problems with Thai partner.

[bolt]

Lots of advice has been given

Pay the bills online is a good idea, but it will only prolong the agony of what is coming. So STOP

it’s better to draw the line and move forward with your life.

Some may say” grow some balls”

Recognizing the problem is the first step, so you’ve taken that well done now, taking the next step is much harder.

Move on

Admit to yourself it was a mistake.

Swallow your pride.

You took a chance and it you lost.

 

Do NOT give any more money, you are feeding the fire by passing over money, you are helping her addiction.

Threats do NOT work in Thailand, only actions matter

Speak to a lawyer.

Edited July 2, 2020 by bolt

[4MyEgo]

2 minutes ago, Liverpoolfan said:

Are you on said Merry go round at the minute mate?

 

you sound like you are ????

It's clearly obvious you don't get it and have to resort being a keyboard warrior, whatever, enough time wasted, life will provide you with exactly what you deserve, I hope ????

[BritManToo]

5 minutes ago, Liverpoolfan said:

Are you on said Merry go round at the minute mate?

 

you sound like you are ????

I'm on it for the ride, and the bar girls always provide a damned good one!

Edited July 2, 2020 by BritManToo

[Keyser Soze666]

21 minutes ago, bolt said:

 

Speak to a lawyer.

Assuming the OP is not trolling, he is not married and he doesn't want custody, so what on earth would he speak to a lawyer about??

[Dart12]

Time to MAKE UP and SPOIL HER.  

Take a family 'vacation' to your legal home country.

Then do whatever you want now that you are playing under fair rules of engagement.

She doesn't care.  You'll have to understand that to make wise logical decisions instead of from the heart once you can actually do what's best for your son.

Good luck.

[Headgame]

I'm not sure if you are from the UK or not but I'm assuming so.
If yes, I believe you can apply for a UK passport for your son if you register your child as a UK citizen notwithstanding that he was born in TH. If your child has your surname and you can get his birth certificate, you can apply for his registration from here. Most countries have similar regulations.

Then you may have the option of trying to leave the country with your boy even though many airlines / immigration officials may ask for some form of consent from his mother. This should only be a departure issue. Creativity may be required.

I feel for your situation notwithstanding that you probably ignored all the warning signs of problems to come. Good luck.

[bodga]

17 hours ago, BritManToo said:

one was a sex addict

is  that  a  fault?

[BritManToo]

3 minutes ago, bodga said:

is  that  a  fault?

If you can satisfy a woman 5x a day every day, week in week out, you're more of a man than me.

I did last 9 months with the aid of medication she gave me.

It was great for the first week!

Edited July 2, 2020 by BritManToo

[bodga]

17 hours ago, twocatsmac said:

 

Yeah mate, your girl was different. ????

she  had  balls?

[sirquest007]

Gambling is like any other addiction.

 

It is about the kick, not the Money.

 

Money is not important, it's a way to reach the kick.

 

If an addict would get the kick from drinking water, it will do just that.

 

An addict stays addicted for life.

Only difference is active or passive.

Just ask in any AA meeting..

 

If it can be "cured" by acting firm, why are all the "ex- alcoholics" refusing a drink??

 

It can stop, can't be cured.

Just look how many people stoped smoking and stated again.

 

The enormous amount of returns in rehab clinics.

 

And yet.. 

The hundreds of millions around the globe know that they are doing OK, as long as they don't go to Las Vegas..

(Or... You can fill in the gap)

 

They still are addicted, but are not gambling, doing drugs, or abusing alcohol. (Or food, or sex, or...)

 

"Clean and of the scene"

 

That works, for millions.

 

In real life:

Move, away from the card game "friends".

Not just now, a few months, possible years.

 

Get professional help.

Addicts helping addicts.

Make sure she stay of the scene, no new card game friends.

 

And even then...

You are looking at years of falling and standing up.

That is, if she is willing to give up the kick, the game.

 

If she is not, she just keep scoring her kick.

Heroin, cocaine, sex, gambling...

All the same.

 

It's never about the money.

That's just a sad side effect.

It's about the kick, and being willing and able to give it up.

 

For most people needing the kick have reasons.

Traumatic experience that needs to be drowned in liquor or anything that "helps".

 

As long as they don't learn an other way to deal with it..

Drowning is the only thing that "helps"  (with destructive side effects)

 

Yes, I write this from own experience.

Been there, done that.

You won't see me in Vegas.

Otherwise I'm doing fine for over 20 years now.

