Use This Thread For Your Friendly Inter-team Banter

[chonabot]

Ok lads, due to an increasing amount of people slagging off other teams on their individual threads I have a plan..

The team threads must be left for info, results, fixtures and other such titbits.

You can use this thread for slagging off other teams, managers , results and anything else.

As always please leave the personal insults out, I have been warned about this by admin, if personal attacks ensue we may have to close the Footie forum.....

I will start the ball rolling in my next post.......

If I find anybody slagging off teams in the team forum, except their own fans, I will be less tha pleased.

Chon

[chonabot]

Tosser extraordinaire.................

[buriramboy]

Easyjet have got 30,000 free tickets to give away on Manchester--Athens flights.

[chonabot]

Nice !

[mrbojangles]

Easyjet have got 30,000 free tickets to give away on Manchester--Athens flights.

And for some reason there has been a massive cancellation of hotel bookings

[markr]

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

[marshbags]

Ok lads, due to an increasing amount of people slagging off other teams on their individual threads I have a plan..

The team threads must be left for info, results, fixtures and other such titbits.

You can use this thread for slagging off other teams, managers , results and anything else.

As always please leave the personal insults out, I have been warned about this by admin, if personal attacks ensue we may have to close the Footie forum.....

I will start the ball rolling in my next post.......

If I find anybody slagging off teams in the team forum, except their own fans, I will be less tha pleased.

Chon

Not being condescending and think this is a great move of diplomacy and sound judgement from

The Moderator of this forum.

Well done Chonabot, from a frequent reader of this section.

marshbags " Still a Football fan at heart "

Edited May 3, 2007 by marshbags

[muckypups]

Good call Chon, I dare say United will get plenty of abuse but I'm used to that...

Here's one for the dippers...

[kevio252]

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. Did you hear about Tottenham?

A. They are PANTS!

haha, thats the best joke I've heard all week!

[Seapok]

A Man City and Man United fan collide in a huge accident on the motorway. Both cars are a wreck, but both men are unhurt.

"This must be a sign from God that we are meant to be friends" says the City fan "I agree" replies the United fan

The City fan then returns to the wreckage of his car, and finds a bottle of whiskey he had been saving.

"Look" he says to the united fan, "this must be another sign from God, we should drink this whiskey to celebrate our friendship and survival"

He hands the bottle over to the United fan who takes a large gulp from the bottle before passing it back to the City fan, who then puts the top back on & returns the bottle to his car.

"Aren't you having any?" asks the United fan. "No" replied the City fan, "I think I’ll wait til the Police get here."

---

Whats the difference between Alex Ferguson and an arsonist?

An arsonist wouldn't throw away his last 3 matches.

---

Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?

A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

----

Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?

A: Depends how thin you slice them.

----

Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?

A: A dope carrier.

----

Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hel_l am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "<deleted> me, is it May already?"

----

Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?

A: Gifted.

----

Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.

----

Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 <deleted> jumping up and down.

----

Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?

A: Their personalities.

----

Q: What do Beckham and Posh Spice both have in common?

A: Both are f**ing bad singers!!!

----

Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?

A: Never enough.

----

Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?

A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.

----

Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?

A: Trustworthy.

----

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?

A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

----

Q: What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?

A: A Man U fan is a real dick

----

Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?

A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.

---

One day at the Man United training ground, and an hour before they are due to finish, Sir Angry Ferguson says "Lads, I’m gonna have to leave an hour early. Just carry on training and I’ll see you tomorrow." So they carry on and leave at the normal time.

The next day, Sir Alex says, "sorry again lads, but I’m gonna have to leave an hour early again. A spot of private business to attend to." When he's gone, Roy Keane says, "forget this, if he's going then I am too," and he takes off.

The next day, the same happens. "Sorry lads, gonna have to leave early again." So Keane says, "Come on lads, lets all go home, he'll not know". So they all went home.

When Phil Neville got back to his house, he saw the gaffer's car on the drive. So he quietly opened the door, sneaked upstairs and peeped through the bedroom door, only to be shocked by the sight of Ferguson making love to his wife.

Rather stunned, Neville left the house and goes for a walk. When he noticed the car had gone, he went back into the house.

The following day at training, Sir Alex says, "Gotta go again lads, sorry. Some private stuff to attend to." Once again, Keane says, "Come on lads, lets all go home again."

To which Neville replies, "forget that, I almost got caught yesterday!"

[markr]

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q. Did you hear about Tottenham?

A. They are PANTS!

haha, thats the best joke I've heard all week!

Thats just rubbish!

Reminds me of being about five years old being in the playground at school and calling other kids names like 'your poo' and then running away!

