My Dad always used to tell people "laughter is the best medicine..."

 

Lovely bloke, terrible pharmacist...

Regular naps prevent old age,
especially if you take them while driving.

A priest dies and his spirit is in the void when a voice calls to him,
"Well my old son, you got it wrong, karma is the law of the universe and you need to go back and learn your lesson. "
"I understand, " said the priest, "but please, don't send me back as a priest, the things I did I'm really sorry for and I will need to learn restraint and compassion. "
"Oh, you don't get off that easy, " replied the voice, "you're going back as a choirboy!

A guy walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas"

The barman says "Wow, you must have had one hell of a day"
"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay"

The next day, the same guy comes into the bar and asks for six more double vodkas. When the bartender asks what's wrong, the man says "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy comes into the bar and orders another six double vodkas. The bartender says "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downs the first drink and shakes his head "Yeah, my wife!"

During a pub quiz, I sneakily called my wife and asked

'Which is the largest state in the USA? Your sisters good on geography'

'Alaska' she replied.

I said 'Well, hurry up, there's 8 pints riding on this..'

"You spoil those dogs!"

Said the Korean housewife as her husband reached for the ketchup.
 

Just finished building a model of Mount Everest.
My mate asked “Is it to scale?”
“No” I replied, “It’s to look at”