4 hours ago, fangless said:

I think he was also feeling somewhat deflated!

And a bit tyred.

6 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

I was going to say that the above was a pointless notice but maybe I do get the point?

6 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Great’ thought Dave whilst reaching for his wallet.

 

No thanks.  Just thinking about where the sand gets to brings tears to my eyes!

6 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Watch out that the PC brigade don't bear down on you for Panda-ring to the racists!

6 hours ago, sanuk711 said:

Did (s)he tell you that hers was bigger than mine?

Student Exam Answers: 
 • How do you keep milk from turning sour? - Keep it in the cow. 
 • The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. 
 • A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is. 
 • Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists. 
 • I’ve said goodbye to my boyhood, now I’m looking forward to my adultery. 
 • Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull. 
 • Why was George Washington buried at Mount Vernon? - Because he was dead. 
 • When did Julius Caesar die? - A few days before his funeral. 
 • The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader. 
 • What is a turbine? - Something an Arab wears on his head. 
 

TODAY’s DAILY INSULT;
Any similarity between you and a human being is purely coincidental. 
 

What’s the fastest way to make anti-freeze? - Hide her nightdress. 
 

 If "womb" is pronounced "woom",

"tomb" is pronounced "toom"

then shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced...
"BOOM"

I hope that blows your minds as much as it does mine.
 

My mother-in-law says she’s thinking of throwing herself in the canal,

I hope she doesn’t do anything stupid.
Like changing her mind.
 

Chat-up Line:- Give me your car keys so I can drive you crazy.
 

"Over 1 million tourists will avail themselves of the Thailand Pass and come to Thailand this year" - TAT

 

"We have created a new on-line registration for Thailand Pass guaranteed to work" - Thai Tourism Authority (TAT)

 

"If you don't fix that bloody TP computer programme I'll cancel your pension" - Prayut Chan Ocha

Being Right Neighbourly
     After a southern gent has been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he beckons the waitress back and says quietly, ‘Miss, y’all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y’all to give me a piece uh ass?’
     ‘Lord, that’s the most direct proposition I’ve ever had!’ thinks the girl. Then she looks around the room, smiles and says, ‘Sure, why not? You’re nice lookin’ and it’s pretty slow here right now, so why don’t we just slip away up to my room and get as much as you can handle?’
     When the pair return over an hour later, the man sits down at the same table and the waitress asks, ‘Will there be anything else, sir?’
     ‘Why, yes,’ replies the southern gentleman. ‘Ah sure ’preciate what y’all just did fur me – it was real sweet and right neighbourly – but where ah come from in Tennessee we lack our bourbon real cold,

 

so ah still need to trouble y’all for a piece uh ass for mah drink.’
 

A young child says to his mother,

‘Mom, when I grow up I’d like to be a Pop musician.’
She replies,

‘Well, honey, you know you can’t do both.’
 

13 minutes ago, cliveshep said:

Thai Tourism Authority (TAT)

Have you heard the latest about TAT?  It now stands for Tell Another Tale!

16 minutes ago, cliveshep said:

"Over 1 million tourists will avail themselves of the Thailand Pass and come to Thailand this year" - TAT

 

"We have created a new on-line registration for Thailand Pass guaranteed to work" - Thai Tourism Authority (TAT)

 

"If you don't fix that bloody TP computer programme I'll cancel your pension" - Prayut Chan Ocha

1,000,000Baht prize to the first person to correctly identify which of the above statements are true!

2 hours ago, fangless said:

TODAY’s DAILY INSULT;
Any similarity between you and a human being is purely coincidental. 
 

Or

If you were any more stupid you would be stood in the corner and watered twice a day.

7 minutes ago, overherebc said:

Or

If you were any more stupid you would be stood in the corner and watered twice a day.

Don't you mean "If you were any more stupid you would be stood planted in the pot in the corner and watered twice a day,"

 

PS; One could then add "although that would be a waste of water!"