I just went to the electrical shop and the assistants ignored me.  Finally I shouted "would someone please sell me a kettle?" 
One bloke came over and said "Kenwood?"
"Would he?" I asked, " Well, where is he then?"

31 minutes ago, ballpoint said:

One bloke came over and said "Kenwood?"
"Would he?" I asked, " Well, where is he then?"

But Edward Woodward would!

 

 

On 10/5/2022 at 10:49 PM, chickenslegs said:

A mate of mine used to be in a band called The Hinges. They never made the big time, but they supported The Doors.

Reminds me of an old girlfriend; Mary Hinge. I miss her.

I'm not being paranoid, but there are 5 Peruvian owls sitting on my fence, watching me through the kitchen window!
I'm sure they're Inca hoots.

I went Bobsleighing today...

Killed six Bobs.

In these tough times, I've been trying to earn a small income using my lathe to make religious figures out of wood.

It's not going well so far.  I still haven’t managed to turn a prophet.

“Take it with a pinch of salt,” my Grandad used to say.
Loved the man.
Hated his coffee

I'm learning to play the cello and have been practising on the beach. 

I only know 2 notes so far, but for some reason it freaks everyone out.

Don't want to brag, but I just won the national "Snotty Nose" award yet again.

That's 3 years running now!

Still not bragging, but I finished my 14 day diet in just 4 hours and 15 minutes.

I'm looking for someone to brush their teeth with me.
I just found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't reduce cavities.