Thai wife doesn’t really want divorce after affairs...

[norfolkandchance]

The OP is probably aware that the Italian legal system is very slow. More so now in the present Pandemic. I am involved in a court case dating from 2016. Not expecting any early result. Good luck.

[alexis80]

5 minutes ago, norfolkandchance said:

The OP is probably aware that the Italian legal system is very slow. More so now in the present Pandemic. I am involved in a court case dating from 2016. Not expecting any early result. Good luck.

Yes, that’s exactly what the lawyer told me, avoid going to court at all cost if possible... also it’s crazy but if end up in court she might actually get shared custody of the kids, meaning she could come to take them with her for days a week who knows where... however if she doesn’t accept a voluntarily separation ... it’s the only way

Edited February 13, 2021 by alexis80

[Boomer6969]

OP, back in my previous life in Geneva, I had quite a few Thai lunch time partners that were in situations very similar to your wife's. One of the hottest was still in good terms with her IL's who were taking care of her young child. Wonder what her ex was like though.

[alexis80]

2 minutes ago, Boomer6969 said:

OP, back in my previous life in Geneva, I had quite a few Thai lunch time partners that were in situations very similar to your wife's. One of the hottest was still in good terms with her IL's who were taking care of her young child. Wonder what her ex was like though.

Yeah... I bet he didn’t feel very good... I can only speak for myself but it’s a bad situation... it’s like everything you worked for very hard just disappeared and you find yourself alone ... I will get over it sooner or later, hope sooner but I can tell you that it’s the worst feeling I have ever experienced...

[Mason45]

1 hour ago, bojo said:

Prego.........From my personal experience with marriage separation and a young child involved, I found that turning the other cheek, being the 'good man', holding my tongue and being extremely patient when I really wanted to kill someone TBH, paid huge dividends over time and the child (brought up by me alone) was largely unaffected in the long run and even though the marriage was doomed, the communication and general amicability over time is near perfect. It will work out OK for your kids, they're incredibly resilient, just hang in there, keep doing the right thing.........

It's a very tough time for you and your kids, the experiences I've been through in my 22 years in Thailand suggests you need to move on. Play her game and tell her it's 100% over between you two. Firstly get a restraining order and stop her from going to your home. Next I would tell her there's no more money going her way and your kids will be transferred to an address unknown to her. Let her sit down for a change and consider the problems she's given you and now those problems are entirely hers. By the way I'd even consider checking her visa status, if there's any chance of getting her sent back to Thailand go for it. Best wishes to you and your kids for the future.

[Dart12]

If you have ways to dry up her money and income, she'll be back, in need, and start looking at you differently again.

For some, it can be a one time (not short amount of time), aberation.  The only thing is...could you pack it away and store it in the recesses of your thoughts so it didn't affect your life with her again.

One month, might still seem like a vacation to her.  Maybe I'm different, but how can you love kids and then just ghost them?  She might snap out of it.  But not if she can afford to keep doing what she is doing.

As others said, the easiest thing to do is to cut her off from your life completely.  She doesn't care.  No contact? the quicker you can move on.  
And whether you want to date again or not...getting other romantic oriented people back into your life will help you move on quicker.  Otherwise you'll keep not sleeping the way you are, every thought going towards her.

BTW, why haven't you talked with her parents about this yet?  You said they are good people.  Sometimes family can smack some sense into someone.

Sorry to hear your situation.  Goodluck in whatever direction you decide to take.

[ICELANDMAN]

As far as I know in Italy in the event of a divorce you would have to pay her alimony, so in addition to the betrayal of your wife you should also endure the joke of having to keep her. I advise you to see if in your country of origin what the law provides and to see if you can get out of this situation with a divorce which at this point is inevitable even if your wife objects, it is important that you have proof of her infidelity, so I advise you to move carefully with the law and to inform yourself well before proceeding with the divorce. If you have any proof of her unfaithfulness, the judge will only give you the guardianship of your children. I strongly advise you not to come to terms with your wife, follow the law which in this case totally protects you. Her proposal to continue as before shows that unfortunately she has changed as you say with bad company, you only feel your good memories of her and now is the time for you to find a new life and a new companion for your childrens. Best wishes for your future.

[bwpage3]

All her lying and cheating. She learned that some where before marrying you. Was she a bar girl?

 

All IS LOST.

 

You need to man up and provide a happy and stable environment for your kids to get over this trauma.

 

You mentioned 4500 euros, that my friend is really nothing.

