Selfish or is it paranoia

[Paul Laycock1]

My sister in law lives with me. She is upstairs in my house, myself downstairs.

She now has three children. The children go out everyday to play with friends.

The sister in law also goes into the village daily and obviously mixes with others.

Her boyfriend comes here nightly about 7pm he lives about 30km away so is obviously mixing with other people. He leaves in the morning, I’m getting rather <deleted> off with this but am I over reacting?

 

[ukrules]

There's a potentially dangerous virus going around.

 

If you want to avoid it then you can either lay down the law or boot them out.

 

I know what I'd do, I'd boot them out.

[sensei]

You are staying put but it seems a lot can take the virus back home to you. If that is your house, there is no reason why they should be coming in and out like that.

If they want to take a risk with their health it is their choice. But when they endanger others, it is an entirely different story.

[cmsally]

Either they stay at home or they move out. These are not exactly normal times. Failing that , the area they live in needs to be sealed off completely , not sharing living space, bathrooms, kitchen etc.

[fforest1]

[Saltire]

My wife asked her brother to leave our home 3 weeks ago, when he refused to take anything seriously. It has taken him 2 weeks but we now see him wearing a mask when out, but still refuses to stay home or stop socialising. He's not set foot in the house in 3 weeks. If he hadn't agreed the wife would have thrown him out. I think he finally understands why now.

 

The children is a different problem, hard to control.

Edited April 11, 2020 by Saltire

[ChouDoufu]

23 hours ago, Paul Laycock1 said:

My sister in law lives with me. She is upstairs in my house, myself downstairs.

She now has three children. The children go out everyday to play with friends.

The sister in law also goes into the village daily and obviously mixes with others.

Her boyfriend comes here nightly about 7pm he lives about 30km away so is obviously mixing with other people. He leaves in the morning, I’m getting rather <deleted> off with this but am I over reacting?

is your sister in law renting the top floor?

 

are you the owner/renter/housemaster?

[Pravda]

Love it. Every time I read that farang in Thailand can't stoop any lower Thai Visa proves me wrong 

[TheFishman1]

 Boot them out if you end up in the hospital trust me nobody’s coming to visit you T IT

[CharlieH]

A situation I would never have allowed to start with, let alone proceed on that basis given the current situation re; the virus.

 

You have unfortunately allowed it to happen now, the best you can do is control it for your own safety and lock it down for everyone's welfare, is my advice.

 

Its not selfish nor paranoia, its common sense and preventative measures.

 

 

[Paul Laycock1]

1 hour ago, ChouDoufu said:

is your sister in law renting the top floor?

 

are you the owner/renter/housemaster?

She lives here rent free but does my shopping, washing, ironing and a few other things.

[BritManToo]

Makes a change from having the 'brother-in-law' living with you I suppose.

Any bedroom privileges included in the 'few other things'?

Just wondering .........

Edited April 11, 2020 by BritManToo

[itsallmine68]

I (66 years old) have family living with me also. I told them we will live this side of the gate. If you dont want to you, you can go to the other side of the date.

[Dap]

It's your life, you decide how important that is to you. Obviously your

boarders have no interest in your health, or their own for that matter.

Best of luck.

[Russell17au]

Paul, there is one person that you have failed to mention in all of this, and that is your wife. Where is she and what is she doing about your fears. You say your sister-in-law is doing everything for you, what is your wife doing? As a farang the house would not be in your name but in your wifes name and yet there is no mention of her. Sorry but I cannot understand why you are not talking to your wife and having the situation resolved.

[Paul Laycock1]

21 minutes ago, Russell17au said:

Paul, there is one person that you have failed to mention in all of this, and that is your wife. Where is she and what is she doing about your fears. You say your sister-in-law is doing everything for you, what is your wife doing? As a farang the house would not be in your name but in your wifes name and yet there is no mention of her. Sorry but I cannot understand why you are not talking to your wife and having the situation resolved.

My wife lives and works in Bangkok, I see her once a year for the annual renewal of my extension. My wife is currently working from home.

[scubascuba3]

The more people coming and going in the house the more exposed to the virus you are, the others being younger should survive the virus, you may not

[4MyEgo]

17 minutes ago, Paul Laycock1 said:

My wife lives and works in Bangkok, I see her once a year for the annual renewal of my extension. My wife is currently working from home.

It sounds like this is going to be a hard one to resolve, i.e. as I totally understand where you are coming from, e.g. we have 4 kids, and no one goes anywhere, only mum and dad go shopping when we have too, every 7-10 days, in and out as quick as possible.

 

I think you have a couple of choices, you tell your sister-in-law of your concerns, or your wife does, or you move to Bangkok.

 

Hell of a spot to be in mate, I would be peeeed off too, but I would never have let it get that far, even though I understand it's your sister-in-law.

 

Another option might be to change the entrance to the upstairs, e.g. extra stairs (external) so you don't have to see them until this blows over ? 

[Krataiboy]

It ain't rocket science. Putting plenty of distance between yourself and anyone who might infected is the best way to stay safe. In practice, this means avoiding anyone whose movements and contacts you cannot track.

