Yes !! , come on veggies pull your fingers out !!

Reminds me of my Auntie Harriet , I swear she killed my hamster with her hairspray !!

"Thailand is the educational hub of the world."

Chuck and Jan arrived at the Registry Office to fill in the forms required for their wedding in two weeks' time. As Chuck wrote his name, the clerk told him he could not accept a nickname. He had better go next door to the Births, Deaths and Marriages Department to check out his full Christian name. So Chuck went next door and a few minutes later came back and duly filled in his name as Charles. But then it was Jan's turn and she was also told to go next door and confirm her full name. In this case it was Janette. 
"It's a good thing I'm thorough," said the clerk smugly, "or this marriage wouldn't have been legal and any kids you might have had would be technical bas*ards." 
"What a coincidence," said Jan, "that's exactly what the bloke next door said about you."

 

"But he said nothing about technicalities!"

An emergency call was made to the local police station. 
"Come quickly," gasped the voice, "a burglar is trapped in the bedroom of an old spinster." 
"We'll be right there," said the desk sergeant. "May I ask who's talking?" 

"It's me, the burglar, help, she is raping me!" 
 

Chuck and Jan arrived at the Registry Office to fill in the forms required for their wedding in two weeks' time. As Chuck wrote his name, the clerk told him he could not accept a nickname. He had better go next door to the Births, Deaths and Marriages Department to check out his full Christian name. So Chuck went next door and a few minutes later came back and duly filled in his name as Charles. But then it was Jan's turn and she was also told to go next door and confirm her full name. In this case it was Janette. 
"It's a good thing I'm thorough," said the clerk smugly, "or this marriage wouldn't have been legal and any kids you might have had would be technical bas*ards." 
"What a coincidence," said Jan, "that's exactly what the bloke next door said about you." 

 

"Except they said nothing about technicalities"

8 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Check out their website: ggg.gentriloquist.con

10 hours ago, Andrew Dwyer said:

Yes !! , come on veggies pull your fingers out !!

 

I prefer Swedes ...

4 hours ago, fasteddie said:

Can you come again as that was too much info to take in at one time!

Shoulda listened to his mum !!

Wife: Darling, do I please you in bed?
Hubby: Yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth.
Wife: What trick?
Hubby: the one where you shut up and go to sleep. 

I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card. 
Cost me an arm and a leg.

My girlfriend left me because she couldn't handle my OCD...
I told her to close the door five times on her way out! 

HOW THE FIGHT STARTED!

 

Wife: I have a bag full of my used clothing I'd like to donate. 
Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

Husband is recovering from his injuries now!