you can have my stalker if you want....or I can rent him out if anyone else wants him.....he is cheap, stalks for melons.

Whats this about no sex for a week...sacrilege

on ya bike...

Sorry, i was joking about the stalker, you will have to keep him. I'm currently worried my wife will find out about a post yesterday mentioning lipstick, mascara, a dog and a trashy goat. I'm lucky the camera battery went flat!

Nidge and Squiggle Welcome to Bedlam!

You will not be allowed to leave, but we feel you will become comfortable here - in time.

I already have my slippers on.

Why would i want to leave, i have nowhere else left to go The dog found out about the goat and has stopped talking to me and now i have come out in a rash.

you're coming out ??

welcome squigle.

We have a resident melon-lover in here called Patsycat. She used to dance with melons for us.

BTW, what brand of dental floss does the girl in your avatar use?

she does'nt floss, unless it is by mistake with one of my short and curlies......but why you asketh such a strange and leading question ??

MrSquigle will obviously fit in very nicely!!!

Good intro.......

I think you may just about fit in here Uncle Ken.

I always looked at his av and thought it was yellow (leuang) ken, not loong ken & could never work it out!

I thought the avatar was a portrait of Barry Gibb from the BeeGees? You mean to tell me that Uncle Ken (yes I did know that) is one of the BeeGess? Hope it isn't Brian, 'cos he's already dead. Have we had anyone dead post in here before? Where did I leave my beer and the party hat?

CB

born in 1943 in (what was then) Germany. grew up in (what is now Germany). studied physics and mech. eng. in Aachen and Boston. worked except for a short period in Germany abroad; Saudi Arabia, Iraq and Nigeria.

met my wife in 1977 at a wedding reception where i was best man. turned out we met a few weeks before and conducted small talk in an airport lounge. asked her two days later to marry me. took nearly two years (during that time we met "secretly") before her noble but dirt poor family gave her permission to marry a bloody Tchermann who worked in the desert. but that only after threats from my side mentioning "will walk over dead bodies!" we spent the best time of our life in Africa but enjoyed the Middle East too. made a bundle of money when working. no taxes, all expenses paid for, fancy salary and last not least a profit share. realized that i could make a bundle of money by investing and not working 14 hours 7 days a week. retired end of 1989 and concentrated on my investments.

bounced back and forth between our home in Germany and Florida. the latter became soon our main residence, Germany only for a few weeks of holidays each year. liked the U.S. very much. have only in one place of this planet found neighbours and citizens as friendly as americans. then Osama <deleted> bin-Laden al-Bastard interfered. going through immigration as foreigners became slowly but surely a hassle. "you have a home here? you pay taxes? keep your papers! what do we care? we are the INS not the IRS. you are wrong thinking owning a home in Florida entitles you to enter the U.S. of A.!"

so we sold and left. travelled and checked out Brazil, Malta, Cyprus, Turkey, India, Malaysia, Philippines. Thailand was our choice. wife big problems to adapt. misses driving her car on her own. misses the shopping malls of Florida, misses the once in a while trips to her (next to London) favourite city New York, misses that everybody spoke english (well... sort of) but now veeeeery slowly adapting to TIT with occasional negative outbursts. living in Th since three years and try to avoid some old people's home in Europe as long as possible.

I have got to sat Naam, I always enjoy your posts, even when you are just disturbing the turds.

I like your sense of humor. It seems like you have seen a lot.

Is there a story about the avatar?

I have got to sat Naam, I always enjoy your posts, even when you are just disturbing the turds.

I like your sense of humor. It seems like you have seen a lot.

