My Thai girlfriend got pregnant (4.5 months) - we've thought this through and think adoption is the best option

[brewsterbudgen]

Whilst I'm not taking one side or the other on abortion, you'll find it's quite legal in Thailand for a variety of reasons, much closer to the law in Europe than you think.
This is a better site:
http://www.khaosodenglish.com/news/2017/03/03/abortion-thailand-safe-legal-may-thought/

Correct.

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[jenny2017]

19 hours ago, Christiano9321 said:

She didnt want abortion so it's not an option. It's also way too late now in my opinion. Thank you for your feedback.

When we had the abortions, actually two in 15 months with the same girl, the clinics in Holland said we were too late when it turned out that she's already beginning of the sixth month.

 

I thought well, now you've got to bite the bitter apple and be a daddy, with a girl who slept not only with me. On our way out of a clinic, a nurse gave me a card of a clinic in Leiden, which means suffering, when using the German language.

 

After the abortion when they told me that we'd have had twins, I was asking the doctor, naive as I was, if I could see "them", not really knowing how stupid my question was. Being young and stupid is one thing, and I've got the feeling that this decision created many problems for me in the future.

 

 I'd never ever go for an abortion again, our bigger hospitals have a baby give away door where you can leave a baby at night, without filling out various forms at the hospital. As an abortion isn't a topic for you, I'd still consider thinking about finding a way to let her give birth in a more developed country. The chances of finding a very good family are higher and the education is also a point that should be considered. 

 

Neither the cops nor the parents were informed. And the Indian ex-teacher then opened up an orphanage in the same city. I went to the tourist police I had a good connection with, but they were not interested in doing anything about this freak. A pedo who's running an orphanage was the most disgusting thing I've ever experienced. There's a high possibility that the guy's still in business. Be warned, Thailand is different. 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 14, 2018 by jenny2017
He wanted to buy beer and never came back...

[Stevemercer]

Some unbelievably harsh responses here. So many TV posters seem to be lacking in humanity. Their idea of an argument is to take the moral high ground, refuse any rationale debate and condemn the opposition.

 

Anyway, if you both want to adopt your baby then there are plenty of married couples unable to have children, and desperate for a child.

[Snow Leopard]

It looks like you are to the point or past the point of a safe termination anyway. Have you heard the term "Blood is Thicker than Water" When your baby is born you will change your mind about giving it up for adoption or your girlfriend will do it for you. You are not in the poor house and it isn't the Victorian era. You will find a way to make it work. 

 

You can love a lot of things. You can love a lot of people. You wouldn't die for your Wife, Girlfriend, Mum, Dad or any one else for that matter but you would die for your child. That's how strong the love and bond is. It will give you the greatest pleasures in life. Also some real lows as well. Bit it holds no bounds. 

 

If you want to give away your own flesh and blood then you are not really human. You are just selfish. Having a child and loving a child is what makes us humans.

 

You should have been thinking with the big head and not the little head in the first place. Now you are in this situation you have to face your responsibilities and be a good father. You won't regret it in the long run. Kids don't ruin your life. Only you can do that. Kids enhance your life and help you become a better person. 

 

Keep the baby and do the best you can for her. Try to be a good parent. Its all anyone can ask. 

[eeworldwide]

Why can’t you both look after the child

you made together?

welcome to life sweetheart. People like you are what’s wrong with the world. You just want to play and have fun and accept no responsibility or consequences for actions. Have you any idea how the child will feel and the issues they will have when they know they are adopted? Man up and get your crap together. Pathetic. Abortion is murder so don’t even think about it.

[KClark]

1.  Thank you for ruling out abortion as an option.  

2.  Go to the appropriate agency in your Embassy here in Thailand to get the facts about any options/assistance your country may offer.  I suspect you'll hear more about what they won't do but you should find out regardless.  Can't imagine your govt is looking to voluntarily add to its social welfare roles, but you should get the facts from them.

