43 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

Dulwich College takes me back after seventy years: My Mum must have written one hell of a sick note!

Dulwich College may be unfamiliar to some of you but it educated (among many others) Raymond Chandler, PG Wodehouse, BBC's Jonathan Head, Phil Manzanera (Roxy Music), Ernest Shackleton (Antarctic), former Thai PM Anand, Lord Shawcross (Nuremberg trials).

Incidentally,it was founded by Shakespeare's personal impresario Edward Alleyn.

 

Oh, and Bob Monkhouse and Nigel Farage were also allowed in………………….

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For those of a certain age ...

 

 

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A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lb weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lb as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lb program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lb as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25lb program.

"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."

He lost 35lb that week.