Want Vasectomy. No kids. How to convince doctor to perform?

[FALCON1]

Hello. I've seen some discussion here and my general impression is that many/most doctors in Thailand will only perform a vasectomy for men who meet most or all of the criteria below:

• At least a certain age. Maybe 30, maybe 40
• Currently married, sometimes they ask/require the wife to come along and confirm desire for the vasectomy
• Currently has at least two children over the age of 5

 

——————————

 

My personal situation:

• 37 years old
• No children
• Never married. I’ve had long-term relationships.
• Never, ever wanted to have children. Specifically want to NOT have them.
• My family does have some poor medical history including some inheritable problems (heart defects causing early death, Multiple Sclerosis, many allergies
• In Thailand this time until 5 January. (Then Vietnam, Indonesia, Malaysia. Listing these incase folks here know that it’s easier to get a vasectomy there. I’m not planning to go to Singapore)

 

——————————

 

My impression is if I go to the PDA clinic or some other doctor and I am straightforward - saying “I have never wanted children. I’m as sure as I can possibly be that I will never want to. I don’t have any children because I’ve thought this through and been responsible. So let’s do this.” they will say no and try to get me to leave.

 

——————————

 

I am new to Thailand and I don’t have much experience using logic or charm to convince Thai people.

 

So - what do you folks recommend I do to try to make this happen. Some options that have popped into my head are:

 

1. Be completely honest.
2. If they say no, go back a few times and try again. (to either get different decision makers, or to show how serious I am/build familiarity/wear them down)
3. Tell them that I do have children. I could show pictures of me with nephews, but of course I couldn’t show them birth certificates. I suppose I could create fake birth certificates that would look pretty convincing as being a photocopies of them, but I don’t know if I want to go to that level of deception
4. Explain or exaggerate my family history of medical conditions and that I don’t want to pass on my bad genes
5. Some sort of appeal to public good along with proclaiming I wouldn’t support children “Look, I’m dating and having sex with women here. I’m going to leave. I’m not taking a woman or children with me. We don’t want some poor girl here stuck raising a kid alone, do we?”    (I’d be very hesitant to try this one as I think it could cause extreme offense)
6. Others? What?

 

Which of these do you think I should try?

 

[FALCON1]

Another option I forgot to include:

7 - Let them know I'll give a large donation. (I've read that most donations are 50-100 Baht, so, maybe something like 3-5k)

[Moonlover]

Just go in there and be straight with the doctor. It's your body and your life. If he refuses, go elsewhere. No need to bribe. 

[scubascuba3]

i went to the PDA for a vasectomy a few months ago, but they wouldn't do it, they wanted to see children birth certificates and photos which i don't have as no children. You could try bunging them some money, I didn't try that, they weren't looking for it

Edited December 12, 2019 by scubascuba3

[CNXexpat]

With 37 you should be old enough to make your decisions. If the doctor thinks that you are unable to make them, search another one. 

[kingofthemountain]

Interesting topic

i am 55 with already a 24 yo child

i have also raised a Thai child (Not mine) during 10 years with my ex gf 

and she is now in university in Bangkok.

I do not want anymore and same as the OP i will be interested to know too if 

someone has done a vasectomy here in Thailand (Where? Was it difficult? what was the price? )

[baansgr]

Pattaya city hospital will do it, 20k

[scubascuba3]

7 minutes ago, kingofthemountain said:

Interesting topic

i am 55 with already a 24 yo child

i have also raised a Thai child (Not mine) during 10 years with my ex gf 

and she is now in university in Bangkok.

I do not want anymore and same as the OP i will be interested to know too if 

someone has done a vasectomy here in Thailand (Where? Was it difficult? what was the price? )

At the PDA its free but expected to give donation, something like 1000-1500 baht. Location is same building as Cabbages and Condoms  Bangkok

[FALCON1]

37 minutes ago, kingofthemountain said:

Interesting topic

i will be interested to know too if 

someone has done a vasectomy here in Thailand (Where? Was it difficult? what was the price? )

I've read that 80% of the vasectomies performed in Bangkok are done at PDA. That's one reason I want to do it at PDA and not with some other doctor who does them only rarely.

 

I've found a handful of accounts of people who had one done there. The general consensus is: "No frills but they did a good job". That, and they (along with other surgeons) turn away people without numerous kids. Given your age, I think it's likely they'd do one for you.

