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wow glauka - 6 years in Scotland - lucky you!!

PS. I am from Aberdeen - did you ever go there?

not I am afraid I have never been I have visited the highlands several times but I never went there. I feel edinburgh as my second homeland, I had a woderful time there. I hope to come back soon, but just for holidays, though.

The details of my life are quite inconsequential, however if you insist

My father was a relentlessly self improving lingerie owner from Belgium with no great resistance for narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old prostitute named Cloe with webbed feet. My father would womanise, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, such as that the invented the question mark.

Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. He had the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the Spring we would make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with ropes. Pretty standard really.

At age eleven I received my first scribe. At age 14 a Rostrian named Wilma ritually shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a well shorn scrotum. Its breathtaking really, I suggest you try it.

Now I am hiding out in the Northern Regions of Thailand as I prepare to embark on my fiendishly clever plan which is to first take over Thai Visa and then the world

BRAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Crow Boy

  • Author

Nice one CB. However, stay off the mind expanding drugs!

Nice one CB. However, stay off the mind expanding drugs!

I used it in my last psych evaluation and I passed.

Pleased you enjoyed it but alas I cannot claim credit - is an extract from Dr Evil in Austin Powers - disc 1 with the every delightful Liz Hurley Hmmmmmmmm

CB

  • Author

Oh what a shame. I thought it was original... I enjoyed it though!

The details of my life are quite inconsequential, however if you insist

My father was a relentlessly self improving lingerie owner from Belgium with no great resistance for narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15 year old prostitute named Cloe with webbed feet. My father would womanise, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, such as that the invented the question mark.

Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. He had the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.

My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the Spring we would make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with ropes. Pretty standard really.

At age eleven I received my first scribe. At age 14 a Rostrian named Wilma ritually shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a well shorn scrotum. Its breathtaking really, I suggest you try it.

Now I am hiding out in the Northern Regions of Thailand as I prepare to embark on my fiendishly clever plan which is to first take over Thai Visa and then the world

BRAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Crow Boy

I was rather hoping that was original too. Funny as <deleted>.kc.... a belgian mate of mine wrote the following, which he assures me i his original piece...

I’m a successful professional actors' agent. Some of my clients include Shawn Penncil, Matt Demon, Grant Hughes and Linda Windowsill ••• I was abducted by a UFO once, but later I turned out to bé the UFO so I released myself unprobed. Most unprecedented. ######in 'ell. ••• Back in the days when I was still giving meditation workshops to Korean monks, I was able, through meditation only, to transform myself into the 1996 Olympic Games, a feat which earned me an Oscar in the Best Transformation Into A City, Building Or Event category for my part in a movie starring Shawn Penncil, Matt Demon, Grant Hughes and Linda Windowsill ••• I have an imaginary therapist ••• Furthermore, I'm mad as a loon. One time I re-invented yoghurt, but didn’t. ••• Triple M: Mates-Music-Movies ••• People coming up asking for pills are annoying ••• This other time I couldn’t reach something in the closet, so I took a chair ••• While raking the leaves, I accidentally proved that the number 5, as well as the entire concept of 5, are fictional and forced upon us by mathematicians in an evil attempt to enslave us all. However, I was brutally slain in the ensuing rebellion, fighting for a 5-free society. ••• Also, I've somehow fallen down a few times during my lifetime. Extensive personal research has shown that this was mainly due to losing my balance prior to falling. ••• I stand crosslegged on my head each day, with my hands on my knees like an upside down pyramid, facing north, in either my bedroom, the front garden or on the rooftop, depending on the weather conditions, so as to discourage methodologists, the enemies of the Earth, from further methodologizing ••• The name N-KonspiQus is ancient Maya. It means “apple juice”. ••• Stubble ••• Football. Nuff said. ••• I was the runner-up of last year’s letter “k”-pronunciation World Championships ••• They say I’m absurd but in the meantime, Humphrey the firefly has been wearing jeans to work all week. Go figure. ::: WARNING ::: DRAMATIZATION ::: Some of the facts or events described here might be exaggerated or made up for no reason :::

Hi folk's!

It would appear i have been allowed in here :o

As you can see i'm mark, 25 year old car salesman from oxford,

I love.....

My wonderful Fiance

My football team (the mighty spurs)

And Thailand ,

I dislike.....

My job

The cold

And arsenal football club(only joking Mig)

Pretty much in that order really

hope your all ok!

Cheers,

Mark Reed

the more I see of Mark's posts the more Im convinced hes a closet fan :o either of Arsenal or of one of our players :D

I dont think a day goes by that he doesnt visit the Arsenal thread....and when he doesnt then hes making reference to us elsewhere :D

well done boy :D

:o:D

:D to bedlam Oh Spurrious one,

It's fairly peaceful/subdued in here these days (there was a coup recently) but we've a good crowd of folk in here.

Enjoy!

Kayo :D

  • Author
:o:D

:D to bedlam Oh Spurrious one,

It's fairly peaceful/subdued in here these days (there was a coup recently) but we've a good crowd of folk in here.

Enjoy!

Kayo :D

You mean a few of us spat out our medication cos a certain 'medical attendant' threw a wobbler!!! Still, it's all okay now!!!

ps welcome mark!

Hello, I'm 36 from London.

