Are you married to a Thai woman – Any Snippets of Advice .

[owl sees all]

If I were to start again with a Thai lady, I would take note of times she goes to the temple each month. I find that after a temple visit she are particularly evil. Virtually all my darkest times have been when she has recently gone to temple.

 

It's not been all doom and gloom however. There was a day last month where she actually made me a decent cup of rosy without me having to whistle for it; as I normally do. And last year she fed my koi carp without me telling her; no dinner for me though.

 

Sometimes I think she has matured. "Owl dear, do you like this shade of lipstick?" "Lipstick is wasted on you dear!" As she came at me with the cleaver I quickly said; "your lips are perfect as they are; no lipstick needed ." This seemed to clam her.

 

Our lovely daughter is the glue that holds it all together. Couldn't continue without her.

 

[Pilotman]

If you are real, which I doubt, this is not the place to ask that question, far too many embittered, twisted, men on this forum to give you any advice about any women, let alone Thai ones.  Just in case you are real, I have been married for 22 years to my Thai wife and yes, we are happy. 

[kokesaat]

Married at 23 when she was 23.  Been married 46 years.  We know several handful of Americans who have been married to the same Thai girl for 40+ years.  Matter of fact, I know more GI/Thai marriages closing in on 50 years than I do American/American marriages.

[villagefarang]

22 years for me as well.  If someone needs to ask the OP's question then all is lost before you begin.????

[marcusarelus]

Stereotyping of women by nationality means you will have a bad marriage wherever you go. 

[ben2talk]

5 hours ago, villagefarang said:

22 years for me as well. If someone needs to ask the OP's question then all is lost before you begin.????

Definitely.

Stereotyping also is a bad idea, though I find that Thai's are better at living together and maintaining space - even in the same room - so in general it works out a little easier in that respect than with some women I remember from England... 

Maybe I'm different - I didn't have many of the issues that I heard many guys had with their women.

[DaRoadrunner]

9 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

 Best advice- don't have a legal marriage. If she insists on being married have a village wedding, which you can walk away from when it all goes wrong, and it will. 50% or western marriages fail, so why would farang men think one to a Thai woman with all the cultural stuff as well will be more successful.

If one gets married legally, she has you for everything she can get out of you, and if she manages to get a child by you, you are the meal ticket for life.

 

If one does get married, never pay for property, as you can't take that with you. Only buy things that you can use, and can afford to leave behind when it all turns to poo.

 

Yes, some do succeed, but how many out of all the thousands of Thai/farang marriages?

I knew I was in trouble when I had a m'bike accident and she had to take me to hospital every day. I expected her to be happy to help her loving husband that cared for her so well, but no gratitude was in evidence, only a reluctant misery guts that HAD to do something for her husband, but not because she wanted to. Different story when she was in hospital though.

 

Marriage is a gamble anyway. Don't put yourself in harm's way more than you have to.

I find the Thais are basically child like, happy when they are getting what they want, throwing the toys out of the pram and blaming the Farang when they don't get what they want.

[Essex Reject]

10 hours ago, GinBoy2 said:

Well some of us never went to Thailand for the hedonistic attractions of Pattaya, Patong  and the like. 

Me and my wife lived in Singapore before I decided Thailand was our low cost retirement destination.

 

So if that makes us boring, I'll fess up, guilty as charged.

We're just a normal couple, son, working slobs (well she is) splitting out time between the US & Thailand, and as I guess you would characterize it, living a boring life.

 

One word of caution however.

 

We can all lead the hedonistic lifestyle, but as we get older, the thought of who we want to live with, can be a whole lot different to the question who do I want to die with!

 

I can't fault that response to be honest. Fair play. 

[Essex Reject]

10 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

 Best advice- don't have a legal marriage. If she insists on being married have a village wedding, which you can walk away from when it all goes wrong, and it will. 50% or western marriages fail, so why would farang men think one to a Thai woman with all the cultural stuff as well will be more successful.

If one gets married legally, she has you for everything she can get out of you, and if she manages to get a child by you, you are the meal ticket for life.

 

If one does get married, never pay for property, as you can't take that with you. Only buy things that you can use, and can afford to leave behind when it all turns to poo.

 

Yes, some do succeed, but how many out of all the thousands of Thai/farang marriages?

I knew I was in trouble when I had a m'bike accident and she had to take me to hospital every day. I expected her to be happy to help her loving husband that cared for her so well, but no gratitude was in evidence, only a reluctant misery guts that HAD to do something for her husband, but not because she wanted to. Different story when she was in hospital though.

 

Marriage is a gamble anyway. Don't put yourself in harm's way more than you have to.

Yawn. Change the record man. Not everyone is a loser.

[thaibeachlovers]

15 hours ago, roulax said:

Learn to speak thai proficiently.

Most of Thai girls learn to speak decent english as they meet a foreigner, but there are always gaps in communication and big misunderstandings linked with cultural difference.

Mastering both partners languages will help you out big time.

