Kids v no kids

[Rampant Rabbit]

11 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

Did you see the Oscars? Alot of big, overweight women, wearing very revealing dresses, and doing it with pride. Celebrating hugeness and fat. That is what they do in America. 

Yep seems  many these  days take great  pride in looking as  awful  as   they  possibly  can,  and woe  betide anyone saying otherwise....reeks  of The  Emperors New  Clothes.

No Im not  attractive in any way but arent  stupid  enough to wear a  leotard and skimpy  shorts  to highlight how  <deleted> I look.

[starky]

3 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

Well, most scientists will attest to the fact that if an individual exercises their right to not reproduce, it will not have much effect on the population of the planet. Many nations are seeing their birth rates dropping. That is a good thing. The last thing this world needs is another billion or so people. 

 

I love the statement the Russ Cohle character made in the 1st season of True Detective. Though a very dark series, it is some of the best TV, I have even seen in this lifetime. This statement is not my personal belief. However, slowing down population growth can lead to nothing but positivity for the planet. 

 

"I think human consciousness is a tragic misstep in evolution. We became too self aware. Nature created an aspect of nature separate from itself. We are creatures what should not exist, by natural law. We are things that labor under the illusion of having a self, a secretion of sensory experience and feeling programmed with total assurance that we are each somebody, when in fact everybody is nobody. I think the honorable thing for our species to do is to deny our programming. Stop reproducing. Walk hand and hand into extinction. One last midnight, brothers and sisters opting out of a raw deal". 
 

Yep totally agree we are far too aware and self conscious but if we werent we would be breeding more not less. Its a contradictory statement lets not be self aware by not reproducing, ridiculous, sorry. 

  The more animal we were the more animal our instincts. Your quote ia basically saying lets deny our intellect by using our intellect. And if everybody is nobody that includes every form of life. If self destruction or extinction is something you admire thats great you are well on your way by choosing not to have children. 

Edited April 24, 2022 by starky

[richard_smith237]

2 hours ago, Sparktrader said:

10yos have internet

So do 4 year olds....  that doesn’t mean they have social media accounts... 

 

You perhaps need to adjust the over simplistic myopic view point.

 

There are some teens who may be brainwashed by social media. 

There are many teens who may be influenced by their friends on social media, as they are in person. 

There are some teens, perhaps many who may be influenced by social media in general. 

 

There are very few kids / children (below teen years and certainly below 11) who are brainwashed by social media or even have social medial accounts. 

 

 

Your over simplistic dumbed down comment is quite flawed. 

 

[Sparktrader]

2 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

Did you see the Oscars? Alot of big, overweight women, wearing very revealing dresses, and doing it with pride. Celebrating hugeness and fat. That is what they do in America. 

Yes, which is why blokes love Asia.

[richard_smith237]

6 hours ago, Mac Mickmanus said:

Well , if you are in a restaurant out to eat ,  tell them that this isn't a playground and that they need to sit down and behave themselves and no running around and if they misbehave then tell them that we would be going straight home  and nothing to eat that evening . 

   Give them a choice , either sit down and keep quiet and order your food , or go home hungry and follow through with threat .

   Leave the restaurant and go home and let them know that we all went home because they misbehaved and the next time it happens , just ask them whether they want to sit down and behave or go home .

   Give them a choice . 

  They then know that restaurants are not playgrounds and they need to sit at the table and behave themselves  

Agree with a lot of this... Children need to learn social skills etc... that includes going out to restaurants and being in social environments - but there must still be boundaries. 

 

I found the ’thinking step / chair’ an effective option that we only needed to use a couple of times. 

 

On flights / in restaurants etc life has been made very easy by our son....  he knows the boundaries but we also have to be fair, kids need to occupied and things need to be interesting and fun for them. 

 

Sitting in a restaurant for 3 hours while parents drink wine and talk is going to be boring for any kid... so we have to have things for them to do too...  colouring, making a small lego set, playing little games in the middle of whole we are talking...  And of course, the iPad.. I know people deplore the iPad, but at the right time its very effective... kids learn a lot from them. 

(flying without an iPad - no way !).

