THE WEEK THAT WAS The Week That Was in Thailand News: Fake News! There are no tourists in the Hub of Waves!

[webfact]

 

It was a week where, not for the first time, the Thai government seemed to be just a little out of step with reality. Just a tad short of the number of sandwiches to make a picnic or to be culturally fairer to them, one chili shy of a decent som tam. 

 

It was announced yesterday that six million of their compatriots had now been made unemployed by that nasty pandemic. 

 

The government promptly told them to work from home.

 

(One Thai of my acquaintance even used the term WFH in text this week - I thought she was swearing at me).

 

It was feared that travelling on public transport - something Big Too and his cronies seemed to be encouraging last week - would spread the virus. 

 

They were advised to get the car out and use that. 

 

(I wasted no time in telephoning Yai in Loei to advise her to dust off the Benz as the chickens had probably been nesting on it. She said she would have a word with Khun Jeeves to get it cleaned up just as soon as they finished off the free hamper from Fortnum and Somchai kindly sent from Uncle Too).

 

With virus cases rising by more than 1,500 a day they proudly proclaimed that the vaccine rollout was on track.

 

It starts in earnest in June.

 

(As the Thai government has always shown, there is an Importance of Being Earnest, a play written by a prominent Thai, incidentally, and shamelessly copied by some British pirate for whom a Red Notice has been issued).

 

Sources intimated that soon all foreigners would be able to buy their own house on a piece of land thus stimulating the economy and making everyone smile in the Land Thereof.

 

All you needed was 10 million baht.

 

(I popped down to the ATM to get it but all the banks were shut dashing my hopes).

 

The CDC (The Center For Disease Control now supplied with a brand new can of Baygon) advised people to stay put after Songkran.

 

Mrs Rooster called to say it’ll all work out for the best, I may miss the five year old’s birthday in May but we can all catch up at her university graduation in 2580.

 

(I did the math - 2037 - a small price to pay for keeping everyone safe).

 

The government - via Big Too and Big Nut (aNUTin, I have such affection for him I have come up with my own respectful moniker) - announced there would be no lockdown and no curfew.

 

So glad to hear this news, Rooster went to celebrate but everything was shut down and everybody was at home. 

 

(Everybody that is except for a new breed of insect that populates Bangkok that has been given the scientific name Grabus Deliverus Motorcycus. They are green and swarm everywhere but at least are doing their bit to keep the pollution at a respectable top ten in the world level).

 

They announced that the third wave was terrible news for the Thai economy. 

 

Not to worry as we wave it goodbye we can call it the Fourth Wave and show once again that Thailand leads the way - the Hub of Waves perhaps.

 

In sports news, Rooster’s proud Asian Chest was thumping like a good ‘un after Hideki Matsuyama won the Masters at Augusta. 

 

With the caddy paying respects to the final flag it made me think how lucky I am to have spent a lifetime on the best continent on Earth. 

 

Back in Thailand the biggest story of the week for clicks was the attack on - and subsequent death - of the owner of an American Pit Bull in Pattaya.

 

Wisit was torn to pieces by the family pet who always seem to be so good with children.

 

Disliking dogs is almost seen as a crime by the canine loving fraternity and I made the mistake of siding with the owner on Facebook only to be told by a woman to “shut up”.

 

Many posters who said they knew about dogs advocated euthanasia but two year old Giant was shipped off to Nakhon Sawan for a spot of attitude adjustment with a new owner. 

 

At least the new guy seemed to appreciate the difficulty of that task while the neighbors said his previous hounds had been no problem.

 

I think the real message should be in the colloquial name of this breed “Ban Dog”. 

 

Looking like a rabid, spitting K-9 was Chuwit Kamolwisit who featured as the source of the other major click-fest of the week when he posted about his extensive knowledge of the sex industry. 

 

While everyone burbled on that “he should know” and “nice to hear the truth for once”, I thought he missed a lot out and downplayed it a tad! 

 

I’ll leave it at that; if I told you what I know I’d have to kill you, if Mrs Rooster didn’t get to me first.

 

Down in QUOTES - the Queen Of The Eastern Seaboard - mayor Sontaya said he was ready for lockdown then got his knickers in a twist with posts about a festival flouting Covid rules. 

 

Contrary to the “fake news” Pattaya does care, apparently. Earlier in the week his mayoral brother Narongchai along the coast in Bang Saen had also got in a lather after similar pictures showed his resort jammed packed, with virus spreading tourists. 

 

Contrary to previous posts when he delighted in showing how full it was, this time he was pleased to show how orderly and deserted it was!

 

The boys are of course the sons of infamous Kamnan Poh, their bent and murderous poppa.

 

No fake news there!

 

Much of the forum spent the week bickering about alcohol bans. It is hard to get away from the conclusion that one poster came to that the forum is populated by an above average representation of alcoholics. 

 

Anyway, Rooster took it as a sign and went to Villa to do something I almost never do, buy booze. Armed with the cheapest bottle of vodka I could find, ice and orange juice, I settled into my solitary confinement with the family away in Loei.

 

Screw screwdrivers! It was horrible - anyone know where I can get grapefruit juice?

 

In my final word on the pandemic this week (half-hearted promise) the chief of the Thai business federation said it like it is - there is no need for the government to issue a lockdown and curfew because the people already know they are in them. 

