Grandad went into a nursing home so I rang them up to see how he was getting on.

The nurse said "He's like a fish out of water."
"So he's finding it hard to adjust?"

"No" said the nurse, "He's dead."

http://st1.photogallery.ind.sh/wp-content/uploads/indiacom/cartoon-on-rising-fuel-prices-201705-1493984683.jpg

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

 

The priest nearly had an accident.

 

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

 

The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

 

The priest removed his hand.

But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

 

The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?”

 

The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.”

 

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

 

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.

 

It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”

 

Moral of the story:

If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

21 hours ago, ballpoint said:

For those of you who remember the last winter of discontent...

What's the difference between petrol and paraffin? 

There's 2 Fs in paraffin but there's no F in petrol. 

AND,  there's no I in team. 

(words of wisdom from my grandaughter on her newly acquired marketing qualification).