Thai wife won't let me hold our newborn

[tifino]

6 minutes ago, rumak said:

No doubt very true.   Unfortunately this should have been established LONG time ago .  Just like with a

spoiled child:  once you let something that you do not like go on,  getting your power back is a very hard task.

Yes but apparently this has only been for a week... 

OP is caught between a rock&a hard place... the only witness to say he didn't do it right, was an unreliable unspeakable baby. The only evidence she had on him was attributing the crying ' to him... and the proof in the timing of events becomes irrelevant to her opinion.

  The Right of Reply does not exist, when you are arguing with a brick wall.

Edited August 8, 2019 by tifino

[rumak]

4 minutes ago, tifino said:

Yes but apparently this has only been for a week... 

OP is caught between a rock&a hard place... the only witness to say he didn't do it right, was an unreliable unspeakable baby. The only evidence she had on him was attributing the crying ' to him... and the proof in the timing of events becomes irrelevant to her opinion.

  The Right of Reply does not exist, when you are arguing with a brick wall.

My main point was about PREVIOUS time spent together    QUOTE:" the pattern of who set the rules was established way before this development."   This development being not being allowed to hold baby.  Maybe this is not such a big deal,  but to me "being forbid" to do something by a wife  does not make much sense in this case and I suspect is the classic wife wears the pants story.   But I could be wrong  ???? 

[MartiniMan]

4kg and 50cm your baby is bigger than anyones I have ever met are you sure that is right...

You probably got a lot of ground to cover with your wife I'd start by trying to do something useful around the house and proving your worth - maybe that will change her tune

4kg is insane man congrats! What the hell are you feeding your wife

[soistalker]

.

Edited August 8, 2019 by soistalker

[shootrrdave]

1 hour ago, 473geo said:

The op has admitted picking up the baby and not supporting its head, a big no no and actually dangerous for the child

Now he has to be patient until his wife has confidence the the baby is strong enough to with stand his clumsy approach without knowledge or experience

Nothing to stop him rocking the cradle gently and touching talking to the baby, holding can come later

 

What load of 'be assertive' codswallop on this thread

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not sure if my writing is poor or you simply misunderstood. I was holding the baby's head. 

[essox essox]

On 8/7/2019 at 11:53 AM, sammieuk1 said:

Just tell her you cant find your bank book and she needs to look for it the baby will be in your arms in an instant????

or A T M card......

[Andy59]

Man up properly put your foot down stop being a doormat and show her who's boss tell her till you hold the baby there's no money BOOM!! you'll be holding the baby within minutes 

[Tomahawk21]

Do Thai men not hold their babies? 

 

there long gone before that stage 555

[Tomahawk21]

On 8/7/2019 at 11:25 AM, Skallywag said:

Wife controls your life now, baby is now an additional bargaining chip, hold or no hold you are looking at 18 years of support at whatever amount wife decides is necessary.  Better have a good job, pensions are never enough. Keep fit and don't make waves

Yes cynical to a fault am I 55 

 

Good luck, and dog bless

classic, loved it !

[Isaanbiker]

On 8/7/2019 at 12:15 PM, Date Masamune said:

Does she let her "brother" hold the bay?

Or the guy who had his fun making it.....

[Isaanbiker]

12 minutes ago, Tomahawk21 said:

Do Thai men not hold their babies? 

 

there long gone before that stage 555

Not if they didn't produce it. 

[geoffbezoz]

6 minutes ago, Isaanbiker said:

Not if they didn't produce it. 

Are you saying they leave it to others as most Thai males are nothing but w$$$ers ? ????????

Edited August 8, 2019 by geoffbezoz

[Gilltom]

On 8/7/2019 at 11:53 AM, sammieuk1 said:

Just tell her you cant find your bank book and she needs to look for it the baby will be in your arms in an instant????

Love that reply????????

[atyclb]

On 8/7/2019 at 10:42 AM, shootrrdave said:

She says she's too small. I must wait 1 month until she is bigger. I'm dying here. Want to hold her so bad. Is this a common thing here? Do Thai men not hold their babies? Or is this my wife's way of saying she thinks I am too clumsy? 