3.  Have your girlfriend visit the Child Social Welfare office at the address provided by earlier responder, and find out what they can and can't, will and won't do.  You might even want to go along and hear for yourself what they have to say, and they do have English speakers there.

4.  A couple of posters have offered to adopt, another said it was illegal, and yet another countered that.  See 3. above and go get the facts.   My personal experience with this about 15 years ago is it can't happen.  However, you should hear it from the responsible agencies and not settle for someone's opinion.  Sometimes yesterday's truth is not today's truth.  

 

About 15 years ago I worked here with the US Embassy.  A friend told me of a Thai female acquaintance that was pregnant with another foreigner's child, and was in a quandry about what to do.  The foreigner wanted nothing to do with the child and told her he wanted her to abort, and he would pay for it--and that's all he would pay for.  She was just out of college a year or so and trying to get established as a real estate agent.  In her mind, having a baby "alone" would seriously interfere with/inconvenience her professional aspirations. She wasn't keen on turning the child over to the Thai system either and was considering the abortion option.  I spoke with my wife and we agreed to offer to pay all medical expenses and adopt her child.  We wanted her to meet us both and be comfortable her child, should she choose to give birth, would have a loving and caring family to come to.  After some deliberation and several more social meetings, she agreed to our offer.  

Then I went to American Citizen's Services at the US Embassy only to be told the child would never be given US citizenship (wasn't born in poor enough circumstances or something like that), if the Thai Govt allowed us to adopt, which they said wouldn't happen either.  If you want to adopt, you apply to the Thai govt, get vetted and then get on a list and wait.  No jumping the line when you bring in your own "baby momma" kind thing.  I understand why the rules are this way, just wish they had some flexibility to make exceptions in some instances.

We then went with her to the Child Social Welfare office and were told pretty much the same thing.  Thai law didn't allow "steering" of adoptions.  We could apply, get vetted and if approved would take our place in line, and wait.  No guarantee we would be able to adopt her child.

So, armed with all that good news she flew to Singapore and aborted her child.  To this day I get angry thinking about this.  True, it was ultimately her decision, but the inflexible bureaucracies of two governments certainly worked to restrict her options, one of which would have let another wonderful life in this world and made two new parents very happy.

 

If you surrender your daughter to the Thai government you lose control.  Try to figure out a way to keep your daughter, however inconvenient you think it might be.  As many other responders have alluded to, you'll be happy you did.  I wish you both well.

  

[Thingamabob]

None of our business. Man up and make your own decision. You created this problem, you solve it.

[Skeptic7]

Planned Parenthood Thailand

 

http://www.khaosodenglish.com/news/2017/03/03/abortion-thailand-safe-legal-may-thought/

[Kadilo]

35 minutes ago, Stevemercer said:

Some unbelievably harsh responses here. So many TV posters seem to be lacking in humanity. Their idea of an argument is to take the moral high ground, refuse any rationale debate and condemn the opposition.

 

Anyway, if you both want to adopt your baby then there are plenty of married couples unable to have children, and desperate for a child.

Usual TV responses from all the perfect people of the world who have never made a mistake,  who strive to be the Alpha male on an anonymous forum in a veiled attempt to look tougher than the rest. 

 

[jenny2017]

2 hours ago, BestB said:

Yes I break up with girlfriends the moment I realize there is no future , that’s what sensible people do to avoid wasting other person time and mislead them.

You break up with girlfriends, or do they break up with you, as soon as they realize how insecure you really are? How do you realize that there's no future if you've never tried to go any further?

 

   The thread is partly quite fascinating what kind of people are crawling out of their holes. Would you mind to tell us your age? You don't sound like an adult with related experience. "To avoid wasting other person time and mislead them"? Can you explain that, please?  

[jenny2017]

31 minutes ago, Thingamabob said:

None of our business. Man up and make your own decision. You created this problem, you solve it.

What a kind person you are. He'll make his own decisions and I guess he only wants to see some opinions. 

[BestB]

5 minutes ago, jenny2017 said:

You break up with girlfriends, or do they break up with you, as soon as they realize how insecure you really are? How do you realize that there's no future if you've never tried to go any further?

