How do thai guys save enough for marriage?

[Solidpoo]

Hello everyone,

 

I've got a few questions, but first let me summarise my situation.

 

Recently I got engaged with my thai gf, a recent uni grad living with her family in a rural village(farm) NE of the country, gave 50,000baht, 2 baht of gold jewelry and 2 gold rings about 20k baht, for the engagement. As you know getting engaged is not really a thing there, even her family wasnt sure about the procedure so they asked for 50k and 2 baht of gold. Anyway it went smothly and im glad its over.

 

But

 

The wedding will be next year, and i offered 250,000 baht as sin sod and 5baht of gold. Her family accepted it since they mentioned they would accept watever amount I offered, however i keep hearing from her that people in her village and family were talking about how it was too low. How is that considered low in rural thailand <deleted>. Also, i keep getting reminded of how much her friends and cousins are getting for their sinsod/gold usually 500k baht and 10 baht gold ?!.. honestly makes me feel unworthy/poor whenever I hear that.

 

Im in my mid 20s and make about 100k baht per month, i've only been working for about 2 years. I send her 20k baht each month to take care of herself and help the family. Another 20k goes to my savings. Thats leaves me with 60k for food, transport, bills etc.. and saving for the marriage.

 

So my question is,

1)how the hell does a thai man who on average earns 15,000 per month save enough to marry a thai girl, ever. While with the amount i make im struggling.

 

2) she wants a bullion for her tong mun, since she doesnt wear jewellry. So im thinking of getting a 100g PAMP bar. Could i bring it into thailand as a carry on item ? Or would i have to buy it there? 

 

Any advice or tips would be much appreciated 

 

Thanks !

[Davo369]

Are you having a laugh.......

[NCC1701A]

wait until I get some popcorn. OK. Go.

[amykat]

They are taking advantage of your low self esteem ...you are trying too hard to please them and not aware of what you have to offer.  Thais always like to use peer pressure to make you feel bad, they also like to make you feel bad for motivation for some reason.   Rather than thanking you.

 

They are negotiating and will keep asking for more as long as you keep saying yes.  Your final yes in your mind, means to them, that they did not ask for enough, because they did not hear NO yet.

 

I would start to complain and lower the amount each time your gf speaks about it.  Or say you must lower your monthly payment to her now to save for it.  Why does Mom need more gold, you just gave gold?  If she needs gold buy it out of the 20K you give each month ....<deleted>?  You should probably just dump these people, you are on a bad path that will only get worse!!  But if you insist on keeping them, better learn how to negotiate hard and get some backbone or they will eat you alive as they have started.

 

And why are you sending so much money to her?  That is what old men send to hookers who are on their payroll???  And that is a big payment!!!  You don’t need to do that ...why don’t you find a girl your age who can earn money and share life with you, not suck you down the tubes????

[NCC1701A]

47 minutes ago, Solidpoo said:

So my question is,

1)how the hell does a thai man who on average earns 15,000 per month save enough to marry a thai girl, ever. While with the amount i make im struggling.

obviously you are marring out of your league if you need to ask that question.  

 

47 minutes ago, Solidpoo said:

 gave 50,000baht, 2 baht of gold jewelry and 2 gold rings about 20k baht, for the engagement.

 

47 minutes ago, Solidpoo said:

they asked for 50k and 2 baht of gold

 

47 minutes ago, Solidpoo said:

 As you know getting engaged is not really a thing there, even her family wasnt sure about the procedure

sounds like they are very aware of the procedure.

 

47 minutes ago, Solidpoo said:

So im thinking of getting a 100g PAMP bar. Could i bring it into thailand as a carry on item ? Or would i have to buy it there? 

buy it in Thailand, that way her boyfriend will know what it is. 

[Enoon]

 

I think I remember being asked to "lend" 20,000 baht to a Thai to pay sin-sod.

 

(Rural village,NE)

 

But you think you have to pay over 10 times as much.

 

Obviously you must have landed a real treasure.

 

I envy you.

 

 

 

 

[NCC1701A]

43 minutes ago, Solidpoo said:

Im in my mid 20s and make about 100k baht per month, i've only been working for about 2 years.

break off the engagement and get away from this gold digger.

the next Thai girl you meet don't offer her anything.

if she asks for a penny dump her.

[RotBenz8888]

Can you post a picture of her, we can help you judge how much she's worth.

[NCC1701A]

51 minutes ago, Solidpoo said:

So my question is,

1)how the hell does a thai man who on average earns 15,000 per month save enough to marry a thai girl, ever. While with the amount i make im struggling.

the real question is, how does a 63 year old Farang man party with girls ten times hotter than your girlfriend and two at a time for a fraction of  what you have spent?

 

and they take the trash out.

[madmen]

Zzzzzz

[Mikisteel]

I don't believe a word of this and if you ever been in a crappy Thai village you will realise they all talk sh%t. Comparing Litrually anything they can think of like 9 year olds. Crappy issan villages not really a good example of Thailand at all IMO.

 

 

[NCC1701A]

7 minutes ago, Mikisteel said:

I don't believe a word of this

his forum name is solidpoo. ????????