 

Apropos what I mentioned earlier in the column, Thai business media had a “sources tell us” fiesta that got foreigners all hopeful that they may be able to buy their own house in Thailand. 

 

The sources initially said an announcement was imminent allowing the well heeled to buy in estates for 10-15 million baht and that the Condo Act of 2008 limiting foreign ownership to 49% was also to change.

 

Then the rug of expectation was - as the French say surpris-surpris - pulled out with sources saying “now was not the time” and industry leaders remarking that the government had Covid on their plates.

 

They will try and sort that nasty dish out first before moving on to the other one that has proved equally unpalatable for decades. 

 

Top hoots (and videos) of the week involved a motorcyclist in Rayong who came up with a novel way to quickly get through a police checkpoint.

 

Cough.

 

Then we were treated to “Donut-gate” (alright I couldn’t resist) as a Krispy Kreme staffer floored a foul-mouthed customer who wouldn’t accept her apology for getting the order wrong. 

 

Netizens backed the staffer with the hashtag #savepanakgnan.

 

Finally, and only slightly Covid related, came the news that the Hua Hin police chief had been transferred to an inactive post for allowing the Maya Pub to open after hours.

 

Pol Col Paitoon Phromkhian had only just got back to his active desk after being transferred to inactivity for allowing a rodeo event to take place in which a local official was murdered. 

 

Active, inactive, active, inactive.

 

The poor man (sic) didn’t know whether he was coming or going!

 

Rooster

 

-- © Copyright Thai Visa News 2021-04-18

 

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[bobbin]

I'm pretty sure that you are referring to me in regards to the alcohol with food ban..

 

I only posted what I thought was common sense given the Covid surge. Eat your meal out and return home for your non-banned alcohol chaser.. Saying that people who continue moan about this policy might "possibly" have a problem with alcohol ignited a firestorm of protests by the pro-alcohol lobby that had my notifications lighting up for the next 2 days.. the last response culminating in a profane post suggesting I keep my opinions to myself but qualifying that it was offered with "due respect" 555

 

Still don't know why that post is still there..

 

Just wish that I had been quick enough to suggest take-away. Problem solved..

[Marpa47]

My gosh, you’ve outdone yourself.  Don‘t think I’ve enjoyed any article of any kind any more than this week’s offering, in a very long time.  You pulled out all the stops.  Only wish i could come up with as well crafted a reply.  Thank you.  A masterpiece.  Now... how you gonna top it next week?  And the next... and the next...  ????

[Olad Mate]

I hope your the New Chief and Editor!!!

 

[Mywayboy]

7 hours ago, bobbin said:

I'm pretty sure that you are referring to me in regards to the alcohol with food ban..

 

I only posted what I thought was common sense given the Covid surge. Eat your meal out and return home for your non-banned alcohol chaser.. Saying that people who continue moan about this policy might "possibly" have a problem with alcohol ignited a firestorm of protests by the pro-alcohol lobby that had my notifications lighting up for the next 2 days.. the last response culminating in a profane post suggesting I keep my opinions to myself but qualifying that it was offered with "due respect" 555

 

Still don't know why that post is still there..

 

Just wish that I had been quick enough to suggest take-away. Problem solved..

Classic article 

[overt2016]

I thought you had drank the screwdriver.

[James7001]

Hilarious satirical journalism keep them coming we need more of this to keep us sane!

 

change is coming to Thailand lets  Hope this helps it on!!

[Bradmeister]

International residents, retirees or pensioners.  Not Foreigners. 

 

Come on rooster, et tu brutas?

[gavlar]

Rooster.... great piece....you need to send the missus away more often...maybe to 2037.

And keep drinking the vodka as it obviously let's your creative juices flow.

[Elkski]

9 hours ago, webfact said:

I thought he missed a lot out and downplayed it a tad! 

Missed a lot out? You use to mut kings English. Or gutter talk?  

I hope the Benz will start.  

[terryofcrete]

Real five minute job  but hey... thanks ! ... It’s a free read. 

[D M G]

58 minutes ago, Bradmeister said:

International residents, retirees or pensioners.  Not Foreigners. 

 

Come on rooster, et tu brutas?

FAA - RAAAAAAANG

[rumak]

2 hours ago, gavlar said:

Rooster.... great piece....you need to send the missus away more often...maybe to 2037.

And keep drinking the vodka as it obviously let's your creative juices flow.

 

Rooster does seem to have risen to the top of the hay bales .  He can crow a bit this week, though as far as creative juices flow ........ he really is the only creative cock left on the TV block that once had a flock of worthy punsters.   Now its mostly just a crock.   No shock there.

Edited April 18, 2021 by rumak

[nahkit]

12 hours ago, webfact said:

Screw screwdrivers! It was horrible - anyone know where I can get grapefruit juice?

Try Chabaa brand pomelo juice, available Lotus, Big C, Makro etc.

[kiwikeith]

15 hours ago, Marpa47 said:

My gosh, you’ve outdone yourself.  Don‘t think I’ve enjoyed any article of any kind any more than this week’s offering, in a very long time.  You pulled out all the stops.  Only wish i could come up with as well crafted a reply.  Thank you.  A masterpiece.  Now... how you gonna top it next week?  And the next... and the next..

 

[Andycoops]

I don't think Too and pals care a jot about 6m jobs lost as it won't effect them or any of the millions of public or civil servants who continue to get their salaries (and envelopes) come what may and you can include the active, inactive BiB as well.