Stand up for newbies

[Been around]

When I was new I played by the rules of farang husband and Isaan wife and I was lucky that I chose well. However after 10 years and seeing a lot of guys chewed up and spat out I decided to speak openly to a new guy this year. He is from New Zealand, usual age gap and met her at gogo soi 3. Green as can be he has dropped 10 million in six months on the usual marriage house land . I know her and she is a snake.

in front of her , my wife , others and I told him to slow down and cited cases of guys flipped after a couple of years. 

I could see he had never been told and hopefully woke him up a bit. The snake went crazy next couple of days to try and paint me bad to whole villa, but I have found new freedom in not giving a shit. 

I am still polite to all but I feel we should stick together more in a hostile environment and look out for the newbies 

[BobBKK]

I feel for him but people have to take self-responsibility but they take more care and research when buying a car. Caveat Emptor but personally I would never trust a Thai (sorry) and for guys that come over and feel that 20+ age gap "doesn't matter because she loves me" are asking to be rolled over. 

Think FIRST would a girl 20+ year younger want you in your own country?  possible but highly unlikely and she's after your security. Very practical the Thais. Of course happiness still can be found if you realize the "deal" and are content with it. 

[OneMoreFarang]

Funny, you post as “Been around” and are a Newbie and this is your second post.

If you would have been around then you should know that most guys don’t want to hear any of this. And obviously the women (in this case the “snake”) won’t like it at all. So who do you help with speaking up? You don’t help the guy, you don’t help his gf/wife, and likely you will make a lot of enemies with people around. A clear lose-lose situation.

The only thing you did was tell yourself: I warned him, I am the good guy. Good luck with that.

[csabo]

I know a nice guy, hooked up with a bar whore. "Loves" her to death. Pays for cars and computers and land and homes all in cash she is spoiled like crazy and the second she doesn't get what she wants she blocks him on Facebook until he buys her something else. Last time it was new PCX. Then she goes on FB and posts exactly how she did this to him and all her friends have a good laugh. I on the otherhand helped my GF get her two successful businesses off the ground and gave her deposits for her bike and her car but she makes all the payments herself and the businesses pay for themselves and turn profits. I did this to help her build her credit score and to teach her about economics and being self sufficient which will benefit her no matter what happens to me and also shows that she stays with me regardless of money. The aforementioned whore had the BALLS to go on FB making comments that it was unfathomable that I would not just buy all these things for my GF outright. I blocked her BF from all my social media immediately. I don't want to see it when his entire world goes to complete shit. Should be any minute now. Mind you this girl is an ex cash for gash pimple face porker whose voice could shatter glass. You can't figure some guys out. 

[soistalker]

The longest relationship that you should get into with a Thai woman is 45 minutes

[Acemaker]

5 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Funny, you post as “Been around” and are a Newbie and this is your second post.

If you would have been around then you should know that most guys don’t want to hear any of this. And obviously the women (in this case the “snake”) won’t like it at all. So who do you help with speaking up? You don’t help the guy, you don’t help his gf/wife, and likely you will make a lot of enemies with people around. A clear lose-lose situation.

The only thing you did was tell yourself: I warned him, I am the good guy. Good luck with that.

Just because its only his second post doesnt mean he hasnt been around, hmmm, so Thai Visa is now where you come in order to show that youve been around is it,    you sound to me like one of those know all Barstool types, giving the Guy crap because he thought it was the right thing to do to tell the inexperienced Green as Grass Guy to cool it with his Money, especially since shes a known Snake, i bet there are many on here who wish they had a Friend like that to reign them in and show them the Ropes when they first arrived, some of us are actually good hearted people and feel its only right and proper to speak up if we see that a fellow Westerner, Friend, or not is being scammed instead of sitting idly by with our Arms folded so we can have a good laugh afterwards.

[OneMoreFarang]

40 minutes ago, Acemaker said:

Just because its only his second post doesnt mean he hasnt been around, hmmm, so Thai Visa is now where you come in order to show that youve been around is it,    you sound to me like one of those know all Barstool types, giving the Guy crap because he thought it was the right thing to do to tell the inexperienced Green as Grass Guy to cool it with his Money, especially since shes a known Snake, i bet there are many on here who wish they had a Friend like that to reign them in and show them the Ropes when they first arrived, some of us are actually good hearted people and feel its only right and proper to speak up if we see that a fellow Westerner, Friend, or not is being scammed instead of sitting idly by with our Arms folded so we can have a good laugh afterwards.

