Kids v no kids

[thaibeachlovers]

8 hours ago, JBChiangRai said:

Having kids changes you beyond all recognition, further a man is not complete until he has had a daughter.

 

I had 2 boys in my 20s in the UK with my English wife and 2 girls in my 50s (adopted as a single parent). Daughters round you off as a complete individual.

IMO complete BS.

 

More and more people are starting to realise that kids are not some sort of essential appendage to themselves and having perfectly good lives without any.

In some countries women are even realising that having a man around isn't essential either.

[sniper]

Sometimes I really envy people who don’t have kids, having kids adds so much stress and worry to your life, there are so many things that can go wrong, it’s not guaranteed that they will develop into well rounded happy individuals. Our own lives are not perfectly happy so why bring kids into the same situation, more new humans to feel stressed and anxious. In my opinion the less kids you have the better your life is, the personal sacrifice is too much for me, I love my 3 kids but I wouldn’t do it again, I hate the responsibility and pressure to be a good parent, I want a stress free and easy life but I don’t have that because of having to raise kids. Most people I talk to agree that it’s not a wonderful experience but our parents are afraid to tell us that so the cycle continues

[BritManToo]

4 hours ago, sniper said:

Sometimes I really envy people who don’t have kids, having kids adds so much stress and worry to your life, there are so many things that can go wrong, it’s not guaranteed that they will develop into well rounded happy individuals.

I've never had any stress or worry from my 6 kids.

Very rarely any harsh words or raised voices either.

My remaining 10 year old is no trouble at all.

Thinking of taking in a 12yo Thai niece from the village.

Edited April 22, 2022 by BritManToo

[BritManToo]

10 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

In some countries women are even realising that having a man around isn't essential either.

Only when the government offers to replace the man (welfare, housing and security).

Most women can't make it without assistance.

[SAFETY FIRST]

4 hours ago, sniper said:

it’s not guaranteed that they will develop into well rounded happy individuals

Your children are a reflection of you, the parent/guardian. 

If you have issues, or unable to cope the child will see these weaknesses. 

 

Poor parenting, the main problem with society, it's the children, now adults that were not trained correctly by their parents. 

 

I found that everything goes smoothly if you can communicate correctly with your children. 

 

 

 

[thaibeachlovers]

52 minutes ago, SAFETY FIRST said:

Your children are a reflection of you, the parent/guardian. 

If you have issues, or unable to cope the child will see these weaknesses. 

 

Poor parenting, the main problem with society, it's the children, now adults that were not trained correctly by their parents. 

 

I found that everything goes smoothly if you can communicate correctly with your children. 

 

 

 

IMO most people have children too early and don't know enough. They don't come with instructions.

Bad parents raise bad kids that raise bad kids etc etc etc.

[JBChiangRai]

11 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

IMO complete BS.

 

More and more people are starting to realise that kids are not some sort of essential appendage to themselves and having perfectly good lives without any.

In some countries women are even realising that having a man around isn't essential either.

If you’ve never had kids, you don’t have the capacity to understand how it changes you.

[JackGats]

Schopenhauer wrote something like this: "when one is aware of the unspeakable suffering that awaits every living creature, one needs to be utterly immoral to reproduce".

[BritManToo]

29 minutes ago, JackGats said:

Schopenhauer wrote something like this: "when one is aware of the unspeakable suffering that awaits every living creature, one needs to be utterly immoral to reproduce".

I've had lots of pets, they lived a life of ease, no unspeakable suffering for them.

Can't say my parents/grandparents lived lives of unspeakable suffering either.

 

For me,

A few sad times, some dull periods, but nothing ever unspeakable.

Edited April 22, 2022 by BritManToo

[Sparktrader]

8 hours ago, BritManToo said:

I've had lots of pets, they lived a life of ease, no unspeakable suffering for them.

Can't say my parents/grandparents lived lives of unspeakable suffering either.

 

For me,

A few sad times, some dull periods, but nothing ever unspeakable.

Dogs great life. Free rent, free food. Free car rides.

 

 

[spidermike007]

Having kids is a perfectly fine thing to do with your life, if you feel really compelled. 

 

Not having kids was likely the wisest decision I ever made in this lifetime. Why? 

 

1. The world does not need more kids.

2. They are an enormous responsibility. 

3. Everyone assumes their kid is going to be healthy. I have seen couples deal with kids that were born with, or developed dreadful health complications, that literally tore their lives apart. 

4. The art of parenting has been largely lost. So, many kids these days are raised without a sense of direction, and discipline. 

5. I think kids are generally over rated. They are just small people. Some are very cute. Some are well behaved. Some are monsters. 