 

Cured? Never.

Clean? Yes.

Easy? It now is. 

Probably can go to Vegas without any issues, but why would I want to go there?

To test something I do for over 20 years?

Nope. If I would want to go there, it will be to gamble, be addicted, feel the kick.

 

If I want to go there it's time to think about what I'm unhappy about that makes me want to run away.

 

No reason at all for me to go there. Ever. Period.

One of the things I should not do in any day of my life, for the rest of my life.

 

And that's perfect. Most people don't go to Vegas ????

 

for the girlfriend / wife...

after Corona, she can come with you to an other country.

new language, new people, no card game friends.

 

if she doesn't want to come with you...

They are all just excuses to keep gambling.

You have your answer.

She like to stay addicted for a while, maybe rest of her life.

 

Then there's the choice for you.

Going down that dark rabit hole with her, path to destruction, or leave her behind.

 

One tip a friend told me before I went to Thailand:

Never invest more then you are willing and able to walk away from.

 

I didn't quite follow it, as I built a wonderful home for my family and me.

If things would go sour, I can walk away and start over, without leaving long term scars (is financial debt)

 

[rvaviator]

2 hours ago, Tagged said:

Most likely the police is involved already. Here is the wife of the police who run gambling and expensive loans, as they run the yaba business. Totally screwed

Off topic I know but I have often felt that Thailand in many ways are like the US during or just after the prohibition ... The hey days of corruption and other illegal activities needed to keep the wheels running in a well oiled machine ...  

[ncc1701d]

I haven’t read through all the posts, but “taking the money away” is not always as easy as it sounds. My girlfriends mother has the same addiction and she took the car without our knowledge and used it as collateral with the mafia sitting outside the parking lot of the “casino”. They don’t care if it’s not her car, they will take it if you don’t pay them back. The mother also stole my girlfriends credit card while she was in hospital recovering from an operation (that I’m the primary card holder for), went and Bought gold and sold it to get money. Didn’t realize until it was too late. 
 

i think it’s hard to stop people gambling in western countries that have systems in place to get people to stop. I honestly think you have no chance in Thailand. 
 

I kicked her parents out and told them that if I ever see them again it will be 1,000 years too soon. Told my girlfriend if I find her supporting them in any way - she’s out the door too. You can’t really do that as you have your son. I’d get legal advice.

[WineOh]

2 hours ago, 4MyEgo said:

It's clearly obvious you don't get it and have to resort being a keyboard warrior, whatever, enough time wasted, life will provide you with exactly what you deserve, I hope ????

Well so far its treating me just fine.

same cant be said about you, i bet.

[1FinickyOne]

6 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

I've tried virgins (3x)

and it's so inconvenient to find a decent restaurant for a vegan... I have heard they are kind of nasty too...

 

oh! virgin - your mistake too - never mind 

[BritManToo]

5 minutes ago, 448glb said:

I guess we know how you make your living in Thailand. Let me guess an English teacher right??? Also (you’re) one of those guys who couldn’t get laid in his own country so you have to live here. And I’m sure those three virgins you were talking about where your students. Maybe Elon Musk texted the wrong guy on Twitter.

Retired, haven't worked for nearly 20 years, fully funded from age 45.

[CorpusChristie]

16 minutes ago, 448glb said:

I guess we know how you make your living in Thailand. Let me guess an English teacher right??? Also (you’re) one of those guys who couldn’t get laid in his own country so you have to live here. And I’m sure those three virgins you were talking about where your students. Maybe Elon Musk texted the wrong guy on Twitter.

He quite often posts boastful untrue things, just to get peoples attention and replies 

[scubascuba3]

1 hour ago, 448glb said:

Whores are whores, cum dumpsters that’s all they are. They are barely human and your stupid if you think any different.

You've just shown what a poor human being you are. No doubt burned by one or more bar girls, who would blame them

[khunPer]

22 hours ago, harrymcgarry said:

its the boy that worries me so much. thanks TV and go easy on the abuse this is a serious question. we are not married.

Your main problem here could be legality as parent, depending of if you already has been approved as father by court. Your name as father on a birth certificate means legally nothing, when not married (I'm father to a Thai child also, not married, but luckily no problems).

 

To my knowledge you need a DNA test when the child is minor, and a court decision, whilst from the child's age of 7 approval as father can be done in the local district office (amphor), with approval from both child and mother (I did that).