 

She doesn't want to lose her "Face" and that is why she doesn't want to get divorced. Everyone will learn what she did and have nothing to do with her.

 

If you tell yourself things will change, the honest truth is it is already too late.

 

Planning for your children's care and schooling should be your #1 concern

 

Letting her keep coming around is a very bad idea and makes it worse on your kids.

 

Get divorced and start a new happy life with your kids.

 

You are dealing with a Thai women who had a lot of bad habits you apparently never aware of and it is very possible this was going on for years before you caught her. That is not love, she seems to have met a lot of men and tells me she must have had some experience doing that.

 

There is only one path for your sanity and your kids. Divorce, you get full custody and keep her out of your life forever.

 

You obviously are having a hard time understanding a woman with small children to care for that fooks around has committed the ultimate sin. It is all about her and her many lovers.

 

Perhaps you should keep telling your self that until you realize what a bad, bad, bad thing she has done.

 

Thai women will dump their kids off with grandparents and never have a care in the world how they grow up.

 

You better find some balls and fight for sole custody and give this kids a HAPPY life and a way to get over this trauma.

 

No deals outside of a lawyer.

 

Money is not the answer.

 

Sorry to say your small salary will never be able to satisfy her desires for money.

 

Do right but your kids, they are the only ones that matter

 

 

 

 

[jak2002003]

OP please know you are not alone in this kind of situation, it happens to many people.  

 

Take the advise of the posters on here, which is to end your relationship with her.

 

She has show she does not care for her own children and you. There is no need to be the nice person and make excuses for her. 

 

She has not just made a mistake and had a small affaire with one guy.  She is not sorry about what she did or having regrets, so it's no use giving her another chance at your relationship.

 

I am sure you will find after a few months she will come back wanting to go back to normal and be with you....that is when you must say no. 

 

That is the time to organise the separation properly, including her times to visit the children. This is not the time to do it now when your head is too messed up and you can't think very rationally.

 

You have a home, lovely children, and your family to help you. Many people are not that lucky.

 

You will be ok in the end and will be able to move on with your life and even have another girlfriend, even though it won't feel like that right now.

 

Please know it will be more upsetting and harmful for the children for you to let their mother back into the home and pretend all is ok.  The stress on you and them will be too much and they will pick up on things not being right and it will effect them. 

 

Good luck for the future. 

 

 

[bwpage3]

2 hours ago, alexis80 said:

Lawyer said the best would be to come to a settlement... by law she is entitled to have half of the assets earned during the marriage, that means the new house we renovated as all my money went there... so I asked her to agree to sell the villa and get 50% and in exchange sign the divorce separation papers giving the kids to me, initially she said yes because I explained if she doesn’t I wouldn’t let the kids ever go back to Thailand as I am afraid she would try to keep them there... and in Italy she can’t take care of them... I am the one who makes the homework with the 7 years old as she doesn’t speak Italian... she doesn’t have a stable residence here ... but now she doesn’t seem like she is convinced about signing anymore... that would mean a very long lawsuit that at the moment I am not even share I can afford... 

She is probably being advised by some other Thai tramp that has already been through this.

[bwpage3]

2 hours ago, alexis80 said:

That could be but I honestly doubt it, she comes from a decent family, and until recently we had everything we wished for... I never kept a short leash as I never thought it’s normal in a relationship, and to be honest I would lie if I said she wasn’t a good mom and wife... for many years she took good care of our kids, specially the 7 years old, I was always between flights and she was very supportive... it might be that I missed something sling the way or it  may be that bad influence from her new found Thai friends coupled with the problems we had lately .... made her snap I really don’t know but I would like to think the later that her being like this the whole 10 years 

Your not even close to telling yourself the truth.

 

She didn't just learn to have 15 boyfriends and to <deleted> around between one of your flights.

 

This is a learned behavior.

 

You need to wise up and admit it to yourself.

 

Any woman that rather <deleted> around with all the younger men instead of being a mother and wife, is no where near to what kind of woman you think she is.

 

In your mind might think you had everything you wished for, in her mind you never did. She might have been putting on a happy face since moving to Italy knowing every time you went out on a flight she went out and got what she wanted.

 

It is not the house, it is she is NOT living the life she wants.

 

You might think she came from a decent family or maybe you tell yourself this? Who knows?

 

One thing is for sure? IF she was from a decent family, she would never have the idea to do something like this ever.

 

She would never have grown up that way and never learned this bad behavior.

 

She will be a shameful disgrace to her own parents, unless of course, they already knew her past. 