 

I could go on for hours. It is very subjective. Just my two cents worth. 

Edited April 22, 2022 by spidermike007

[Hamus Yaigh]

For me and the wife it was a simple decision. We only have one go at this life and felt we would be missing out on life's greatest experiences if we didn't have kids.

[rimmae2]

20 hours ago, thaibeachlovers said:

IMO complete BS.

 

More and more people are starting to realise that kids are not some sort of essential appendage to themselves and having perfectly good lives without any.

In some countries women are even realising that having a man around isn't essential either.

How about a positive post for once or maybe the second time.

[Grecian]

1 hour ago, spidermike007 said:

Having kids is a perfectly fine thing to do with your life, if you feel really compelled. 

 

Not having kids was likely the wisest decision I ever made in this lifetime. Why? 

 

1. The world does not need more kids.

2. They are an enormous responsibility. 

3. Everyone assumes their kid is going to be healthy. I have seen couples deal with kids that were born with, or developed dreadful health complications, that literally tore their lives apart. 

4. The art of parenting has been largely lost. So, many kids these days are raised without a sense of direction, and discipline. 

5. I think kids are generally over rated. They are just small people. Some are very cute. Some are well behaved. Some are monsters. 

 

I could go on for hours. It is very subjective. Just my two cents worth. 

Good post.

Let's reverse engineer this.

anyone wanting to have a kid. Imagine all the posters on here shrinking back to their baby form. In fact further back to embryonic form. Now imagine that embryo waiting to occupy a womb and if your girl announces she's pregnant, that's what has materialised in her.

who the Belgium would rush to sign up for that? Lol

[StreetCowboy]

1 hour ago, Grecian said:

Good post.

Let's reverse engineer this.

anyone wanting to have a kid. Imagine all the posters on here shrinking back to their baby form. In fact further back to embryonic form. Now imagine that embryo waiting to occupy a womb and if your girl announces she's pregnant, that's what has materialised in her.

who the Belgium would rush to sign up for that? Lol

No one has children imagining that they will become Thaivisa posters, or refugee camp internees.  Que sera, sera.

[SAFETY FIRST]

8 hours ago, Sparktrader said:

Dogs great life. Free rent, free food. Free car rides.

 

 

Great Life 

 

My bar girlfriend friend gets the same...... all the above. 

 

She likes the free car rides best. 

 

 

[spidermike007]

18 hours ago, JBChiangRai said:

If you’ve never had kids, you don’t have the capacity to understand how it changes you.

True. But, equally true is if you have never had kids you do have the capacity to understand the joy, freedom, and independence this choice of lifestyle blesses you with. Both choices are equally valid. And part of the beauty of living in this time, is that some segments of society are conscious enough to realize kids are just not necessary. 

[spidermike007]

I have been saying for a long time now, some of the youth of today are very scary people. They have little perspective on anything, and it seems that most parents worldwide, have lost the art of parenting.

 

I feel very, very fortunate to not have children. But, if I had them, I would be very strict. Children need boundaries, much like pets. They will test you, to determine where the limits are, and will try to find how far they can push you. These days parents are so hung up on trying to be "friends" with their kids, they hesitate to show them the limits. I see that everywhere I go these days. Here in Thailand it is very pronounced. I hear it is worse in China, where the parents spoil their kids rotten. It is very bad in the US.

 

If the kid gets really out of bounds, he would be locked in his room for days. No school, no play, no TV, no devices, no screens. Kids learn fast. Deprive them, and they realize mom and dad are not passive doormats. 

[LaosLover]

I have been to Kathmandu 4 times. All long stays. If I had kids, that would be zero times, and I wouldn't exactly have been killing myself to take them to sports practice or whatever. Don't they have a bus for that?

 

So no Kathmandu and much resentment for being a slack father -where do I sign up? Oh wait, I didn't.

 

My siblings, my wife's siblings (and her own situation with her not that nice daughter), my friends -I'm going to put it at one in ten that feels happy about their relationship with their kids by the time they're 25.

 

The blow off factor from the kids is monumental, or worse, they they become dysfunctional dependents.

But popping in to help with some chore involving a ladder or just for the hell of it? That's a never, Dawg.

 

 

[rct99q]

48 when i had mine. First wife could not have children, resigned myself to the fact would not have any. Unfortunately first wife passed away from cancer.

 

Years later remarried here in Thailand, 12 years now, and have an 8 year old daughter.

 

having a child is easy. Insert penis into vagina, repeat until finished.

 

Raising a child is not. In my case it is the single greatest joy I have ever had. It has also been, scary, lonely, funny, sad, and a full host of other emotions. But never dull!