 

There are no issues with the baby. She is healthy and was 4kg and 50cm at birth. She's a week old now and I've only gotten to hold her once and only because my wife was in another room when the baby started crying so I picked her up. She calmed right away but my wife took her away from me immediately when she returned to the room.

 

I am so jealous. Every lady in the village has held her by now, but I note that none of the men have. Am I going to have to wait another 3 weeks? 

 

 

redefines the term "pussy whipped"

[shootrrdave]

2 hours ago, tifino said:

Yes but apparently this has only been for a week... 

OP is caught between a rock&a hard place... the only witness to say he didn't do it right, was an unreliable unspeakable baby. The only evidence she had on him was attributing the crying ' to him... and the proof in the timing of events becomes irrelevant to her opinion.

  The Right of Reply does not exist, when you are arguing with a brick wall.

To clarify, I was left alone in the bedroom with the baby. Yes, she trusts me alone. I am also allowed to touch the baby and can put on her little mittens and foot covers. I didn't pick her up until she started crying and it was apparent that mom wasn't coming back immediately. She immediately stopped crying and I continued to hold her until mom's return at which point she took her away from me. She did not accuse me of making the baby cry. She simply said the baby was too small for me and I must wait until she is bigger. 

[elcaro]

I have a newborn and I would not cope with this. I set very strict rules regarding others touching and carrying the baby and this includes they have to disinfect their hands before they get even close. 

 

I was the first one to hold the baby after birth as I was in the operation room for the c section. (Incredible experience!). We take decisions together, but if I put my foot down about something, then that happens. 

 

There is no day that I dont hold and play with our baby and I would not accept it if my wife told me otherwise.

 

If you dont set boundaries now, I'm not sure how the future will go, but doesn't look good.

[Macthehat]

Superstition plays a big part in thai lives . My gf told me when our son was a few weeks old he needed to have his head completely shaved ASAP . I couldn't understand the logic in this ,It wasn't as if he looked like a gorilla fs , just a normal hair length for a child that age . And the best about it was , not just anyone could shave his head ..it had to be the oldest lady in the village . I was horrified at this and quickly declined and explained this is not normal for someone with 1 foot in the grave to take a razor to a newborn's head . 

So after a lot of talk I decided the only option to keep all happy was to shave it myself . At least I had a steady hand and the child would have all his ears afterwards.  

Holding your own child is something she shouldn't deny you , so I would stand firm and explain this is an insult to you . If she declines then this is a prelude of more problems to come for you.  Goodluck 

Edited August 8, 2019 by Macthehat
Spelling error

[shootrrdave]

1 hour ago, MartiniMan said:

4kg and 50cm your baby is bigger than anyones I have ever met are you sure that is right...

You probably got a lot of ground to cover with your wife I'd start by trying to do something useful around the house and proving your worth - maybe that will change her tune

4kg is insane man congrats! What the hell are you feeding your wife

Yes 4kg and 50cm.

 

I myself was 4.3 and 55

 

She was delivered ceasarian. The doctor was rightfully nervous about mom's ability to deliver safely. 

 

If there had been any doubt about her being mine it was erased by those numbers. ????

 

And now, at the risk of being told yet again that I need to "grow a pair" I am already helping out as much as possible. Dishes, laundry, I'm on it. I even cooked spaghetti for her on Sunday. 

[justin case]

you just got a baby

 

well now she has a way to make you pay the rest of your life

 

with your child as bargaining chip, insurance for ATM

 

second child, she might eventually love, raise as golden child

 

you know, thainess

[gamesgplayemail]

Luckily kids are not made with balls...

 

[spidermike007]

22 hours ago, marcusarelus said:

What are your qualification for marriage adviser in Thailand?

I have a very successful marriage here. And I took my time getting to know her, and set boundaries and limits from the beginning, and always remained the man of the house. Something alot of ex-pats do not seem to be willing to do, be capable of, or are afraid of even trying. Someone has to be the man of the house, or the captain of the ship. I think most Thai women want to man to assume, and maintain that role. However if he is unable to do so, she will take over. Then life becomes a pale shadow of what it could be. Role playing in a relationship can be a very healthy thing.