 

[2 is 1]

Only good thing what i get out of my ex is my son! Hes coming 12 and even looking whit fathers eyes hes best boy in world. Even hes mother is biatch im happy that he has get little asian parenting. He is much more polite and more well mannered than other kids in hes age. Meaning normal Finnish kids/boys. Boy has wanted to live whit me all the time after divorce but money mean more to ex than happines of her boy.  Alimony's and money from government every month make her happy so others happines dont mean nothing to her. But answer to question : best in my life is my boy even sometimes need to live apart and thats killing me. He really understand that i cant just wait in Finland the time when her mother let me see him! Now have been here over year and we have been together every other weekend Happy times!

[LaosLover]

These are amazing stories.

 

To change your life and move to Thailand is one in a million.

 

And then to start a family late in life, and then to have it work out is like one in a billion.

 

For people for whom this is their 2nd family, that's even more extraordinary. Your families are lucky to have such a brave and balanced person at the helm.

[Kwasaki]

On 4/24/2022 at 8:09 AM, Rampant Rabbit said:

Good  for you, all  kids are  different.

If you have to hit children you have fail as a good parent.

[Happy Howard]

On 4/20/2022 at 8:38 PM, Grecian said:

after 50 i found living for my own pleasures doesn't seem to cut it anymore.

I'm 54 now and 55% of me wishes I had found someone when l was your age and banged one out. ????

Not too late, I was 59 when my third (first with my Thai wife, married in Aust) & 66 when our youngest was born. Yes they are hard work at times when but so worth it.

[KhunLA]

11 minutes ago, Happy Howard said:

Not too late, I was 59 when my third (first with my Thai wife, married in Aust) & 66 when our youngest was born. Yes they are hard work at times when but so worth it.

At 46 I took on a wee one (2 yrs old) and a bit bias, but best kid in the world.  Graduated Uni last year, as stated, so worth it.  Did wait till retired, so having the time & finances to devote to it.  

 

Her parents in absenteeism, made it a pleasure, as raised exactly the way I wanted.  She got her Thai & Buddhism at school, and free thinking & English skills at home.  Perfection.

Edited April 25, 2022 by KhunLA

[Digitalbanana]

On 4/22/2022 at 7:20 PM, spidermike007 said:

1. The world does not need more kids.

2. They are an enormous responsibility. 

3. Everyone assumes their kid is going to be healthy. I have seen couples deal with kids that were born with, or developed dreadful health complications, that literally tore their lives apart. 

4. The art of parenting has been largely lost. So, many kids these days are raised without a sense of direction, and discipline. 

5. I think kids are generally over rated. They are just small people. Some are very cute. Some are well behaved. Some are monsters. 

 

I could go on for hours. It is very subjective. Just my two cents worth. 

Very subjective as you say.. I am glad I am not you.

[spidermike007]

2 hours ago, Digitalbanana said:

Very subjective as you say.. I am glad I am not you.

No question, if you were me you would not have children. And you would have been denied whatever fulfillment you are getting from that. I am positively thrilled with my choice. Hope you are too. 

 

Think of how incredibly dull the world would be if we all thought and acted the same! 

Edited April 25, 2022 by spidermike007

[Sparktrader]

43 minutes ago, spidermike007 said:

No question, if you were me you would not have children. And you would have been denied whatever fulfillment you are getting from that. I am positively thrilled with my choice. Hope you are too. 

 

Think of how incredibly dull the world would be if we all thought and acted the same! 

Plus over populated

[Sparktrader]

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

Think of how incredibly dull the world would be if we all thought and acted the same! 

So true. 

[ChrisP24]

I never really planned to have kids, in fact in my 20s and 30s I was very much against having them.  No kids with the first wife thankfully.  Married my second wife at age 37 and let the chips fall where they may.  Had a daughter at age 42 and a son at 44, and they are two of the best things that ever happened to me.   My wife and I joke that we don't have expensive German cars, instead we have expensive kids.  But the numerous adventures I've had with them (while also getting to re-live some of my own childhood adventures with them) have been priceless.    I'm a far better and far happier person by virtue of them being in my life and by my having made it a priority to be in theirs.   