How often did you try to warn someone? In theory it's a noble idea to warn other people. But in real life that often does not work. Anybody who is around some time in Thailand heard many times "my one is different, she would never do that".

Lots of guy who tried to warn others were blamed for breaking up the happy relationships, etc.

The problem is that most guys think they know better and it can never happen to them. It's true love for them and totally different to all the other cases where the women only wanted money. "She loves me, 100% sure" is what many guys think. And there is no way to explain to them that maybe she does not love them.

When I was relative new in Thailand (maybe a year or two) I tried to warn a few guys. They didn't want to hear it. So now I wish them luck and that's it. And I don't remember any guy who ever received thanks for his warning.

 

 

 

[NanLaew]

1 hour ago, csabo said:

Mind you this girl is an ex cash for gash pimple face porker whose voice could shatter glass.

Does she have a sister?

[NanLaew]

14 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

When I was relative new in Thailand (maybe a year or two) I tried to warn a few guys. They didn't want to hear it. So now I wish them luck and that's it. And I don't remember any guy who ever received thanks for his warning.

My experience as well. One guy was my business partner and despite being advised to tread carefully with his girlfriend by other mutual friends, he went ahead, got married, made his bed and the motorcycle taxi guy laid in it while he was away at work.

[Been around]

Hi one more farang , interesting to know that the more posts you make the more wise you are , but anyway I am talking specifically to newbies in my small village , not at a bar or in Bangkok , but anyway I guess giving up is part of the experience for a lot of us hence the post

[heybuz]

I think we all have to make our own mistakes.

[Peterw42]

1 hour ago, soistalker said:

The longest relationship that you should get into with a Thai woman is 45 minutes

Great advice but I am at a loss what to do for the other 40 minutes.

[OneMoreFarang]

24 minutes ago, Been around said:

Hi one more farang , interesting to know that the more posts you make the more wise you are , but anyway I am talking specifically to newbies in my small village , not at a bar or in Bangkok , but anyway I guess giving up is part of the experience for a lot of us hence the post

I am sure you have good intentions. But I would like to know your experience with telling other guys that they have the wrong wife/gf. How many guys did you tell that and how many appreciated what you did? And how many told you their wife/gf is different and such a good girl and you have the problem because you don't see how happy they are?

[Peterw42]

You can always send a copy of "Private Dancer", anonymously, or recommend that a newbie read it.. I got a mate to read it and it changed his views on things.

[OneMoreFarang]

1 minute ago, Peterw42 said:

You can always send a copy of "Private Dancer", anonymously, or recommend that a newbie read it.. I got a mate to read it and it changed his views on things.

In principle you are right.

But I remember a girl from that book, I think her name was Sunan, who was very professional and at the end she married an American and they were happy ever after.

There is a good chance the receiver of the book will think he has a Sunan..

[soistalker]

28 minutes ago, Peterw42 said:

Great advice but I am at a loss what to do for the other 40 minutes.

You get out of the way and let the girls go at it.

[4MyEgo]

12 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

I am sure you have good intentions. But I would like to know your experience with telling other guys that they have the wrong wife/gf. How many guys did you tell that and how many appreciated what you did? And how many told you their wife/gf is different and such a good girl and you have the problem because you don't see how happy they are?

You have a good point, however, a bloke has got to do what a bloke has got to do, an example would be me, I have warned a few blokes to be off certain women, i.e. I cannot stand a bloke being fleeced by a snake, it just ain't right !

 

My Mrs has a sister who had a farang that I met in the village, he came up to meet the parents and stay for a couple of weeks. Shortly after he arrived it was off to Lotus with the family, aunties and the like, 4 trolley's in line, full as can be at the check out, suffice to say, he paid for it, and then it was off to the gold shop, and of course he kept giving dad and mum money and paying for everything and everyone, thing is he was about a million $'s short of me, and I said to him, Steve, are you rich, no way mate he said, so I said, then why you throwing your money at them, with his reply being, look at them, they have nothing, I said to him, is everything as you see it, he said yeh, why, I said do you think there could be someone else, no way, why, I said do you know what she is up to when you re not here, yeh why, I said what's that, he said she cooks and cleans the house for mumma and pappa, she is a good girl, I said, mate, there are no good girls, including her sister that I married, and my advise to you would be to stop throwing your money around because you have raised the bar and this level will be expected from you each and every time you come over.