Only an arsenal fan would thhink of something that original

Mark

[markr]

Did you hear about the Conservative MP who was found dead in an Arsenal strip?

The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarassment.

Did you hear the one about the kid who asked for a cowboy outfit for Christmas ??

His Dad got him an Arsenal kit.

Thats better

Mark

[kevio252]

'your poo' haha hillarious.....

you gotta admit though.. my jokie was not only funny but completley true!

[kevio252]

Four surgeons are taking a coffee break: 1st surgeon says "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." 2nd surgeon says "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order." 3rd surgeon says "Try electricians, man! Everything inside them is colour coded." 4th surgeon says "I prefer Spurs fans. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and <deleted> are interchangeable

[kevio252]

A man is sitting in a pub with his Jack Russell dog one Saturday afternoon. The football results are coming up on the television in the corner, "Liverpool 2, Tottenham Hotspur 1," reads the announcer in his normal, rather sedate, voice.

Suddenly the Jack Russell dog jumps up and shouts out, "Oh, no, not again."

The shocked landlord says, "That's amazing. Why did he say that when the result was announced that Tottenham lost?"

"Because he's a Spurs supporter," the dog's owner replies.

The landlord then asked what the dog says when Tottenham win a match, to which the man replied, "I don't know. I've only had him three years."

[scousemouse]

Easyjet have got 30,000 free tickets to give away on Manchester--Athens flights.

And for some reason there has been a massive cancellation of hotel bookings

Hey !!! , I'll be flying easyjet and I'm no manc .

[kevio252]

Snow White arrived home one evening to find her home destroyed by fire. She was especially worried because she'd left all seven dwarves asleep inside. As she scrambled among the wreckage, frantically calling their names, suddenly she heard the cry: "Spurs for the Cup."

"Thank goodness," sobbed Snow White. "At least Dopey's still alive!"

[kevio252]

Q.Why do seagulls fly upside down over white hart lane?

A. Nothing worth sh!ting on

[MiG16]

lol gee only the last one was kinda funny....

but seriously boys....shouldnt all this be in the jokes section?

when Chon said the friendly banter...this wasnt exactly what I had in mind...but oh well maybe I dont get the english humour......

PS.oops by the time my post went online a few more jokes from Kev had been posted...so no the ABOVE arent that funny

Edited May 3, 2007 by MiG16

[scousemouse]

Right then , now we've got a thread to up the banter and really slag each others teams of , lets have it !!!!! .

p.s where are all you bloody bluenoses ??? , would love to give you lot some grief .

[kevio252]

Not funny! I thought some of them were qualitly

oh well..

Anyway.... down with the Yids, up with the gooners and couldn't care less about Chelski or the mancs!

Wouldn't it be funny as you like if CHelsea only managed to win the Carling Cup this year after spending £500m building up there team

And to be fair, only just winning the Carling Cup after being out played by a bunch of 'kids'

hahaha As for Spurs, antoher pointless season for them really, again!

I know Arsenal have'nt done too great this year, but we did get to a cup final and we are going to be in Europe again next year for the 10th year in a row!

[scousemouse]

Not funny! I thought some of them were qualitly

oh well..

Anyway.... down with the Yids, up with the gooners and couldn't care less about Chelski or the mancs!

Wouldn't it be funny as you like if CHelsea only managed to win the Carling Cup this year after spending £500m building up there team

And to be fair, only just winning the Carling Cup after being out played by a bunch of 'kids'

hahaha As for Spurs, antoher pointless season for them really, again!

I know Arsenal have'nt done too great this year, but we did get to a cup final and we are going to be in Europe again next year for the 10th year in a row!

"but we did get to a cup final "

the mickey mouse cup final counts then does it ....... .

[Seapok]

Not funny! I thought some of them were qualitly

oh well..

Anyway.... down with the Yids, up with the gooners and couldn't care less about Chelski or the mancs!

Wouldn't it be funny as you like if CHelsea only managed to win the Carling Cup this year after spending £500m building up there team

And to be fair, only just winning the Carling Cup after being out played by a bunch of 'kids'

hahaha As for Spurs, antoher pointless season for them really, again!

I know Arsenal have'nt done too great this year, but we did get to a cup final and we are going to be in Europe again next year for the 10th year in a row!

So your saying we've only won the Carling Cup since splashing the cash? have you forgotten about the 2 Premiership titles, the other Carling Cup win, getting to the Champions League semi's on 3 occasions and currently being in the FA Cup final? money well spent if you ask me!

