Two statues, a male and female, stood in Central Park for 50 yrs. One day a fairy came along and granted them 24 hrs to be human. POOF!! Off the dashed into the bushes!!!

        There’s a lot of brush shacking and grunting and huffing!!! Six hours later the male comes out, ”Phew, I’m getting tired!” The female says, “Hey, we’ve only got 18 hrs, get back in here and handle business!”

        So, off he goes again and there’s bushes shaking, dirt flying, huffing, puffing and screaming going on. 12 hrs later, the male comes crawling out, grabbing dirt and can no longer stand! “I, just can’t go anymore, you’re killing me!” The female says, “Look, be a man! We’ve only 6 hrs left and we’re back on that perch forever!”

       The male, looks up at the perch looks back at the female, wipes his brow, looks up    again, and back. Then he says, “Alright, but this time, I’LL hold the pigeons and YOU sh-t on them!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A guy is in for a job interview, and the interviewer asks him “What would you consider to be your biggest weakness?”

 

The guy replies “Honesty. I’m honest with everyone; I don’t know how to be anything other than completely honest with every single person I meet.”

The interviewer says “I don’t really see how honesty could be considered a weakness? In fact, I think honesty is a great strength!”

 

To which the guy replies “I don’t really give a <deleted> what you think.”

 

 

Two nuns are riding their bicycles around the backstreets of Rome. One nun looks over at the other and says, “You know, I’ve never come this way before.” The other nun replies, “Must be the cobblestones.”

I dedicate this speech to my Father who was a roofer,

  So Dad if your up there.........

Three mothers of teen-aged children were sitting down to coffee one morning. The first mother said she was cleaning her 16-year-old daughter’s room when she found a pack of cigarettes. “I never knew she smoked,” she stated.

 

“I know what you mean,” the second mother interjected. “I was cleaning my son’s room when I found empty beer cans. I never knew he was drinking.”

 

The third mother stepped in with: “I was cleaning my 17-year-old daughter’s room and found a condom wrapper. And I never knew she had a penis.”

I failed Math in School so many times, I can't even count.