Romance scam advice

[crazykopite]

Sorry about your situation your not the first and won’t be the last get a DNA done if it’s deemed to be someone else’s child then stop all payments hate to be cruel but she could have other foreigners paying her each month thinking it’s there child that’s how it works by the way you can go to the best hotel in Bangkok and still end up with a happy ending it’s part of the extras on offer 

[Scouse123]

29 minutes ago, Card said:

There are such things as translators, you know? You can even translate from documents and photos with Google Lens.

I didn't but I have just downloaded it now.

 

More useful information and I am once again gaining knowledge from this forum.

[Nip]

1 hour ago, Scouse123 said:

Bargaining chips is what mixed race kids are to the Thais.

Non contributory pensions. 

[markeewan]

Very well told.

[CharlieH]

11 minutes ago, Nip said:

Non contributory pensions. 

More truth in that than you know and why many of these relationships with older guys even start !

[Thai Visa Member 999999]

I don't have any advice or insightful previous experience to share but just let me say I have enormous sympathy for you. I hope it's resolved in your best interests. You seem like a more than-decent human being. Best of luck.

[UKJASE]

you sound like a good bloke OP - maybe you can appeal to her decent side and ask her if she wants you to take care of the daughter

 

she may realise you can give the daughter a good life, and that you will allow mother access whenever she wants it - video calls, visits etc

 

i hope you work it out mate

[kensawadee]

I might contribute my history (and experience) in Thailand going back 40-50 years...

I have been married 4 times... 2 American wives and 2 Thai wives....  I am now 25 years with #4 Thai wife and I tell her she is the winner.... The hardest working most thoughtful woman in the world.... BUT, 25 years ago I met her thinking she would be same as the previous 3 and gone soon, I met a girl in Thailand at near the same time .... For 25 years I have continued a relationship with both (I have an huge amount of Airline miles)... In the US a legal marriage, In Thailand only 'Mia Noi' 25 year status... Presently I have 4 other Thai girls, I consider my 'Harem'.... and during the Pandemic and my absence for a year and a half, I am still supporting them all, Bi-weekly or monthly... I am not cursing any of them nor are they cursing me... The American-Thai wife doesn't know anything about the others, But is over a millionaire (in the US), and could care less.... The Mia Noi in Thailand knows pretty much all I do, But doesn't dump me because she owns 5 homes (2 in Pattaya, 1 in Bangkok) and is probably a 'Thai money millionaire' several times over.... The Harem is 4 Thai Bar girls (2 Lesbians - but Bi-sexuals).... And I am honest and tell them that I am married and I AM NOT 'HUSBAND MATERIAL' And they are free to look for guys that will marry them and care for them. They are greatful for my support during this pandemic while their bars closed.....

Soooo. The Point I am making and hope you will realize is:.... There are all kinds of people out there in this world... In Thailand I find their is a large amount of desperate poor, some of them think the farangs are for milking.... But there are sooooooo Many Thai girls who are desperate and respectful and  appreciative and would NEVER do you as THIS lady did to you.... My 3rd wife was a Thai bar girl I met working a job in a bar in Patpong in Bangkok and she was much the same as your lady... She didn't last long... Number 4 wife, A Thai lady I met working in a 'Sweat-Shop' in Los Angeles sewing clothes for $18-$20 per day, (not a bar girl).... She is the 'winner' and enjoys her comfortable life.....

I want to make the point clear, Whether in Thailand or America, or Australia or Austria, You may have either good luck or bad luck in the people you meet... Some of us guys aren't perfect also, AND I BOIL IT DOWN TO YOU GET WHAT YOU PAY FOR... vs, WHAT YOU EXPECT....

And one last thought is 'Your Thai Lady/wife' may not have gone astray if you stayed together 100% of the time.... Sometimes they just are vulnerable when left alone......

[shackleton]

Yes these things happen and probably with Hindsight would have changed things but life goes on 

Wish you well in getting your Daughter back and sorting out the divorce 

Hopefully painless 

[spidermike007]

You have only three choices at this stage. And "getting the woman back" is not one of them. She is totally undeserving of your faith, love and loyalty. 

 

1. You can just walk away. It would be a cold thing to do, but the easiest.

2. You can sue her, and take this to family court. In Thailand now, they typically side with the breadwinner of the family. That is you. So, there is a high likelihood of you getting full time custody of the child. You may be able to take her back home with you. If that is what you want. 

3. You can sue for visitation rights. 

 

No real other options for you. Just a stroke of bad luck. There are alot of good women here. Sorry you found a deadbeat. 

[wombat]

On 9/17/2021 at 12:02 AM, 40yearoldnumpty said:

When someone sets out to defraud you so convincingly it’s hard to imagine (for me anyway) that another human being could have the confidence to carry through with such a cruel scam.

dont feel bad it could have been worse....old mate says if TG's are the hyena of Asia, PI girls will suck the marrow from the bone that the TG's leave.