Do you accept that older farangs will probably never "master" Thai? Anyone with age related hearing loss will not be able to hear the difference in tones. Many times I have said something only to be told I'm saying something else, but when they say the word correctly, it sounds exactly like the one I said.

 

Anyway, who wants to be able to understand all the horrible things that Thais say about us? Not me.

I learned enough to be able to live successfully in LOS, and never felt the urge to have a conversation about what they had for dinner, or understand Thai soaps on tv.

 

When my marriage failed, it was nothing to do with not speaking Thai conversationally. My wife spoke excellent English.

[thaibeachlovers]

14 hours ago, colinneil said:

Many people married do not trust their partner, want to know where they have been, who with, check their partners phone etc.

LOL. I trusted my wife, and it wasn't till it was over that I found out how untrustworthy she had been.

Had I not trusted her, I'd have been far better off financially today.

I had no issues with her going off to do her thing, and she sometimes told me about how someone had been trying it on with her. She worked, like a normal Thai person, so I wouldn't have been able to "check up" on her all the time anyway.

 

BTW, how do they check their partner's phones when they can't read Thai?

 

14 hours ago, colinneil said:

The very small insignificant things, like telling her you love her, good night my darling, good morning my darling, we do this every day.

Us too, I knew it was over when she stopped telling me that she loved me, as she knew how important that was to me.

 

14 hours ago, colinneil said:

My wife can come and go as she pleases, if she wants to tell me where she is going/has been, up to her, i never ask.

Me too.

 

14 hours ago, colinneil said:

for over 5 years she has done almost everything for me,

That lasted the first year, then it slowly diminished to the point she wouldn't do anything for me.

[colinneil]

 

 

 

6 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

 

 

That lasted the first year, then it slowly diminished to the point she wouldn't do anything for me.

You are fully aware of my situation, so why bother posting that comment.

Ok so you are bitter regarding your time in Thailand, so you got out.

Many of us, me included have had bad experiences with Thai ladies.

You should be aware that not all Thai ladies are bad.

[neeray]

"Yes Dear"

 

I'm told that these two words are the key to a happy marriage, the whole world over.

(Apparently I wasn't a very good "yes" man, twice, in my home country)

[Tagged]

The majority of men searching for a better life in Thailand, together with the women searching a foreigner is a deadly mix, and give most very few chanches of a happy life. 

 

If both parties know to suck it up, and try to make it better for them self and for their partner, both is on their way to succeed. It takes two to tango, and that is the hardest learning. 

[thaibeachlovers]

12 minutes ago, colinneil said:

You are fully aware of my situation, so why bother posting that comment.

Ok so you are bitter regarding your time in Thailand, so you got out.

Many of us, me included have had bad experiences with Thai ladies.

You should be aware that not all Thai ladies are bad.

Sorry you took it that way. I was just contributing my experience compared to yours, and not making any comment on you personally.

Bitter about my time in Thailand? Not at all. I loved Thailand ( despite all the problems I had there ), and wished to live there till I died. Unfortunately I chose the wrong woman to do it with, and ended up not being able to live there anymore, because I didn't have enough money to pay for accommodation and medical insurance both. I could have stayed without insurance, but that's not a situation I want to get into in Thailand.

If I'm bitter, it's at myself for making the biggest mistake in my life, and getting legally married. Had I been clever, I'd have had a village wedding. I don't think I made a mistake with her initially, as she was a lovely, lovely woman, but her family ruined our marriage ( and her ).

 

[marcusarelus]

34 minutes ago, thaibeachlovers said:

 

BTW, how do they check their partner's phones when they can't read Thai?

I have a translation ap on my phone that works great for text. 

[CharlieH]

24 minutes ago, marcusarelus said:

I have a translation ap on my phone that works great for text. 

Sorry, but if anyone feels the need to examine their partners phone and get it translated etc, its already over! The trust has gone and been replaced with suspicion. Dont delude yourself because without trust you have nothing.

[Tagged]

24 minutes ago, marcusarelus said:

I have a translation ap on my phone that works great for text. 

An great translation app to wich language? 

[marcusarelus]

1 minute ago, CharlieH said:

Sorry, but if anyone feels the need to examine their partners phone and get it translated etc, its already over! The trust has gone and been replaced with suspicion. Dont delude yourself.

I was responding to a question another poster had about how do you check a woman's phone if you don't read Thai.  I use the app for lots of things while shopping or reading messages in the rest room.  I've had a number of relationships in Thailand and got used to counting the money in my wallet at night and in the morning to see if the amount was the same.  Better safe than sorry and the only being I trust is my dog. 

[marcusarelus]

7 minutes ago, Tagged said:

An great translation app to wich language? 

Translates from Thai to English and many other languages, camera, handwriting, conversation, voice.