 

   The thread is partly quite fascinating what kind of people are crawling out of their holes. Would you mind to tell us your age? You don't sound like an adult with related experience. "To avoid wasting other person time and mislead them"? Can you explain that, please?  

I realize some things are way beyond certain people’s abilities .

 

so to simplify for you, when I get to know someone and do not see myself accepting their ways or adjusting myself for them I end that relationship because it’s going nowhere and is a waste of time .

 

hopefully you have the ability to process and comprehend the concept 

[BestB]

2 minutes ago, jenny2017 said:

What a kind person you are. He'll make his own decisions and I guess he only wants to see some opinions. 

He is the kind of person who thinks one should take responsibility for his actions instead of seeking approval or sympathy from total strangers on anonymous forum.

[sead]

Then you will be happy to know that in Thailand the grandparents are the ones taking care of the children.  a gift of 15000bht monthly would be more than sufficient and no big money for you. 

[TEFLKrabi]

On 8/12/2018 at 9:49 PM, sanemax said:

The babys life is over , before it began .

You can feel the foetus kicking at that age .

Why not wait until the baby is born and then drown it ?

Are you really so sick?

[DJ54]

It’s a difficult life decision and one that can and will probably haunt you

both for the rest of your life. Maybe not now but in the future. 

 

You need to make sure this decision is 100% your GF desire. Don’t persuade or give her rationale as why to give up for adoption is the best thing. 

 

You state your a business owner so u less the business is failing you have the means to support your child. Whatever the reasons whether it be cramp your life style or? It’s your decision.  

 

Make the decision wisely. Children are wonderful if given a chance parenthood will grow on you. 

 

I’ve two children the youngest born before I was 21. It may or may not be easy but when you children are part of your life and you grow together it’s life’s reward. 

 

Give it a lot of thought and if possible seek counseling. 

 

I find Ind it very strange neither of you have discussed it with you parents.   Why? ......no need to answer but think about it. 

[PeterA]

Don't abort. Too many people want a baby, my wife and I included.

[sanemax]

26 minutes ago, TEFLKrabi said:

Are you really so sick?

I didn't mean it literally , I was making a point

[Deli]

Raising an unwanted child also is not the best for a child's life. Talking of experience made.

Raising her with her family only, somewhere in the middle of nowhere maybe, must not be better either.

Difficult, specially as she is alteady at 4.5 months, where abortion might be difficult.

What about taking her to your country for giving birth and than going through a maybe easier adoption procedure ?

[Guest Jerry787]

whatever you will decide, the idea you got a daughter somewhere that could have called you papa and hug you, will be always on you.

consider a parent/relative fostering , or take  a step above, carry on your youth and twenties with a kind on you, take in positive mood, when she will call you the first time dad,you will love it and whatever sacrifice you would have done, you will be happy.

you are young now, when you 30 or 40, you will seek your daughter and if you find her, what you will tell her ?
i am the guy who give you up for adoption ? 

[GeeKu]

You low-down scroundel! You think getting a girl pregnant is a light-hearted matter. Be honourable now that you have acted dastardly towards the girl - marry her.

[HHTel]

3 hours ago, Deli said:

Difficult, specially as she is alteady at 4.5 months, where abortion might be difficult.

Without giving my opinion, and just to state a fact, the limit for abortion in Thailand is 28 weeks whereas in the UK it's 24 weeks.

I'm sure there are strong feelings both ways, myself included, but this is not a thread about the why's and wherefore's of abortion.

Edited August 14, 2018 by HHTel
spelling

[KonKorat]

Wear a condom fool!

[MyFriend You]

Me and my lady in Vietnam have adopted three kids, one 15 years ago when she was 10, and two just five years ago now 9 & 10 - all you naysayers, 'ask them if adoption was the best thing that ever happened to them'.........clearly HE doesn't want the baby, and HE says SHE doesn't either - I am not here to dispute that, but don't tell him to 'man up', it's their decision (I hope it is their decision, because it certainly is not the normal route Thai Girls take) but better to leave the child with a loving family thru adoption,  than with relatives just waiting for a paycheck every month!!!!!  