 

You might need single custody to take care of you son. Sometimes a lump sum of money can clear it, a question of negotiation.

 

I'm sorry that I cannot suggest any solution, gambling can be a difficult addict to cure.

[holy cow cm]

21 hours ago, BritManToo said:

Banks won't loan money on a house without evidence of income to make the repayments.

She could sell it though.

Private institutions or loan sharks will against the title. It all sounds just like a losing sad case.

[Scouse123]

20 hours ago, harrymcgarry said:

Thats a bit strong mate, I ended up with her after a good ten years of real fun with lots of girl friends and a rollercoaster life style. I am not an idiot and life has been wonderful for me ,her and obviously now our son. I think she is having a midlife crisis and at the age of 40 and good looking girl I doubt weather she can be bothered to go back to work in a bar especially with the young boy who never leaves her side. If you met us you would see a different picture . we are fairly well known aswell and this is going to be a shock to a lot of friends and family hence my real name is not on here. 

 

 

You are already paying her weekly, so that's a good start as opposed to monthly because if gambling, the monthly allowance will be gone in two days. Next is to put as many household bills as you can on direct debit at the bank for when you are not here.

 

Look to the horizon and pay bills in advance if you can for everything from 3BBB the lot. Minimize her access to cash. When she lies and tries to get money using some <deleted> excuse or lie, just be tough and say you have had your allowance.

 

Try a cool sit down with her and tell her she has pushed as far as it will go. Bluff her (even be serious), and tell her if needs be, you will go to court to get access to your son.

 

The threats of returning to the bar is her ' last chance saloon ' to scare you, and are just that, ' threats '. She doesn't want to go back to the bar as she will be seen as a loser and laughed at by the others, as well as being too old.

 

Very little trade or work these days for women 40 plus in the bars, in fact very little in the bars full stop.

 

Go through and remind her calmly what she had before you met and what she is going back to if she leaves. Also, tell her without losing your temper, if she thinks she can get a better deal, she knows where the door is.

 

The same door also leads to the outside where she can apply for a job at Tesco or a filling station and see how difficult money is to come by. These are the roads I have been down, so you have my sympathy and attention.

 

Never give in on the money side, even when they play ' happy families ' and say "Good morning", as that is usually the ' calm before the storm ' they have spent their allowance and are on the hunt for more cash!

 

I had the house secured by a ' usufruct ' which is registered at the land office. We have a new car which I will get around to very soon.

 

I seem to be controlling the gambling addiction at home and limiting it, I will never say I have won. We have been together 25 years this year.

 

One last thing, I have found. They play a game with us pretending they don't understand and you have just enlightened them when you point all the above out. It is a game, they are well aware of what they are doing and far more ' street wise smart ' than many give them credit for and that includes English logic and understanding.

 

Another bad sign is the same old smiling friends calling at the house and phoning ' too regularly at all hours '  these are usually the ones guiding your other half, ( not that they need much guidance ) down the wrong path whilst smiling to your face.

 

In the past I have lost a car, motorbikes and way too much cash, she even resorted to stealing out of the wallet.

 

On one occasion, I gave the money to pay the electric bill. Well because I , like many others, staple the receipt to the bill, she took an old receipt from a previous bill and stapled it to the recent bill knowing I wouldn't scrutinize it.

 

That was all well and good till the following month when I collected the electric bill at the end of the drive, ( I got up early that day ) and found the previous month hadn't been paid and had been added on!!

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 2, 2020 by Scouse123

[johnray]

Give money to a team of guys and ask them to play cards with her.  Just keep the money going around in a circle.

[LogicThai]

55 minutes ago, Scouse123 said:

I had the house secured by a ' usufruct ' which is registered at the land office. We have a new car which I will get around to very soon.

Great. However, you must be aware that Usufruct is a hollow security under thai law, primarily because it is revocable by the Thai wife (and owner of the land). The fact that the usufruct is publicly registered at the land office (at the back of the Chanote) does not protect the husband from termination by his wife. This is because the implementation of usufruct in Thai law did not fully follow the European model . In Thailand, usufruct only protects third parties, not husband vs wife.

[Scouse123]

3 minutes ago, LogicThai said:

Great. However, you must be aware that Usufruct is a hollow security under thai law, primarily because it is revocable by the Thai wife (and owner of the land). The fact that the usufruct is publicly registered at the land office (at the back of the Chanote) does not protect the husband from termination by his wife. This is because the implementation of usufruct in Thai law did not fully follow the European model . In Thailand, usufruct only protects third parties, not husband vs wife.

