"Conversations" on Tinder

[Nick in Thailand]

When I match with women on Tinder, the "Conversations" feel more like interviews. 

 

I ask a question. They give me an answer. 

 

And on and on. 

 

Is this a cultural thing? I find it a little odd and tiring. 

[Yellowtail]

You think it odd that people answer questions? 

[KhunBENQ]

At the bars the interviews go the other way round.

They ask questions, you answer ????

The experienced have an exact script for it.

[onebir]

11 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

 

Going to the meat market to buy a loaf of bread then.

 

In any event, why not try to start a conversation rather than conducting an interview? 

Perhaps because he

Quote

...ask[s] many questions and never get[s] asked any in response. 

?

[Nick in Thailand]

14 minutes ago, Yellowtail said:

 

Going to the meat market to buy a loaf of bread then.

 

In any event, why not try to start a conversation rather than conducting an interview? 

How does one converse, absent of questions, without talking soley about oneself or one's interests? 

 

Teach me the art if conversation, sagacious one. 

Edited April 18, 2021 by Nick in Thailand

[BritManToo]

19 minutes ago, Nick in Thailand said:

I ask many questions and never get asked any in response.

They are only interested in how much you will pay.

That's how hookers work.

[Nick in Thailand]

Just now, BritManToo said:

They are only interested in how much you will pay.

That's how hookers work.

What heathenly filth you are sir! I implore you to reread my previous comments. I am speaking with young women of good repute, nurses, teachers etc. 

 

How very dare you! 

[BritManToo]

Just now, Nick in Thailand said:

What heathenly filth you are sir! I implore you to reread my previous comments. I am speaking with young women of good repute, nurses, teachers etc. 

 

How very dare you! 

They will pretend to be whatever you want them to be, and wear the uniforms if you so wish.

[Nick in Thailand]

1 minute ago, BritManToo said:

They will pretend to be whatever you want them to be, and wear the uniforms if you so wish.

What a poor devil you are, drowning in misanthropy and cynicism.

 

One cannot merely assume that every young lady is wicked and sinful. I should hope you do not cast such eyes upon your mother. 

 

 

 

 

[1FinickyOne]

1 hour ago, Nick in Thailand said:

 

I ask a question. They give me an answer.

what would you prefer? You ask a question about food and they talk about wallpaper?

 

For that, you need to get married. 

[1FinickyOne]

40 minutes ago, Nick in Thailand said:

I am purposefully seeking out non-sexy, shy good girls. Maybe that's it..

Then that is what you are getting - a shy Thai good girl would not feel it is polite to ask questions of you... 

[1FinickyOne]

21 minutes ago, Nick in Thailand said:

How does one converse, absent of questions, without talking soley about oneself or one's interests? 

 

Teach me the art if conversation, sagacious one. 

The question can be - tell me about yourself, what do you enjoy doing? ask about their family... things that might be important to them - you can learn a lot that way

 

Say thing that will get them talking... 

Edited April 18, 2021 by 1FinickyOne

[Airalee]

Totally understand.  It’s the same on all online dating sites (and with many women that you meet IRL and subsequently add to line).  Your description of it being like an interview are spot on.

 

First, there are the questions that they ask you...

 

1.  “What you do?”   The basic financial qualifier.  Every single one will ask this.

 

2. “How long you live Thailand?”  This one can be tricky and can sometimes be prefaced with “You live Thailand?”.  I find that in general, the longer you have lived here, the more negative their impression will be.  It can either be that you have already had previous Thai girlfriends that will reappear in the future, only to cause problems and bring drama and the potential for you to leave them and go back to the “ex”....or it can also be a case of “Farang roo mak, mai dee”....you know too much and they won’t be able to play their games.

 

3.  “You have Thai gf/wife?”   Here, they want to know if you are either A.  Cheating on someone and they are only a side fling (like a cheater will actually come out and say “yes!  I have a Thai wife/gf).  B.  Might already have children with another Thai woman.  C. Refer to #2 and “Farang roo mak, mai dee”

 

4. “Where you come from?”  Thai women know all about the visa/divorce laws of your country.  It is discussed at length on their forum.  (Ladyinter).  You have to be able to read Thai.