 

nuff said, I'll go back to my corner and wait for the bell

[Sheryl]

I do not understand all the negative and judgemental replies. You are clearly acting in a responsible and compassionate manner.

Contact the Holt Sahathai Foundation. It is a thai foundation linked to Holt International which is a reputable international adoption agency.

Be forewarned that, although your GF agrees to adoption now, she may have trouble following through with it after delivery. The hormonal changes are profound and thinking about giving a baby up and actually doing it are quite different experiences.

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[swissie]

1 hour ago, Sheryl said:

I do not understand all the negative and judgemental replies. You are clearly acting in a responsible and compassionate manner.

Contact the Holt Sahathai Foundation. It is a thai foundation linked to Holt International which is a reputable international adoption agency.

Be forewarned that, although your GF agrees to adoption now, she may have trouble following through with it after delivery. The hormonal changes are profound and thinking about giving a baby up and actually doing it are quite different experiences.

Sent from my SM-J701F using Thailand Forum - Thaivisa mobile app
 

It took 144 posts and the comment of a woman that brought this crucial element into this discussion. Better late than never.

Cheers.

[theguyfromanotherforum]

15 minutes ago, swissie said:

It took 144 posts and the comment of a woman that brought this crucial element into this discussion. Better late than never.

Cheers.

 

What crucial element? I completely disagree with Sheryl. How is he clearly acting in a responsible manner? The least he could do was wear a condom.

 

 

Just go to many Thai Facebook pages and see the reaction when people try to get rid of a dog.

 

Yet, posters here a judgemental?

 

So what?

 

 

[swissie]

6 minutes ago, theguyfromanotherforum said:

 

What crucial element? I completely disagree with Sheryl. How is he clearly acting in a responsible manner? The least he could do was wear a condom.

 

 

Just go to many Thai Facebook pages and see the reaction when people try to get rid of a dog.

 

Yet, posters here a judgemental?

 

So what?

 

 

Sheryl points out the emotional (hormonal) implications after a woman has given birth. Hard for us men to relate to this special occasion.

At any rate: Too late for Condom discussions at this point.

Cheers.

 

[Sheryl]

 

What crucial element? I completely disagree with Sheryl. How is he clearly acting in a responsible manner? The least he could do was wear a condom.

 

 

Just go to many Thai Facebook pages and see the reaction when people try to get rid of a dog.

 

Yet, posters here a judgemental?

 

So what?

 

 

He is behaving responsibly and compassionately in how he deals with the pregnancy, seeking to ensure a good, stable, loving home for the child -- as opposed to some of the "just fob it off on the girl's family whether they want it or not" suggestions.

 

The pregnancy has already occurred and that is not the subject of the thread. In addition , we do not know the circumstances. Contraceptives do sometimes fail. Gfs do sometimes forget to take a pill. Etc.

 

Even if there was a fault on his part leading to the conception it is water under the bridge and he did not post seeking feedback on the fact of the pregnancy but rather seeking helpful suggestions on arranging a reliable adoption into a good home.

 

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[Roymac]

You say you want the kid to be raised by people you respect and trust ! For a start you need to man up. This is a child not a kid, you sound flipant and disrespectful, yet you speak of trust and respect. You want to play the game but now you think you can just dispense with your responsibility. Some 42 years ago I was in a similar position. I did not marry my girlfriend but I supprted my child and have a relationship with him, thanks to his mother. He is a great young man. Successful and decent. 

I am not being judgemental but I hope it works out well for you. This baby is not a commodity but a life. Now is the time for clear heads and some sound thoughts. Think it through and remember your respect and trust counts for nought. 

These things work themselves out so apply your minds and accept the consequences. 

I hope it works out well for you and your lady. You will most probably destroy your relationship with your girlfriend if you give this child up for adoption.

Making them is easy, making them citizens of the world is the the real challenge.