 

I think he took my advice or stretched his credit card to its limit because he was complaining a few days later that the sister won't sleep with him and he was as horny as a dog, so I said when is the last time you slept with her, he said, about 3 months ago when I met her in Phuket, suffice to say, I said you know what mate, there are plenty of fish in Thailand, go back to Phuket, hook up with your mates and have a good time, just don't go throwing your hard earned $'s away, and don't be a mug to any pussy.

 

He then has a big argument with the sister, and told her what I said, mumma and puppa rushed to his aid and abused her, telling her to sleep with him, get money from him, I understand a little Thai, then the mumma gives my Mrs a serve complaining that I started it by telling him to go back to Phuket, with my Mrs saying and what do you suggest I tell my husband, to shut his mouth, ha...good luck with that, he is a farang, he speaks the truth, doesn't he, suffice to say there was no warmth coming my way from mumma, puppa or the sister, just the way I like it, after all, who wants to be within Cooee of snakes laying in the grass.

 

The moral of the story is, if you don't feel comfortable about what you see happening, speak up, its up to the other side to open their eyes, or leave them shut, and just because you do the right thing, doesn't mean you will be rewarded.

 

Fortunately of the 4 blokes I have warned, 3 listened, the other who is now married will stand to lose a hell of a lot if it goes pear shape, all becuase of a piece of paper which entitles her to what he has, one kid 65%-70%, two kids 75%-85%, 3 kids might as well go to Pattaya and jump off a tall building  I hope that is not the case.

[4MyEgo]

1 hour ago, Been around said:

Hi one more farang , interesting to know that the more posts you make the more wise you are , but anyway I am talking specifically to newbies in my small village , not at a bar or in Bangkok , but anyway I guess giving up is part of the experience for a lot of us hence the post

You have my respect Been around, welcome to TVF

[catman20]

2 hours ago, soistalker said:

The longest relationship that you should get into with a Thai woman is 45 minutes

that long ? 

[SunSeek01]

47 minutes ago, OneMoreFarang said:

In principle you are right.

But I remember a girl from that book, I think her name was Sunan, who was very professional and at the end she married an American and they were happy ever after.

There is a good chance the receiver of the book will think he has a Sunan..

Wow after about 15 years after I read Private Dancer, I didn't remember she married an American! I have actually sent PD book to two of my friends. I'm married happily so far for 5 years, she's 10 years younger. I do remember the Thai BF part of the book, really well! I was dumb lucky probably when my wife married me. 

[OneMoreFarang]

27 minutes ago, SunSeek01 said:

Wow after about 15 years after I read Private Dancer, I didn't remember she married an American! I have actually sent PD book to two of my friends. I'm married happily so far for 5 years, she's 10 years younger. I do remember the Thai BF part of the book, really well! I was dumb lucky probably when my wife married me. 

Private Dancer was first published in pdf format for free download on Stephen Leather's website. I am not sure if it is still on his site but I am sure it should be easy to find it somewhere.

Or go and ask Stephen. He is often enough in Soi Cowboy.

[totally thaied up]

50 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

The moral of the story is, if you don't feel comfortable about what you see happening, speak up, its up to the other side to open their eyes, or leave them shut, and just because you do the right thing, doesn't mean you will be rewarded.

That's pretty correct

 

I am an Australian. I won't stand around to see my long-term mates get shafted by anyone. Will I do this for someone I really do not know? Maybe (well, I have before but cautiously), but generally after getting to know if the guy is a stand-up type of fellow, or weak as piss type of character, I will act like thinking is the guy worth it?

 

Some are. Some are not. I gather you get my drift. 

I know so many girls just in our village stringing along a few farangs; never need to work, gamble, gold on the arm, Thai guys on the side but the idiot farang boyfriends never seeing this. Too busy in Europe working and when it does break, another is on the hook soon. The number of local Ladyboys pulling this stunt online and being sent money are laughable!

I never say that much about people as everyone is so different, yet just because she does not work in a bar mean that a village girl using Badoo cannot make a lot of money off it. There are closed secret Facebook groups as well, and I can tell you, what I have seen alone in that, precisely in our area, astounded me.