[baansgr]

Providing your money is free flowing the relationship will last till eternity. Turn the money tap off and you will see a difference

[Skallywag]

18 hours ago, Whip Me Granny said:

What would your advice be , what after all Your years of being married to a Thai woman , in your personal opinion makes a successful long term marriage work

Are you writing a dissertation or something?  tens of thousands of books written on how to "make marriage work" "successful marriages"  Maybe Thai women on the average are different than european or american women, yet as statistics show - all marriages seem to have around a 50-50 chance. 

 

As one intelligent poster here has mentioned many times (do not see him on this thread yet), Summarizing:  take your time, get to know the person, do not rush into marriage, etc... 

Same info for anyone anywhere who has that incomprehensible need to make a relationship "official" and get a "certificate"  to make it "legal" .  Marriage does not always make a relationship more loving or caring, yet one advantage in Thailand is you can keep 400,000 baht in the bank instead of 800,000 baht if retired.

[Tagged]

32 minutes ago, marcusarelus said:

Translates from Thai to English and many other languages, camera, handwriting, conversation, voice.

I wish you good luck with trusting that one ????

 

have you become any wiser by the time using it? 

 

The day I have check my gf¨s phone, I will leave here.  

[Gecko123]

Wading into this thread feels like wading into an alligator pit, but here goes. Will keep my comments general.

 

Few years back, a poster wrote something like: "people forget to consider basic compatibility when choosing a mate." Compatibility is defined as a state in which two things are able to exist or occur together without problems or conflict. Really struck me as sage advice. When there's a cultural and/or language gap, an otherwise reasonable amount of conflict can destabilize a relationship because it takes more effort to resolve conflict across different cultures and language. Can sometimes be exhausting.

 

I'm with the guys who advocate a 'go-slow' approach to getting married, moving in together, or even getting sexually involved. I know, sounds very old fashioned, but, again, when you're talking about different cultures and language barrier, it takes a lot longer to figure out and get a solid handle on who you're dealing with. It's very easy to fake compatability. All you have to do is say 'yes' and 'up to you' a lot.

 

And I don't care how good your girlfriend's English is or how good your Thai is, it takes a lot of time to assess someone's character and values across a language barrier. You might know after a first date if she likes spicy food, but figuring out things like her integrity, interest in learning, commitment to a healthy lifestyle, financial discipline, religious views, sticktoitiveness, etc., takes a lot of time. In the vacuum created by a language barrier, it is easy to assume values are mutually held, only to discover down the road this isn't the case. Taking extra time before you commit is very wise advice.

 

[legend49]

18 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Don't get married. My GF and I are 8 years into a good relationship.

Look after the good ones well, and they will look after you even better. The trick is to find a good one.

If you are over 60, fathering children is not a good idea. Teenagers when you are in your seventies, and luk kreungs to boot?

Leave 80% of your assets in your country of origin.

 

Apologies if that doesn't fit within your template; however, you were asking for advice.

I agree, my partner and I live together for 13 years, We will never marry and the relationship is negotiable and positive. She doesnt want any more kids ( made that mistake once 23 years ago with a Thai, he did a runner after 6 months). Her honesty is about money; tells me if we are not married she cant get to my money; but once married all my money is hers.

[passiflora]

26 years already, living 20 years in my homeland, and now 6 years in isaan, even all is not perfect, we continue to love each other I hope for many others years

[shaurene]

I have been married to my Thai lady 11 yrs now. We live in a village up Khon Kaen way.

The 100% No No's are.

1: Do Not LIVE CLOSE TO FAMILY, They will be in and out of your house, borrowing or taking anything. Do not allow any to sleep overnight, dangerouse. Before you get a house make sure your wife understands your rules.

2: Do NOT lend family any money even if you document it. 

3: Do NOT LEND THEM ANY OF YOUR TOOLS OR HOUSE GOODS. YOU WILL NOT SEE THEM AGAIN OR THEY BREAK THEM AND ACT INOCENT.

4: Arrange a deal with your wife on money, monthly. And make sure she knows no more. They will tend to loan or give to some of the family.

[Dania2019]

Take care - the culture is a big difference if she is is really thai. Only few you really can trust, and the Government do what they like and don`t care about us. 

[1FinickyOne]

There are way too many tips that I can give... but let me add this... 

 

first, there are plenty of us who had first marriages in our own country where languages were in common, that had problems... more important than words are actions and intent...

 

people change, relationships change too... no guarantee that anything will remain the same. 

 

check out the family first - old adage about apple not falling far from the tree.. 

 

ps - I have a village wedding, about 18 years ago.. 

[murraynz]

20 hours ago, Lacessit said:

Don't get married. My GF and I are 8 years into a good relationship.

Look after the good ones well, and they will look after you even better. The trick is to find a good one.

If you are over 60, fathering children is not a good idea. Teenagers when you are in your seventies, and luk kreungs to boot?

Leave 80% of your assets in your country of origin.

 

Apologies if that doesn't fit within your template; however, you were asking for advice.

great advise...its such a pity that so many 'mature' farlang men, cant use this type of common sense...