[BritManToo]

4 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

I have a very successful marriage here. 

Which means she hasn't kicked me out of the house and land I bought her so far.

Success or failure in a marriage can only be calculated after one of you has died.

 

My marriage here was also very successful, until it wasn't.

[CanadaSam]

Dave, something is not right here.

 

You say baby is 7 days old, delivered by C section.

 

Then you say mother comes back into the room and takes baby from you.

 

I say, no way in hell 7 days after a C section any woman on this planet will be able to walk around, let alone take babies away from you.

 

She was cut open down her middle, and would be lying in bed (probably a hospital bed) 7 days after this type of major surgery.

 

Are you sure you are not mistaking wife for MIL, LOL?

[BritManToo]

6 minutes ago, CanadaSam said:

I say, no way in hell 7 days after a C section any woman on this planet will be able to walk around, let alone take babies away from you.

My Brit wife had a last minute C-section in the UK (age 41 in 2001), she was walking around Tesco with me and the baby 24hrs later. She pushed the trolley while I carried the baby.

Edited August 8, 2019 by BritManToo

[thailand49]

On 8/6/2019 at 9:25 PM, Skallywag said:

Wife controls your life now, baby is now an additional bargaining chip, hold or no hold you are looking at 18 years of support at whatever amount wife decides is necessary.  Better have a good job, pensions are never enough. Keep fit and don't make waves

Yes cynical to a fault am I 55 

 

Good luck, and dog bless

Tough, she won't hesitate when you need to buy the formula, vaccines, pamper, etc etc..  sit her down and have a good talk with her. 

[shootrrdave]

28 minutes ago, CanadaSam said:

Dave, something is not right here.

 

You say baby is 7 days old, delivered by C section.

 

Then you say mother comes back into the room and takes baby from you.

 

I say, no way in hell 7 days after a C section any woman on this planet will be able to walk around, let alone take babies away from you.

 

She was cut open down her middle, and would be lying in bed (probably a hospital bed) 7 days after this type of major surgery.

 

Are you sure you are not mistaking wife for MIL, LOL?

We stayed in the hospital for 3 days after the birth. She still had considerable pain but she was mobile. 

[shootrrdave]

Everyone can relax. Same scenario again today. Mom out of the room and baby starts crying. Picked her up and she's got the hiccups. Put her to my shoulder until she stopped and then settled her into my lap on the bed in a nice safe position (with proper head support) as has been suggested by several people. Got a good 20 minutes with her. When mom came in she gave me a "what do you think you are doing" look and I explained that the baby was crying and needed attention and specifically made no move as if to give her up. Mom hesitated a moment and then seemed to accept it. It helped that the baby was clearly comfortable. She didn't try to take her away and even allowed me to move her back to the crib on my own.

 

I imagine we will still have issues but at least it's a step in the right direction.

 

Thank you everyone for your comments. It has been mildly entertaining. 

 

[geoffbezoz]

7 minutes ago, shootrrdave said:

Everyone can relax. Same scenario again today. Mom out of the room and baby starts crying. Picked her up and she's got the hiccups. Put her to my shoulder until she stopped and then settled her into my lap on the bed in a nice safe position (with proper head support) as has been suggested by several people. Got a good 20 minutes with her. When mom came in she gave me a "what do you think you are doing" look and I explained that the baby was crying and needed attention and specifically made no move as if to give her up. Mom hesitated a moment and then seemed to accept it. It helped that the baby was clearly comfortable. She didn't try to take her away and even allowed me to move her back to the crib on my own.

 

I imagine we will still have issues but at least it's a step in the right direction.

 

Thank you everyone for your comments. It has been mildly entertaining. 

 

That's all good news. Perhaps you can post again when you change her pampers as most of TVF await with baited breath.

[CharlieH]

Given the OP post above #157,I think this can now close.