1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

I've just seen on the news that the thief who is stealing t-shirts in order of size is still at large.

Probably he will XL at stealing at his next shop!
 

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

Two men are playing golf when one realizes he's left his jacket at the last tee He goes back to get it, stops halfway and turns back.

"What's up?" asks his mate.

"Well, you see those two women at the tee? One's my wife, and she's playing with my mistress."

His mate laughs and says, "No worries, I'll go get it for you."

He stops halfway, comes back, looks at his mate and says "Small world."

The two men are obviously playing too many holes!

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

People say I'm sarcastic
but I'm just investigating the effects of irony on morons.

Does that mean you self test/investigate before posting?

????

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

Bigamy.

Like the real me, but taller.

Were/are you one of the two golfers you mentioned ealier?

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

Guys, is it Belend, Bell End,or Bell-end?

It's for a headstone, so I need to get it right.

 

 

I often wonder what kind of "ding dong" end compiles theese lists and if he is complete pr!ck!

1 hour ago, ballpoint said:

A man ran home form work, pulled his wife into the bedroom, threw her on the bed and pulled the blankets over them.

She was shocked - he hadn't done this for more than 20 years.

Then her husband said, "Look, my new watch glows in the dark."

Did she clock him for wasting her time and passion?

I've just been  told I now have got Parkinson's desease"
"I just wish the b^gger had kept it to himself"

A man who threw his mother-in-law into the crocodile pool at London Zoo has been prosecuted by the The Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (RSPCA)!

I was lying in bed with my wife last Sunday morning when she called me by a special pet name, a loving and endearing term.

‘Hey Shorty,’ she said. ‘Would you like to hear the patter of little feet?’

Taken aback, I replied: ‘Yes, I would.’

She said: ‘Good. Run down to the kitchen and get me a glass of water.’

BBC News headline:

‘Tributes failed to pour in last night after the family of the well known.........(insert as required) annouced his totally expected violent murder yesterday.

TODAY’s DAILY INSULT;

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast!

(worst) Chat-up Line:-

"You know something? You really look like my future ex-wife"