**the Official Bits N Bobs Thread.**

[scousemouse]

This is worth a look guys and gals

The bit at the end where they drop the player is funny

http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2006/fo...mistakes-p1.php

nice link mrbojangles

[muckypups]

From The Sun:

Kop can have Owen for £9m

FREDDY SHEPHERD has sensationally been caught out saying: “I’d f***ing carry Michael Owen back to Liverpool for £9million.”

The Newcastle chairman dropped the own goal after being filmed in his car by Reds fans.

England ace Owen has a get-out clause in his contract which could see him move to Manchester United or Liverpool.

Shepherd, who earlier this week ordered Owen to show his loyalty to the club, tells a group of Kop fans: “I’ll f***ing carry him back for you . . . for £9million.”

Asked if the hitman will actually leave St James’ Park he then replies: “No, he’s a good lad. It’s the agents, *******. He’s OK, a decent lad.”

But the club later played down Shepherd’s blunder, saying: “The chairman shows just how approachable he is by having a laugh with a couple of fans.

"Geordies and Liverpool fans are renowned for enjoying a joke.”

"Geordies and Liverpool fans are renowned for enjoying a joke...

We know Newcastle are.. they signed Titus Bramble..

[muckypups]

Thought I'd stick this here..Henry Winter in The Telegraph:

United hold the key to justice in Tevez affair

On the last weekend of the season, when the Grinning Reaper called relegation stalks benighted clubs, a maths degree is traditionally required to juggle all the permutations. Tomorrow, when Wigan Athletic, Sheffield United, and Carlos Tevez's West Ham United fight for survival, a law degree is needed.

If natural justice prevails, the points deduction West Ham deserve for the lies told over the Tevez deal will effectively be inflicted by Manchester United while Wigan prevail at Bramall Lane. The innocents in this mess of West Ham's creation, and the Premier League's incompetence, are Paul Jewell's Latics and Neil Warnock's Blades. Honest clubs, neither deserve booting downstairs to the Championship.

The situation stinks. West Ham are a wonderful club, with supporters whose noise and passion shames most others in the Premiership, with a new chairman inheriting the subterfuge of a previous regime, but the simple fact is that they have been fielding an ineligible player who has been hugely instrumental in their recent renaissance. Tevez, the whole-hearted, skilful Argentinian, has even been voted Hammer of the Year.

If regulations are to carry weight, West Ham should have been punished properly; a £5.5m fine is nothing when compared against the potential £30m loss that accompanies demotion. No wonder the Upton Park hierarchy did not appeal; they were too busy counting their blessings and potential savings.

The credibility of the Premiership has taken a battering through the grievances stirred by the Tevez affair, understandably stoked by distressed people at Wigan, Sheffield United and Charlton Athletic. Yet it remains hard to see how these angered parties can actually win in the courts as the original dispute was primarily between West Ham and the Premier League. Dave Whelan would need a magician as much as a QC to guide a successful course through the legal minefield, regardless of any sane footballing mortal believing that West Ham have transgressed.

So only Paul Scholes and Ryan Giggs can administer justice, ripping apart West Ham's defence tomorrow. Even then Wigan must somehow hold on to a lead at Bramall Lane. And this is the way football should be: the season's fortunes decided by events on the field, not in the court of law.

What the furore particularly highlights is the importance of the Barclays Premiership. Clubs are desperately relying on prosecution counsel to cling to their place amongst the elite. What the whole mess also underlines is the integrity of the competition, as no one seriously believes United will give West Ham an easy ride or Wigan and Sheffield United orchestrate some mass collusion.

All the focus has inevitably been trained on Tevez, but Javier Mascherano's presence on these shores is arguably even more complex. Liverpool's new holding midfielder has played for three clubs in one season, which Fifa allow because of South America's different calendar, but it seems bizarre to see him preparing to end his term in the Champions League final facing AC Milan, when he started the European year in the Uefa Cup. But then Milan should not be in Athens after their points reduction. Madness rules. The review of the season should really be undertaken by m'learned friends.

[muckypups]

A little light relief..unless you support West Ham, Wigan or Sheffield United I imagine...

Spotters guide to relegation

What to look out for if your club is going down

Sheffield United going down!

Shot of sombre Sean Bean sitting in stand. Commentator says, "well, so far this certainly isn't the script he'd have wanted." Interruption to bring, "some very important news from Old Trafford," shows split-screen replay of crazed-looking Carlos Tevez leaping into West Ham fans section in his vest.

Neil Warnock capers around on touchline making 'gee up' gesture to crowd, ahead of gung-ho triple substitution involving three journeyman centre forwards with unconvincing goal records. Commentator says, "for some, it's all just too much," over shot of tearful child with red and white face paint being comforted by dad in replica shirt.

West Ham going down!

Close-up of really tired-looking Alan Curbishley standing with arms folded and slowly shaking his head. Home crowd spending a lot of time shouting, "Ole!" and offering extended rounds of applause to substituted star players. Shot of tearful Anton Ferdinand walking backwards and pointing sulkily at fellow defenders.

Commentator says, "sadness for some inside Old Trafford," over pictures of furious, tattooed skinhead contingent chanting about not being fit to wear the shirt.

Wigan going down!

Close up of Emile Heskey holding his head in his hands in six yard box while team mates trudge back towards halfway line. Shirt-sleeved Paul Jewell runs on to pitch in order to point aggressively at referee. Continues pointing aggressively at referee while being hauled away by track-suited backroom staff.

Commentator says, "could the club that defied gravity by reaching the Premiership be about to come crashing back down to earth? You know what they say about what goes up!"

