A man’s wife was lying in bed crying.
Her husband walks in and asks “what’s wrong?”

“I had a dream where a prince took me from you” she replies.

The husband says “Oh my dear, relax it was just a dream.”

 

To which the wife retorts “that’s why I’m crying!”

I found stir fry all over my staircase this morning
I must have been sleep wok-ing again!

An Irish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.

 

She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire. "Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

 

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday. After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any hair "down there. "

 

She mentioned this to her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, wait in the back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself."

 

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave?" "No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department.....very generously indeed.

 

The girl finished her bath and went to bed. Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it?" "Yes," he said, "but why did you have to show her yours."

"Why ever are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough before."

 

"I know," he said, "but the two dart's teams hadn't!"
 

The wife and I have agreed that we don't want kids.
We also agreed to tell them when they get back from school this afternoon!  
 

My wife woke up with a big smile on her face...
I'm not allowed to bring felt tip pens (Sharpies to our US cousins) to bed any longer.
 

Is her head on back to front?