 

I do think it was better to be an older parent.  More mature, more patient, better established professionally and financially, and a better perspective on what is important.   I was in a demanding field and worked a lot of hours so wasn't always able to make it to their school events, but I was there for most of the important ones.  More recently I was able to retire while they are both still in high school, so I'm active in their extracurriculars and was even able to help my son with some of his after-school homework as he navigated the adjustent back to in-person learning.   In looking back at my own teen years, this is the age where having a present parent was the most important.  

 

As I continue to get older, it is a comforting thought to reflect on, that I've actively provided my kids with a better family experience than I had growing up. 

 

  

Edited April 25, 2022 by ChrisP24

[brewsterbudgen]

I left it late (55) to have a child, who's now 7, but apart from wishing I'd done so a little earlier, have no regrets.

[brewsterbudgen]

On 4/24/2022 at 8:54 AM, Mac Mickmanus said:

Well , if you are in a restaurant out to eat ,  tell them that this isn't a playground and that they need to sit down and behave themselves and no running around and if they misbehave then tell them that we would be going straight home  and nothing to eat that evening . 

   Give them a choice , either sit down and keep quiet and order your food , or go home hungry and follow through with threat .

   Leave the restaurant and go home and let them know that we all went home because they misbehaved and the next time it happens , just ask them whether they want to sit down and behave or go home .

   Give them a choice . 

  They then know that restaurants are not playgrounds and they need to sit at the table and behave themselves  

Give them a phone to look at at the table and they'll be fine...

[Sparktrader]

24 minutes ago, brewsterbudgen said:

I left it late (55) to have a child, who's now 7, but apart from wishing I'd done so a little earlier, have no regrets.

Thats me then. Pump one out at 50. The other day I was 35.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/24/2022 at 8:13 PM, richard_smith237 said:

And of course, the iPad.. I know people deplore the iPad, but at the right time its very effective... kids learn a lot from them. 

(flying without an iPad - no way !).

Have you tried giving them a book to read? Humans read books quite happily for hundreds of years, as did I when a child.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/25/2022 at 7:34 PM, brewsterbudgen said:

Give them a phone to look at at the table and they'll be fine...

Given I wouldn't allow a child of mine to have a phone that does anything but make calls, that would be a problem for me as I wouldn't let them talk on a phone while eating.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/24/2022 at 1:10 PM, JackGats said:

"It is curious that while good people go to great lengths to spare their children from suffering, few of them seem to notice that the one (and only) guaranteed way to prevent all the suffering of their children is not to bring those children into existence in the first place." (David Benatar)

Life for the vast majority of people on the planet is suffering. We in the west have forgotten what it's like to do without enough food, clean water or a safe place to sleep.

It's all going to end badly though, as our way of life is ultimately unsustainable. We have been raping the planet, and Gaia will have it's revenge on us.

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/24/2022 at 1:40 PM, peter zwart said:

As a father of 2 wonderful girls i can say that i didnt want to miss it. But is it always roseflower and sunshine? No way. They cost me a few years of my live. But for me its worth it. It brings live in me with all the ups and downs. But now they are on their own feet and im happy that i dont have that responsibility anymore and live as a free man again and enjoy life in Thailand.

People on here are always saying how much their children give to them, but as one that has never seen it, I wonder exactly what it is that is so wonderful?

People I know with kids spend a lot of time yelling at them. If children are so wonderful, why do so many turn out as ratbags when they grow up?

[thaibeachlovers]

On 4/24/2022 at 5:55 PM, spidermike007 said:

Did you see the Oscars? Alot of big, overweight women, wearing very revealing dresses, and doing it with pride. Celebrating hugeness and fat. That is what they do in America. 

When it became a " P C crime" to mock fat people it just allowed them to imagine they are "normal".

However it isn't going to end well for them with a life time of diabetes, heart problems and painful joints from lugging all that blubber around.

What really amazes me though, is that even grotesquely fat women still manage to get a man interested. Must be a lot of desperate men out there.

[Grecian]

If kids are so great, why do people have to pay for baby sitters?

 

[Sparktrader]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

People on here are always saying how much their children give to them, but as one that has never seen it, I wonder exactly what it is that is so wonderful?

People I know with kids spend a lot of time yelling at them. If children are so wonderful, why do so many turn out as ratbags when they grow up?

