Someone stole my coffee cup at work.
Now I have to go to the police station to look at mugshots.

I went to a Motown disco last night but it was freezing.

Three Degrees, Four Tops

I got drunk and chatted up this bird down the pub. "You remind me of Bob Dylan," she said. "What?" I replied, "profound and poetic?" "No," she said, "I can hardly understand a word you're saying."

A mugger pointed a gun at me and said “Give me your money or you’re science!” I replied “don’t you mean history?” He said “don’t try and change the subject!”

Is a Russian wedding also known as a Soviet Union?

15 minutes into the flight, the Captain announced... "Ok scumbags, we are now cruising at 30,000 feet, no, make that 35,000 feet you bunch of idiots." I think he had an altitude problem.

 

My wife always wears matching underwear. XXL bra and knickers.

 

How many leftist SJW's does it take to protest the fitting of a light bulb? Two. One to protest that the fitting is slave labour and another to protest that it only gives off "White" light.

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

My new flatmate says she's asexual. What a coincidence! I'm asexual predator myself.

My brother's married to a useless dog. She's a sh!t Sue.

 

Yes, should probably leave those toys be !!

 

social distancing