[Mansell]

I think the relationship is DEAD…..I wouldn’t even hold any thoughts of trying or hoping to resurrect it. Was she using drugs in England? Or did all this start after? Your daughter is a different issue. Your wife will probably think in her drug addled brain that she holds all the aces, but she does not. You do with your money. You can figure out how much you are prepared to pay to get your daughter back, and of course don’t tell her your bottom line. If she has no money her desperation will control her and her price will drop. You cannot be emotionally involved in this process, or you are doomed to lose out. you must be be cold and calculating, and show absolutely no emotion, or she will pick up on it and you will lose. Try to get the daughter into your control.
A junkie will not care about anything or anybody, only money and the next fix. As for the aunt/sister….she could be part of this scam and be playing you, and the more desperate you sound the more they’ve both got you……and you do sound desperate. Good luck with the process. You might want to get a lawyer handling all the negotiations, he wouldn’t be emotionally involved and would know the game. There is a good Canadian French lawyer in Korat who has Thai partners. Somebody on here will know his name. You could have a conference call with him and learn your real options and not the ThaiVisa crowds opinions…..including me.

[Straight8]

I'm gonna go against the grain and say I'm on the side that there's a good chance the kid is not even yours [OP].

 

DNA should be your main priority before parting with one more baht. If she refuses or leads you on some wild goose chase, that could be telling you something.

 

Outside of this, its one thing to be generous & to get anything going with your child on your terms [if it ends up being yours], but rule with an iron fist. Your way or you walk. By now she should know what value there is with you in her life or not. They need have some fear instilled in them, that there is more to lose by not having you around. Then you have the issue of dealing with a drugged out **** which is another major obstacle.

 

Good luck, it seems you're against the odds, but only you will know in the end to what lengths you will go to for an amicable agreement and relationship.

[Straight8]

13 minutes ago, wombat said:

dont feel bad it could have been worse....old mate says if TG's are the hyena of Asia, PI girls will suck the marrow from the bone that the TG's leave.

You are spot on, but only to the weak, gullible and vulnerable....unfortunately, as they appear to be quite decent & caring people.

[CharlieH]

Trolling posts removed.

[action]

I read the OP but didn't bother reading all the replies so I apologize if this has been said or already recommended.  
Can you get close to the family?  Try contacting the Aunt again as she has already helped you.  The disabled Father and drunk Mother,  how is your relationship with them?  And the brothers?  Who's "Side" would they be on?  Possibly if you can rally the family to be on your side, in the best interest of the child, the wife will be easier to deal with.  
 

[brianthainess]

On 9/17/2021 at 12:02 AM, 40yearoldnumpty said:

So I called her aunt to ask if she has heard anything and this is where the truth came out.

 

Are you saying the Aunt from Isan spoke English ? and her niece sent messages to her in English. ?

[RafPinto]

Could have been worse.

Imagine you build her a house, bought land, bought a new pick-up, bought 20 buffalos etc...

 

Get a DNA done and try to get your bother (if she is yours).

 

Get over it.

There are millions of "available" ones. 

Number of girls looking for a partner is UP

Farangs coming to Thailand "massively" DOWN

[Brick Top]

I am truly sorry for you after reading your post carefully , you are certainly not a fool.

I have lived here 20 years now in Thailand and I was until 2016 very proud to have not been caught by one of these types of Thai women.

Then like you I fell in love with one of them , unfortunately my story ended up very badly like yours. Its not a nice thing to go through when you realise that you have been lied to for years and it really messes you up emotionally.

To make you feel a little bit better , dont be hard on yourself , you have done nothing wrong , it's her who is the problem , we just got fell in love with the wrong type.

 

[The Theory]

On 9/17/2021 at 12:02 AM, 40yearoldnumpty said:

In one of the bars I bumped into my future wife, who was out with friends and not working in the bar.

At a "bar" !!!!! You met your future wife !!!!

Oh, she is "not working" in the bar !!!! ????.
Then she must be definitely my future. 

What she was doing in a "bar" ???

Looking for "you", Right ?

You need to be here and be ready for a long journey and surprises, if you want your daughter. You will be lucky if she let your daughter leaves Thailand with you for free. 
And last thing: never do anything stupid and put yourself in a big trouble in Thailand. 
 

[spidermike007]

I would try to get DNA on the kid. If you find that the kid is not yours, might be easier to justify just wanting away, and chalking it up to experience. A bad one granted, but you have your whole life ahead of you. Would be a good a shame to spend it dealing with a kid that is not even yours. 

 

She has shown the kind of moral degradation that points toward the likelihood she was never sincere with you, which makes it likely she was always fooling around with others. 

 

Easy to get DNA yourself. Worth having it tested. 

[l4ml4m]

Remember one thing: if you are not able to play all day with a cute dogs in a kennel, then bring him bag knowing that he will be put down, do not play with Thai girls, you are to weak.

