Worst Joke Ever 2024

[WorriedNoodle]

[WorriedNoodle]

[ballpoint]

A factory which makes prosthetic limbs for obese amputees was broken into last night.

Police are looking for two heavily armed men.

[ballpoint]

Lord of the Flies tells the story about a bunch of Public Schoolboys who take control of an island cut off from the rest of the world,

which then collapses into vicious in-fighting.

A work of fiction, apparently.

[ballpoint]

One Monday morning a postman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

“Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night.” the postman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies,

“Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I.”

The postman thinks a moment and says,

“How do you play that?”

“Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our “privates” showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is.”

The postman laughs and says,

“Damn, I’m sorry I missed that.”

Probably a good thing you did,” Bob responds. “Your name came up four or five times.”

[ballpoint]

As I get older, I’ve started thinking about all those I’ve lost.

Maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t the right one for me.

[ballpoint]

"Can I ask a stupid question?," said my wife.

"Better than anyone I've ever met," I replied.

[ballpoint]

I am no philosopher, but have finally figured out what separates us from the animals.

Fences.

[ballpoint]

[ballpoint]

I have noticed the older I get, the tighter they put lids on jars.

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

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[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[Zyxel]

[billd766]

4 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Where's Bernard Cribbins When You Need Him ?

 

Sadly he turned up his toes and popped his clogs yesterday.

 

Edited July 29, 2022 by billd766
Bad spelling

[overherebc]

[DezLez]

2 hours ago, ballpoint said:

A factory which makes prosthetic limbs for obese amputees was broken into last night.

Police are looking for two heavily armed men.

If they are not armed with a decent lawyer/defence when they are wheeled into court will the Judge  hand them a heavy sentence or just leave them out on a limb and force them to foot the bills themselves?

 

PS;  How were they able to leg it from the scene of the crime?

Edited July 29, 2022 by DezLez

[roo860]

[roo860]

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[roo860]

[ballpoint]

54 minutes ago, roo860 said:

The a Team

[ballpoint]

1 hour ago, DezLez said:

If they are not armed with a decent lawyer/defence when they are wheeled into court will the Judge  hand them a heavy sentence or just leave them out on a limb and force them to foot the bills themselves?

 

PS;  How were they able to leg it from the scene of the crime?

When they do make it court, they won't have a leg to stand on.

[DezLez]

36 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

When they do make it court, they won't have a leg to stand on.

They will only get lifted if someone puts the finger on them!