 

Thais are naturally gregarious and bolshie - virtues which tend to mitigate against the voluntary self-distancing and self-isolation strategy used successfully by other societies to the virus in check.

 

Yet infection and death rates here are a tiny fraction of those in my UK homeland, which has introduced similar draconian measures. Why should this be? Is it the heat? Have Thais a natural immunity? Or are the two societies afflicted by different strains of the virus?

 

Blowed if I know - and that goes for the health experts, too. Many Forum cynics claim the reason is that the official stats understate the true situation. But even supposing they are right, why is it so hard to find anybody who knows anybody who knows somebody who has gone down with the virus?

 

So what's really going on here? Answers not on a postcard please - or if you insist, at least don't lick the stamp!

 

Edited April 11, 2020 by Krataiboy

[3 minus 2]

2 hours ago, Paul Laycock1 said:

She lives here rent free but does my shopping, washing, ironing and a few other things.

if you think about it she's working for you .so start paying her properly  factory workers get 8000? a month so work it from there backwards then  this is a job and you want blah blah blah .. or you'll HAVE to get someone else in once u do that  everyone saves face ... u dont want to make your missus the  bad one in the eyes of the family .

[timendres]

If you cannot get the others under control, then maybe the answer would be to change floors? By being upstairs, you might be able to create a far more controlled exposure profile. That is assuming the layout provides for that.

[digger70]

1 hour ago, Paul Laycock1 said:

My wife lives and works in Bangkok, I see her once a year for the annual renewal of my extension. My wife is currently working from home.

That explains a Bit.???? 

[sirineou]

Throwing  out your sister in law with three children during a pandemic might not be a good idea If you value your relationship with your wife .

  It is a delicate situation that requires diplomacy.

Best to sit down with the family and have a heart to heart conversation, explaining the dangers this virus presents to you and to them. How given your age and or condition it could be a death sentence for you, and how you are concerned  that if anything happened to you, you will not be able to take care of them. Then ask them if they have any ideas how you can all mitigate the situation.

  Make sure to praise their suggestion, and offer ways to improve them. Even if very little of their suggestion remains  make it sound like it was their idea.

[Roy Baht]

We (my Thai wife, daughter & myself) have agreed that my Thai brother-in-law, who behaves in a manner similar to your sister-in-law and her children, can't live with us anymore. He has lived with us for years, rent-free, because this is where his job is (even though he is married and his wife lives in another city). I am generous. I have never had a problem giving a family member a roof over his head and a full bowl of rice. However--and this is something both my wife and daughter understand--if he falls sick through his reckless behavior (he's still going out to dinner with friends in restaurants while the three of us are "sheltering in place" and going out as little as possible), we are all f#@&ed. (If he's a resident at our house and contracts COVID-19, we all get hauled into quarantine.) A typical 40-something Thai male who still behaves like a teenager. My wife read him the riot act. He asked if he could still do his laundry at our house. My daughter told him bluntly: No. (That's my girl.) In short, you're being neither selfish or paranoid. Your sister-in-law and her children are the selfish ones. Kick their asses out. And if your wife doesn't like it, ask her how happy she is when you both are locked up in quarantine thanks to her selfish relatives. If she sides with her relatives, if I were you, I'd go live in a hotel.
 

[CanadaSam]

4MyEgo had the most sensible suggestions, I will only add, think of it as a possible death sentence for not acting decisively and promptly, to hell with the cost, financially or otherwise.

 

Personally, I would immediately add an extra entry / exit for them from outside to their upstairs area, and block the stairs inside the house so there is no contact between you and them.

 

Whatever else needs to be done can be looked at later, for instance, if the kitchen is downstairs, etc., but the separation should take place at the earliest.

 

 

[Yom]

 

 

So it's not really a problem related to Covit?

Good Luck.

Edited April 11, 2020 by Yom

[jadee]

...and there was me thinking I was have a tough time staying indoors watching Netflix! Reading this thread has made me grateful for what I have. The thought of living with a Thai woman, her three kids and her boyfriend sounds worse than being quarantined in hospital. But that's just me. The only positive advice I can think of is try to stay in your room all day and get them to deliver you food. Even if they get covid, you won't catch it just by living in the same house provided you do social distancing. 

[Paul Laycock1]

12 hours ago, 3 minus 2 said:

if you think about it she's working for you .so start paying her properly  factory workers get 8000? a month so work it from there backwards then  this is a job and you want blah blah blah .. or you'll HAVE to get someone else in once u do that  everyone saves face ... u dont want to make your missus the  bad one in the eyes of the family .

Free electric, free gas, use of my car, boyfriend coming and going.

oh I get it now it’s all my fault, silly me for ever coming here.

The missus, my son and the mother in law are all in Bangkok.

[patongphil]

17 minutes ago, Paul Laycock1 said:

Free electric, free gas, use of my car, boyfriend coming and going.

oh I get it now it’s all my fault, silly me for ever coming here.

The missus, my son and the mother in law are all in Bangkok.

Why don't you go live with your wife and son?

[Iron Tongue]

Sister-in-law moves in with her boufriend 30kms away for duration of lockdown.  End of discussion.