10 hours ago, chickenslegs said:

The largest city in North Yorkshire has mysteriously vanished!

Police are desperately searching for Leeds.

 

 

If they looked in West Yorkshire they may have found it. But then that's the police for you, always looking in the wrong place. 

14 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

Now that sure is a type of cable that is of good quality! What is the brand?

46 minutes ago, GarryP said:

If they looked in West Yorkshire they may have found it. But then that's the police for you, always looking in the wrong place. 

Kinda like the police  here denying knowledge of the Rayong Casino !!

Just showed it on the news, it is clearly shown on Google maps !! ????

A little late to the party here, but for my New Year's resolution, I decided to dedicate more time to my step machine.

I never knew my real machine. ????

For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed.

But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.

My New Year’s resolution is to read more

...so I am going to turn on the subtitles on my TV.

At the University, I used to make videos of urine at different resolutions.

No pi&sing about I got a pee HD.

My New Year Resolution is to give up sexual innuendos;

Which is going to be extremely hard...

A Tale of My Last New year resolution : First day at the gym

As a new year resolution, I, like many others decided to join a gym and hire a trainer. After some warm up, the trainer brought me to the equipment. a vertical row machine. He showed me how to use the machine and suggested that I exercise one arm at a time. Looking at my physique (if it can be called that), he decided that the right weight would be 50 pounds, but  being cocky I asked him to increase it to 70 pounds. The trainer said it would be too much, but I insisted.

I started the exercise just as he suggested. I was able to pull with one arm easily and finished 12 reps in no time. The trainer looked surprised.

Then i switched the arm. And suddenly the weights feel too heavy. I could hardly pull the weights. With much effort I was able to finish 4 reps. Couldn't finish the 5th one.

I started wondering why it was that I am able to pull the weights easily with one hand but was struggling so badly with the other. That's when it hit me

"I have been a single hermit for too long"

6 minutes ago, sanuk711 said:

That could have been titled "giving head a new meaning" !

Or it could explain the phrase "it just came to mind"

Q: What's the difference between a shopping trolley and a University vice chancellor? A: You fill them both up with as much food and alcohol as you can, but it's only the shopping trolley that has a mind of its own.
 

Why do Marxists like fruit infusions?

 

Because all proper tea is theft!
 

A couple hired a new chauffeur. The wife asked him to take her out for shopping and was very shaken by the experience.

Back home, she pleaded with her husband,

‘Please dear, you must sack this new chauffeur at once. He is so rash he nearly killed me three times this morning.’

 

‘Darling, don’t be so hasty,’ replied the husband, ‘give him another chance.’

 Living life backwards...

 

“In my next life I want to live my life backwards.

You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.

You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school.

You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila!

You finish off as an orgasm!” 

 like I used to know this woman, that would never pay her Bills...

 

Every time the Bills came in.. the Electric, the Gas ... all of them

 

Any thing she had to pay out, she'd just ignore it

she would not pay them but instead threw them all into the fire!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

her name was Bernadette

Take care out there guys !!

 

.

Last night my wife wore a sexy police uniform to bed.

She said "You are under arrest for being a great lover"

90 seconds later the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence.

My friend keeps saying "Cheer up man it could be worse....

you could be underground in a hole full of water".

I know he means well.