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Worst Joke Ever 2026

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If you see 2 people, you really need new glasses...

 

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7 hours ago, tomazbodner said:

People Share Their Funniest Autocorrect Fails

I take it you are not Brazilian!

1 hour ago, fangless said:

I take it you are not Brazilian!

How many is that?

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Every time I go into a bakery, I get asked to do some promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I’m an excellent roll model.

BREAKING: A lorry load of Brillo pads was stolen last night.

Police are currently scouring the area.

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A man called Simon goes on "Stars in Their Eyes" and Matthew Kelly notices he's in a wheelchair.

Matthew asks, "What happened?"

"I was in a car crash with my uncle. He died and I had to have my legs amputated. But they saved my uncle's legs and grafted them onto me. In six months' time I will be able to walk again"

"That's amazing!" says Matthew. "Who are you going to be for us tonight then?"
 
 


"Tonight Matthew, I'm going to be.......Simon and half uncle!"
 
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8 hours ago, ballpoint said:

Every time I go into a bakery, I get asked to do some promotional photos with their products.

Apparently I’m an excellent roll model.

Just loafing around as usual seeing what plain crumbs of comfort you can collect.  Still I hope it pans out well for you as I like seeing people using their loaf before they get too old, crusty and moldy and end up on the streets parading up and down with the old sandwich board over their shoulders.

 

 

PS; OK I'm toast, I'm out of here!

 

8 hours ago, Hamus Yaigh said:

This bloke told me he gets paid for starting clocks.

I think he’s a wind up merchant.

 

Was that on Tik Tok?

If not I would loose no time and get a second pinion if I was you!

 

 

 

 

8 hours ago, ballpoint said:

How many is that?

I thought you would have shaved that response for a later day!

????

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Lucy's mother looked so young that many people mistook them for sisters.

Now it just so happened that Lucy was courting a local dairyman, but, unknown to her, the dairyman was also seeing her mother.

One day, Lucy came home in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked her mother.

"William, the dairyman and I stopped seeing each other a month ago because I'm sure he was being unfaithful. But I've just seen him in the high street and I still love him!" she cried.

"Never mind, you'll find someone else. You'll just have to forget about him and find another man to love. Did you return all the presents he gave you and the stuff he left in your room?"

"Yes, I did, and what's more I put tiny pinpricks in all his condoms  that'll teach him...

 

Mother, are you alright?"
 

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