Edited December 12, 2019 by FALCON1

[YorkshireTyke]

I didn't know it was called PDA, I only knew it as Cabbages and Condoms, I emailed them for an appointment 2 years ago when my only child was 3 and they declined. Someone told me to message the boss direct, Khun Mechai, which I did and he agreed I could have the op. I think the nurses on day to day duty just follow the guidelines/rules. Tell them you will donate 2,000 Baht and all should be OK. In and out in around 30 minutes I seem to remember. I know I rang my pre booked taxi to come earlier as it was finished sooner than I expected. Good Luck.

[Sheryl]

They usually don't want to do on men without any children but your age is in your favor.

 

Don't lie but do stress your long standing decision and the genetic issues.

 

You might have even more success in VN. I doubt Malaysia or Indonesia.

[FALCON1]

5 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

i went to the PDA for a vasectomy a few months ago, but they wouldn't do it, they wanted to see children birth certificates and photos ....

How old are you? Are you married?

[scubascuba3]

6 hours ago, FALCON1 said:

How old are you? Are you married?

50 not married, they are getting strict on proof it seems of children. Daft i know

[Langsuan Man]

Go to Singapore, civilized medicine without moral judgments 

[FALCON1]

I went into the clinic today. Short version: got rejected.

 

Here's what happened.

 

 - I spoke with women at the desk of the vasectomy area. There were 2 at first, and a third joined.

 - The first thing they said to me was "how many children?"

 - I asked them to clarify why they ask that (hoping to find an angle of how to reason past the rule). They said various things: "It's the rule"... "It's a law of Thailand".. "It's the rule of the clinic" their English was decent but not great, so they were searching for the right words at times. They gave me a sheet of paper with a list of rules and information. Now I wish I had taken a picture of it to show here. There were 7 or so rules. #1 is you must have two children. #2 is if you only have one child, it must be over 5 years old. Then there are some others. One is that if you are divorced, you need counseling with the doctor first (a discussion, I believe, not like therapy)

 - I asked why they have the requirements of children, about 4-5 times throughout the conversation. I think I made them a bit uncomfortable. I was asking in polite and gentle ways.

 - I also asked that if I have other reasons for wanting a vasectomy, are those taken into consideration to loosen the child rule. (can't remember is I mentioned the reason being my family's poor medical history) They sort of said yes, and said that I could discuss this stuff with a doctor. I thought that was a good sign. They said I'd have to wait about 30 minutes to see the doctor.

 - Within a minute, while we were still talking, a/the doctor came walking by. The women (I believe) summarized our conversation for him in Thai. I gave him a bit of my "I don't have kids because I never ever wanted them, and I'm never going to) spiel. I didn't get around to explaining the medical history thing. He was more certain and final with his language, and after maybe a minute of talking he said "if you want one, go to a private hospital, they will do it. He mentioned one by name that starts with a B but I couldn't recognize. They said the cost is 10k-20k baht. At that point I gave up trying to convince him, because I felt that was kind of a check-mate in the conversation. While I'd strongly prefer to have it done free, I could pay that. 

 

If I were in the U.S., where I've lived all my life (and am much better at convincing people, getting details out of people, recognizing how much I can keep pushing, etc.) I would have tried harder. But here, I don't know how things work all that well, and I don't really know the details of who these services are meant for, and so on. 

 

 

Something I forgot to clarify for them is my age. I'm 37. Most Thai people, when I tell them my age, sayI look more like 30 (not sure if that's just a compliment they all say, or if they really think so). It's possible that all these people involved though I was closer to 30.

 

Given how the conversation starts, if I were to do this again from the start, I would:

 - Ask the doctor to sit down and talk with me for 10-15 minutes (instead of the brief standing discussion we had)

- Maybe - fake some birth certificates. I could do this easily. (The list of rules did have some other documents that they expected, though I can't recall what it was)

 

For now, I'll just wait and get it done in a different country.

Edited December 16, 2019 by FALCON1

[scubascuba3]

10 minutes ago, FALCON1 said:

I went into the clinic today. Short version: got rejected.

 

Here's what happened.

 

 - I spoke with women at the desk of the vasectomy area. There were 2 at first, and a third joined.

 - The first thing they said to me was "how many children?"

 - I asked them to clarify why they ask that (hoping to find an angle of how to reason past the rule). They said various things: "It's the rule"... "It's a law of Thailand".. "It's the rule of the clinic" their English was decent but not great, so they were searching for the right words at times. They gave me a sheet of paper with a list of rules and information. Now I wish I had taken a picture of it to show here. There were 7 or so rules. #1 is you must have two children. #2 is if you only have one child, it must be over 5 years old. Then there are some others. One is that if you are divorced, you need counseling with the doctor first (a discussion, I believe, not like therapy)

 - I asked why they have the requirements of children, about 4-5 times throughout the conversation. I think I made them a bit uncomfortable. I was asking in polite and gentle ways.