 

Everything you are describing are the traits of a bar girl.

 

Who in their right mind wants to travel back and forth to Thailand to sell a 60kg suitcase of Thai Food? No one ever! Such a small amount of money? 

 

You are in denial thinking about the past, when it comes down to it, every trip you ever took, she was probably already on the internet playing.

 

She is no longer your friend.

 

You need to understand that and fight for your kids and their future. 

 

Perhaps you were to busy traveling and too busy being happy YOURSELF, that you couldn't see the truth.

[mr mr]

it''s always about the money. 

[bwpage3]

2 hours ago, alexis80 said:

That was my first reaction, I also suggested to her about 2 weeks ago to go back to Thailand and go to a temple to get her head straight ... in 2015 she also went for 3 days and stayed at a temple, she is pretty religious... however she said she is going back to Thailand for a short while but not because I asked her... she practically neither accepted or refused... grazie mille!!!

Come on friend? Listen to yourself?

 

Do religious women behave this way?

 

Where does such a religious women from a good family learn that sex with many different men while she is married is ok?  WHERE?

 

You are not thinking clearly.

 

Ask anyone on this forum what kind of woman will sleep around like that and you will NEVER get an answer a religious woman from a good family.

 

Time to stop reminiscing about YOUR happy past and wake up the fact she has a lot of experience hooking up with men. 

[bwpage3]

2 hours ago, alexis80 said:

Yes, I did but as we have been married more than 5 years she can stay here anyways, I don’t think it’s that, I think it’s more about her family and friends knowing what she did ...

Why haven't you told her family?

 

They might tell you a few things you wished they would have told you when you met her

[Andy from Kent]

It sounds like she wants what's called an "open marriage".      

 

Can you approach things from that perspective?

 

[bwpage3]

2 hours ago, alexis80 said:

It has been one month I haven’t manage to sleep very well,  the only thing that keeps me going are the kids and them needs... I need to study for my work but I am unable to concentrate, even to watch a movie... it all becomes much harder when kids ask about her, I am very strong mentally and I hide this very well from the little ones, the reason I posted here was thinking of getting also a second opinion from someone who went thru a similar situation... traveling all around the world I know different countries means differ cultures, maybe it’s just a phase she is going thru and it’s something other Thai girls do ...

No it is not a phase unless she was a hooker before?

 

You need to wise up and quit trying to make excuses for her behavior.

 

You need your mother to step up and watch the kids welfare until you can tell yourself the truth.

 

It's over, she will never change, her kids and you mean nothing to her.

 

Understand that, no matter how painful.

 

The sooner you wise up the sooner you can start healing/

[Hugh Cow]

The best advice you probably wont take because you sound like you are already making excuses for a Thai women who has treated you very badly. She cares nothing for you and is using you as a convenience. If the house is in your name sell it and move elsewhere and start a new life with your children. Just send her a contact number to speak with the children. Let her fight you for the money. Leave it with a trusted friend and tell her you've gambled it all away due to stress. 

You obviously still love her but she will make your life more of a misery and in years to come you will regret not kicking her to the curb when you could have. Going to a temple will not solve anything. Many do this to look good in front of others. Some think they can cancel their continual bad behaviour by making merit at the temple and go on their merry way.

This woman will end up destroying your life. You need to face the fact she is a user and that is all. If you let her she will continue to use you when it suits her. In a few years time you will realise leaving her was the best decision to make.

Having got rid of mine more than 10 years ago, and bringing young children up alone wasn't easy but I can honestly say it was one of the best decisions I ever made both for me and our children. 

[worgeordie]

4 hours ago, alexis80 said:

Did any of you had similar experiences?

No..

It's obvious that the marriage is over,the sooner you realise this the better,

what to do with the kids is your only problem now, good luck.

regards Worgeordie

[scammed]

3 hours ago, alexis80 said:

Lawyer said the best would be to come to a settlement... by law she is entitled to have half of the assets earned during the marriage, that means the new house we renovated as all my money went there... so I asked her to agree to sell the villa and get 50% and in exchange sign the divorce separation papers giving the kids to me, initially she said yes because I explained if she doesn’t I wouldn’t let the kids ever go back to Thailand as I am afraid she would try to keep them there... and in Italy she can’t take care of them... I am the one who makes the homework with the 7 years old as she doesn’t speak Italian... she doesn’t have a stable residence here ... but now she doesn’t seem like she is convinced about signing anymore... that would mean a very long lawsuit that at the moment I am not even share I can afford... 

dont offer more, she cant have her will (boy in thailand) as long as you dont give it, if it was me i would just try to pick up a new life that doesnt include her and wait for her to meet your offer

[Ventenio]

It's "funny" that she makes like 1000 Euros a month, which is fantastic in Thailand for her (well, for most Thais); however, it's all relative and you gave her an OK lifestyle.  You were not rich, but in her head I think she thought you were rich.  Not wanting to learn the language is a BIG red flag, since then it's likely all about the money.  