 

 

[xylophone]

15 hours ago, dddave said:

I suggest you stop being so hard on yourself and stop looking upon yourself as a victim.  People fall in and out of love all the time.  What may have seemed to your wife to be a dream life in the UK may well have dissipated with the reality of a years day to day there along with the constant cultural issues of dealing with "farang".  She re-invented herself in the past before she met you and she's doing it again.

It's a good point that you make in your post dddave, and one which I had been thinking about whilst reading the previous posts.

 

In particular I liked your statement that, "people fall in and out of love all the time" because that's happened to me a couple of times and sometimes there appears to be no rhyme nor reason to it, it just happens!

 

It seems as if they were both very happy for a few years early on in the piece, so I'm not sure that this was a Thai girl playing the "long game", and then things changed, for whatever reason, and sometimes it is very difficult to put one's finger on.

 

It's quite possible that when she got back to Thailand she met up with her tomboy, and the tomboy got her started on drugs and on badmouthing the "farang" and that's when it started to go downhill fast.

 

The OP should stop beating himself up about it, and take some of the good advice that's been offered on this thread, because there is plenty of good advice on it.

 

From what I've read of the OP's post, I don't think he was taken for a fool, more that the relationship turned sour and was exacerbated by the "tyranny of distance", and of course Covid 19.

[Thingamabob]

Ho hum.....if you are able to do so I suggest you walk away  having learned a very tough lesson. I suspect your wife has had ongoing relationships with tomboys, Thai boys and farang for the duration of your relationship with her. Happens all the time.

[thecyclist]

Unfortunate experience, but I wouldn't call it a romance scam. The typical romance scam is when you have a usually male, often Nigerian, pretend to be an attractive female. All the dating sites are full of these fake accounts. They profess love and can't wait to come to visit. They just need some cash to do so. You, on the other hand, had 'physical' relationship that while expensive, lasted years. Nothing out of the ordinary in LOS that she tried to get as much money out of you as possible. She  even might have had some feelings for you at some stage. 

[ericthai]

On 9/16/2021 at 1:55 PM, CharlieH said:

Ok, heres my penneth.

 

Yes you were an idiot, and clearly on the rebound.

You are not the first and certainly not the last. Some of the above raises flags for me like, whats the point of screenshots of texts or facebook etc as they would be in Thai and I assume you dont read Thai, so that seems off to me.

 

Anyway lets go through some realities.

Thailand aint the west. A divorce is not "filed" you can both walk in to the amphur sign and its done ! It aint that difficult.

 

However, for that to happen you need the mother and her co operation and judging by the above you'll need to pay to get that.

 

Detach your emotions, what do you want first ? What is your ultimate goal ? Get that established and then seek how to achieve it.

You are going to get hit hard for cash if you allow it. The child will be just fine, Thai families are strong bank on that. She left the other 2 and the Lukreung will be taken care of too.

 

The only time , you need to start doing DNA etc and thinking courts etc is id she cant be found  or wont play ball. But first you must decide and be sure want you want to do.

This is very sound advise. 

 

OP As for telling your family that's a hard one. I think I would just tell my family that things didn't work out and leave it at that.

They dont need to know the details.     Here's a good song for you   

 

[BTB1977]

On 9/17/2021 at 2:06 AM, Tanomazu said:

Ummmm, these text  conversations were in English then? Or you can read Thai?

There are translate apps. I use them all the time. 

[Freddy42OZ]

On 9/17/2021 at 8:05 PM, MarkyM3 said:

Worked in a regular bar, not in a go-go area. Knew her for a couple of years before we got together and no cash changed hands.

 

Do you think anyone who works in a bar or restaurant in Thailand is on the game?

 

 

I've met girls who work in high end stores who are on the game.  I've met girls who work in offices who are on the game. 

Just because a girl has a 'normal job' does not mean she can't also be on the game. 

Have you never heard of a Side Line Girl?

 

[2 is 1]

On 9/18/2021 at 9:58 AM, xylophone said:

In particular I liked your statement that, "people fall in and out of love all the time" because that's happened to me a couple of times and sometimes there appears to be no rhyme nor reason to it, it just happens!

Many asian dont consider love in same way than western do. Asian girls love money and feeling life is secured. Most asian girls not watch if husband has "rainy" day in financial matter! They lift clutch and keep going to find other wallet. Not in op's case, but in hes story has already dumped kids so im not see woman was real catch. To op , i think in UK you can do DNA test also your self (sent some laboratory) if you have any hair from her etc. And to some posters: many people have kids even they not biologicaly yours and can love them same way!

[MarkyM3]

3 hours ago, Freddy42OZ said:

 

I've met girls who work in high end stores who are on the game.  I've met girls who work in offices who are on the game. 

Just because a girl has a 'normal job' does not mean she can't also be on the game. 

Have you never heard of a Side Line Girl?

 

Yes, I am a well aware of sidelines and it does not alter what I said in my post. If you read it - I said to the poster does he think *anyone* is on the game who works in a bar and restaurant? 

 

I should have said "everyone", not "anyone" but I'm sure you knew what I meant lol

Edited September 19, 2021 by MarkyM3