 - I also asked that if I have other reasons for wanting a vasectomy, are those taken into consideration to loosen the child rule. (can't remember is I mentioned the reason being my family's poor medical history) They sort of said yes, and said that I could discuss this stuff with a doctor. I thought that was a good sign. They said I'd have to wait about 30 minutes to see the doctor.

 - Within a minute, while we were still talking, a/the doctor came walking by. The women (I believe) summarized our conversation for him in Thai. I gave him a bit of my "I don't have kids because I never ever wanted them, and I'm never going to) spiel. I didn't get around to explaining the medical history thing. He was more certain and final with his language, and after maybe a minute of talking he said "if you want one, go to a private hospital, they will do it. He mentioned one by name that starts with a B but I couldn't recognize. They said the cost is 10k-20k baht. At that point I gave up trying to convince him, because I felt that was kind of a check-mate in the conversation. While I'd strongly prefer to have it done free, I could pay that. 

 

If I were in the U.S., where I've lived all my life (and am much better at convincing people, getting details out of people, recognizing how much I can keep pushing, etc.) I would have tried harder. But here, I don't know how things work all that well, and I don't really know the details of who these services are meant for, and so on. 

 

 

Something I forgot to clarify for them is my age. I'm 37. Most Thai people, when I tell them my age, sayI look more like 30 (not sure if that's just a compliment they all say, or if they really think so). It's possible that all these people involved though I was closer to 30.

 

Given how the conversation starts, if I were to do this again from the start, I would:

 - Ask the doctor to sit down and talk with me for 10-15 minutes (instead of the brief standing discussion we had)

- Maybe - fake some birth certificates. I could do this easily. (The list of rules did have some other documents that they expected, though I can't recall what it was)

 

For now, I'll just wait and get it done in a different country.

You didn't try offering money?

 

your description matches my experience a few months ago. Failing the offering the money route, it seems only lying with photos\birth certificates will work

[NancyL]

I know an American in Chiang Mai who was successful in getting a vasectomy at a private hospital.  I think he was around age 54 or 55.  Never had children, never wanted any.  Good thing, too, because a Thai girlfriend later tried to pull the stunt of claiming she was pregnant by him.

[phycokiller]

3 minutes ago, NancyL said:

I know an American in Chiang Mai who was successful in getting a vasectomy at a private hospital.  I think he was around age 54 or 55.  Never had children, never wanted any.  Good thing, too, because a Thai girlfriend later tried to pull the stunt of claiming she was pregnant by him.

had a friend of similar age that also had it done in CM. I think it got infected. In any case he was in pain and out of action for several months afterwards. Put me off ever having it done in Thailand anyway

[NancyL]

3 hours ago, phycokiller said:

had a friend of similar age that also had it done in CM. I think it got infected. In any case he was in pain and out of action for several months afterwards. Put me off ever having it done in Thailand anyway

My friend, really Hubby's friend, had no problems.  He continued to regale the guys at Monday lunch with his exploits soon after the procedure.

[Sheryl]

19 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

You didn't try offering money?

 

 

 

Won't work at PDA

[Sheryl]

The hospital with a "B" he referred to is probably Bumrungrad,.

 

But even there, some doctors will refuse and you'd likely waste some time going from one to another to find one willing.

 

This is frankly an easier thing to do in your own country/culture. The reason being that any doctor will want to interview you and ascertain that your decision is not an impulsive one, you are sure of what you want and  understand the permanent nature of the procedure,you  have given the matter due consideration over time, and you are mentally stable. 

 

These are all subjective assessments and it is difficult to make them across a cultural barrier.

 

As it sounds like you are just traveling through Thailand and do not live here, I'd just waiting and doing this back home. 

 

Or you could also try in Viet Nam, I think in general easier there.

[Langsuan Man]

It's not only Thailand, when I wanted one, unmarried, no children, in the US state of Virginia,  I had to wait 30 days as a "cooling off " period.  So I had it done on the 31st day 

[Momofarang]

On 12/12/2019 at 5:32 PM, kingofthemountain said:

Interesting topic

i am 55 with already a 24 yo child

i have also raised a Thai child (Not mine) during 10 years with my ex gf 

and she is now in university in Bangkok.

I do not want anymore and same as the OP i will be interested to know too if 

someone has done a vasectomy here in Thailand (Where? Was it difficult? what was the price? )

Had mine in 2016 in Buriram Hospital. 2000 Bahts + 2 to 3 hours of bureaucracy and a bit of waiting. Was fun, actually.