Diary of a farang in Isaan

[Odysseus123]

4 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

I think you may have misinterpreted my play on words there Ody I was just taking the puss!See that's the kiwi accent.Relax and don't take things too literally.I do have a warped and cryptic sense of humour so I'm sorry if you were offended by it, it wasn't intended to offend.

Eh?????

Edited June 20, 2021 by Odysseus123

[FarFlungFalang]

57 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Eh?????

It just just occurred to me that you may have thought I was referring to your good self with my use of the word "deadsh!t"! My apologies Ody I wasn't referring to you you silly dill, I was just expanding on Mr owl's use of the word "dead" and trying to be funny, it took me a bit to realise what got your goat up.I was actually going to use "it takes one to know many".So again please accept my apologies Ody it was all a "misunderstanding". 

[owl sees all]

35 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

It just just occurred to me that you may have thought I was referring to your good self with my use of the word "deadsh!t"! My apologies Ody I wasn't referring to you you silly dill, I was just expanding on Mr owl's use of the word "dead" and trying to be funny, it took me a bit to realise what got your goat up.I was actually going to use "it takes one to know many".So again please accept my apologies Ody it was all a "misunderstanding". 

This is Ozzie humour at its best.

 

I know a Eucalyptus joke:

 

Operator: What is your location sir?

Aussie: On Eucalyptus Street.

Operator: How do you Spell that sir?

After 10 minutes or so.

Operator: Are you there sir?

 

Aussie; Sorry about that. I've now walked round to Oak Road.

Edited June 20, 2021 by owl sees all

[FarFlungFalang]

4 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

This is Ozzie humour at its best.

 

I know a Eucalyptus joke:

 

A man get a message from his sister in Tasmania.

 

"Where are you now Croc? Type in the name of the street and I'll find you."

"OK Shelia. Hold on a minute.@

 

 

Operator: What is your location sir?

Aussie:On Eucalyptus Street.

Operator: How do you Spell that sir?

Silence..... (heavy breathing) and after a minute or so...

Operator: Are you there sir?

More heavy breathing and another minute later...

Operator: Sir, can you hear me?

This goes on for another few minutes until...

Operator:Sir, please answer me. Can you still hear me?

Aussie: Yes, sorry bout dat... I couldn't spell
eucalyptus, so I just dragged him around to Oak Street.

Good one Mr Owl I'll have to remember that one!

[owl sees all]

I've simplified it.

 

7 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

Good one Mr Owl I'll have to remember that one!

 

Far too complicated as it was originally.

[Odysseus123]

32 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

.So again please accept my apologies Ody it was all a "misunderstanding". 

I thought that the "Eh?" ???? was a good Kiwi compromise...????

[FarFlungFalang]

7 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

I thought that the "Eh?" ???? was a good Kiwi compromise...????

Sorry again Ody I really made a flustercuck out of that.And the Eh went right over my head and was wondering what Sandgroper's had to do with it!They say Eh a lot in WA as well eh!

[owl sees all]

And for those Brits still think of making Oz their permanent home.

 

An English guy travelling to Australia on holiday is stopped at customs after getting off the plane. The customs agent asks him, "business or pleasure?"

"Pleasure," he replies.

"Anything to declare?"

"Only my English sense of humour?" The Aussie customs agent looks up, clearly not amused.

"Do you have a criminal history?" Thinking that the customs man has taken him seriously, he starts to look concerned. And starts to sweat noticeably.

"What's wrong?" the customs agent asks; seeing beads of sweat running down the man's face..

"Oh, I'm sorry," the Englisher replies. "No, I don't have a criminal history. I didn't realise we still needed one to get in."

Edited June 20, 2021 by owl sees all

[Odysseus123]

6 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

Sorry again Ody I really made a flustercuck out of that.And the Eh went right over my head and was wondering what Sandgroper's had to do with it!They say Eh a lot in WA as well eh!

Now look what you have done...opened the Pandora's box on Owl's sense of humour.

You could be forgiven for many things...many things...(sigh)

[owl sees all]

9 minutes ago, Odysseus123 said:

Now look what you have done...opened the Pandora's box on Owl's sense of humour.

You could be forgiven for many things...many things...(sigh)

Last one; honest.

 

A Kiwi and an Aussie were fishing one afternoon and the conversation got a little personal.

 

Aussie; "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work. And she got pregnant; and had a baby. Would that make us related?"