 

4. “Why you live Thailand”.  Being that they have no idea of the concept of affordable healthcare/rents/etc. as they really don’t know what the cost of living is in your country (and aren’t really interested unless it is how much their favorite Thai food costs), they really just want to know....are you here for the women.   This question may or may not be followed up with “You like Thai lady?”

 

Usually, these first 4 questions will be answered with “I see” and little more.  There will not be much in the way of follow up questions.  
 

Even if you have already addressed these topics in your profile, they will still ask them.  You didn’t actually expect them to read your profile did you?  Most likely they didn’t.

 

They will never ask you about your hobbies, interests, hopes and dreams.  They aren’t interested in your plans for the future either....they have their own.

 

Your questions, no matter how benign will be either A.  Completely ignored...like you didn’t even ask it.  or B.  Viewed with some amount of suspicion with a reply such as “Why you want to know?”.  
 

Any answers that they do give will be vague at best, and if you attempt any sort of follow up question in order to have them elaborate on their original answer, it will be ignored or just answered with a smiley or laughing emoji.

 

There is no small talk.  No back and forth where a conversation actually progresses.  Of course, that makes you wonder what they gab about for 5 minutes with whatever Thai person (even complete strangers) whom they may interact with on a daily basis.

 

If you have passed the original interview, on subsequent days, you can expect in depth questions such as “how are you today?” or “have you eaten yet?”.   They might sometimes ask “what did you do/eat today?”  And on occasion, even follow up with “sanook mai?” (Was it fun) or “aroi mai?” (Was it delicious?).

 

If you progress from the online dating platform to Line, you will then get lots of cute “stickers” but usually not much else other than the obligatory “good morning” or, if it’s nighttime... “I home now, take shower and sleep ka”.

 

Enjoy! ???? 

[Nick in Thailand]

4 minutes ago, Airalee said:

Totally understand.  It’s the same on all online dating sites (and with many women that you meet IRL and subsequently add to line).  Your description of it being like an interview are spot on.

 

First, there are the questions that they ask you...

 

1.  “What you do?”   The basic financial qualifier.  Every single one will ask this.

 

2. “How long you live Thailand?”  This one can be tricky and can sometimes be prefaced with “You live Thailand?”.  I find that in general, the longer you have lived here, the more negative their impression will be.  It can either be that you have already had previous Thai girlfriends that will reappear in the future, only to cause problems and bring drama and the potential for you to leave them and go back to the “ex”....or it can also be a case of “Farang roo mak, mai dee”....you know too much and they won’t be able to play their games.

 

3.  “You have Thai gf/wife?”   Here, they want to know if you are either A.  Cheating on someone and they are only a side fling (like a cheater will actually come out and say “yes!  I have a Thai wife/gf).  B.  Might already have children with another Thai woman.  C. Refer to #2 and “Farang roo mak, mai dee”

 

4. “Where you come from?”  Thai women know all about the visa/divorce laws of your country.  It is discussed at length on their forum.  (Ladyinter).  You have to be able to read Thai.

 

4. “Why you live Thailand”.  Being that they have no idea of the concept of affordable healthcare/rents/etc. as they really don’t know what the cost of living is in your country (and aren’t really interested unless it is how much their favorite Thai food costs), they really just want to know....are you here for the women.   This question may or may not be followed up with “You like Thai lady?”

 

Usually, these first 4 questions will be answered with “I see” and little more.  There will not be much in the way of follow up questions.  
 

Even if you have already addressed these topics in your profile, they will still ask them.  You didn’t actually expect them to read your profile did you?  Most likely they didn’t.

 

They will never ask you about your hobbies, interests, hopes and dreams.  They aren’t interested in your plans for the future either....they have their own.

 

Your questions, no matter how benign will be either A.  Completely ignored...like you didn’t even ask it.  or B.  Viewed with some amount of suspicion with a reply such as “Why you want to know?”.  
 

Any answers that they do give will be vague at best, and if you attempt any sort of follow up question in order to have them elaborate on their original answer, it will be ignored or just answered with a smiley or laughing emoji.