 

 

Mine was down by a lawyer in English and Thai when registered. He assured me that nothing on that land could be changed, moved, altered or borrowed against without my permission.

 

I will check again, but that is what he said clearly and that is what my other half believes as well.

[Catkiwi]

20 hours ago, scubascuba3 said:

I didn't suggest they don't change but what i said was correct. Did you pay your GF or wife a monthly wage?

No however, she was never short of anything and always had access to a bank account which she managed well.

[sirquest007]

1 hour ago, Scouse123 said:

 

 

You are already paying her weekly, so that's a good start as opposed to monthly because if gambling, the monthly allowance will be gone in two days. Next is to put as many household bills as you can on direct debit at the bank for when you are not here.

 

Look to the horizon and pay bills in advance if you can for everything from 3BBB the lot. Minimize her access to cash. When she lies and tries to get money using some <deleted> excuse or lie, just be tough and say you have had your allowance.

 

Try a cool sit down with her and tell her she has pushed as far as it will go. Bluff her (even be serious), and tell her if needs be, you will go to court to get access to your son.

 

The threats of returning to the bar is her ' last chance saloon ' to scare you, and are just that, ' threats '. She doesn't want to go back to the bar as she will be seen as a loser and laughed at by the others, as well as being too old.

 

Very little trade or work these days for women 40 plus in the bars, in fact very little in the bars full stop.

 

Go through and remind her calmly what she had before you met and what she is going back to if she leaves. Also, tell her without losing your temper, if she thinks she can get a better deal, she knows where the door is.

 

The same door also leads to the outside where she can apply for a job at Tesco or a filling station and see how difficult money is to come by. These are the roads I have been down, so you have my sympathy and attention.

 

Never give in on the money side, even when they play ' happy families ' and say "Good morning", as that is usually the ' calm before the storm ' they have spent their allowance and are on the hunt for more cash!

 

I had the house secured by a ' usufruct ' which is registered at the land office. We have a new car which I will get around to very soon.

 

I seem to be controlling the gambling addiction at home and limiting it, I will never say I have won. We have been together 25 years this year.

 

One last thing, I have found. They play a game with us pretending they don't understand and you have just enlightened them when you point all the above out. It is a game, they are well aware of what they are doing and far more ' street wise smart ' than many give them credit for and that includes English logic and understanding.

 

Another bad sign is the same old smiling friends calling at the house and phoning ' too regularly at all hours '  these are usually the ones guiding your other half, ( not that they need much guidance ) down the wrong path whilst smiling to your face.

 

In the past I have lost a car, motorbikes and way too much cash, she even resorted to stealing out of the wallet.

 

On one occasion, I gave the money to pay the electric bill. Well because I , like many others, staple the receipt to the bill, she took an old receipt from a previous bill and stapled it to the recent bill knowing I wouldn't scrutinize it.

 

That was all well and good till the following month when I collected the electric bill at the end of the drive, ( I got up early that day ) and found the previous month hadn't been paid and had been added on!!

 

Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

Thanks.

 

I truly hope the topic starter will read your story.

 

Like I posted, I have had gambling addition, or am.

It does not cure, like the "hunger" for a sigarette sometimes pops up with people who stopped smoking eons ago.. 

Still sometimes, after dinner or sex or... Sigarette would be great..

And path down do smoking more, with all the now known problems.

 

Many people don't realise that all addicts are "the same", no matter what addiction.

 

And that many many people can have a healthy happy life with many love and respect.

 

As long as they stay clean and off the scene.

 

The "friends" and phone calls indeed.

 

Just know, when you think a story smells fishy.. it is.

If you choose to believe, then you are the fool and to blame.

 

I wish you and your wife / girlfriend many happiness.

Love can be a great supporter in this battle.

 

She knows exactly what she is doing and what value money have.

During gambling, money doesn't have value, it's means to get the kick.

 

Only one way and that is to stop.

Some like with smoking.

Just don't light the next one.

Ever.

 

And you'll never smoke again ????

[Scouse123]

8 minutes ago, Catkiwi said:

No however, she was never short of anything and always had access to a bank account which she managed well.

 

 

A fixed sum would have been better then they know, in their logic, it's their money.

 

Anything over and above, is either an ' advance ' on next months or a gift.

 

They fully understand where they are then and get that method as opposed to saying "it's our money" and then quizzing them on any transactions they might make.

