I thought most Chinese Take Away's did!

Rumours of a food shortage at this year’s spoonerism conference turned out to be a complete lack of pies.

 

Don’t ever believe an atom, they make up everything.

 

I’m glad I know sign language, it’s pretty handy.
 

Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone’s relief, confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts. However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying colors of paints appeared on the bird’s beaks and claws.

By analyzing these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by an impact with a car.

MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

He very quickly concluded the cause: When crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a nearby tree to warn of impending danger.

 

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout “Cah”, not a single one could shout “Truck.”
 

Did you hear about the wealthy Muslim leader who was extorted for millions of dollars by a local organized crime group?

It wasn’t that interesting, or strange really.

 

Just your classic mafia Sheik-down.
 

#FathersDay this weekend in some parts

It was my brothers birthday yesterday, he’s a bomb disposal expert.

Took him 6 hours to open his present.

On Desert Island Discs,
when asked what luxury item they would take,
why does no one ever say a boat?

The police knocked on my door this morning.
“Do the letters H.B. mean anything to you?” they asked.
“No I said.”
“What about G.D. then?”
“No means nothing to me.” I said.
“How about A.J.?”
“Look,” I said “am I suspected of something?”
“No sir.” They said “These are just initial inquiries.”

I bought my Grandson an Action Man for his birthday,
but he told me he really wanted a Red Indian.
Since then I've been trying to put a brave face on.

Just got off the phone to my mate, he said he spent the best part of yesterday unblocking a toilet -
Crikey, what was the rest of the day like if that was the best bit?

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Czech This Out

 

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Decisions---Decisions