 

To a few of the posters I am sure the potential child you could have had are relieved you never had them. Some people should never have a partner, let alone be allowed to procreate! And yes i am judging.

 

A couple of points brought up:

 

Expensive - no more than anything else. You do not need a million baht school! The parent/s need to put in some effort to assist in educating your child.

 

Girl vs Boy - read a comment or two about not wanting a girl because they would worry about them. I do as well. I worry about people like some on this forum. It is again teaching your child about good and bad people.

 

Can not tell you yes or no. For me. A resounding yes.

 

 

 

[rct99q]

2 hours ago, LaosLover said:

I have been to Kathmandu 4 times. All long stays. If I had kids, that would be zero times, and I wouldn't exactly have been killing myself to take them to sports practice or whatever. Don't they have a bus for that?

 

So no Kathmandu and much resentment for being a slack father -where do I sign up? Oh wait, I didn't.

 

My siblings, my wife's siblings (and her own situation with her not that nice daughter), my friends -I'm going to put it at one in ten that feels happy about their relationship with their kids by the time they're 25.

 

The blow off factor from the kids is monumental, or worse, they they become dysfunctional dependents.

But popping in to help with some chore involving a ladder or just for the hell of it? That's a never, Dawg.

 

 

Not a problem. You are certainly doing any child a great service in not having them. To this I say, good on you! And probably a very thankful high five from the potential child.

[rct99q]

5 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

I have been saying for a long time now, some of the youth of today are very scary people. They have little perspective on anything, and it seems that most parents worldwide, have lost the art of parenting.

 

I feel very, very fortunate to not have children. But, if I had them, I would be very strict. Children need boundaries, much like pets. They will test you, to determine where the limits are, and will try to find how far they can push you. These days parents are so hung up on trying to be "friends" with their kids, they hesitate to show them the limits. I see that everywhere I go these days. Here in Thailand it is very pronounced. I hear it is worse in China, where the parents spoil their kids rotten. It is very bad in the US.

 

If the kid gets really out of bounds, he would be locked in his room for days. No school, no play, no TV, no devices, no screens. Kids learn fast. Deprive them, and they realize mom and dad are not passive doormats. 

As I mentioned to another poster, your potential child is very thankful you never had them.

 

I am sure you interact with many families. As an actual parent so do I. Nearly all have similar child raising ideals. My child has been raised in Canada, Ireland, US, and Thailand. And other than the odd exception all her friends have been good. Of course we see the naughty ones, but why would we encourage her to play with them?

 

One does not have to be "strict" to establish boundaries. One just has to be consistent. 

 

I use soda drinks as an example. My child has only had a small glass of Coke once in her life. From day one we have encouraged her that the health benefits of not drinking pop greatly out way the brief enjoyment of drinking one. Easy to do?No, not really. But she would rather have a cold glass of water over anything else. She can sit at a birthday party with many other children and not take a drink of it. Even when she gets teased. She just laughs it off. 

 

Not that it has been all laughs, child raising is difficult.  It is certainly not for everyone. I am glad to hear that some people have decided not to have them because they would not be good at it. 

 

I just wish more people would have come to the same conclusion as you did, prior to them having children.

[spidermike007]

4 hours ago, rct99q said:

As I mentioned to another poster, your potential child is very thankful you never had them.

 

I am sure you interact with many families. As an actual parent so do I. Nearly all have similar child raising ideals. My child has been raised in Canada, Ireland, US, and Thailand. And other than the odd exception all her friends have been good. Of course we see the naughty ones, but why would we encourage her to play with them?

 

One does not have to be "strict" to establish boundaries. One just has to be consistent. 

 

I use soda drinks as an example. My child has only had a small glass of Coke once in her life. From day one we have encouraged her that the health benefits of not drinking pop greatly out way the brief enjoyment of drinking one. Easy to do?No, not really. But she would rather have a cold glass of water over anything else. She can sit at a birthday party with many other children and not take a drink of it. Even when she gets teased. She just laughs it off. 

 

Not that it has been all laughs, child raising is difficult.  It is certainly not for everyone. I am glad to hear that some people have decided not to have them because they would not be good at it. 

 

I just wish more people would have come to the same conclusion as you did, prior to them having children.

This is a very arbitrary conclusion, that because I decided not to have children, I would not have been good at it. Sounds more like you cannot handle the idea, that some consider this a valid choice. Many people have told me I would have made a great dad. I know if I had decided to have kids, I would have been a great dad.

 

It was never important to me. It was never something I felt compelled to do. These days we all have the option to make that choice, which was a brilliant one, for me. A truly wonderful decision. 

[LaosLover]

Only 15% of people never have kids, so one in seven. All of them pay into education and social services for the little rug rats and get zero in return. You can't even bring that simple fact up without being shouted down as selfish.

