Thai girlfriend of my age/earning power pressuring me to be financially supported

[car720]

19 hours ago, andux said:

Maybe someone more experienced on Thai culture/relationships can enlighten me!

Got nothing to do with Thai mate.  This is international.  Women, since the beginning of time, have looked at the male as the provider and herself as the nest builder.  These days we call it feathering your own nest.  She will never understand why you cannot understand something as simple as this.  

[colinneil]

OP you need to ask on here, why?

You already know the answer, you just want others to confirm it.

Get out, NOW, there is no future there for you, she has shown her true colours, only wants you to support her, doomed thats what your relationship with her is, doomed.

[wgdanson]

How's the puppy by the way?

[tagalong]

Why buy a book, when u can stay in the library...A lot cheaper..

[Hummin]

19 hours ago, poanoi said:

yeah, its a reoccurring mantra bitching for money,

you can always switch to a western girl,

or ditch woman altogether

If you are a 7, you go for 6, and if you are a 5, you go 4! Easy and simpel way to get a better life and someone who is greatful thankful for being with her!

[MaksimMislavsky]

19 hours ago, andux said:

she's determined to transform me into a "provider". Her idea is to retire in a few years from now, and be supported by me. She also takes as an insult the idea of sharing costs. For example, I recently suggested that we moved together to a nice condo, and shared the expenses, and apparently that was as bad as murdering a puppy in front of her.

 

Is this the norm in Thailand?

In general, yes it is (and not only in Thailand). Although there is pressure from the West to change it. I personally would be happy with such setup (if you are going to get married and have children together, it is actually going to work very well. She does need someone to provide for her through pregnancy and on). As to you, if you don't live up to her clearly expressed expectations, she will probably start looking for alternatives or sidetracks.

[thaiguzzi]

19 hours ago, andux said:

We are both gym/sports junkies with healthy lifestyles,

There's your problem.

[how241]

Keep your own separate living places.

[baansgr]

I think all Embassy websites should have a permanent warning about Thai women and the high rate of foreigners being robbed of their life savings.  Let's face it,  more foreigners have lost everything to Thai women than those killed in tsunamis, floods,  boat accidents,  road accidents and murders over the past 20 all put together. 

[klauskunkel]

20 hours ago, andux said:

She also takes as an insult the idea of sharing costs.

Her money is her money, ...and your money is her money.

[poanoi]

18 minutes ago, Hummin said:

If you are a 7, you go for 6, and if you are a 5, you go 4! Easy and simpel way to get a better life and someone who is greatful thankful for being with her!

i'm at an undefined negative value unfortunately,

but the 10 i was lover to was actually the best bang for buck,

except the fact she had zero respect for white trash like myself

outside the bed

[BoganInParasite]

She and you are fundamentally incompatible, suspect you know it. Move on.

[YogaVeg]

Wow, tough crowd! 

Ignore those saying "run"

You can make this work.

She has given you the gift of her truth. Often folks don't.

She has clearly stated her position. In her view you need to man up financially and take care of business. She will happily take the traditional role of stay home wife and mother. It could be a really great relationship should you decide to accept that.

If you attempt to reinvent her world view, misery awaits.

 It's really quite simple: up to you.

 

 

Edited October 13, 2018 by YogaVeg

[topt]

Seeing the topic title I thought of this other one that was recently "featured" in the news digest.....

OP may want to have a view if he hasn't already

 

[Muzarella]

In Thailand EVERY women will expect for its husband or lovers to take care for ALL its needs.... If they are the same age or older.... If its partners are younger may be the contrary..... MONEY.....is always part of Thai people relationships in one way or another....and a priority. 

LOVE... will be just a possibility in every case...and NEVER.... like on Western cultures.

[4MyEgo]

As my Thai wife of 11 plus years who has never worked a day in her life while she has been with me says: Darling, what's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine, be happy, must say, she is a bright spark my Mrs, and damn I love her, till death do us part.

[RichardColeman]

21 hours ago, andux said:

but given our situation, I have a hard time understanding why she'd want to put the burden of financial responsibilities solely on me.

Wait till she has a baby then !

[Ulic]

If she thinks this is part of Thai culture and Thai culture is so great ask how she feels about Mia Noi's and that when Thai men leave there wife and children they usually don't give/provide any child support. 

My suggestion is to leave things the way they are and in a few years trade in the old model for a new one.

[4MyEgo]

19 hours ago, BritManToo said:

My 7-year old kid starts school at 7:30am and I collect him at 5:15pm, he isn't at home 'all day' in the week.

When he started kintergarten age 3, he was finished at 4:15pm (5:15pm end cost extra).

Normal Thai government school 5 minutes down the road,

 

I'm thinking you don't have much experience with schools and kids in Thailand.

Mom would be home alone.

So who does your washing, ironing, cooking, house chores, etc, etc.

 

I find it only fair for a woman who is going to bare your children to be able to give work a miss once she becomes pregnant and starts to take care of the kids, and when they start to go to school, well that's a bonus, she has a break when the kids are at school, but continues looking after her responsibilities, duties, call them what you want.

 

Think about it, what woman in her right mind would want to go through all of that and to be married to a cheap Charlie.

 

Mine drives and collects the kids from school daily, its a 50km round trip, she also gets an allowance of 300 baht per day of which 130 baht goes to the kids for school pocket money and the rest is spent on fresh produce at the market, no cheap Charlie here, got to get your priorities right mate.