Of course, a lot of good Thai people but it takes time and a cautious approach to find. If you got plenty of time on your hands, it is easy to find someone okay. Most friends are only here for a short time, and I think that is the major problem. Until they want to spend a long time adjacent in this country and really want to look around, maybe that '45-minute rule' is good enough for most of them.

 

If you don't want that, I am sorry, you got to go further afield and take your time, learn some Thai and not stress about this whole business.

 

There is good an bad here, 'both ways' like anywhere else in this world.In fact, I think here it is more open and easy to see.

[smotherb]

9 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

Funny, you post as “Been around” and are a Newbie and this is your second post.

If you would have been around then you should know that most guys don’t want to hear any of this. And obviously the women (in this case the “snake”) won’t like it at all. So who do you help with speaking up? You don’t help the guy, you don’t help his gf/wife, and likely you will make a lot of enemies with people around. A clear lose-lose situation.

The only thing you did was tell yourself: I warned him, I am the good guy. Good luck with that.

While I agree it is most often a losing situation; I cannot help but think I would want a friend to tell me. I have known many similar situations with Western men and SEA women over the last 51 years as an expat. I have kept my mouth shut, I have tried to orchestrate a comparative example, and I have stuck my nose in the middle of it. When I kept my mouth shut, I saw friends cuckolded and drained. When I tried examples, I saw obliviousness to their situation. When I did stick my nose into it, I have been told to mind my own business, not just by the victim, but by mutual friends. In the worst case, I lost a 20-year friend by telling him his sweet thing was a snake; even after finding out himself and booting her out the door, he still will not speak to me. However, about two years ago, I stuck my nose into another cuckolding situation that was none of my business.  He listened, saw the girl for what she was, and broke-off the relationship. He says he appreciates the fact I stuck my nose into his business.  I only wish my 20-year friend could see it that way.

[smotherb]

4 hours ago, soistalker said:

The longest relationship that you should get into with a Thai woman is 45 minutes

A short time mentality produces short time results.

[smotherb]

3 hours ago, heybuz said:

I think we all have to make our own mistakes.

I don't know anyone else who makes mistakes for you.

[smotherb]

2 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

You have a good point, however, a bloke has got to do what a bloke has got to do, an example would be me, I have warned a few blokes to be off certain women, i.e. I cannot stand a bloke being fleeced by a snake, it just ain't right !

 

My Mrs has a sister who had a farang that I met in the village, he came up to meet the parents and stay for a couple of weeks. Shortly after he arrived it was off to Lotus with the family, aunties and the like, 4 trolley's in line, full as can be at the check out, suffice to say, he paid for it, and then it was off to the gold shop, and of course he kept giving dad and mum money and paying for everything and everyone, thing is he was about a million $'s short of me, and I said to him, Steve, are you rich, no way mate he said, so I said, then why you throwing your money at them, with his reply being, look at them, they have nothing, I said to him, is everything as you see it, he said yeh, why, I said do you think there could be someone else, no way, why, I said do you know what she is up to when you re not here, yeh why, I said what's that, he said she cooks and cleans the house for mumma and pappa, she is a good girl, I said, mate, there are no good girls, including her sister that I married, and my advise to you would be to stop throwing your money around because you have raised the bar and this level will be expected from you each and every time you come over.

 

I think he took my advice or stretched his credit card to its limit because he was complaining a few days later that the sister won't sleep with him and he was as horny as a dog, so I said when is the last time you slept with her, he said, about 3 months ago when I met her in Phuket, suffice to say, I said you know what mate, there are plenty of fish in Thailand, go back to Phuket, hook up with your mates and have a good time, just don't go throwing your hard earned $'s away, and don't be a mug to any pussy.

 

He then has a big argument with the sister, and told her what I said, mumma and puppa rushed to his aid and abused her, telling her to sleep with him, get money from him, I understand a little Thai, then the mumma gives my Mrs a serve complaining that I started it by telling him to go back to Phuket, with my Mrs saying and what do you suggest I tell my husband, to shut his mouth, ha...good luck with that, he is a farang, he speaks the truth, doesn't he, suffice to say there was no warmth coming my way from mumma, puppa or the sister, just the way I like it, after all, who wants to be within Cooee of snakes laying in the grass.

 

The moral of the story is, if you don't feel comfortable about what you see happening, speak up, its up to the other side to open their eyes, or leave them shut, and just because you do the right thing, doesn't mean you will be rewarded.