Is there a story about the avatar?

only the parallel that the fictitious "Worf" and me were and still are "military" men and our thinking and acting is guided most of the time by lopsided logic, e.g. "today is a good day to die in battle"

i owe the military what was the basis of success in my life. growing up as a poor boy in post-war Germany my parents (having lost everything they owned in parts which were taken from Germany) barely managed to provide the means to send me to high school till age 18. even though university education is (compared to other countries) more or less free there is considerable cost involved, last not least the cost of living. the only choice for me was to enlist in the armed forces for a longer period of time (12 years) which entitled me (after a certain time of service) to study parallel to my duties and at the same time earn some money and have a roof over my head.

during my time of service a few dozen selected young officers were offered the opportunity to serve in combat units, gain up-to-date experience in "modern" warfare and transmit that experience later as "lecturers". we were baited with all kinds of fringe benefits such as immediate promotion to a higher rank (after serving in said combat units) and shaving off two years of military duty to conduct our studies, however with full pay, accomodation, health care and what not. the whole mission was top secret as our constitution forbids expressis verbis (and still does!) the service of any german soldier beyond its borders. nowadays nobody cares a sh*t about the constitution and you find german soldiers all over this planet where our constitutional fathers (the U.S. of A.) is requesting them to be.

to make a long story short and talking about the dark period of my life. i served 15 months in the 101st Airborne in Viet Nam. until this very day i suffer mentally. although four decades have passed i just can't forget the horrors i have seen and the horrible crimes comitted in which i was actively involved. may God have mercy on my soul! my wife can't enter the bedroom when i am sleeping without saying loudly "i've come" or go to the bathroom in the night without "i'm going to the bathroom" and "i'm back, had to pee" because i might mistake her for "Charlie" and kill her. many years ago i nearly choked a girlfriend to death. luckily for both of us i mistook her ankle for her throat.

addendum: the last paragraph is the reason why i go berserk when i hear "just bomb the bastards, so what if thousands of innocent people die. it's just collateral damage."

ankle strangler....dangerous man

I have got to sat Naam, I always enjoy your posts, even when you are just disturbing the turds.

I like your sense of humor. It seems like you have seen a lot.

Is there a story about the avatar?

only the parallel that the fictitious "Worf" and me were and still are "military" men and our thinking and acting is guided most of the time by lopsided logic, e.g. "today is a good day to die in battle"

i owe the military what was the basis of success in my life. growing up as a poor boy in post-war Germany my parents (having lost everything they owned in parts which were taken from Germany) barely managed to provide the means to send me to high school till age 18. even though university education is (compared to other countries) more or less free there is considerable cost involved, last not least the cost of living. the only choice for me was to enlist in the armed forces for a longer period of time (12 years) which entitled me (after a certain time of service) to study parallel to my duties and at the same time earn some money and have a roof over my head.

during my time of service a few dozen selected young officers were offered the opportunity to serve in combat units, gain up-to-date experience in "modern" warfare and transmit that experience later as "lecturers". we were baited with all kinds of fringe benefits such as immediate promotion to a higher rank (after serving in said combat units) and shaving off two years of military duty to conduct our studies, however with full pay, accomodation, health care and what not. the whole mission was top secret as our constitution forbids expressis verbis (and still does!) the service of any german soldier beyond its borders. nowadays nobody cares a sh*t about the constitution and you find german soldiers all over this planet where our constitutional fathers (the U.S. of A.) is requesting them to be.

to make a long story short and talking about the dark period of my life. i served 15 months in the 101st Airborne in Viet Nam. until this very day i suffer mentally. although four decades have passed i just can't forget the horrors i have seen and the horrible crimes comitted in which i was actively involved. may God have mercy on my soul! my wife can't enter the bedroom when i am sleeping without saying loudly "i've come" or go to the bathroom in the night without "i'm going to the bathroom" and "i'm back, had to pee" because i might mistake her for "Charlie" and kill her. many years ago i nearly choked a girlfriend to death. luckily for both of us i mistook her ankle for her throat.

addendum: the last paragraph is the reason why i go berserk when i hear "just bomb the bastards, so what if thousands of innocent people die. it's just collateral damage."

Welcome strangler stranger. Although Worf seems a pansy compared with you. You don't happen to have a liking for ketracel-white, perchance?

.last week I started training to become a Prison Officer...Hopefully and all being well thats is my final career choice.

