs but Thais love to try and suck the western in to paying that  crap .

if it is not apart of my  culture why should I pay it .

 

 

I have been to enough Thai/Thai weddings and there is Sin Sot as part of the ceremony. It is definitely not just for the farang. 

 

If you marry in your home country to a Thai lady that you met in your home country, then I would agree, it would be kindly to offer something to her family, but not necessary. If you marry here in Thailand, then you should pay because it is their culture and their custom. 

 

I have known Thai who needed to pay 15MM baht to marry into a wealthy family. so, not just for farang. Locally, a Thai just paid 1MM baht. 

 

I agree with JAFO in saying it should not get out of hand. I paid gladly but it was a modest amount. 

[opalred]

tie a knot in it sunshine

and bring the real brain into gear