[MiG16]

seapok...the jokes aside...I gotta say that for the last 5 years or so that Chelsea has been on the rise, u gotta admit that they arent 'quite there' considering the individual superstars that u have collected on the team. with the kind of players you have had in recent years, you should have done better. something missing on the team spirit front?

one reason I like Arsenal...and I think a lot of credit is due Arsene Wenger

[kevio252]

Not funny! I thought some of them were qualitly

oh well..

Anyway.... down with the Yids, up with the gooners and couldn't care less about Chelski or the mancs!

Wouldn't it be funny as you like if CHelsea only managed to win the Carling Cup this year after spending £500m building up there team

And to be fair, only just winning the Carling Cup after being out played by a bunch of 'kids'

hahaha As for Spurs, antoher pointless season for them really, again!

I know Arsenal have'nt done too great this year, but we did get to a cup final and we are going to be in Europe again next year for the 10th year in a row!

"but we did get to a cup final "

the mickey mouse cup final counts then does it ....... .

well I guess not, but I can bet if you won it, you wouldn't be saying that!

[Seapok]

seapok...the jokes aside...I gotta say that for the last 5 years or so that Chelsea has been on the rise, u gotta admit that they arent 'quite there' considering the individual superstars that u have collected on the team. with the kind of players you have had in recent years, you should have done better. something missing on the team spirit front?

one reason I like Arsenal...and I think a lot of credit is due Arsene Wenger

Yeah we have risen to great heights but the Chelsea players are not robots! whenever we travel or teams come to the bridge they always raise their game and play as its a cup final. No one can say we haven't done well, its just the expectation levels have gone through the roof now.

The team spirit at the club is phenomenal, its probably the one thing that has kept us on track so many times, at Chelsea no one is bigger than the club and JT wouldn't let that happen! Mourinho has installed a winning mentality and all the players would run through brick walls for the gaffer!

[kevio252]

Not funny! I thought some of them were qualitly

oh well..

Anyway.... down with the Yids, up with the gooners and couldn't care less about Chelski or the mancs!

Wouldn't it be funny as you like if CHelsea only managed to win the Carling Cup this year after spending £500m building up there team

And to be fair, only just winning the Carling Cup after being out played by a bunch of 'kids'

hahaha As for Spurs, antoher pointless season for them really, again!

I know Arsenal have'nt done too great this year, but we did get to a cup final and we are going to be in Europe again next year for the 10th year in a row!

So your saying we've only won the Carling Cup since splashing the cash? have you forgotten about the 2 Premiership titles, the other Carling Cup win, getting to the Champions League semi's on 3 occasions and currently being in the FA Cup final? money well spent if you ask me!

Well if you take in to account that since Arsene Wenger joined in 1998 we have won the league 3 times, the FA Cup 4 times, got to the UEFA Cup Final and the Champions League Cup Final, been in Europe every year, never finished outside the top four and went a whole season unbeaten... which no one else has ever done in the premiership on PEANUTS compared to Chelsea. Then no, I don't think you have money well spent

[Seapok]

Not funny! I thought some of them were qualitly

oh well..

Anyway.... down with the Yids, up with the gooners and couldn't care less about Chelski or the mancs!

Wouldn't it be funny as you like if CHelsea only managed to win the Carling Cup this year after spending £500m building up there team

And to be fair, only just winning the Carling Cup after being out played by a bunch of 'kids'

hahaha As for Spurs, antoher pointless season for them really, again!

I know Arsenal have'nt done too great this year, but we did get to a cup final and we are going to be in Europe again next year for the 10th year in a row!

So your saying we've only won the Carling Cup since splashing the cash? have you forgotten about the 2 Premiership titles, the other Carling Cup win, getting to the Champions League semi's on 3 occasions and currently being in the FA Cup final? money well spent if you ask me!

Well if you take in to account that since Arsene Wenger joined in 1998 we have won the league 3 times, the FA Cup 4 times, got to the UEFA Cup Final and the Champions League Cup Final, been in Europe every year, never finished outside the top four and went a whole season unbeaten... which no one else has ever done in the premiership on PEANUTS compared to Chelsea. Then no, I don't think you have money well spent

We will compare notes again when and if Mourinho has been in charge of Chelsea for 10 years! we've done more than you if your looking over such a period of time!

[mrbojangles]

Can we get back on topic guys. I thought this thread was here for us to gang up on united

[Seapok]

Can we get back on topic guys. I thought this thread was here for us to gang up on united

Seems to be Chelsea's turn this week for everyone to gang up on! come on my fellow blue boys and girls, lets stand up and be counted!

P.S Shedend where are you mate?