I did that for 4 years, worst job you could ever imagine. It took me at least 3 years living in thailand to get my sanity back and chill out. Hopefully it is all out of my system now.

It's not too late to change your mind and get another job!!!

Happy birthday by the way.

got two PMs yesterday referring to my personal post in Bedlam with a few questions embedded. to satisfy the [benign] curiosity i opened a second bottle of port which might enable me to give an honest (but "slightly" exaggerated) background report. the questions were centered on the background, respectively nationality of my beloved wife. i'll try do do it in some form of a puzzle and wonder who's the first to solve it.

september 1979, flight from Jeddah to Frankfurt

rented car to visit my parents

ohmygosh boy, you look so haggard! these Bedouins don't feed you? there is porkroast and...

thanks Mom but i had an excellent breakfast on board

got any dirty laundry boy?

no Mom, just travelling with hand luggage

let's have a drink son, you haven't been here for a year or so

you forgot that i don't touch alcohol Dad?

not even on a special occasion like this?

no thanks Dad

small talk, this neighbour died, the other is divorced, the third one has a hanky panky with...

bla bla bla

phone rings

was? wer? mee no englisch schpeek... seems to be for you son

naam speaking

hello?!

who is speaking?

AH YES!

WHAT?

YOUR PARENTS HAVE AGREED? I'M ON MY WAY!

sorry Mom, sorry Dad, have to leave and take a flight

life in the fast lane son?

yes Dad. see you soon again Mom

arriving in a foreign country after a long flight and drive

checking into a fancy hotel

is this your only luggage Sir?

it is

then you have to pay in advance

why?

because guests with hand luggage can leave without paying their bill

YOU F@CKING BASTARD ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F@CKING MIND??? GET ME THE MANAGER!

yes Sir, what seems to be the problem?

THIS @SSHOLE OF RECEPTIONIST IS DEMANDING PAYMENT IN ADVANCE.

here's a bundle of dollars, a bundle of deutsch marks and a bundle of your mickey mouse money as well as half a dozen credit cards. WILL THAT SUFFICE?

of course Sir, sorry Sir, but you know Sir

OVER AND OUT! ROOM KEY OR ELSE!

shower, shave a 16hour beard

picking up the phone, dial in vain

operator give me an outside line

verry sorry Sir no outside line available, please give me the number and i will dial for you

your party is on the line Sir

hello, hello, hello

WHO THE <deleted> IS HELLO?

and who are you?

this is Naam speaking

to whom do you want to speak

please get me Ms A

........

where are you now?

i'm in the xyz-hotel

please come to our house, we were expecting you since hours

hotel lobby, my driver in tears "Sir please help me. these people want to call my company and get me fired"

why that?

because i did not inform them in advance you are foreign bigshot Sir

reception, GET ME YOUR F#CKING MANAGER! WHO THE <deleted> HAS F@CKING THREATENED THIS POOR MAN???

sooooorryyyy Sir, big misunderstanding Sir, please rest assured Sir....

GET LOST!

driver asking a zillion times passers by "please where is...."

finally we found it

big rusty iron gate, closed

driver blows horn for a minute (or two)

sleepy gateman opens gate

we drive an impressive long driveway to a big mansion which must have very been impressive... a century ago

big set table with tea, coffee and cake

impressive big man gets up shakes my hand and says "so you've come"

indeed i did Sir

this is my wife

good afternoon Ma'am (bowing)

this is my daughter A, you've met her i presume

indeed i did Sir

this is my daughter R

pleased to meet you

and this is my youngest daughter S

pleased to meet you (my god what huge knockers she has!)

have a seat, coffee or tea

coffee please

long pause

even longer pause

then a very long pause

so you work in the desert

not exactly Sir, it's where the desert borders the sea

and what kind of work do you do?

i'm in charge of building a desalination plant

you are the manager?

that is correct Sir

what principle, reverse osmosis?

yes Sir, powered by gas turbines

high energy demand, must be expensive to run

not really Sir, natural gas in the gulf is a byproduct and for us available free of charge

government project?