[Davo369]

2 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

his forum name is solidpoo. ????????

Yeah  i clocked that one ????????

[mstevens]

In a lot of cases, a Thai man quote simply doesn't have the ability to save the amount of money that his fiancée's family requests for the sin sod. In some cases his family loans it to him / in other cases his fiancée may help him with her savings pay it - as ridiculous as that sounds.

Why did you pay her money at the engagement? That is unusual. Presenting a ring is normal, but paying money and presenting gold then and again at a marriage ceremony? Sorry, but that sounds like the piss is being taken!

The sin sod you have agreed to pay is definitely on the high side for a lady who is living in a village in a poor part of the country. At her age she should be either in education or working and you should not be required to support her other than perhaps topping up her salary a little.

Another concern I have is that you say you send money to support her and her family. Why are you not with her? Not being critical here as I am sure you have your reasons, but it does seem rather unusual to not be with the lady you're engaged to.

There are a few concerns here. Don't allow yourself to get in to a situation you're not comfortable with and / or which you don't entirely understand. Just because they say, "It's Thai culture" doesn't mean that it is, and even if it is, it doesn't mean you have to accept it!

[Davo369]

Don't believe any of that. Nooo... one is that stupid 

[mike787]

9 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

his forum name is solidpoo. ????????

smells like it too????

[mike787]

Here we go again...another foreigner shake down.... 

[NCC1701A]

can you imagine if the op is telling the truth and reading these comments? 

 

i hope he doesn't jump.

[beautifulthailand99]

39 minutes ago, NCC1701A said:

the real question is, how does a 63 year old Farang man party with girls ten times hotter than your girlfriend and two at a time for a fraction of  what you have spent?

 

and they take the trash out.

Photos please. 

[Puchaiyank]

Imagine a vampire sucking the blood from your body!  Now, you make your break and run fast as you can before all the life is gone from your body...

 

Get the picture?   Don't look back you may be hypnotized once again...

 

Be smart...you need a fresh start...????

[1FinickyOne]

Traditionally, Sin Sod is arrived at by a friend of yours meeting with a friend [representative] of the family. This avoids any direct biz negotiations between you and your new family. 

 

Thai men do not have much money and that is taken into consideration. A farang brings expectations which may not be realistic. 

 

Good luck and I hope it all works well for you. 

[1FinickyOne]

3 hours ago, NCC1701A said:

his forum name is solidpoo. ????????

Soli D. Poo... cousin of Winnie d. Poo

[KhaoYai]

I was just about to reply to this until I saw the OP's name........................jeez.

[Damrongsak]

I got this one 40 years ago for about 10,000 Baht (at 20 Baht to the dollar), but that was for food and imported booze for a hundred people it seemed.  Simple, small gold rings which may have come later. No Sin Sod, just some party money.  And the suit and dress.

 

 

 

[PatOngo]

Here we go again! ????

 

 

[jastheace]

troll alert due to newbie user name, squirtypoo would have been believable

[Damrongsak]

4 hours ago, Mikisteel said:

I don't believe a word of this and if you ever been in a crappy Thai village you will realise they all talk sh%t. Comparing Litrually anything they can think of like 9 year olds. Crappy issan villages not really a good example of Thailand at all IMO.

Been there a few times, mostly the better villages.  Sometimes you are better off talking to the water buffaloes. "Hoi, hoi!  Uh, uh, uh. Hmmmm."  They get it.

[KiChakayan]

It is funny anyone would come here to ask for advice. Keep in mind that every couple, every family, every girl guy are unique.

The thing I want to tell you is that you don't have to go through the village marriage circus. I didn't: went to Banrak, got registered, got the marriage transcription from the French embassy, which wasn't need for Australia and got on with life. I largely (for two thirds) contributed to the in laws new house, next to hours and still feel good about it 10 years later. Sometimes we talk about it with my wife, she says that some people consider we're not married, then we look back at everything we have achieved together over the last 10 years, and have a good laugh.

[soalbundy]

When a Thai son is born the parents start saving to buy gold for the wedding. The pile of money on show is usually borrowed from the bank and paid back the day after the wedding, it's all about face for both families involved. Real money is expected from falang, if you are stupid you will comply. I live with my partner of 14 years without being married and we have an 11 year old son, her father goes on about marriage and sin sod now and again but I tell him I have raised my partners two daughters, his grandchildren, from a previous marriage without help from him and he can buy his own booze without my help.

[Skallywag]

6 hours ago, Solidpoo said:

 

Im in my mid 20s and make about 100k baht per month, i've only been working for about 2 years. I send her 20k baht each month to take care of herself and help the family. Another 20k goes to my savings. Thats leaves me with 60k for food, transport, bills etc.. and saving for the marriage.

Wow - so you have been working 2 years - how many times have you been to Thailand?   Mid-20's, will you work and live in Thailand after marriage? Living here of course would mean work permit and visa issues....etc..etc..

Your money, your decision.  At your age doubt anything can really ruin you as you can always start over.

Chok dee kaap