Worst Joke Ever 2024

[scottiejohn]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[wgdanson]

After a thorough examination the Doctor says to the lady, 'You have acute angina'

 

Oooh you are cheeky, but what about the pain in my chest!

[Andrew Dwyer]

Can’t wait for this !!

[scottiejohn]

BORIS THATCHER - Will President T fall in love with the new PM?

Open for new captions!

[chickenslegs]

9 hours ago, wgdanson said:

After a thorough examination the Doctor says to the lady, 'You have acute angina'

 

Oooh you are cheeky, but what about the pain in my chest!

Then she asked for a second opinion ...

The doctor replied "And a nice pair of tits too".

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[fasteddie]

[fasteddie]

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

As the man crossed the street he tripped up and broke his watch on the side of the pavement. 
"Damn" he muttered, "I must get it mended," and looking around he saw a shop with a huge clock in the window. 
Thinking it must be a watchmakers, he went in and asked the owner to mend his watch. 
"I'm sorry Sir, I don't mend watches, I perform circumcisions." 
"Then why do you have a huge clock in your window?" 
replied the man, feeling somewhat irritated. 
"Well what would you put in the window that sounds like it has any connection with cocks?" said the owner. 
 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

A man was working on the sewage farm when he suddenly lost his footing and slipped in. 
"Help, fire, fire, fire!" he yelled. 
In no time at all the fire engine responded. 
"Where's the fire then?" asked the chief fire officer. 
"There isn't one" replied the worker. "But if I'd shouted
"sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, no one would have rescued me."

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

 A new colonel had just arrived at the remote outpost. It was his first assignment abroad and he was determined to make a name for himself. 
"First of all, I would like a complete tour of the base," he ordered his second in command, and for the next hour the colonel inspected every little nook and cranny, eventually arriving at a small shed. 
"What's in there?" he bellowed. 
"A camel Sir," came the reply, and it was explained to the colonel that because the outpost was so remote, the men would sometimes get sexually frustrated and then they'd use the camel. 
"Disgusting!, get rid of it immediately," he ordered. 
Three months went by and the colonel was badly missing the fairer sex. He swallowed his pride and asked if indeed the camel had been removed from camp. 
"I'm sorry Sir, it is in fact still here," said the second in command. With that, the colonel went down to the shed, dropped his trousers and gave it all he'd got. 
"There" he panted, "is that what the men do?" 
Thoroughly embarrassed, the second in command replied, 
"Not exactly, no Sir. The men ride the camel to the nearest whorehouse." 

[scottiejohn]

[Dexlowe]

On 7/26/2019 at 3:58 PM, WorriedNoodle said:

There's a sucker born every minute. But given that sperm is loaded with fructose, citric acid and lipids a daily dose is good advice.

[WorriedNoodle]

[scottiejohn]

10 minutes ago, Dexlowe said:

There's a sucker born every minute. But given that sperm is loaded with fructose, citric acid and lipids a daily dose is good advice.

A "Bl*wjob" also give you the willies!

[WorriedNoodle]

[vogie]

My Thai wife has just asked me if was having an affair with a lady from Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch, I said how can you say such a thing.

[WorriedNoodle]

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

His secretary was absolutely useless. 
"Why don't you answer the bloody phone?" he said in exasperation. 
"Because I'm damned well fed up," she replied. 
"Nine times out of ten it's for you." 
 

[scottiejohn]

[scottiejohn]

"Hello Mrs Palmer, I'm your husband's boss and I'm just calling to say he'll be late home tonight." 
Eager to keep her husband's boss happy, the wife invites him in for a coffee but when he starts to suggest they go upstairs she quickly refuses. 
"Come on" says the boss, "I can show you a good time and I'll even give you £300 for the pleasure." 
They were short of money so the wife agrees and the deed is done. Later that night, the husband returns home and asks his wife if she has had any visitors. 
"Just your boss to tell me you'd be late home" she replies. 

"Oh good," he says, "and did he drop off my wage packet?" 

[scottiejohn]