Kiwi; "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

 

Any more will go onto the Worst Joke' thread.

 

Edited June 20, 2021 by owl sees all

[FarFlungFalang]

22 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

I've simplified it.

 

 

Far too complicated as it was originally.

Here's one of my fav's.

Mick was driving to work and saw his neighbour Paddy standing in his paddock, but Paddy wasn't doing anything, just standing there.The next day Mick went to work and saw Paddy standing in his paddock again,and again Paddy wasn't doing anything just standing there.The went on for a couple of more days until Mick finally stopped and went over to Paddy to ask what was going on.

"Paddy what the heck are you doing?Every day this week I passed and see you standing here but you don't seem to be doing anything"

"Well Mick I've been a bit depressed lately so I went to see the doctor to see if he could help.I explained to the doctor that I was depressed because I didn't seem to making much of my life and my job wasn't very satisfying and asked him what I should do, so the doctor told me to get ahead in life I needed to be outstanding in my field! "

[owl sees all]

1 minute ago, FarFlungFalang said:

Here's one of my fav's.

Mick was driving to work and saw his neighbour Paddy standing in his paddock, but Paddy wasn't doing anything, just standing there.The next day Mick went to work and saw Paddy standing in his paddock again,and again Paddy wasn't doing anything just standing there.The went on for a couple of more days until Mick finally stopped and went over to Paddy to ask what was going on.

"Paddy what the heck are you doing?Every day this week I passed and see you standing here but you don't seem to be doing anything"

"Well Mick I've been a bit depressed lately so I went to see the doctor to see if he could help.I explained to the doctor that I was depressed because I didn't seem to making much of my life and my job wasn't very satisfying and asked him what I should do, so the doctor told me to get ahead in life I needed to be outstanding in my field! "

Like it. Just one more.

 

No sorry, on second thoughts, it's too sophisticated for this thread. I know Aussies post here.

 

See jokes.

[Odysseus123]

6 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

See jokes

Well....ever since Admiral Tom Phillips took HM Ships 'Prince of Wales' and 'Repulse' to sea in December,1941 we have tended to ignore sea jokes.

[roo860]

On 6/16/2021 at 6:35 AM, FarFlungFalang said:

You’ll always find me in the kitchen at parties!

 

 

Nice corduroy trousers, very 60's!

????????

[FarFlungFalang]

1 minute ago, owl sees all said:

Like it. Just one more.

 

No sorry, on second thoughts, it's too sophisticated for this thread. I know Aussies post here.

 

See jokes.

Come on Mr Owl out with it these are the best jokes I heard in ages, which reminds of another of my fav's.

Little Johnny was in class when the teacher asked the kids to think of a word then spell the word and then use the word in a sentence.

Mary put up her hand and the teachers said go ahead Mary.

 

Mary said her word was "black" B L A C K Our family has a black cat!

 

Very good Mary the teacher said 

 

Little Johnny put his hand up and the teacher asked him what his word was.

 

Little Johnny said it was "contagious" C O N T A G I O U S . My dad was driving me home yesterday and we saw a truck with a load of oranges that tipped over and my dad said" It will take that contagious to pick all those up!"

[FarFlungFalang]

2 minutes ago, roo860 said:

Nice corduroy trousers, very 60's!

????????

Levi's none the less picked up at the Levi factory seconds shop in Sukhumvit Rd for 300 baht a pair.

[owl sees all]

48 minutes ago, FarFlungFalang said:

Come on Mr Owl out with it these are the best jokes I heard in ages, which reminds of another of my fav's.

Little Johnny was in class when the teacher asked the kids to think of a word then spell the word and then use the word in a sentence.

Mary put up her hand and the teachers said go ahead Mary.

 

Mary said her word was "black" B L A C K Our family has a black cat!

 

Very good Mary the teacher said 

 

Little Johnny put his hand up and the teacher asked him what his word was.

 

Little Johnny said it was "contagious" C O N T A G I O U S . My dad was driving me home yesterday and we saw a truck with a load of oranges that tipped over and my dad said" It will take that contagious to pick all those up!"

Don't want to stray too far off topic. So here's a Thai funny; or two.

 

I asked Mrs Owl - during a sweet moment - "What would you really like in bed teerak?"

"Oh farang Owl. What I'd like is a tent of lovers."

