Tyson Fury seen evacuating from Dubai in his luxury yacht this morning

Tony Blair, the legendary Middle East Peace Envoy scheduled a goodwill visit to Jerusalem, complete with cameras, speeches, and meaningful nodding.

Midway through explaining how history would remember him kindly, he suddenly went pale, staggered… and dramatically died from a heart attack.

After the commotion died down, a funeral arranger approached the British entourage.

“To return him to Britain will cost £50,000,” he explained. “However, burial here in the Holy Land would be just £100.”

The delegation stepped aside to deliberate.

They returned quickly.

“We’ll pay to send him back.”

The arranger looked surprised.

“Why spend £50,000 when he could rest here in sacred soil for £100?”

A senior aide leaned in and said quietly:

“A long time ago, a man died here, was laid to rest here… and three days later he came back to life.”

2015 vintage, but still ...

I asked my daughter to give me a phone book. She laughed at me, called me a boomer and lent me her iPhone.

So, now the spider is dead, her iPhone is broken & my daughter is furious…