20% of humans are good. Bad genes the rest.

[Mac Mickmanus]

1 hour ago, thaibeachlovers said:

People on here are always saying how much their children give to them, but as one that has never seen it, I wonder exactly what it is that is so wonderful?

People I know with kids spend a lot of time yelling at them. If children are so wonderful, why do so many turn out as ratbags when they grow up?

Although many people do not shout at or hit their kids and they grow up to be decent people 

[SAFETY FIRST]

On 4/24/2022 at 11:41 PM, LaosLover said:

These are amazing stories.

 

To change your life and move to Thailand is one in a million.

 

And then to start a family late in life, and then to have it work out is like one in a billion.

 

For people for whom this is their 2nd family, that's even more extraordinary. Your families are lucky to have such a brave and balanced person at the helm.

Thailand has been my home for 20 years, arrived in my late 30's, started my 2nd family, 2 beautiful children. 

Working offshore and living in Thailand, it's been easy for me, great income, traveling the world for work, 28/28 rotation, flying out of BKK, big difference to flying from Oz. I'm very lucky. 

 

What's amazing are the guys that come to Thailand without funds (or very little) and work here, (I see a guy riding on his 3 wheel scooter selling food with his wife) assume most are on a budget, most incomes in Thailand are low, that's fine, it works for them, it's not something I'd like to do as I like to travel and enjoy myself with my family and not have to worry about the affordability.

 

You mentioned 'brave and balanced', some would say 'Silly and Naive' 

 

Anyway, alot of these relationships end in a nightmare, suicide is common, some of my mates returning to their homelands, middle aged, penny less, having to start again.

Sadly, some that stay are miserable and unhappy, always complaining, whinging and whining. Another annoying problem is that some foreigners come here and want to change things, complaining about dual pricing etc. I like Thailand the way it is. 

 

I read many posts on social media, it seems every swinging dick wants to relocate to Thailand. If you're relocating to Thailand please understand it's not as cheap as you may think to live here, being a foreigner it's costly.

I'm not complaining, I like Thailand's hurdles, it stops most from coming here to live. 

 

 

Edited April 26, 2022 by SAFETY FIRST

[rose33]

On 4/20/2022 at 10:12 PM, Sparktrader said:

Probably right. I got no thanks for the kid I raised. Waste of time.

 

Maybe I just forget it. Get a motorbike licence. Enjoy my life

 

I always think of having that first kid as being like committing to a permanent whole-face tattoo. But you can't choose the design of the tattoo.

 

Also, becoming a parent entangles you more deeply with the modern world and government policy, with your family of origin, and with the other parent's family. It means more time being involved with the schooling system, healthcare system, and annoying, demanding extended family.

 

Get a new pet animal instead ????

Or learn how to cultivate a beautiful garden. Meditate more.

Join a men's shed or do volunteer work.

If you have life wisdom to share with young people, write a book or create a YouTube channel.

There are so many ways to deepen your life and have rewarding new experiences... without signing up for the Mystery Full-Face Tattoo.

[peter zwart]

8 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

People on here are always saying how much their children give to them, but as one that has never seen it, I wonder exactly what it is that is so wonderful?

People I know with kids spend a lot of time yelling at them. If children are so wonderful, why do so many turn out as ratbags when they grow up?

For me it gives me the full life with everything in and on it. And yes, in their puberty they are little devils but after that it will all land on its feet again (my experience). But i think you have to have kids to completely understand.

[GinBoy2]

Hmm interesting question.

 

I 'think' most men could live life either way.

 

Had I never had kids I probably would have been fine.

 

But having had kids couldn't imagine life without them.

 

I've got two daughters both in their 30's from my previous marriage, and my son in his 20's from my Thai wife.

 

All three have brought intense joy to my life, and I know it sounds a tad corny, but purpose too.

 

I'm kinda fortunate, we all get on. Me, my ex, her bf, my wife all the kids are one of those weird extended families, so the kids are a big part of it.

 

We're now all super excited, my sons gf, and my youngest daughter are both expecting our first grandkids later this year.

 

That turns kids to a whole new level, which is a joy which without having your own kids, it's hard to describe how happy I feel