Leave or stay?

[Altalake]

Make up your own mind Pal - don't ask for advice from all of us! How the heck can we know the full score!

 

Suggest you grow up a bit too.

[Songlaw]

The truth is, mate, you will never be sure about this situation. She holds all the cards in this game. You already admitted that you love her, almost too much to leave her. That will only get harder with time. I am really sorry to have to give this advice, but I haven't seen any situations like this that have ended in a good way. If you don't want her to go to this man, and she goes anyway, that is a very clear sign that even if you were able to convince her to stop seeing this gentleman now, there would never be a guarantee that if something goes wrong in the future (financially, emotionally, whatever), and it will, that she wouldn't fall back on familiar routines and patterns. Remember, she has been focused on one thing her entire life: Survival.

 

You sound like a good man, albeit still young. As someone here has already suggested, please try to find someone who can guide you and support you emotionally while you try to find your way out of this situation. You don't need this. Thailand is difficult enough without extra avoidable nonsense. Anyone here can tell you that. And please, DO NOT have a child with this lady, even if by some miracle, you are able to get her '100% assurance' that she will not do this again, because I don't see such a guarantee lasting more than a couple of months. She is too young to be stable in this regard, and her history is not right for the type of relationship you are seeking.

 

A kid here represents 5000 baht extra income each month here, which you will eventually be court-mandated to pay her for the child's upkeep, whether you are together or not and I assure you, she knows this. Best of luck.

[SpokaneAl]

This is going to be what your life will be like for the years ahead that you spend with her. People are who they are. If you like dealing with this kind of stuff stay with her.

 

I would suggest that you leave her and this country. Go back home. Build a career and meaningful relationships. You don’t and won’t have any of that here.

[Enoon]

15 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

I guess I have to pull the pin. Not something I would like to do but the day have come and soon I will do it I just want some more feedback on it. Even if I already decided. The problem is that I denie everything and I can't do it. I'm just one of them farangs that are stupid. But I don't know were to go. Or what to do... I'm just afraid I have to leave Thailand. And I don't want to.. I love Thailand it's my home. I left everything first time I come here I left my house my work I had everything I just got bored of Scandinavia so I booked 1 way ticket and I had never been in Thailand before but I got stuck here I haven't been back to Scandinavia in 2 years... that's why I'm scared were to go and what to do if I leave this girl...

 

You chose the wrong path.

 

Still plenty of time, at 23, to change it.

 

Good luck.

 

 

 

[realenglish1]

 She is using you Leave her No need to stay

[likeke]

One thing for sure is that you need to dump your wife. You can still stay in Thailand and work and find a new lady, easy for a 23-year-old. You made your mistake quite early, so pack it in and move on. Your future ex-wife will always be a bar girl and a hustler. She will only be trouble for you and it will get worse. It's obvious the 4-year old is her daughter. You are very lucky to be in Thailand as a young man. Count your blessings you don't have kids with her. Much easier to leave.

[smotherb]

15 hours ago, dfdgfdfdgs said:

I edited my post after I saw you were married as I guess you could use that as a visa too.

 

You're 23 years old.  Assuming you take care of yourself then you can pull any number of normal Thai girls who you don't have to give any money to and who are a lot less likely to be ****ing other men.

 

I got here when I was 24 and I remember how easy it was.  I never gave anybody any money, if a girl asked for it I just say goodbye and moved onto the next one.

 

You can start to pay for girls' company when you're 50 or 60.  No need to do it at that age.

While I agree it is easy to get Thai girlfriends when you are young; I first came here at 21. However, I see no reason why you should have to pay at 50 or 60; if you have something going for you other than just money. The same logic applies; talk with them, if they ask for money, go on to the next.

[smotherb]

2 hours ago, stevkob said:

 

You married her!!!??

 

 

<deleted>!!!??

 

 

more like she takes her daughter who's asleep while she bangs said old man

 

 

Good case for chemical castration

 

 

She sounds like a keeper

 

 

Definitely a keeper, just what we all dream about.... an ex bar girl with a 4yo daughter who shags an old man for money while married to you. Even the Thai soapies would struggle to come up with a plot like this.

Troll Post!!!!!

 

While this being a troll post is certainly possible; I think the story is too typical to think anyone would have to struggle to come up with it. I have heard this story dozens of times throughout SEA with only the ages and country changed. And, the kid may even be the old man's child--or she tells him it is.

[hobobo]

14 hours ago, BEVUP said:

An amazing story

* Been here 2 yrs (21 ) living of what at that age

* Decided to get married & get work permit (or you may have had before ) Would love to know what your degree is 

* Known man for 5 yrs ( must have started work at the bars when 17 ) 

* How old is her little niece

* Mentioned you were BF - Well that says enough

Yes, I agree, something smells fishy, and it's not the g/f

[TKDfella]

You are both young and therefore not experienced. That is not a bad thing since we were all young once and the good thing is that at 23 you will have the resilience to 'bounce back' from this. If you do not trust her now then you will probably have reason not to trust in the future. So this is not a good foundation to build a marriage and a family. You mention the loss of work and therefore loss of income and unfortunately (as other posters here will tell you) many Thai women (or their family) are in relationships just for the money. However, in the end it is you that must weigh the negatives and positives and make a decision. I wish you the best of luck.

[Foozool]

I would do this if i was in that situation:

1- I would go back and build my life on a solid ground in my country. You could come back later with better shape and find a right girl out of bars. 