government sponsored project

please explain why you sent that threatening mail

because i was p**... ahmmm fed up to deal with intermediaries and you refused to see me Sir

you could have sent your personal intermediary to facilitate things

i'm a bloody German Sir and it never crossed my my mind to send an intermediary

well... now... that is understandable

pause

do you live in a tent, some shack or perhaps some barracks and share accomodation?

no Ma'am i live in a conventionally built house, bricks, mortar and concrete, no such thing like sharing

suppose we permit you to marry our daughter would she have to do menial work?

no Ma'am, i have a yemeni houseboy and an ethiopian ahmm... whatshamacallit... housekeeper with big... eyes. she cooks excellent sudani/ethiopian food and renders all kinds of other services (suppressing a grin)

pause

one sister gets up "would you like to have a look at the garden?"

i would indeed young lady

walking 20 meters... i will call you Bill

my name is Naam not Bill!

i meant B.I.L.

i told you my name is Naam!

B.I.L. means BROTHER-IN-LAW

you mean?

all set B.I.L.! when you got out of the car my mother said "he has a good strong build and does not look like Gengis Khan, we were wrongly informed"

that was of course not the end of the story but my wife took the second bottle of Port away

Nice story naam. Have to read betweenh the lines to get the full picture from the condensed version though.

Yep, definitely on ketracel-white...

got two PMs yesterday referring to my personal post in Bedlam with a few questions embedded. to satisfy the [benign] curiosity i opened a second bottle of port which might enable me to give an honest (but "slightly" exaggerated) background report. the questions were centered on the background, respectively nationality of my beloved wife. i'll try do do it in some form of a puzzle and wonder who's the first to solve it.

september 1979, flight from Jeddah to Frankfurt

...............(snip for brevity)

all set B.I.L.! when you got out of the car my mother said "he has a good strong build and does not look like Gengis Khan, we were wrongly informed"

that was of course not the end of the story but my wife took the second bottle of Port away

555!

Excellent Post, Naam! well done.

PS: I'll have whatever Worf's having!

Welcome Naam,

I sense Havoc!!!

Someone, anyone, for Heavens Sake Ping, keep the Ketracel-White handy, because I think we are going to need a bigger boat.............

Moss

that was of course not the end of the story but my wife took the second bottle of Port away

We want more...We want more...We want more...We want more...We want more...We want more...

Mrs Naam, give him the freakin Port back

that was of course not the end of the story but my wife took the second bottle of Port away

We want more...We want more...We want more...We want more...We want more...We want more...

Mrs Naam, give him the freakin Port back

presently Mrs Naam is not in control of my alcohol consumption. she took a flight yesterday to visit (as she does every two months) her 91year old mother. since a couple of years i refuse to visit/see my beloved mom-in-law because it breaks my heart when she asks me "have we met before?" or asks others in my presence "who's that old man with the white hair?"

Alzheimer's is a bigger burden to bear for the relatives than it is for the patient.

Very sad, Naam. It is at least encouraging to know that apparently 'they' are not far from a treatment that will curtail further deterioration. (Can't remember whether they think the treatment will reverse it, but I suspect not. Doubtless something on the Web about it if you are interested, but unlikely to be of use for your current unfortunate situation with MIL.)

Very sad, Naam. It is at least encouraging to know that apparently 'they' are not far from a treatment that will curtail further deterioration. (Can't remember whether they think the treatment will reverse it, but I suspect not. Doubtless something on the Web about it if you are interested, but unlikely to be of use for your current unfortunate situation with MIL.)

thanks for your consoling words Ping. we have explored all avenues and by administering all sorts of medication further deterioration has indeed stopped. unfortunately there are no recognizable reverse effects. but during a certain period of time (several days) she has "light" moments, recognizes her daughter and is even capable of conducting a sensible discussion for several minutes. but in this respect i am a godd@mn coward. just can't bear it. it's far worse than those last days i spend with my mother who died in my arms giving me with a clear mind detailed instructions how she wants her funeral to be arranged and in what ways i have to assist my "unworldly" dad.

that was of course not the end of the story but my wife took the second bottle of Port away

We want more...We want more...We want more...We want more...We want more...We want more...

