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The Difference between using lower and upper case letters--- J = j

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Be careful who you are phoning if your Thai wife has 20x20 Eye sight........

Well, it wasn't there on the way to work...........

 

I had twelve bottles of whisky...
...and my wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else!
So, I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass... which I drank.

I extracted the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with the exception of one glass... which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink, with the exception of one glass... which I drank.

I then withdrew the cork from the fourth sink and poured the bottle down the glass... which I drank.

I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass.

I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine. To make sure I counted them again... they came to seventy-four.

And as the house came by, I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses and bottles and corks and sinks and glasses counted, except one house and one cork... which l drank.

Tasmanian Guy walks into his local Pharmacy and proceeds to inquire about some birth control for his Daughter.  How old is your Daughter? the Pharmacist asks, the man replies, 'she is 11 years old'.  The Pharmacist, with a shocked expression on his face, asks is she even sexually active yet?  The Man replies 'no not really, she sought of just lies there like her Mother'.

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Even those who haven't served should understand...

As RN I'm allowed to post ("Whistling" emoji currently not available), RAF, Army would die!!

A married man went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'
The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The man said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again.

For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put £50 in the poor box.' The man left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave.

The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!' The man replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the £50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!'

KIA 

 

 

 

 

It's eye...

 

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