 

 Don't try hard to be a slave, If you think this marriage is the key for staying in the country. This story never ends. 

 

[Ulic]

Time to leave. The niece may be her daughter, maybe with him.

She may love you.......but loves the money even more. Best of luck.

[Suradit69]

2 hours ago, stevkob said:

Definitely a keeper, just what we all dream about.... an ex bar girl with a 4yo daughter who shags an old man for money while married to you. Even the Thai soapies would struggle to come up with a plot like this.

Troll Post!!!!!

Yes, it seems like April Fools Day and Christmas all rolled into one.

 

Quote

Definitely a keeper, just what we all dream about

He sounds like a real gem too.

[SiSePuede419]

"She is an old butterfly and have worked in a bar."

 

I think I understand your problem.

 

You married a sex worker.worker and you thought that would change her.

 

I think you're going to get wet. ?

 

 

[Chicken George]

Pull the pin. Go.. You will never trust her. Do not try for kids with her.. Ypu are too young to be here. Go home work for your future find someone from your own country. If that doesnt work you can come back when you have retired and have more exoperience. 

 

[Suradit69]

37 minutes ago, smotherb said:

I have heard this story dozens of times throughout SEA with only the ages and country changed.

It is a popular theme  but it's certainly not limited to SEA. Groveling in one's alleged misfortune and shifting blame onto someone else is timeless, though it's been refined to an art form here in Thailand.

 

Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed a snake

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[bridge2bridge]

RUN don't WALK.

 

[German farang]

15 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

I started to work around at 16 years old. I had work permit before I meet her. Her niece is 4 years old. Well mentioned me might be enough but still I think they <deleted>... he's like 67 years old....

 

edit: she started at 17 years old yes..

 

 

should I pack my stuff today and just leave? I only have 2000b but get more money tomorrow from work. I really don't want to waste it on her or her family if I gonna leave anyway....

Take your staff, leave, run! 

Head up, look forward & start a new life.

[smotherb]

10 minutes ago, Suradit69 said:

It is a popular theme  but it's certainly not limited to SEA. Groveling in one's alleged misfortune and shifting blame onto someone else is timeless, though it's been refined to an art form here in Thailand.

 

Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed a snake

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never said it was limited to SEA, just that SEA is where I have heard that same story.  And, the story of Adam and Eve is not that same story. Same story, like: a cuckolded  husband, a "brother, sister, niece, nephew" child, seeing other man for dubious reasons while married.

[anon4637435435]

Sux! Truthfully, best to test if shes gold digging, meet this other older prick with her. If shes money hungry and your not allowed to hangaround get out now. Why she would want to in the first place would have got me packing the bags. Not a good idea to marry a bargirl. Theres always an underlying viscous greed (me, me, me) that never works out. Find a plane jane and have a good life. I did. Best thing i ever did.

[csabo]

2 hours ago, Kadilo said:

Charming. Just what he needs. There is honesty and then there is outright nasty. 

A little kick in the pants is sometimes just the thing.  He's a looser.  If you want sugar coating go to a bakery.

[ICECOOL]

If you have discussed this with her and expressed your displeasure and she still goes then she is disrespecting your feelings no matter what her relationship with him.  Seems she is using you for your money. 

[shaurene]

There is obviously something going on. Hard to pinpoint it. You are still very young and plenty of time left to enjoy yourself. If it were me I would go back home for a holiday for a month or 2. After you come back, if there was anything going on it will show when you get back. 

Probably conferm your suspicions, then just take off mate. Go and check out different places, plenty of fish in the sea. You will forget about her. But make sure you get a new phone number. And never call her. Time to go Mate.

[isaanbanhou]

A wise choice asking Tv posters for advice on staying married. 

She's a ho, you are not here first concern , money is, and she's a ho. 

I would leave her

[Tony125]

You have to realise that a lot of TV posters have been burned by Thai girls  so will quickly say "Yeh dump her leave her " sort of like revenge on a Thai girl that left them.  You can stay with her for awhile no need to make snap judgements and see where things go BUT do not have kids with her that's a whole nother ball game. That would tie you to her as if your a responsible person you would have to provide for your child whether with her or not. And as far as the excuse he's just an old guy I know. I am an old guy and have no problem banging young Thai girls. How do you think they met? At a bar where if he was banging her before then he still is now.

[xylophone]

17 hours ago, faranglomjay said:

Even if I already decided. The problem is that I denie everything and I can't do it. I'm just one of them farangs that are stupid.

Stupid is as stupid does.........by your own admission.

[Media1]

As the Thais say Buffalo.... Give her a brush up. Or use her like a dirty rag for.your VISA

[Destiny1990]

Just take a mia noi ur self...

 

[Kadilo]

1 hour ago, csabo said:

A little kick in the pants is sometimes just the thing.  He's a looser.  If you want sugar coating go to a bakery.

You can't even spell "loser" let alone judge who is one. 

He's asking for advice (obviously big mistake) not to be torn a new one and personally insulted. 

[peter48]

At the end of the day if you have doubt get out - I mean if you feel you are not fully compatible in every way then it probably will not work. Most mixed marriages assuming you are a farang are not easy. Having children locks you in and separation is not easy with kids. In Europe most farang-thai marriages either split or are empty nest arrangements. Of course there are a minority that do survive but most do not and if you have doubts early on that's your warning sign.

 

You are young - plenty of time, meet new girls, enjoy your know when the real one comes along.