December 31, 20205 yr Popular Post A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts when I touch my face, elbow and knee." The doctor says, "You've broken your finger"
December 31, 20205 yr Popular Post A lady and her talking parrots... A lady approaches her rabbi and tells him, “Rabbi, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the rabbi inquired. “They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we’re eager to please. Want to have some fun?'” “That’s terrible!” the rabbi exclaimed, “but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read Hebrew. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.” “Thank you!” the woman responded. The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the rabbi’s house. His two male parrots are wearing tiny yarmulkes and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say, “Hi, we’re eager to please. Want to have some fun?” One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, “Put away the siddurs! Our prayers have been answered!”
December 31, 20205 yr Popular Post Why do nudists always make the best golfers no matter their golfing handicap? They go around in nothing!
January 1, 20215 yr 55555555 and they told us that there'll be a serious virus from China...... Foreigners on laughing gas........
January 1, 20215 yr Popular Post An Irish girl goes back to her father’s farmhouse for New Year Visit. Her father asked: “Where have you been all this time? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t you call?” Crying, the girl replied: “Dad, I became a prostitute.” “What!? Out of here you shameless harlot! You’re a disgrace to this family.” “Okay, Dad. If that’s your wish. I just came back to give Mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $4 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for you Dad, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the country club and an invitation for you all to spend a fun New Years’ cruise on board my new yacht in the Riviera.” “Now what was it ye said you had become, again?” asked the dad. The girl, crying again, answered: “A prostitute, Dad!” “Oh! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!” Remember to wear your “New Year Glasses” backwards this year. Hindsight is 2020. Some friends were having a joint Burns Night and Chinese New Year Party last night They called it Chinese Burns Night. I wasn't going to go but they twisted my arm. On 1/1/2021 at 1:29 PM, CharlieH said: Link to previous topic: Kind of fitting that we skipped 2020; best to forget that year. Hope springs eternal... On 1/1/2021 at 4:25 PM, ballpoint said: But what happens when you forget where you left your shoes? Do you become soleless? On 1/1/2021 at 4:38 PM, fangless said: But what happens when you forget where you left your shoes? Do you become soleless? Ooh, I used to know the answer to that... On 1/1/2021 at 4:47 PM, ballpoint said: Ooh, I used to know the answer to that... I bet you feel a right heel now! ???? Now lets see how smart the smart home really is! A pub for me!
January 1, 20215 yr 14 minutes ago, fangless said: I bet you feel a right heel now! ???? That's an arch reply!
January 1, 20215 yr Popular Post 1 minute ago, dddave said: That's an arch reply! Toe the line or steps will be taken to flatten you! ????
January 1, 20215 yr Popular Post I’ve got the memory of an elephant... I remember one time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.
January 1, 20215 yr Did you know too much sex can cause memory loss I read that in a medical journal on page 34 at 3:23 pm last year on Wednesday November the 7th. Said the Monk.
January 1, 20215 yr Popular Post The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory. Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed after the first touch. PS; But what if it had been an Acorn? (who remembers them?)
January 2, 20215 yr Popular Post Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband Earl. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out Earl's old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart since it was so badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss the vital organ and become paralysed, she called her doctor's office to inquire as to just exactly where the heart would be. "On a woman," the doctor said, "your heart would be just below your left breast." Later that night, Mildred was admitted to the hospital with a gunshot wound to her left knee.
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