Mrs Naam, give him the freakin Port back

presently Mrs Naam is not in control of my alcohol consumption. she took a flight yesterday to visit (as she does every two months) her 91year old mother. since a couple of years i refuse to visit/see my beloved mom-in-law because it breaks my heart when she asks me "have we met before?" or asks others in my presence "who's that old man with the white hair?"

Alzheimer's is a bigger burden to bear for the relatives than it is for the patient.

Sorry to hear that Naam. I know only too well through personal experience, what your going through and your right about about the burden on the relatives.

Good luck sir

Very sad, Naam. It is at least encouraging to know that apparently 'they' are not far from a treatment that will curtail further deterioration. (Can't remember whether they think the treatment will reverse it, but I suspect not. Doubtless something on the Web about it if you are interested, but unlikely to be of use for your current unfortunate situation with MIL.)

Telegraph.co.uk from Today

I feel like all of our family members here sad for you, but one thing you must remember never be a "godd@mn coward', that is not fair of you to the family.

Kan Win

I feel like all of our family members here sad for you, but one thing you must remember never be a "godd@mn coward', that is not fair of you to the family.

Kan Win

yesterday evening (after several attempts during daytime) she recognised me on skype video and even talked to me for a minute. then it was over and out and i was crying bitterly.

Sorry to hear that Naam, I have avoided posting on here for the last few days as I was waiting for someone else to lighten the mood, but I will try.

Stumbled across this by accident, I have read veiled references to Bedlam in the general forum, but not really understood what it was about. I have had a bit of a lurk so think I am with it now. Particularly enjoyed the sexy bum thread.

Brief life history - I am 35, born and bred in a small seaside town in Devon, England, called Exmouth. After studying economics at Uni I got a job at the tender age of 22 as a financial advisor for a large UK bank. Worked my way up the corporate ladder and became a regional manager covering 3 counties - Devon, Cornwall, and Somerset. After 3 years on the road I decided this was not the life for me so 'retired' at 32 and came to live here.

I have a house between Jomtien and Pattaya and never been happier.

Big rugby fan, can't abide football. Put some of these premadonnas on a rugby pitch and see how long they last. I was contemplating buying a Welsh shirt last night, and changing my online name to Breadofheaven, but England scraped through - just!

Played hooker at county level before my career was cut short at 25 yrs old by a nasty back injury. (For the unitiated this is not a sex worker, but the insane fool who stands between the 2 props in the front row of a scrum). Try to play golf now and again, but I really am <deleted>.

Anyway I have alot of catching up to do on this forum, so will bid you farewell for now. I have a hangover from hel_l and really can't think of anything funny to add right now, but you load it and I'll shoot it!

SC

Well then, Chariot, let me be the first to welcome you to the asylum. You will see that there are some formal forum rules that apply, but there are also rules of usage that inmates are expected to observe:

1. You must regularly report to the wards (threads) of this institution for your medication as prescribed by Dr Thorndyke and administered by Nurse Diesel.

2. You are an inmate for *life - you can check out any time you want, but you can never leave. *Natural death or suicide are permissible excuses - being banned is affectionately referred to as suicide.

3. Moments of sanity are frowned upon, however we appreciate that some patients are temporarily lucid after receiving their day's medication, so the occasional meaningful post is acceptable.

4. You will note that we have an archives building located down a dark, dismal lane to the rear of the main building. A padlock has been applied to the door of the archives as a necessary measure to inhibit our padded cell inmates from fossicking through whilst on their daily stroll around the gardens. Unfortunately, the padlock is quite old and rather easy to pick.

Now, off to Dr Thorndyke with you!

Welcome to the banana carrot and pepper head.

Welcome sweetchariot! Follow Ping's advice, keep your nose clean, get posting and take care of your personal hygene. Oh, and don't swallow anything unless it's been prescribed!