I did an electronic engineering degree then went into Broadcasting, ending up in International development for a high-tec London based digitalTV company.

Got a Mongolian girlfriend in London, and after a few years gave up my well paid job to go and live in Ulaan Bataar... what a <deleted>.

I've also lived in Australia, New Zealand, Korea, Japan, and for the last four years or so Thailand.

I support the mighty blues. Ipswich Town.

Hello, I'm 36 from London.

I did an electronic engineering degree then went into Broadcasting, ending up in International development for a high-tec London based digitalTV company.

Got a Mongolian girlfriend in London, and after a few years gave up my well paid job to go and live in Ulaan Bataar... what a <deleted>.

I've also lived in Australia, New Zealand, Korea, Japan, and for the last four years or so Thailand.

I support the mighty blues. Ipswich Town.

Welcome, you sound like a very interesting chap. Well travelled, monied and smart.

I think that Norwich are scum, but are are top chap.

I've a feeling jas the Jazzmataz is gonna be bringing some some spices to bedlam :o

good on ya matey.. right off to check this new thread.. who'd ya most like to.... for intellectual reasons of course.

we had clinical cases with multiple personalities in the past, but they usually had individual nicks for their various alter-egos (see Scampy and his re-incarnations...)...but our latest addition is a novum...interesting case...we have to study him a bit...

Got a Mongolian girlfriend in London,

I went to one of those barbecues once. Really tastey :D

after a few years gave up my well paid job to go and live in Ulaan Bataar... what a <deleted>.

:o:D

Guess they don't have much call for Digital broadcasting there then :D

Mr BoJ! :o

You ate a girl off a BBQ once? you mean, as foodstuff? or sexually?

Pshh... It's getting too hot in here!

Mr BoJ! :o

You ate a girl off a BBQ once? you mean, as foodstuff? or sexually?

:D:D

Foodstuff kayo. Have never been to a Mongolian barbecue? Eat all you can and cook it yourself. :D

  • Author

They are fab. Loads of them in Thailand!

I went to a Mongolian's BBQ once, it was crap he couldn't cook.

:o Yeah, I went to one, several times, in amsterdam.

They were all polish though :D

Nothing Mongolian about them though.

I went to the one in London (just of Leicester Sq) on one of my first dates, wanting to impress the Mongolian. She wasn't impressed.

In Mongolia, they don't have Korean style BBQ's.

(Actually one or two have opened and closed in the last couple of years.)

  • 3 weeks later...

Congratulations Burnsie. A lucky lady. You've both done well. :o

Congratulations Burnsie. A lucky lady. You've both done well. :D

Yeah I even wore a suit...... :o

Thanks OC

Congratulations

Good luck to you both

Mark

Are we still on intros?

I............

I...............

Oh bugger, forgot what I wanted to say.

  • Author
Are we still on intros?

I............

I...............

Oh bugger, forgot what I wanted to say.

Go on, you know you want to!

  • 2 weeks later...
Hi, Phil. A few words of welcome.

Don't order anything Kayo says he can hustle in for you (he's just a pink elephant, couldn't even get Rita Hayworth), the constant clamour from the special ward is just Boon Mee, TAWP and Spee whistling Dixie, Terence and DJT dancing in their katoey revue, Raro playing the same three chords from a Geldorf song all day with Tuky, Lao Po, Tony C, and Lampard singing backup vocals, and the sound you don't hear is one Thai bebobbing. The lisping quacks and rustle of feathers comes from our very own Little Black Duck; if you are nice (give him bits of bread and your bathtub slot time), he will provide fallen feathers to soften your bed. Thaddeus just runs around all day poking inmates with a fork, while TripX controls the Bedlam tokens and slot machines.

Jayenram and Svenivan are the old gits lurking in the toilets in their trench coats with socks and flipflops. When you pull the string in Moss Finn's back, he says "good luck" ten times, and Mid is the geezer carrying around the musty shipwreck in a bottle. Samui Jens coats himself with sand every morning and runs around gibbering "the beeech, the beeech." I don't know what KerryD does; he only sneaks out of his retraints on rare occasions to offer special cookies to the sick and wounded.

On the downside, a gas tank tiger teaches liturgical studies, Soph keeps doing a striptease to "God Save the Queen" and Tutsi serves as our master chef -- tick him off once and you get cold, super size McD for the rest of your unworthy life. Leisurely sings lullabies and leads basketweaving classes. Robski sits on his cell window ledge and coos and craps on everybody. Dan Sai is really Rick James, but all he says is "I'm dead, b*tch."

Farangsay and Bojangles are intimately involved, but you have to pretend that's a big, fat, f**ing lie. Still, your money won't go wasted if you back them in the ping pong tournies against the uniforms. November Rain and MiG are in charge of training (sit and extend a paw, and you get a treat). Lannarebirth is their favourite, so don't expect anything when he is about.

Anyone I have not mentioned is in solitary; they get way more perks that the general population. But you don't want to go there.

You will be hounded to join BSB or <deleted>, but neither have a platform or policies. They just want your extra rations.

I am in charge of tress lashing, dispensed at whim when none of the squad is circling.

I heard you got 13B. Hope you have better luck than, well...as Moss Finn says, Good Luck.

Yours in common bondage,

Jet

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