 

People are desperately concerned where I live that a Mexican person might get a free emergency room visit. What about the open maw, money pit that kids are? I see stuff like football fields being built for them. If they want to play football, why am I on the hook to pay for it?

 

Why are their ticket to things cheaper when they're going to make the experience more miserable for me? Why are my lazy nieces and nephews trying to sell me cookies to fund programs that are for their own enjoyment?

 

But the greatest sense of grandiose entitlement is that after badgering me forever like a persistent panhandler, parents want to judge me and pronounce me as less than them. And then go all mystical about what I cannot know about the world. I paid, through the nose, for nothing, now leave me alone.

 

On the other hand, I must politely disagree with SpiderMike about locking a child in a room for several days of Al Qaeda-like isolation torture. Talk about pouring gas on the whiney kid fire. This is why I abstained from parenthood: room locking, soda lecturing; sometimes you just want to read a book as part of your day instead.

Edited April 23, 2022 by LaosLover

[Golden Triangle]

Both my kids are now in their late 40's, I actually used to get complemented on their good behaviour, I really wish parents these days would teach their kids some manners & that old saying " kids should be seen & not heard " really needs to be employed these days.

[richard_smith237]

26 minutes ago, Golden Triangle said:

Both my kids are now in their late 40's, I actually used to get complemented on their good behaviour, I really wish parents these days would teach their kids some manners & that old saying " kids should be seen & not heard " really needs to be employed these days.

Yawn...  'my kids were well behaved, kids these days are not because the parenting was better in my day.... !!!'

 

Totally flawed thinking: Firstly, everyone thinks their kids are well behaved, every parent probably gets complimented to some extent when their child is behaving well.

Kids these days are no better or poorly behaved than previous generations, we just don’t notice the well behaved ones so much, we do notice the misbehaving ones. 

 

How many times have you got off a flight and thought, wow - there 29 kids on that plane and they were all really well behaved - just one of them was a PITA...  Or do you get off the plan and thing ‘Damn kids, in my day they were seen and not heard’... 

 

 

And for the record - Parents these days do teach their kids manners. 

My Son has two of his school friends round, they are polite, please & thank-yous, excuse-me’s...  generally well behaved, also boisterous and loud because they are 8 years old and having a great time !... 

 

Perhaps to counter your comments it should be stated: Why do all the guys turn into grumpy old men????....  

 

Of course, thats not true either... its only the grumpy old men we hear and read whinging about kids these days.... ????

 

 

 

 

Edited April 23, 2022 by richard_smith237

[Golden Triangle]

11 minutes ago, richard_smith237 said:

Yawn...  'my kids were well behaved, kids these days are not because the parenting was better in my day.... !!!'

 

Totally flawed thinking: Firstly, everyone thinks their kids are well behaved, every parent probably gets complimented to some extent when their child is behaving well.

Kids these days are no better or poorly behaved than previous generations, we just don’t notice the well behaved ones so much, we do notice the misbehaving ones. 

 

How many times have you got off a flight and thought, wow - there 29 kids on that plane and they were all really well behaved - just one of them was a PITA...  Or do you get off the plan and thing ‘Damn kids, in my day they were seen and not heard’... 

 

 

And for the record - Parents these days do teach their kids manners. 

My Son has two of his school friends round, they are polite, please & thank-yous, excuse-me’s...  generally well behaved, also boisterous and loud because they are 8 years old and having a great time !... 

 

Perhaps to counter your comments it should be stated: Why do all the guys turn into grumpy old men????....  

 

Of course, thats not true either... its only the grumpy old men we hear and read whinging about kids these days.... ????

 

 

 

 

I would like to send your post to my Thai next door neighbours, their 10 year old daughter screeches from the moment she wakes up till she sleeps, I don't need that sort of <deleted> in my life.

[connda]

Yes. They make your life better.  But when they die before you it just about rips your soul out.  But if I had to do it over again?  I would have had more kids. 

[starky]

Unless you failed to notice one of the primary reasons for any animal to exist is procreation and thus survival of the species. Doesnt matter about your personal thoughts on children but if you fail to procreate you have missed one of the most important parts of your meagre existence.

 Beyond that its impossible to explain what joy and meaning children bring to your life to someone that has never had them.

[starky]

16 hours ago, spidermike007 said:

True. But, equally true is if you have never had kids you do have the capacity to understand the joy, freedom, and independence this choice of lifestyle blesses you with. Both choices are equally valid. And part of the beauty of living in this time, is that some segments of society are conscious enough to realize kids are just not necessary. 

Yes kids arent necessary. Oh except for survival of the species of course. There is that.