Broken Pub Quiz Machine For Sale, Going Cheap - No Questions Asked.

Three years ago I sponsored a Panda through WWF.
What a rip off. I haven't seen it wrestle once!
 

I read that taking your bike to work is good for the environment.
So I thought why not? I'm not using that roof rack for anything else.

Did you know that Ikea now sells suppositories?

Trouble is, you have to put them up yourself.

I went round the neighbours last night.  Had a lovely meal, 3 bottles of red wine and a big cigar.

They’ll go mad when they get back from their holiday.

During a radio quiz, the panel of experts were asked the following question concerning gun salutes: “When a Prince is born, 21 guns are fired; when a Princess is born, 18 guns are fired. What should be the salute if Royal twins are born?”

 

The German Professor, an expert on international Royal Etiquette did not know, but the elderly retired Royal Air Force Wing Commander on the panel recollected that when he was in Malta, the Air Marshall’s daughter gave birth to twins and they fired a Flt Lieutenant !

 

Those were the days !

On 5/29/2022 at 6:00 PM, Crossy said:

And from a country that really is sometimes a bad joke ???? 

 

Are they people that really think this is funny? 

3 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

Are they people that really think this is funny? 

 

I doubt anyone in the the known universe thinks that this incident was funny ???? 

The missus was in an accident.  The doctor said, "Your wife is on life support.  She's very critical".
I replied, "Oh, so she's still talking then."

A man who installed kitchen worktops for a living was jailed.
Police say he was charged with counter fitting.

The Russians were massed below a hill, from which they saw a sole Ukrainian soldier pop his head up from time to time, giving them the middle finger then disappearing.

They sent 10 men to take the hill, none returned.

The Ukrainian appeared the next day doing a little dance and sticking his middle finger, which infuriated the Russians, so they sent 20 men.

They didn’t come back.

Next day, the Ukrainian soldier did his little dance and stuck up both middle fingers.

Utterly infuriated, the Russian General ordered 1000 men to assault the hill.

A huge battle ensued, smoke and munitions all over the place.

Out of the smoke crawled a lone Russian soldier, barely alive.

He got to the General and said 

“it’s a trap….

.it’s not a single Ukrainian soldier…

….there’s two of them!"

Two Irish farmers are walking down a road towards the pub, after a long days work, when they hear a motorcycle behind them. They are totally shocked to find that when the bike passes them, the biker is headless.

The two men look at each other and shrug. They continue down the road because the call of the pub is getting stronger. As they go, a cyclist comes up behind them and, on passing them, he too is seen to be headless. The two old men shake their heads and continue to walk down the road.
After a few minutes, Mick, who's walking along the inside, turns to his companion and says:

"You know what Shamus, I be thinkin' dat maybe you should be carryin' dat dere scythe on yer other shoulder".

I'm suing my local fish shop for selling undersized shellfish.

I'm taking him to the small clams court!