I was shocked. "A tent of lovers?"

"Yes; not like you; elephant! Like lover be at-tent-ive."

 

*******

 

I was looking in the mirror, expanding my chest, and flexing my shoulders. Mrs Owl walked past. "Blad Plitt" she whispered in my ear. I was over the moon. Gave me extra impetus.

 

An hour Mrs was engrossed in the TV. I glanced up. It was our hero in Benjamin Button. 

 

"Teerak; Mrs Owl; teerak. There he is! Brad Pitt."

It didn't seem to register with her at all.

"What you say ting-tong farang?"

"It's our hero; Brad! You whispered his name in my ear this morning, when I was doing my exercises.. Don't you remember."

 

"I not call you Blad Plitt. I say 'fat pig'."

Edited June 20, 2021 by owl sees all

[chickenslegs]

3 hours ago, roo860 said:

Nice corduroy trousers, very 60's!

????????

Corduroy trousers may have gone out of fashion, but have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.

 

 

[FarFlungFalang]

17 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

Corduroy trousers may have gone out of fashion, but have you heard about those new corduroy pillows? They're making headlines.

 

 

My old man wore cords in the sixties so when I saw them I grabbed as many as I could and found the to be much cooler and comfortable to wear especially in Thailand where I would normally wear jeans.

[bannork]

On 6/19/2021 at 2:02 AM, chickenslegs said:

I'm out here near Surin just now, as the schools are still closed in Chonburi. Most days my daughter (9) and I take a bicycle ride in the lanes around my wife's farm. We have learned to deal with the numerous dogs that like to chase us away from their territory but, yesterday, we found ourselves behind a group of 5 buffalo (looked like 2 adults, 2  adolescents and a new-born).

There was an elderly lady herding them along and whacking them with a stick. She signalled us to ride past, but we waited behind until they were safely off the road into a field.

Those buffalo are huge and have dangerous looking horns but nobody seems to fear them.

I just find myself wondering whether or not these beasts are safe to be near.

Around here there seem to be a lot of folks just moving cattle and buffaloes from one place to another all day long, yet I don't see any milk collection trucks, and never see buffalo meat for sale.

 

Buffaloes are much more placid than cows which is why you see old folks still herding them.

They'll happily walk in a line for a kilometre or two to their pastures.

You won't get that easily with cows. Too many personal enmities mean jostling and threatening gestures with horns on any journey.

[Will27]

This sign is where I'm from in Western Australia.

 

It was many years ago at Bullens Lion Park.

 

 

[Mutt Daeng]

11 hours ago, bannork said:

Buffaloes are much more placid than cows which is why you see old folks still herding them.

They'll happily walk in a line for a kilometre or two to their pastures.

You won't get that easily with cows. Too many personal enmities mean jostling and threatening gestures with horns on any journey.

I agree about buffaloes being more placid than cows. I've been knocked off my bicycle by a cow because they were jostling for position in the road while approaching me. I'm quite comfortable riding alongside/weaving my way through 20-30 buffaloes,  with their dangerous looking horns and all. Also, buffaloes don't seem to be spooked by dogs but cows are IMHO.

[bannork]

I got knocked out by a cow which suddenly emerged from behind some bushes and ran across the road. My motorbike ploughed straight into it. The cow was alright but I spent a night in hospital for concussion.

 

[owl sees all]

Owl Log - 21-06-2021 - Monday evening

 

Just a quickie.

 

Exciting things in Ban Dung. The pipe-laying is now well into town. Concrete most of the way from here on in. Still don't know where it's coming from or going to. Mrs Owl was with me this afternoon. She is not always as patient as she might be, and I was lucky to get the pics..

 

 

Looks like they have connected some together. Should have had a closer look. I will tomorrow.

 

 

 

First a machine cuts into the concrete.

 

 

The businesses are probably not best pleased; but they understand progress. The bank didn't seem to lose much custom.

 

 

Following on about 50 metres behind the concrete breaker comes the special digger.

 

 

That's good dear. Take care of kid sister.

 

 

Time for pipes. And slabs at the ready.

 

 

 

Not put all the slabs back yet. But when they do, it's a grand job.

 

 

Have a closer look tomorrow. Try to glean info on what it's all about.

 

Take care out there.

 

Bye y'all.