 

There is no small talk.  No back and forth where a conversation actually progresses.  Of course, that makes you wonder what they gab about for 5 minutes with whatever Thai person (even complete strangers) whom they may interact with on a daily basis.

 

If you have passed the original interview, on subsequent days, you can expect in depth questions such as “how are you today?” or “have you eaten yet?”.   They might sometimes ask “what did you do/eat today?”  And on occasion, even follow up with “sanook mai?” (Was it fun) or “aroi mai?” (Was it delicious?).

 

If you progress from the online dating platform to Line, you will then get lots of cute “stickers” but usually not much else other than the obligatory “good morning” or, if it’s nighttime... “I home now, take shower and sleep ka”.

 

Enjoy! ???? 

Oh dear. Well, I have found one absolute treasure, in my eyes. She dresses conservatively, she is a nurse bit she has an unorthodox beauty to her. 

 

I'm on question 10 now, she has only asked "what job you do?" I'm a teacher but I also run a small fintech business from home (Australia) , so I don't think my profession is off-putting. 

 

I don't want to give this one up. I'm so, so picky. I have about 200 girls I don't like back on Tinder. 

[BritManToo]

7 minutes ago, Nick in Thailand said:

I'm on question 10 now, she has only asked "what job you do?" I'm a teacher but I also run a small fintech business from home (Australia) , so I don't think my profession is off-putting. 

Quite a lot of females have "No teachers" in their profile.

Seems you're on a bit of a loser.

[Airalee]

5 minutes ago, Nick in Thailand said:

Oh dear. Well, I have found one absolute treasure, in my eyes. She dresses conservatively, she is a nurse bit she has an unorthodox beauty to her. 

 

I'm on question 10 now, she has only asked "what job you do?" I'm a teacher but I also run a small fintech business from home (Australia) , so I don't think my profession is off-putting. 

 

I don't want to give this one up. I'm so, so picky. I have about 200 girls I don't like back on Tinder. 

Being a teacher can (potentially) be a strike against you.  They know that teachers don’t have high salaries here.  They will have no concept of what a “small fintech business” is.  Most wouldn’t even understand what the stock market (or any other financial service) is at all.

 

Just because they are a nurse or have an impressive degree doesn’t make them any more or less of a scammer/gold digger than your garden variety Farang hunter.  In fact, the better the job can frequently be indicative of a higher debt load.

 

Tip:  Find their Facebook page.  It’s not always easy but if you do, you will glean far more information than you will get from them directly.  Some of them will be clean....sometimes, with a bit of sleuthing you’ll find out that they have a Thai husband.  The ones who do will never post anything about their relationship (husband/bf) online.  I’ll let you figure out how to find out the sordid details. ???? 

[Nick in Thailand]

5 minutes ago, BritManToo said:

Quite a lot of females have "No teachers" in their profile.

Seems you're on a bit of a loser.

Oh no. Perhaps it's me that's the loser.. 

[Nick in Thailand]

5 minutes ago, Airalee said:

Being a teacher can (potentially) be a strike against you.  They know that teachers don’t have high salaries here.  They will have no concept of what a “small fintech business” is.  Most wouldn’t even understand what the stock market (or any other financial service) is at all.

 

Just because they are a nurse or have an impressive degree doesn’t make them any more or less of a scammer/gold digger than your garden variety Farang hunter.  In fact, the better the job can frequently be indicative of a higher debt load.

 

Tip:  Find their Facebook page.  It’s not always easy but if you do, you will glean far more information than you will get from them directly.  Some of them will be clean....sometimes, with a bit of sleuthing you’ll find out that they have a Thai husband.  The ones who do will never post anything about their relationship (husband/bf) online.  I’ll let you figure out how to find out the sordid details. ???? 

Well, I understand that my career and finances are one measure of who I am and my ability to succeed within society's expectations. However, striking me out because I'm a teacher helps me to weed them out too, so I welcome that. 

[CharlieH]

I am somewhat surprised you have to ask this after around 10 yrs on the forum ?

[Airalee]

32 minutes ago, 1FinickyOne said:

The question can be - tell me about yourself, what do you enjoy doing? ask about their family... things that might be important to them - you can learn a lot that way

Quite often, the answers will be...