 

We have all been in cheating relationships.  Not with a lady who didn't think how it would affect the kids for the REST OF THEIR LIVES....so that's horrible.  And I couldn't have sex with someone who was intimate with someone else and doing who knows what (you mind will imagine everything) for endless hours.....she wanted the young guy, so you will feel insecure when you get older.  maybe she was with 10 young guys...who knows.  you will never know.  

 

100% over.  kids........this kind of mess could haunt a kid 50-years from now.  therapy in a few years, I'm guessing......something.

 

  

[CharlieH]

Sadly we see this many times on this forum. It starts the same way and mostly ends the same way in these stories of heartbreak.

 

As many before you hzve had to face up to reality, sort out the mess and move on. Take control and keep control before the kids end up being used as ransom for a monthly income which is the next step in this well know and often trodden path.

 

[chuang]

A long story, see a divorce laywer...

[Mike Rodik]

dump her

 

would you trust a dog that was loyal but bitten you for no reason ?  time to put it down

 

take care of your kids, send her on a one way to thailand

[GinBoy2]

Well firstly this is a doomed relationship, and you gotta end it.

 

Now Thai's, men and women seem to be able to drop kids as fast as they would a pair of dirty underwear if it suits them, so the fact that she's dumped the kids with you, doesn't surprise me in the least....so long as she is happy!

 

Now I must say, and maybe this has been discussed in the previous four pages, but what's her immigration status? Does she want to stay married simply because she can have her other life but use your marriage to stay in Europe?

[kanokarn]

Can only talk about the Thai Law since been there and done that.  Never let her take the Children to Thailand EVER. Unless you have document of full custody and full parental rights in Italy. Anything less some mix documents or something the court in Thailand keep the children in Thailand.  Thailand have signed the international document so normally the kids should be returned to Italy however the Thai government do not follow the document but EU does. You have to go trough endless of courts in Thailand if you EVER let them go back with her. Even with Full custody and document from the court she can go to immigration and STOP you at the airport. Thai Rak Tai, Thai loves Thai.  Let her be for the moment let her forsaken the children and document it and then go for full divorce with ONLY you as the gurdian. 

[Mike Rodik]

those people shouting:  get full custody...

 

a thai judge for example, will never agree with full custody and 99 percent time will rule  shared custody

 

unless one of the parents abused the child and there is proof from a hospital it was not an accident

 

never bring the children back to thailand... she can use whomever to hide the kids and as a farang, good luck finding them

[kanokarn]

3 minutes ago, Mike Rodik said:

those people shouting:  get full custody...

 

a thai judge for example, will never agree with full custody and 99 percent time will rule  shared custody

 

unless one of the parents abused the child and there is proof from a hospital it was not an accident

 

never bring the children back to thailand... she can use whomever to hide the kids and as a farang, good luck finding them

Meaning get full custody IN ITALY 

[Captain Monday]

Your wife using flight benefits in furtherance of a business is unethical and against airline policy.

Not that much wrong with doing a bit of personal shopping but it puts the benefit at risk for everyone and in the US every few years they talk about taxing it as income. You should  be subject to some sanctions up to and including termination of employment.  Handbags? No wonder your having  with such a person.

You are a great father. Dump her. Take care of your kids, need to seek full custody and the mother who is not even doing the minimum should get the minimum = Limited visitation.

 

I used to see Thai people at lined up at the Apple store in Tokyo buying armfuls of iPhones, Thai customs put the kibosh on that. Some flight attendants got nabbed for the handbags. It is smuggling, tax evasion and plane wrong.

 

 

[tifino]

even if you did let her back... it will always be loudly reminded to to that it was all 'your' fault... 

[Tarteso]

1 hour ago, Andy from Kent said:

It sounds like she wants what's called an "open marriage".      

 

Can you approach things from that perspective?

 

 

This is an option when both are financially independent, which is not the case, and when both parties agree.  I don't think this good man wants to share life with that kind of butterfly.

 

Mother of his children Yes... But liar and dirty butterfly.

 

 

Edited February 13, 2021 by Tarteso