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, 4MyEgo said:

So who does your washing, ironing, cooking, house chores, etc, etc.

Mine drives and collects the kids from school daily, its a 50km round trip,

Me, I'm a single dad.

It's hardly any effort and takes little time.

 

I'd suggest a closer school, 50Km drive each day is no good for anyone.

Edited October 13, 2018 by BritManToo

[SheungWan]

Its Over Vs You're Doomed.

[jak2002003]

OP.. can you post a photo you yourself and your girlfriend so we can judge if you both are equally good looking and sexy as you say you are?

 

 

[geisha]

From a ladies point of view. Would you consider doing this with a western partner ? Sorry, I live half half France Thailand , And all my friends who are married work together with their partners to make a better life. Two incomes are certainly better than one, and goes to having better housing, holidays, savings etc. What sort of person would give this up to lounge around all day at home ? Less money coming in so less luxuries etc ? In my opinion, women , anywhere, who have this attitude don’t make good marriage material. 

[bkkgriz]

I'll make this easy for you. Her money is her money. Your money is her money.

[4MyEgo]

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Me, I'm a single dad.

It's hardly any effort and takes little time.

 

I'd suggest a closer school, 50Km drive each day is no good for anyone.

It's a semi-private catholic school, the kids have a better chance of getting a better education.

 

Was a single dad once a long time ago, not an easy task, especially if your working, my x had the opportunity to stay home and raise our daughter, but no she wanted her mother to do it while she went back to work, which was not our agreement. So I told her what the agreement was again and that if she wanted to change the agreement she had to discuss it with me, suffice to say, she went back to work to earn $30k per annum, and I stayed home to raise our daughter, from 3 months of age till we seperated when the kid was 18 months old (now 21), I gave up $100k job and raising our daughter at that age was easy & enjoyable, I would cook, clean, iron, and do the house chores, like you said, hardly any effort and takes little time. But when I started working full time again after the separation, then divorce and having our daughter under a shared care agreement, it was trying, i.e. until I met my new wife who took over looking after our daughter from the age of and literally raised her while I worked and also suffered a heart attack.

 

Now retired in Thailand 3 years, with 4 kids, this lady is exactly what I have been looking for in a partner, not a slave, but someone who knows their place, I mean, although I am retired, I still work, i.e. day trade on the stock market making tax free dollars, and of course she has a great life, a big house, newish car, travels, never has to ask where she is going to find money and is a great mother, hard, but fair, suffice to say, what I was trying to say is if a woman is going to bare children and do everything else, she should be rewarded, I have never been one to squabble over money, only when one is trying to extort me, which has never been the case, the house is here, the car is hers, everything I have is hers, but the 90% that I have back home is mine under a prenuptial agreement, the 10% I have invested here, is all I am prepared to lose, that said, if it ever went pair shape, I would support her and the kids, because she really is a beautiful creature with a heart of gold.

[4MyEgo]

10 minutes ago, geisha said:

From a ladies point of view. Would you consider doing this with a western partner ? Sorry, I live half half France Thailand , And all my friends who are married work together with their partners to make a better life. Two incomes are certainly better than one, and goes to having better housing, holidays, savings etc. What sort of person would give this up to lounge around all day at home ? Less money coming in so less luxuries etc ? In my opinion, women , anywhere, who have this attitude don’t make good marriage material. 

What is she was to bare his children, would he want her to return to work, or stay home to raise the kids, I mean who in their right mind wants their partner to go to work when the kids need to be raised, money is not everything, assets are not everything, who wants to work 5/7th of their lived to build up their assets while the kids suffer, time with the kids can never be replaced and they don't need to be starved of the emotions and learning that the need, too easy to put an iPhone or iPad under their noses.

[1FinickyOne]

Cultural or not doesnt matter. Every culture has variants.

 

She seems to be quite straightforward abt what she wants. 

 

Do you expect her to change her mind based on a new cultural norm?

 

As they say... the ball is in your court

[MekkOne]

21 hours ago, andux said:

Is this the norm in Thailand?

you want it attractive and you want to share the costs? boy you don't really get it ah?

[Assurancetourix]

1 hour ago, how241 said:

Keep your own separate living places.

And don't marry her ;

so if she wants a baby, let her have him ( or her ) ;

never forget the thai law :

 

" In most Western countries, the Mother and Father of the child get equal rights and obligations. Under Thai Law, this isn't the case. According to section 1546 of CCCT, when a child is born and the mother is NOT married to the father, the father has no LEGAL RIGHTS over the child. Only the mother has rights (and obligations) over the child.

A person could be named on the birth certificate as the father, but his rights are NOT legalized under Thai law. Even with a DNA test, he could be the father on the birth certificate and be the biological father, but he won't be the LEGALIZED FATHER. "

http://thailawonline.com/en/family/children/custody-of-a-child-thailand.html

 

Maybe she will change her mind about not working after having a baby ..?

[NoshowJones]

21 hours ago, PatOngo said:

When you buy the condo, make sure it's located on Easy Street because that's what Thai's expect when they marry a farang………..What she earns is hers, yours is fair game. Believe me. She is a normal Thai.

My Thai wife does not look to me for financial support, and we have been together nearly thirteen years.