 

Q:  Tell me about yourself.

A:  What you want to know?

 

Q:  What do you enjoy doing

A:  usually won’t get much of an answer.  They play Facebook, Instagram, TikTok etc when they aren’t working their typical 70 hour workweeks.  Their days off they sleep, eat and maybe watch TV.

 

Q:  Tell me about your family

A:  Why you want to know about my family?

 

At least that’s been my experience (in general)

[Nick in Thailand]

2 minutes ago, CharlieH said:

I am somewhat surprised you have to ask this after around 10 yrs on the forum ?

Yes, I've actually been 'Nick in China' for longer than I wanted to be. 

[Nick in Thailand]

2 minutes ago, Airalee said:

Quite often, the answers will be...

 

Q:  Tell me about yourself.

A:  What you want to know?

 

Q:  What do you enjoy doing

A:  usually won’t get much of an answer.  They play Facebook, Instagram, TikTok etc when they aren’t working their typical 70 hour workweeks.  Their days off they sleep, eat and maybe watch TV.

 

Q:  Tell me about your family

A:  Why you want to know about my family?

 

At least that’s been my experience (in general)

How does one find a meaningful relationship amongst these, I hate the expression, NPCs? 

[Airalee]

46 minutes ago, Nick in Thailand said:

What a poor devil you are, drowning in misanthropy and cynicism.

 

One cannot merely assume that every young lady is wicked and sinful. I should hope you do not cast such eyes upon your mother. 

 

 

 

 

@BritManToois neither a misanthrope nor a cynic without good reason and experience.  Although his answers might come across as a bit brash, he is a “red piller” extraordinaire.  

[CharlieH]

2 minutes ago, Nick in Thailand said:

Yes, I've actually been 'Nick in China' for longer than I wanted to be. 

Lucky you ! I loved Teaching in China. Welcome to this side of the fence ????

[JayClay]

38 minutes ago, Airalee said:

like a cheater will actually come out and say “yes!  I have a Thai wife/gf

 

A smart cheater certainly would. Less risk of winding up with a vengeful psycho if they manage expectations from the beginning...

[Nick in Thailand]

1 minute ago, CharlieH said:

Lucky you ! I loved Teaching in China. Welcome to this side of the fence ????

IDK, the women are beautiful but robotic, and they, and the rest of society, lack empathy imo. 

 

I was hoping I was going to get something more real here. 

 

Perhaps I should just accept my fate and marry a masculine, overweight feminist in Australia. 

[Airalee]

1 minute ago, Nick in Thailand said:

How does one find a meaningful relationship amongst these, I hate the expression, NPCs? 

If you are an intelligent, thinking type of person...you don’t.  
 

If you are ok with a simple (eat, travel, boink) relationship then you’ll do fine.  

 

Those who might try to chastise you here on TVF and regale you with stories of their educated Thai wives are just lashing out because...that’s what they do.  If they had such a deep meaningful relationship with their significant other, surely they wouldn’t be posting on Thaivisa with thousands (sometimes tens of thousands) of posts to their name.

[Airalee]

2 minutes ago, Nick in Thailand said:

IDK, the women are beautiful but robotic, and they, and the rest of society, lack empathy imo. 

Bingo!

[scubascuba3]

58 minutes ago, Nick in Thailand said:

What a poor devil you are, drowning in misanthropy and cynicism.

 

One cannot merely assume that every young lady is wicked and sinful. I should hope you do not cast such eyes upon your mother. 

 

 

 

 

If you aren't looking for a sex worker try thaicupid instead, better chance than Tinder and thaifriendly. On those the girls don't want to waste time with chit chat with falang unless they want to improve their English in which case it's a waste of time for the guy

Edited April 18, 2021 by scubascuba3

[1FinickyOne]

38 minutes ago, Airalee said:

Q:  Tell me about your family

A:  Why you want to know about my family?

 

At least that’s been my experience (in general)

Ok. My experience is in person and I find Thai open up very quickly when you show an interest in what they are interested in, which to a great extent is family... I have never been on a dating cite... perhaps if the OP just asked - How Much? He might get more enthusiastic responses...