Neil Warnock seen engaging in touchline by-play with 6,000 abusive away fans. At final whistle tells interviewer, "I'll have to apologise to all those people out there who didn't want us around next season."

[redrus]

. . . And fluffy rabbit gets the nod up front

The View from Row Z, by Matthew Chambers

BACK in the days when top-level football clubs were typically owned by local scrap metal merchants, the internet was the likely destination of the ball after a Bobby Charlton cracker.

Certainly, the technology didn’t exist back then for rivals supporters to arrange fisticuffs in supermarket car parks on message boards, or for fans to make scurrilous accusations about the chairman’s trophy wife via text messages.

That’s the price of progress. But Halifax Town, in danger of heading into oblivion this week, may end up being very grateful for the wonders of modern science, thanks to new fans’ community website MyFootballClub.

The Shaymen are up against it financially, with a winding-up order over £100,000 worth of unpaid taxes due tomorrow. And officials have approached MyFootballClub — an initiative boasting over 50,000 members paying £35 a time — with a view to stepping in with a timely cash injection that will save the club.

The only catch is, these members would then each have an equal say on transfers, player selection and all major decisions affecting the club.

Exactly how it will work hasn’t been finalised yet. But you can imagine a few egos will be pricked when Simon from Leighton Buzzard gets the casting vote and imposes a Christmas tree formation on the side, dropping the star striker in favour of his pet rabbit.

For a prospective manager, it is the sort of scenario that would make working under Ken Bates seem like a dream.

But maybe, just maybe, this is the way forward for the England side. Phil Neville and Emile Heskey wouldn’t get picked again, for starters, while the fans wouldn’t have anyone to blame but themselves should things go wrong.

Such a system would also allow poor old Steve McClaren to go back to doing what he does best: nodding in agreement with the powers-that-be.

WATCHING Manchester United stumble their way past a very limited Sunderland side at the weekend, it showed just how much they are missing Cristiano Ronaldo and Wayne Rooney at the moment.

Chelsea were similarly poor against Aston Villa, ending up on the wrong side of a 2-0 defeat, while last season’s third and fourth-placed sides, Liverpool and Arsenal respectively, are currently looking very good indeed.

The Premier League desperately needs one of these two sides to seriously challenge the current duopoly, so hopefully their form is more than a flash in the pan.

redrus

[chavy]

Last year it was Woking , this season it's Peterborough !! This is without doubt the saddest period in our recent history. How long is this joker Calderwood be allowed to continue

[redrus]

Official Bits and Bo(dd')s.

Will United Concede Before Chelsea Score And Other Football Odds

WILL CHELSEA SCORE BEFORE UNITED CONCEDE?......With Chelsea unable to score a Premiership goal, and Manchester United failing to concede one, William Hill are betting on which record will go first, and make Chelsea 2/5 to score a Premiership goal before Manchester United concede one, and offer 7/4 vice versa. The bet will be determined on the number of played Premiership minutes from now until either event happens.

GUNNER ARSENE TO STAY FOR SEVEN MORE YEARS?....With the Arsenal board declaring that they expect Arsene Wener to stay in charge of the side until 2015, William Hill offer 7/2 that he will start season 2014/15 as their manager; 1/6 that he will have left the job before the first day of season 2014/15.

ARSENAL have been cut from 10/1 to 6/1 with William Hill to stay top of the Premiership for the rest of the season, and from 20/1 to 16/1 to remain undefeated for the whole season.

PORTSMOUTH are 25/1 to end the season as the Premiership's top scorers with William Hill who offer 4/1 that any Premiership side will score eight or more in a league game this season, and 16/1 that any Premiership match will produce 12 or more goals this season.

WHAT ODDS CHELSEA TO FINISH OUTSIDE TOP FOUR?.....

William Hill now quote Chelsea at 7/1to finish outside of the top four in the Premiership this season and offer 3/1 that Avram Grant will survive as manager until the end of the season.

Hills make Chelsea 2/1 to hold on to their undefeated home Premiership record for the rest of the season and 4/11not to.

GUUS HIDDINK is 7/4 favourite to be Chelsea boss on the first day of next season with William Hill who also offer: 4/1 Grant; Van Basten; 6 Klinsmann;8 Deschamps.

READING are 11/2 with Hills to concede more Premiership goals than Derby - who are 1/10 to do vice versa - this season. A tie is 16/1.

MARTIN JOL is 8/11 favourite with Hills to be the next Prem boss to go and they also offer 5/2 Lee; 11/4 Grant; 11/2 Davies; 16 Southgate.

redrus

[mrbojangles]

WILL CHELSEA SCORE BEFORE UNITED CONCEDE?......With Chelsea unable to score a Premiership goal, and

WHAT ODDS CHELSEA TO FINISH OUTSIDE TOP FOUR?.....[/b]

Your'e just loving the demise of Chelsea, aren't you Red

[redrus]

Thats funny that MrB, I didn't realise I was....!

Its not a demise, remember, we're supposed to have one every year, you know that....! :D

redrus

[MiG16]

Official Bits and Bo(dd')s.

GUNNER ARSENE TO STAY FOR SEVEN MORE YEARS?....With the Arsenal board declaring that they expect Arsene Wener to stay in charge of the side until 2015, William Hill offer 7/2 that he will start season 2014/15 as their manager; 1/6 that he will have left the job before the first day of season 2014/15.

ARSENAL have been cut from 10/1 to 6/1 with William Hill to stay top of the Premiership for the rest of the season, and from 20/1 to 16/1 to remain undefeated for the whole season.

redrus

[mrbojangles]

Thats funny that MrB, I didn't realise I was....!

Its not a demise, remember, we're supposed to have one every year, you know that....! :D

Ah yes, i remember