[Bob A Kneale]

23 hours ago, Keyser Soze666 said:

My 2 pennies worth, talk of taking the boy away, away from his mother and trying to be a single parent in a foreign land and needing to work overseas sometimes is frankly shocking 'advice'

They're not married, so how can he take the child out of Thailand?

[LogicThai]

5 minutes ago, Scouse123 said:

 

 

Mine was down by a lawyer in English and Thai when registered. He assured me that nothing on that land could be changed, moved, altered or borrowed against without my permission.

 

I will check again, but that is what he said clearly and that is what my other half believes as well.

Unfortunately, lawyers in Thailand....

My understanding is that what the lawyer said is correct, but he omitted an essential provision, which is 'as long as the usufruct stands'. The weakness of usufruct under thai law is that it is revocable, by application of Section 1469 of the Civil and Commercial Code (CCC).

 

Here is a quick Cut&Paste from a law firm's website https://pugnatorius.com/usufruct/

 

 

Quote

 

Usufruct vs. Section 1469 CCC

A usufruct does not provide protection against Section 1469 Civil and Commercial Code if the foreigner is legally married to the landowner. The fact that the usufruct is publicly registered at the land office does not protect the husband from termination by his wife. The law does not distinguish between Thai, foreign and mixed couples.

• Section 1469 CCC: “Any agreement concluded between husband and wife during a marriage may be avoided by either of them at any time during the marriage or within one year from the day of dissolution of marriage; provided that the rights of third persons acting in good faith are not affected thereby.”

It is wishful thinking to argue that this section of the law is not applicable because the usufruct is registered at the land office. There is no such rule that the section is only applicable to non-registered rights and obligations. The clear wording of the law does not give any legroom for the interpretation that real rights are excluded from the applicability of Section 1469 CCC.

The last half-sentence of Section 1469 CCC does not restrict the area of applicability between the parties of a usufruct (or any other contract). It just protects third parties’ good faith, not the rights of the parties under the usufruct. Whether such good faith must be directed to the fact that the parties are married or in other aspects, is another question. The line of argument that any registration results in publication and, therefore, affects third parties and, therefore, a usufruct can’t be canceled, is as full of holes as a slice of Swiss cheese and as open as a bank vault.

 

 

 

So in practice, should your wife want to say sell the house, of borrow against it, she would first cancel the usufruct. Then she could proceed unimpeded. Not even sure that she would need to involve the Land office for that. They wouldn't know, and neither would you. It would be different if I for example had a usufruct on that property, because I would be a 'third person acting in good faith'. My rights would be protected, but not yours as the husband of the land owner.

 

Naturally, if your wife believes that usufruct is a huge padlock put on the property for your protection, that's great. But if she ever came to realise that in fact it is not, and that she retains the ability to renege on it, ....

 

 

 

 

 

[Mak25]

It's a psychological problem why she might be gambling. She needs help and not being ditched since she is part of your family. She has not been gambling before and some persons are more prone to addictive behavior. I am not a psychotherapist but looks like she has lost her motivation/dreams/purpose in life and needs help to get back into life.

[Scouse123]

40 minutes ago, LogicThai said:

Unfortunately, lawyers in Thailand....

My understanding is that what the lawyer said is correct, but he omitted an essential provision, which is 'as long as the usufruct stands'. The weakness of usufruct under thai law is that it is revocable, by application of Section 1469 of the Civil and Commercial Code (CCC).

 

Here is a quick Cut&Paste from a law firm's website https://pugnatorius.com/usufruct/

 

 

 

 

So in practice, should your wife want to say sell the house, of borrow against it, she would first cancel the usufruct. Then she could proceed unimpeded. Not even sure that she would need to involve the Land office for that. They wouldn't know, and neither would you. It would be different if I for example had a usufruct on that property, because I would be a 'third person acting in good faith'. My rights would be protected, but not yours as the husband of the land owner.

 

Naturally, if your wife believes that usufruct is a huge padlock put on the property for your protection, that's great. But if she ever came to realise that in fact it is not, and that she retains the ability to renege on it, ....

 

 

 

 

 

We are not married, Maybe I could and probably would argue i was a third party! 

 

Anyway, she thinks it is in tablets of stone so I won't mention it.

 

All is well and has been for a while but I am on constant alert regards the gambling.

 

It's as bad as a drug or drinking habit/ addiction.

 

However, thank you very much for the link, i will double check this.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 2, 2020 by Scouse123