Edited June 21, 2021 by owl sees all

[Golden Triangle]

I think the black with blue line is for water, the smaller cable could be anything, we have black polyurethane pipes with a blue line but well over 4 times the size of yours here on the darkside of pattaya, maybe the small one resting on top is telephone/internet etc.

 

Just for info, the last 2 nights have seen tremendous storms here, actually went out for the first time in 3 months this afternoon, had to visit the hospital and check on the status of our reservation for Moderna vax, had a drive around town after, the place is dead, not sure I agree with the idiot in charge about opening the country but I have no say so no point  saying  anything, cheers all ???? 

[chickenslegs]

39 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

 

First a machine cuts into the concrete.

I might be my eyesight, but it looks like the footpath is laid with paving slabs. So why not raise a line of them, rather than use that jackhammer?

 

It's a rhetorical question really, but I seem to remember from school that I should still use a question mark.

[owl sees all]

9 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

I think the black with blue line is for water, the smaller cable could be anything, we have black polyurethane pipes with a blue line but well over 4 times the size of yours here on the darkside of pattaya, maybe the small one resting on top is telephone/internet etc.

 

Just for info, the last 2 nights have seen tremendous storms here, actually went out for the first time in 3 months this afternoon, had to visit the hospital and check on the status of our reservation for Moderna vax, had a drive around town after, the place is dead, not sure I agree with the idiot in charge about opening the country but I have no say so no point  saying  anything, cheers all ???? 

 

Nothing even resembling rain, or storm, here for well over a week. We'll have anything that's going.

 

I thought the pipes were to carry cables. Then I thought the black ones could be protection for PVC lengths. But cant see many. Mrs Owl says water. I'll try to find out this week. Maybe ask in the bank. They would know.

 

Moderna jab eh!? Interesting!

 

 

[Golden Triangle]

29 minutes ago, owl sees all said:

 

Nothing even resembling rain, or storm, here for well over a week. We'll have anything that's going.

 

I thought the pipes were to carry cables. Then I thought the black ones could be protection for PVC lengths. But cant see many. Mrs Owl says water. I'll try to find out this week. Maybe ask in the bank. They would know.

 

Moderna jab eh!? Interesting!

 

 

Considering your frequent absences from this most popular thread in the past months I'm not sure if I should respond my friend, ???? anyway, suffice to say that even after our visit to the local private hospital I'm still none the wiser as to whether myself and Mrs GT are still on any list anymore, there is a thread going that I have replied to explaining my adventures this afternoon, and as an end note I would just like to point out that we move in different spheres, you live in a small village where most people aren't overly familiar or concerned about the virus, and although I live well out of the city of Pattaya I or my Mrs  has to run the gauntlet when it comes to shopping etc, which is not a good feeling for either of us, but at nearly 68, overweight a bit & suffering from hypertension it's a lot easier for the Mrs to do the shopping than me.

Anyway mate have a good evening, enjoy the Reishie wine ???? I'm having a large G & T ????

 

[chickenslegs]

40 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

 ... I or my Mrs  has to run the gauntlet when it comes to shopping etc ...

I've been using Tops and Tesco lotus online for about a year now. Delivery the same day, if booked early enough, or next day at the latest - even while we have been staying on the farm out in the sticks (tried Big C online, but their website is terrible).

 

A few things that are in the shops are not available on the websites, but there are bogof offers online that don't seem to be available in the shops.

 

Of course, fresh fruit and veg are picked by their staff, so you can't "sniff and squeeze", but you can choose to pay cash on delivery, so that you can refuse any items that are not up to scratch (very rare in IME).

 

[Golden Triangle]

4 minutes ago, chickenslegs said:

I've been using Tops and Tesco lotus online for about a year now. Delivery the same day, if booked early enough, or next day at the latest - even while we have been staying on the farm out in the sticks (tried Big C online, but their website is terrible).

 

A few things that are in the shops are not available on the websites, but there are bogof offers online that don't seem to be available in the shops.

 

Of course, fresh fruit and veg are picked by their staff, so you can't "sniff and squeeze", but you can choose to pay cash on delivery, so that you can refuse any items that are not up to scratch (very rare in IME).

 

Yep I tried Big C online also, bloody awful website as you say, a lot is not available online which is kinda depressing, there is a very nice bread they do, loads of grains, uncut, I do the cutting  at home, perfect ????

 

But honestly, there is much missing it's a joke, cheese, meat from the fresh meat counter etc etc ????