 

Fortunately of the 4 blokes I have warned, 3 listened, the other who is now married will stand to lose a hell of a lot if it goes pear shape, all becuase of a piece of paper which entitles her to what he has, one kid 65%-70%, two kids 75%-85%, 3 kids might as well go to Pattaya and jump off a tall building  I hope that is not the case.

While I agree in principle that you owe a friend the advice; you need to be sure it is true and not just  slanted with your bias. You say, " I said, mate, there are no good girls, including her sister that I married "  If you believe that, and it appears many here on TV believe it too; I can only feel sorry for you. It must be true hell to think that over half the people in this world are out to make fools of the others.

[NanLaew]

4 hours ago, Been around said:

but anyway I am talking specifically to newbies in my small village ,

The sure-fire, fast-track way to becoming 'Billy No-mates', nursing your beer in the corner all by yourself.

 

3 hours ago, OneMoreFarang said:

There is a good chance the receiver of the book will think he has a Sunan..

I bar-fined a Sunan... and her sister.

 

I heard they both married Americans.

[Rc2702]

5 hours ago, soistalker said:

The longest relationship that you should get into with a Thai woman is 45 minutes

What did you so for the other 43 minutes?

[Gecko123]

Most Thai women exchange notes about the men in their lives very freely. Thai men are also full of scouting reports about the women in their area and don't hesitate to share their knowledge, which can sometimes sound like a Christopher Steele dossier on Trump. 

 

It's only foreign men, almost to a man all thinking they are smarter than the average bear, who fail to benefit from this social intelligence sharing.

We often refuse to give credence to any confidential tips or words to the wise we receive, and then invariably throw the other foreigner under the bus by recklessly attributing the source directly back to him. This puts us at a huge disadvantage.

 

If the Thai woman who is taking the guy for a ride has so much as an inkling that you "know too much" or are likely to fill her hubby's ears with cautionary tales, chances are she will preemptively tell him some made-up or wildly distorted stories about you and why you are best steered clear of. And because it flatters the guy's ego to think he's more alpha, he's all too willing to heed this advice and keep his distance or discount anything you tell him. I have seen many men in my area come, get milked, and then leave with their tail between their legs. Almost none of them made much effort to pick my brain or get the lay of the land, even though many of them obviously struggled to adjust. Some of this may be run of the mill farang anti-social behavior, but I strongly suspect that quite a bit of it is driven by manipulative wives who want to keep their hubbies in the dark and who have identified me as a man who "knows too much."

 

The point I'm making is that the problem here isn't always some guy sticking his nose in someone else's business. If the cycle of guys being financially taken advantage of while momentarily blinded by lust or confused by cultural disorientation is to be broken, we not only have to start talking to one another more, we have to start LISTENING to and trusting one another more as well. 

[swissie]

Not sure if "newbies" can be "educated".
Those stories have a similar beginning and a similar ending.

- Farang decides to retire in Thailand. Soon finds nice lady. He has a vague idea that there might be certain dangers involved in a Farang/Thai relationship but he has already reached the conclusion that "mine is different". So, naturally, all those concerns are best ignored, as they would never affect him personally.

- Next, a "natural chain of events" takes place: Marriage, House-Building on Family Land. Happy, happy, happy.

As time goes by, sighns may emerge that this marriage is seen by the Thai Family mainly as a way to better their life.
Farang is puzzled. This is not what he expected. His understanding of love and marriage are shaken and he feels instinctively that this is likely to get worse and not better.

Maybe at this point and even if all the trumpets of Jericho would blare in his ears "This is not going to end well", he will practically have to go into "DENIAL". Why? Because:

- By deciding to move to Thailand, by deciding to get married, by deciding to invest a substancial amount of money, the Farang knows that those decisions would probably be the last major decisions that he would make in his old age.
And now all those crucial decisions should prove to be nothing but a big mistake? Impossible! Unthinkable! It just can't be! Success must be enforced at all cost. At all cost! No alternatives. Trapped in the "Bamboo-Cage".

Under these circumstances, the Farang practically has to go into "DENIAL". Limping along as long as his health and wallet will allow for it.
Cheers.
BTW: The often cited "Never invest more than you can't walk away from" is easy to say. Few Farangs could walk away from a 5 million Bht investement without blinking an eye, commenting it with a nonchalant "may pen rai".